[You're a hopeless romantic for The Little Things]

Breakfast in bed? An incognito text message? Nobody knows better than you that it's the little things that matter. Down to earth and reserved, romance works best for you when it's not dressed up like a big stereotype. We're pretty sure you're one of the last people on earth to propose in skywriting, right? After all, you probably think that things are best done with a little discretion and common sense, in love and out.

You probably think JLo explained it best when she sang, "My love don't cost a thing." So true! It's the little things in life that show just how important you are to the ones who love you.

Are You a Hopeless Romantic?

Brought to you by Tickle

[Ramadan Mubarak]

Haven't posted for a long time. Too hectic at work (to some, that might seem a surprise :P) and busy with Ramadan (getting food on the table for buka and sahor has been a tiring challenge).

To all those fasting, Ramadan Mubarak. May you receive the blessings of this sacred month. =)

[my prized haven]

Been waiting to have my own room for soooo long. Now I have a place to call my own. Decorated in my own style, my own colours (purple!), filled with my own mess. hehe. It's been a while since I "moved in"...never got down to blogging about it. I spent several months on it actually - started with my wardrobe, then bed, curtains, desk, chest of drawers, and finally the bookshelf. Why it took so long? $$MONEY$$! I think I spent more than 2.5k on furnishing the room, and effectively depleted most of my savings. Lol. Wonder how much furnishing my own house is gonna be...hmmm...let's not go there...

Another reason why it took so long cos I was looking for the best. Best price of course, but more importantly, what I pictured I wanted my room to have. Like I finally got my sliding door cupboard (yay!), and a bed that pulls out into a single level double bed (double yay!), horizontally striped curtains (which suited perfectly with my cupboard and overall lavender-blue theme...yay yay yay!), a chest of drawers that were the perfect height, the bean bags (tho I wanted them in cloth..and just one..heh) and finally the bookcase...which was supposed to be L-shaped but unfortunately the light switch next to the door made the space to small (but it looks great anyway). Even paid attention to lil things like a purple-and-white clock, a white frame for far's painting of swedish spring (lovely!), the Chinese painting (thank u flo! and thanks for being patient with the long hours shopping n irritating u with my indecision haha), and the blue duckie mat lol. Ah, and a "notice board" for my err..notices...and a world map to mark my travelled places - to inspire me where to go next before I sleep every night - on the pretty purplish bedsheet haha. I love my room! Weeee!

[amore women's day out 07]

Had a great workout this morning at Ngee Ann City for Amore's Women's Day Out. I thought I'd have to lug myself out of bed but surprisingly I sprang out of bed at 8.30 and headed there dressed in pink. Nope, I didn't wanna wear the tank top they gave...but at least I was in the pink theme.

The workout started out with cardiotoning exercising then kickboxing. The kickboxing was cool - I finally got to try it yay! (never did go for any at cali fitness heh). The second half was belly dancing. They provided shawls for us to tie around our waist..complete with jingles..and boy, did I feel sexy. Lol. It's pretty tough especially when u aren't used to gyrating ur hips - left right wooooooo. haha. Have to thank GH for asking me to go along with her.

Was an exciting morning mass exercising, and the goodie bag was yummy-licious too (**shamefully admits that that's the MAJOR reason I went for the event tsk tsk**). From HL milk to Anlene yoghurt and Yakult collagen, oh and the plenty of mineral water they supplied to keep us hydrated. There's loads of stuff like liquid laundry detergent, a skipping rope which has a counter, a squishy dumbbell, darlie toothpaste, travel tissue, panty liners, sample pads, SHAPE mag, contact lens case (which I have absolutely no use for..), silkpro shampoo and face peel...hmm..now I feel like I'm advertising for them lol. Along with those, there's plenty of vouchers for makeovers, OTO machines (anyone needs??), MPH, wallet shop, amore fitness and spa...well..the list goes on. And since I'm a voucher gal, I'm happy! Yay!

Did I add I love the gym bag the most?? Hehe

the huge turnout

partners in fitness

belly dancer wannabe

[thanks for the card dears]

my fave artist made this for me. wee. can never get enough of her painting. had a great dinner n night with u gals too. loads of yapping, giggling and erm..talk of strange animal noises. go HP girls!!

[National Day 07]

This year's parade was special - at the bay and all. The storyline was a bit tacky, but the effects and displays were cool. And it was a huge plus getting to watch it from obed's place - 28 stories above the Padang (middle street centre). Wee! Love the photos I got! My faves:

more national day photos

[birthday at sentosa]

oooo don't look down

rain rain go away, (not so) little princess wants to play

Been wanting to try the Luge for some time now. Finally did it the weekend of my b'day. Wee! It was fun! Had to coax flo to come with me cos she's terrified of heights (the ski lift didn't look very secure and that didn't help much). She managed to enjoy the ride up tho. And the "drive" down was funnnnnnn. lol. In a way I was glad it was drizzling - not many ppl in the queue. Next time, I'll buy the multiple rides pass. Heh.

After that we did a bit of cycling, till the rain got a bit too heavy. Flo gave me the impression all this while that she'd never rode a bicycle before, but she was zooming ahead of me before I could even get on my bike. lol. Liar liar pants on fire! We got some shelter at a bench, under our umbrella, with our picnic mat laid on the seat. Too bad no picnic; maybe next time when the weather's better. =)

[some reminiscing]

since we're on the topic of how i've matured..haha.
(plus my amateurish photoshoping skills hehe)

[spot the difference]

Flo pointed out that I wore the same tshirt for last year's bday. Haha.

[happy quarter century to me]

Sounds OLD. And apparently some ppl see a need to remind me of the fact lol. First it was my dear cousin. A min later it was my auntie, then uncle. And the next morning, my sis. And my aunt swore they didn't coordinate their greetings. But hmm..I'm only as old as I feel rite?

When I was younger (or maybe when all of us were), I looked forward to bdays cos of the prezzies...the more the merrier. Better to have numerous small ones than one big one. Bring 'em on! Lol. Now it's more the company that I treasure - who I'm gonna spend my special day with, what we're gonna do together, the meaningful (and fun!) conversations we're gonna have.

Hey what does this say? I've matured (read: not old). Hehe =)

I got flowers from flo baby!! Purple!!!

(Trivia: - 20 stalks Believe me, I am sincere towards you
Love at first sight and enchantment
Send lavender roses of course, to convey the message of your "love at first sight" with that special someone. You can nevertheless also send them if you would like to make a special impression.)

Flo loved me at first sight. Heh ;)

My b'day cake..not. Tsk tsk.

More like my cake..mocha cream cake from Crystal Jade. Nice! (Also my first triangle cake haha)

All smiles b'day girl

P.S. Does anyone know who my secret admirer is? Ask me for details heh. Or are u the one?

[selamat pengantin baru]

She looked like a very happy bride. All smiles when she came out in her second costume. Lovely white dress, accompanied by ash in his military uniform. It also served as a little reunion for a lot of us. Wishing you a blissful marriage =)





More pics of su's wedding (ripped from azi :P)

[4th of July]

To the Americans reading this (tho I doubt there are), happy 4th of July.

Dad brought us for 4th of July celebrations at his workplace. It was pretty fun - music, food, the company, seeing the kids play, more food, drinks, fireworks. We didn't know it was a picnic, so when we arrived, we were like..darn..how are we gonna sit on the grass. So we walked around eating our kebab (there was Halal food..impressive!) and gulping down our root beer. Sakura and I saw an Indian family getting some of those black garbage bags. So when Dad came back, we "dared" him (or more like spare us the embarrassment) of asking the Bangla workers if we could take one too. We even told him to ask them and not the Chinese guys cos Indian-Indian will give chance lol. Not cos racist lah.

The ceremony was short, and maybe sweet...I wasn't paying attention to the speeches. I did however cringe because I was chagrinned at the Singaporean's behaviour when our national anthem was played. There was hardly any voices to be heard although there were plenty of us. The Americans on the other hand glorified their Star Spangled Banner by placing their hand on their chest and mouthing (if not singing) the words. When I went back to our picnic ground, dad even told me that the two Singaporean ladies next to us were happily lying down on their mats with their legs up in the air (demonstrating aerobics as I overheard from their conversation) throughout Majulah Singapura. Talk about patriotism, much more undignifying behaviour. At least I did my part, although I stole a few snaps during the anthem. Where did our NE lessons go?

Anyway, the fireworks were pretty amazing even though it was a small scale event. It was kinda scary too - it was so close that it was extremely loud. Even scarier was the fact that the "remnants" of the fireworks dropped on us. At first I was wondering why the poor kid next to us was wailing so loudly. I thought perhaps it was because of the loud sound. Then when the hot piece of paper (?) dropped on my arm, I was like OUCH. Even my sis was scared. I told her not to worry and then continued snapping more pics. I can never get tired of snapping shots of fireworks. They're just beautiful and extraodinary. I think the fun music helped too. Maybe we should come up with "Surfin' Singapura" lol.

[girl's best friend]

Need I say more? Haha.

Thank you baby.

(I was more experimenting with my camera's super macro really...)

[seven BLUNDERS of the world]

Since they can't decide on the seven wonders of the world...

The Seven Blunders of the World is a list that Mahatma Gandhi gave to his grandson Arun Gandhi during his last days. The seven blunders are:

Wealth without work
Pleasure without conscience
Knowledge without character
Commerce without morality
Science without humanity
Worship without sacrifice
Politics without principle


courtesy of wikipedia

[friggin' bad day for taxis]

As if yesterday was a brilliant day for me, today was even worse. Woke up half an hour late so I had to take a cab down to Suntec for the conference. On my main road, I saw that this lady was queueing for a cab so I waited by the side, AWAY from the edge of the road. Before I knew it, she came up to me angrily and said, "I've been queueing there for taxi before you YOU KNOW?" I felt like saying, "Chill, ^&(!@, do I even look like I'm hailing a cab (away from you)?" Too bad she walked off too fast; I had half the urge to run up to her and giving her a peace of my mind for accusing me of something I didn't intend to do at all. So much for being gracious and standing aside...apparently she didn't figure out what I was doing. Needless to say, the first sign of a cab she saw and there she was flailing her arm frantically as if to say, "Hey pick me up first cos I was here first!" Like hello, CHILL babe... Maybe she needs a chill pill...

Then some ppl came to wait for a taxi behind me . The guy flagged it down cos I didn't realise the cab was empty - but thankfully he let me have it first since I was first in line. Else he'd have gotten it from me haha. Was happy I got the taxi, but the driver took some weird route and made me pay $10.20 instead of the usual $8+. Plus he didn't press his "stop" button so the meter continued running at the taxi stand to $10.30. I thought he was gonna charge me $10.20 but my change was 10 cents short...grrr. If I hadn't been in a rush I'd have argued with him! Money making @#$%&*^!

On the way back to office, I shared a cab with my colleagues from Biopolis. They were (soundly) asleep at the back so since the cab driver took AYE, I asked him to exit at NUH so that he could go there first instead of alighting me at Buona Vista. He exited there alright, but instead of going straight into NUH, he went into the right-turn lane. So when I said he was supposed to go straight into NUH, he went like, "This lane cannot turn. If you want I turn right and U-turn back then go into NUH." Like wtf, wanna make my taxi bill higher is it?? Then later on when he alighted me around MOE before turning into Biopolis, he made it seem as if he was doing me such a big favour. Moron! Taxi drivers can be so annoying sometimes!!! The only comfort was that my colleagues let me ride free..yay. Heh.

Everything from yest till today just added up so by the time I reached office, I was almost in tears. I went to the toilet cos I was feeling nauseated but in the end I just burst into tears. Arghhh. But better than puking I guess. I feel better now. I think. I need closure. Bleah. Easy to say.

[chocolate cake with frosting anyone?]

Was trying out my culinary skills today. First I tried out "Ayam Masak Lemak" (err..chicken cooked in coconut)...my fave dish mum used to make for us. Now that dad and I (and occasionally sis) have taken over the kitchen, we haven't had much variety in our dishes tsk tsk. So for a break from monotony I decided to try this out, from the vague idea that I had about the recipe (plus a little help from the Internet heh).

Verdict: Dish was perfect, or should I humbly say almost? Haha. Well, it tasted pretty good, tho I must've put in too many chillis cos it wasn't as yellow as it was supposed to be, so I added in a bit more tumeric. The stir fried french beans went well with the dish. Everyone enjoyed it. So that's a job well done. Yay!

For desert, I baked a chocolate cake. Was a bit of a cheat cos it was a prepared mix, but hey, it still needed effort. Lol. First I had to rummage thru the store room to find the cake mixer, which was missing the whisks. Found one in the end but I don't think they were the right one. By the time I was done struggling with the cake mixer , my wrists were crying for a rest (imagine this: whisking at medium speed while hanging on willfully to the whisk so that it doesn't ricochet away into the kitchen cabinets that my sis n I have just cleaned up very thoroughly after cooking). Then in the midst of doing who knows what, I managed to burn my hand on the hot toaster oven, which I never seem to avoid everytime I use it...I think I'm jinxed. Luckily it wasn't that bad so my hand wasn't scarrred. Phew. Then just as I was about to rejoice that my cake was almost done, I checked the oven and found that the cake was erupting from one side, almost like a volcano. I guess the mix was too much for the (biggest) cake pan I had..so yeah..."molten" chocolate started to ooze out and sis and I ingeniously poured the excess out into a bowl, and baked a tiny (and I mean tiny!) little cake in the microwave, which was our "sample". Lol. What an adventure eh? Just for a piece of cake (no pun intended). The choc frosting was a bit watery, but tasted great anyway. Anyone wanna come over for dessert? ;)

P.S. I don't think the cake will survive for long at the rate dad is eating it. Lol.

Oh yeah, and I think I should admit that I decided to be so enterprising in the kitchen today of all days so that I could get away from having to complete my article which I'm supposed to submit to prof this wk. Tsk tsk.

[why why why]

why do i keep running,
when the answer is in front of me.

why do i keep searching,
if there's something already there for me.

why do i hurt u,
when all u've done is been there for me.

why do u care for me,
after all i've put u through?

why am i writing this?
cos there's nothing to say other than i'm sorry.
(please forgive me)

[hey gorgeous ;)]

S: Lives life for fun
A: Gorgeous
F: wild and crazy, people adore you
I: Loves to kiss
Y: Loved by everybody

Y:Loved by everybody

A: Gorgeous



A: Gorgeous
B: Loves people
C: Best Smile
D: Has one of the best personalities ever
E: Freakin' beautiful eyes!
F: wild and crazy, people adore you
G: Never let people tell you what to do
H: Easy to fall in love with
I: Loves to kiss
J: Freaking Rowdy
K: Really silly
L: REALLY easy to fall in love with
M: makes dating fun
N: the best gf/bf you could ever ask 4
O: Is a freak in bed
P: Popular with all types of people
Q: A hypocrite
R: great girlfriend/boyfriend
S: Lives life for fun
T: GREAT kisserU: gets blamed for everything
V: Not judgmental
W: Very broad minded
X: Never let people tell you what to do
Y: Loved by everybody
Z: Lives life for fun


I definitely agree with the gorgeous bit lol. ;)

[my non-existent core muscles]

Finally tried out Pilates. Signed up for weekly classes at Clementi Sports Hall. I thought the class was gonna be full of aunties...but actually, there was only 1. Haha. And she was a happening auntie..so yeah...10 beautiful young ladies doing Pilates.

First lesson of the day (self taught): Never eat before exercise.
I was hungry, or rather, bored because I was 45 mins early for the class (why do the buses seem to cooperate when u have ample time, and never appear when u're running late?). To kill time I went to KFC wanting to eat something light - like popcorn chicken. Since I bought the meal, I thought I'd pack the sidedish (mash potatoes) home (recall: LIGHT food). Somehow the waiter mumbled something and I blindly nodded and before I knew it my meal was upsized to cheese fries. So there I was reading Robin Cook's "Shock" and before I knew it, my cheese fries, which I usually NEVER finish, was 3/4 gone. And boy was I full. Needless to say, during the session, especially when we had to do "child position" and others which required us to lie on our tummy, I was like....nooooooo why did I eat? Well, lesson learnt. I'll stick to just reading next time I'm bored - minus the food. Thank God I didn't puke.

Second lesson: Pilates is not easy
I think the (basic) Yoga classes that I attended were much easier (then again, maybe it's because I never progressed to Level 2). The instructor seemed to want to get a "yes" out of me when she asked if anyone had any back problems. I didn't nod at first but after her long lecture about how those with back problems have to be extra careful, she looked at me again, so I said yes. Do I look like I've a back problem? Either that or she has inbuilt back problem detector radar. Lol. She asked me to lie on double mats and paid me extra attention during the workout. Good for me. Yay.

Third lesson (something I erm...already know): My core muscles are non-existent/pathetic
By the time we got to crunching our abs and raising our legs up 45 degrees, my muscles were trembling and I was wobbling. I guess that's why I need the lessons. I can do it! (with a lot of patience and perseverence...)

Fourth lesson: Damn, the pros make it look so freakin' easy when it's not
Bleah.

[would u do anything for love?]

And I would do anything for love
I'd run right into hell and back
I would do anything for love
I'll never lie to you and that's a fact

But I'll never forget the way you feel right now--
Oh no--no way--
I would do anything for love
But I won't do that
I won't do that
Anything for love
I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
But I won't do that
I won't do that

Some days it don't come easy
Some days it don't come hard
Some days it don't come at all
and these are the days that never end


Maybe I'm crazy
But it's crazy and it's true
I know you can save me
No one else can save me but you


As long as the planets are turning
As long as the stars are burning
As long as your dreams are comming true--
You better believe it!--


That I would to anything for love
And I'll be there until the final act--
I would do anything for love!
And I'll take a vow and seal a pact--


But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way--
Tonight--
I would do anything for love!
I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
But I won't do that
I won't do that...


I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of
But I just won't do that...


Somedays I pray for silence
Somedays I pray for sould
Somedays I just pray to the God of Sex and Drums and Rock'N Roll


Some night I lose the feeling
Some nights I lose control
Some night I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls


Maybe I'm lonely
And that's all I'm qualified to be
There's just one and only
The one and only promise I can keep


As long as the wheels are turning
As long as the fires are burning
As long as your prayers are coming true--
You better believe it--!


That I would do anything for love!
And you know it's true and that's a face
I would do anything for love!
And there'll never be no turning back--


But I'll never do it better than I do it with you
So long--
So long--
I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
But I won't do that
I won't do that


I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of
But I won't do that...


But I'll never stop dreaming of you
Every night of my life--
No way--


I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
But I won't do that
I won't do that!


Girl:
Will you raise me up?
Will you help me down?
Will you get me right out if this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?


Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!


Girl:
Will you hold me sacred?
Will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it all a little less old?


Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!


Girl:
Will you make me some magic
With your own two hands?
Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can take home?


Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!


Girl:
Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water--if I get to hot--?
Will ya take me to places I've never known?


Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!


Girl:
After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude
And a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time to move on


Boy:
I won't do that!
I won't do that!

excuse me if i've returned to my old cynical views about love.
"anything" doesn't exist in reality.

[Namaste London - Main Jahaan Rahoon]

main jahaan rahoon
wherever I am

main kahin bhi hoon
wherever I may be

teri yaad saath hai
your memories are with me
------


main jahaan rahoon
wherever I am

main kahin bhi hoon
wherever I may be

teri yaad saath hai
your memories are with me

kisi se kahoon
to say someone

ke nahi kahoon
or not to say

yeh jo dil ki baat hai
what is in my heart

kehne ko saath apane ek duniya chalti hai
though apparently world walks with me

per chhupke is dil mein tanhaayi palti hai
yet loneliness engulfs my heart

bas yaad saath hai
teri yaad saath hai *3
your memories are with me
-----


main jahaan rahoon
wherever I am

main kahin bhi hoon
wherever I may be

teri yaad saath hai
your memories are with me

kahin to dil mein yaadon ki
sometimes in my heart

ek suli gad jaati hai
pangs of memories dig deep

kahin har ek tasveer bhahut hi dhondhali pad jaati hai
somewhere a picture gets hazier

koi nayi duniya ke naye rango mein khush rehta hai
some enjoy colours of world and are happy

koi sab kuch paake bhi yeh mann hi mann kehta hai
and some even after getting everything say this in their heart

kehne ko saath apane ek duniya chalti hai
though apparently world walks with me

per chhupke is dil mein tanhaayi palti hai
yet loneliness engulfs my heart

bas yaad saath hai
teri yaad saath hai *3
your memories are with me
------

main jahaan rahoon
wherever I am

main kahin bhi hoon
wherever I may be

teri yaad saath hai
your memories are with me
-----

kahin to beete kal ki jadein
sometimes roots of past

dil mein hi utar jaati hai
dig deep in my heart

kahin jo dhage tute to malaayen bhikar jaati
sometimes a cherished garland breaks apart

koi dil mein jagah nayi, baaton ke liye rakhta hai
some keep space for new things in their hearts

koi apni palko par yaadon ke diye rakhta hai
yet some continue to decorate lamps of memories on their eyelashes

kehne ko saath apane ek duniya chalti hai
though apparently world walks with me

per chhupke is dil mein tanhaayi palti hai
yet loneliness engulfs my heart

bas yaad saath hai
teri yaad sath hai *3
your memories are with me

Courtesy of http://www.bollywhat-forum.com/index.php?topic=17211.0

[Your Five Factor Personality Profile]

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion.You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness.Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.Most things in your life are organized and planned well.But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness.You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism.It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium.You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

[i'm beaming]

"and thats what i feel is good about u too
u have been thru some very tough times so u know what it is to be down in the dumps

another thing i like about u is that ur so creative
in clothes, in pictures, in everything

ur fun to be with

ur delicate like a lily but u can turn into something tougher when the situation demands

ur smart, ur kind, ur sensible, ur creative

u can rough it out when needed, ur gorgeous, lovely, innocent but at the same time sexy"

"ur the kind of girl any guy would be privileged to go out with..u know when to laugh, when to smile, when to let go, when to pull close, when to praise, when to admonish, when to cry and when to wipe tears"

do i really deserve these kind words?

[Health & Wellness Committee presents...]

COFM Annual Lunch @ Straits Kitchen, Grant Hyatt Hotel. 23rd May 2007.



Yet another thing I was busy with. Food was good...esp the duck. Yummy.

[evening at the park]

I caught A Midsummer Night's Dream with flo at Fort Canning on the 24th of June. It was a refreshing concept, having a theatrical at the park. Very romantic too, since there were many couples having a picnic and cuddling together on picnic mats. Flo and I had our own picnic, which consisted of lots of goodies from polar puffs heh.

The show was very entertaining, though I got a bit lost with the storyline. Never really read the whole play, so I was just counting on the performance to refresh what vague memories I had of the storyline. The cutest part was when Helena and Hermia started playing "set set set me me me" Singapore style. Was a nice twist, cos the acting prior to that wasn't in the local context. Then the lion dance head appeared, and I think that made the audience relate to the play better, while adding some humour as well.

Next up is King Lear. Anyone wanna watch that?

My fave fairy who was selling the programme booklets before the show.

Waiting for the performance to begin.

The sweetest couple there heh.

The venue.

[Desaru May 07]

Been MIA for the past couple of weeks. Can't really remember what I've been busy doing..but yeah..pretty busy. Heh.

Went to Desaru for a short weekend trip with Flo a couple of weekends ago. It was a really good trip, to replace my diving trip which I couldn't go for cos of some reason I shall not anounce. We left on Fri night, and by the time we arrived at the resort, it was supper time so we had room service (as usual heh) and went to bed. The travel agent told us that compared to the first choice hotel we wanted, this one was RUSTIC. Thank god it had air con lol. It was fine by my standards, since it was such quick planning. The only thing that really sucked was the breakfast. The rendang and the fried ice cream we had at dinner made up for it tho =)

On Sat morning we took a long drive to Kota Tinggi to see the waterfalls there. I've been there before so it wasn't much of a big deal to me, but Flo enjoyed it tremendously. She went hiking up the hill a bit with the Singaporean couple who came along on the trip while I took some pics and dipped my legs in the water. Too bad I didn't bring a change of clothes, or I'd have loved to venture into the water and get a natural hydro-massage. Ahhh..the thought of it.... Our venture there was cut short by a downpour, and Flo, who's always our hero, ferried us one by one using the only umbrella we had to the guide's car. We went shopping after that, I had a pretty good time buying stuff I needed at really good prices. We were supposed to see fireflies that night; but after learning from the couple that we'd been cheated of RM80, we decided to confront the person who arranged the trip for us. She couldn't keep her story straight, between trying to convince us that we'd been charged the correct amount and trying to answer my question of why we were charged more for the same trip. In the end, she gave up and just said...ok if u're not happy then I'll return u RM60. Although that was still short of RM20, I was happy we got any refund at all. yay. Our firefly trip was cancelled cos we were pissed with them..oh well...I guess I'll see them next time.

We spent Sat night at the lounge, and it was good simple fun. After dinner, we played some pool with S and D. Well, actually it was just the 3 of us cos S was..erm..still a beginner. Heh. They seem to be a cute couple...I love it that they've travelled a lot of places tog. D's a really smart guy..studying in Cornell and all. But hmmm..I find him a tad bit nerdy. Lol.

Sun morn we rose early to play the gokarts the moment the shop opened. In fact, we were there so early (overestimated the time we needed to walk there since we didnt wanna depend on the unreliable service at the resort) that the place was still closed. Apart from the numerous mozzie bites we got (luckily no dengue), I think we all had a thrilling time there. I overtook Flo twice..and she got all grumpy..tsk tsk. Then on our last few rounds, I wanted to overtake her again...but...oops....my back wheel hit her kart. I didn't realise what had happened actually, till the guy there and S & D told me. In fact, I initially thought that she was the one who hit me lol. The gokarts were in pretty pathetic condition, so after I hit Flo's, mine didn't wanna start anymore. I somehow managed to spin Flo's gokart 180 degrees...so for the last round, she went in the opposite direction. Haha. Was a funny site. Sorry sweetie...I'll be more careful (and less competitive ) next time haha.

The next bit was the best part for me. I'd been wanting to jetski for ages, and I mean AGES. Since Redang, since Pattaya, since Bintan...since forever. So when Flo said the day before that she didn't want to do it, I was almost devastated, but some part of me was so determined that I didn't care if I had to do it alone. But in the end since the couple wanted to jetski, we split the cost between the four of us. And the time too. Instead of 30 mins, S & D got 15 mins, Flo and I 7.5 mins each. Don't ask why we went separately. Another hilarious story to that. And Flo will kill me if I announce it here. KEKEKE. We were dead beat after those two adventures, but it was just nice cos it was time for us to go home.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention. I saw a giant crab there. Haha.:) More of Desaru here.

flo crabby

[syncope]

syn·co·pe [sing-kuh-pee]
–noun

1. Grammar. the contraction of a word by omitting one or more sounds from the middle, as in the reduction of never to ne'er.

2. Pathology. brief loss of consciousness associated with transient cerebral anemia, as in heart block, sudden lowering of the blood pressure, etc.; fainting.

So paiseh. Imagine fainting at work and having 4 of ur colleagues carrying you to safety. And then the news being transmitted to those under the research project. *Hides face*

[PTSD fancy schmancy]

I've watched movies and been reading books on how people with rare/unique diseases feeling frustrated on why they haven't been diagnosed with a certain "A-B-C disease". Does being diagnosed mean u're normal? Or perhaps it gives u the assurance that at least someone knows ur condition exists somewhere in some medical literature.

Some might even call it closure. For example, as much as I suspected my lower back pain was more psychosomatic than physical, I was happy when the SGH doc finally found the cause - my 4th and 5th lumbar being fused. Even tho it was supposedly some congenital abnormality that couldn't be fixed, I at least had the assurance that..hey...at least they know what's wrong.

Sometimes we see signs around us (which I believe are sent from God) just as we need some answers to sort out the mess in our lives. I remember reading an article in the Straits Times many months ago abt Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It kinda sounded like what I was going through...but hey...who was I (with the help of a newspaper article and a friend) to really say what I was suffering from.

When TK (my new counsellor) finally said PTSD last week, I kinda felt comforted. I wasn't really buying the clinical depression thing which P and her doc, and Ad tried to feed me into. As much that there's a possiblity that depression might run in my family, I just knew that couldn't be the main cause of it. And it's not that I feel better that "hey now I know I'm suffering from PTSD", but at least I know that I'm not purposely driving myself crazy.

I'm grateful I ran into TK. I wish I had seen him a couple of years ago, when I was going through one of the worst periods of my life. He gives me a sense of comfort that I was in desperate need of, and solutions that made/make me feel that I'm in safe hands and there's someone to protect me. He even reassures me that if (the threat) returns back into my life, he'll be the first to find me a safe place for shelter. Oh and might I add, he even said I could use his office after hours if NUS couldn't find me a place to stay pronto (on the condition that I don't read his private files on his PC lol).

I've found more support besides him. My Auntie for one, who although was terribly shocked to find out details of my trauma, has been putting in a lot of effort to show me she cares. Thanks again to Flo, who thought I'd strangle her for telling my aunt lol - actualy, I'm grateful, cos if it weren't for u...I could never have done it alone. And thanks mind_boggler for being there for me in my darkest hour. I'm gonna overcome this soon thanks to all your support =)

Princess is getting emo. I think I should stop here. Full stop. Good night.

[PTSD]

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a term for certain severe psychological consequences of exposure to, or confrontation with, stressful events that the person experiences as highly traumatic. Clinically, such events involve actual or threatened death, serious physical injury, or a threat to physical and/or psychological integrity, to a degree that usual psychological defenses are incapable of coping with the impact.

...

PTSD is thought to be primarily an anxiety disorder (possibly closely related to panic disorder) and should not be confused with normal grief and adjustment after traumatic events.

PTSD may be triggered by an external factor or factors. Its symptoms can include the following:
nightmares
flashbacks
emotional detachment or numbing of feelings (emotional self-mortification or dissociation)
insomnia
avoidance of reminders and extreme distress when exposed to the reminders ("triggers")
loss of appetite
irritability
hypervigilance
memory loss (may appear as difficulty paying attention)
excessive startle response
clinical depression
anxiety

...PTSD has three subforms: Acute PTSD subsides after a duration of three months. If the symptoms persist, the diagnosis is changed to chronic PTSD. The third subform is referred to as delayed onset PTSD which may occur months, years, or even decades after the event.

Experiences which may induce the condition

* childhood physical, emotional or sexual abuse, including prolonged or extreme neglect; also, witnessing such abuse inflicted on another child or an adult

* experiencing an event perceived as life-threatening, such as: a serious accident; medical complications; violent physical assaults or surviving or witnessing such an event, including torture; adult experiences of sexual assault or rape; warfare; violent, life threatening, natural disasters; incarceration

For more info, read about PTSD here. God bless wikipedia lol.

[gema 2007 at TJC]

we're cool, we're cool


Stop! In the name of love....

Went to see my sis performing for her malay cultural society annual performance. The sketch was pretty entertaining. The audience was silly. The dikir barat was great..I always like it...and of course...cos my sis was performing. Heh. I still think she shld've asked dad to come...don't think he'd have snored his way through. I think with his limited Malay, he wld've been able to understand what was going on. :P

[Your eyes say you're Sincerely Sweet ]

Kind and genuine, you're the sort of gal who's always looking out for others and being a great friend. You have a big heart and can't help but open it up to those you're close with. When you're that pretty on the inside, you can't help but be beautiful on the outside, too.When it comes to makeup, you like to keep things light and low-key. But that doesn't mean you don't enjoy getting dolled up on special occasions. And when you do, we'd guess you only add to your already sparkling and sweet self. You glow girl!

What Do Your Eyes Reveal?

Brought to you by Tickle

[grrr]

i hate judgemental pigs

[geraldine geraldine wherefore art thou?]

vincent: i'm in korea sitting on the 18th floor. having a cup of coffee and thinking about u. sorry..it's just that i miss u. take care.

me: get over her man.

been getting sms-es from some vincent occasionally ever since i got my new line. and it's been all the same topic. Thing is..i dunno who he is, nor do i know who his beloved geraldine is. i must've gotten a recycled starhub number. i've told him a couple of times i'm not geraldine...and he stills sends "her" messages. bleah. get over her mister! or at least, stop bugging me!

[happy teenage-hood]

happy birthday jam. had a great time with all of u =)

p.s. auntie, i think there's more to teenagehood than just BGR. so don't worry too much abt it heh.




my darling auntie


we are family


my best cuz

happy birthday! (they put 33 candles at first lol)

[you are mine]

If I was not given a second chance to be with you again
Would I be blessed today?
What happened in the past was a big laugh
I never want to let you go

You will always be mine
I thank the angels for throwing the arrows of love
You are always my reason for living
Without you I won't be who I am today

Our love is hard to come by
But surprises and problems keep us alive
The love we have is not a fairy tale
But it has made us stronger

Treasure we must
To keep our love everlasting
Through goals and vision
We can make each other smile everyday

[My plate of happiness]

I don't know what to do
I want to get rid of this
No one truly understands what I'm going through
I just want to get some bliss

I want to learn to love myself
And get rid of my ill health
Enough of cramming my feelings on a shelf
No point in hiding all the stealth

I'm waiting for the day
I'm strong and gay and healthy
When I can look back and say
Hey, now I'm truly happy

It won't be an easy road
Bumps and humps along the way
But when I finally let off the load
My happiness will be here to stay

[ugly people]

Witnessed some really terrible behaviour yest. On the way home from Chinatown, we noticed that all the entry gates at the NEL station had a cross. We thought maybe something was wrong with the barriers..then turned out that every single one of them had a red cross. Then awhile later..the station control with a very kan-chiong officer announced that we were not supposed to go down and shuttle buses would be provided to Harbour Front and Dhoby Ghaut instead. Since we had a lot of stuff to lug, we decided to take a cab home. It was a horrible wait..probably almost an hour. Taxis weren't coming, and the only ones that came were on call. So there we were...hot and stuffy..outside OG waiting patiently for a taxi (taxi lines were jammed up as well). Then we saw one guy trying to cut queue and stand on the road to flag for a taxi. Irritatingly, he got into a cab before anyone could stop him. Later on, these two men (prob from India) happily stood with their luggage bag at the roadside and tried to flag down the first taxi that came. This garang auntie..it was her turn...so she squeezed her way into the cab..and told the guy off. It was quite irritating really..I'm sure they could see the ever extending queue so it really didn't make sense that they didn't see a need to queue. The next guy behind the garang lady went up to the men and had a little argument with them too. At first, Flo thought it was bcos he wanted to tell the men off for shouting at the woman, but I told her I think it was more like he was telling them off cos he didn't want them cutting his queue, knowing how selfish ppl can get. There was this poor mum in front of us who was struggling with her cranky and crying 2 yr old...I bet in any other more gracious society, ppl wld have let her get ahead of the queue. Argh. A lot of other things pissed me, like how some ppl waited indiscriminately in between lanes in their cars for their friends/family to board and how some taxi drivers leisurely stopped their taxis at any place of fancy without bothering to check the traffic behind them. Grrr.

After being hot n sweaty for almost n hour and seeing the taxi situation not improving, we tried calling for a taxi but had to wait very long still. When we finally got through, a row of 4 cabs came...Flo scolded me for making her call and then hang up the phone. But I was like..hey..it's our right. Plus $4 cheaper. Haha.

Anyway, I didn't really get what I wanted from Chinatown. I was there to buy a Chinese painting to hang in my room (u know those long ones...watercolour on canvas thingies....was inspired by some I saw in Taiwan..dang should've bought them then...only 4 bucks!! anyone know where to get them?). We lugged home a lot of other things though...like a pair of pants from dorothy perkins (yay!), sugarcane juice to keep us from dehydrating while waiting for the taxi to come, and lots n lots of toiletries like soap, shampoo, pads n liners that will probably last me for the next few of months lol....cos Flo said one of the shop there sold things really cheap. Good deal I think..the bill only came up to $43.10. Maybe should start shopping there more often. I've been spending a lot lately...I think shopping's making me happy. Hmm but that's dangerous...my bank balance already looks scary...and I have a scuba diving trip end of this month. Hmmm....shall eat less then..I don't mind sacrificing my food lol :P

[another arrival...baby Isaac]

Isaac
6 lb 13
on the evening of April 26th 2007 at 1823

A friend whom we (many of us) never thought would be one of the first to get married...much less set up a family. Terribly thrilled for her =)

[living in the last century]

Click the image to see it clearer.

1899. Hmm. I'm still wondering how it got there. Anybody wanna buy 4D? Lol.

[What My Name Means]

S is for Sensitive A is for Amazing F is for Furry I is for Intelligent Y is for Young Y is for Yummy A is for Animated

What Does Your Name Mean?

Ouch. I'm furry? Yummy I agree lol.

[I always knew I was a princess]

Your relationship destiny is to Find a Fairy Tale Ending

Cinderella, Snow White — those ladies knew what they were doing. And like these fairy tale heroines, you're a princess at heart who believes that love really does make the world go round. Of course, you're not waiting to be swept off on someone's white horse — you're a modern gal who's not afraid to do a little rescuing yourself.Independent and confident, you're not about to rely on fate to give you what you want. You've got the drive and spirit to pursue your dreams and find your own destiny. And you're sure to bump into Prince Charming along the way. That's a happy ending!

What's Your Relationship Destiny?

Brought to you by Tickle

You need a superhero when it comes to Living on the Edge

Not just any man will do for a wild thing like you. Independent, daring, and willing to take risks, you need a guy who won't cower at the idea of living on the edge from time to time. After all, a little action's exactly what it takes to get your pulse to pound ... and a little adrenaline never hurt either. Always willing to test the limits and go for what you want, it's no doubt that you tend to get exactly what or who you're after each time. People admire your strength and initiative, so it's no doubt you need a guy who has the same. And that's exactly why you should date a superhero like Spider-Man. Way to keep it hot!

Should You Date a Superhero?

Brought to you by Tickle

[i was bored studying]

[Laments of a molecular biologist]

Not that I profess myself to be one. I feel more like a lost lab rat. But anyway, this was how pathetic my first attempt at PCR was. No bands except for the DNA ladder. Bleah.

[phantoms and babies]

Been an interesting week for me. I watched Phantom of the Opera last Tuesday with a big gang - sis, mum, cousin and flo. Sis was (surprisingly) early in getting ready...I was dreading having to wake her up to change n stuff...but luckily she got up on her own..on time. rare occasion tsk tsk. I was actually on MC that day, was having a terrible sore throat. Even the doc was like "oh dear" when she checked my throat. Apparently Cordelia had the same infection...we can't help but link it to fish n co at suntec cos we both ate there the saturday before and mysteriously became ill with the same thing. Mine got so bad that I puked Monday's dinner out..twice.

This was the 3rd time I was watching Phantom. Maybe 3 times is too many, because it wasn't as exhilerating as when I watched it the second time in London. First time was too long ago..in Sec 2 so I can't really remember anything from there, except the scene where the Phantom entered Christine's room; and that he was wearing a white mask (duh!). I loved the show anyway, the main song and overture never fail to impress me. My fave scene is still the part where the Phantom captures Christine and the "row" into his hideout. I wish I could try rowing the boat lol.

On Sun, Far n I went to visit our Crescent friend Az who just gave birth to a cute little baby boy. It was quite a surreal feeling...we saw her get married, being pregnant, now even breastfeeding, and I still feel "wow, this was the same Az we've known all this while". She's gone into the realm of motherhood. And I still feel (relatively) immature. Then again, perhaps having babies isn't to do with maturity. But anyhow, I'm still amazed that some of my friends have taken such a big step in their lives. Congrats Az, for little Rehan! It was quite embarrassing cos Far didn't tell me Az's sis was getting married. So when we arrived at her block, a few of our friends were calling out to us...and they were all in pretty baju kurungs while we were in casuals. Didn't help that we were walking unglamorously in the rain with our brollies hardly sheltering us. Oh well, we were there for the bride's sis and her baby, so I guess we didn't have to dress up lol. Shall drop by her house more often to play with the kid. Maybe in a couple of month's time Far n I'll dare to carry him haha.

[i love my boss!!!]

Alright, I know not many people would be able to say that. I've heard a hundred complains about bosses not paying salaries on times, being forced to work OT and stuff. I have a pretty comfy life here (minus when there are deadlines of course), and a great boss to add.

Ok in case u're wondering why I'm gushing about him..here's the story. I told him about my depression n stuff and he was really empathetic about it. I was actually torn between telling him and risking my job in the process. Turned out that he actually asked me why I didn't tell him sooner. (The reason I finally decided to tell him was b'cos I had a close conversation with my colleague who went thru something similar..and he told me that Prof was the one who brought him to see a specialist and was very understanding and supportive.) And when I said I was scared he'd fired me, he said something to the effect of "If u have a problem, the more we'll be here to help you to see u through it". Awwww. Needless to say, I was very touched by that. Department of Family Medicine or not, I'm sure not many bosses would have that motto.

He asked me to follow him to his clinic the next day so that he could write me a referral to see a specialist. So that morning, we rode in a cab to jurong polyclinic and I registered myself n stuff. Then my boss became my doctor...which was a bit awkward at first. He asked me stuff like since how old have I had asthma and how often I get attacks. And since I was having a terrible sore throat I even had to go Ahhhhh as he checked it. Lol. I hate doing that...even when it's with a doc I'm comfy with, so imagine how weird it was (picture urself saying AHHHH to ur boss lol). He wrote down a whole lot of stuff...and gave me instructions abt my asthma meds...and prescribed me lots of meds cos he was all about me getting medication at subsidised rates (what a sweetie). And after all that, he finally said...ok now on to what we're here about. Then I talked to him abt my depression, when I got it, what caused it etc. I wasn't quite sure if I should draw a line between boss and doctor. But since he probed, I revealed more. A bit more. He was surprised none of my colleagues had noticed I was upset...but I told him it probably wasn't their fault cos I hide in my workspace well when I'm down and when I'm with them I put on a chirpy front. He tried to get me an earlier referral and even waited for me to get my medication before he left.

He's such a doll eh? But after that "consultation", I think I'm probably worrying him now lol. I won't be surprised if he's asked the lab officer or someone to keep an eye on whether the poisons I work with are in the right quantities haha. Must convince him that I don't need to see a specialist. Afterall, I'll probably be better by June (yeah that's how long I have to wait for an appt!). Will just continue seeing my counsellors for now.

[i'm back]

Wow I didn't realise I haven't been blogging for slightly more than a month. No wonder ppl started asking me why i wasn't updating it anymore.

I'm coming out of my closet. I'm gay. Well hmm..no not exactly what I wanna come out about haha. I'm coming out of my closet about depression. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression since 6 wks ago. Initially I thought it was just a really prolonged PMS, and that I'd "get over it"; till I started doing silly things to (try to) get away from the pain of being emotionally numb on one hand, and being overly sensitive on the other. I'm not proud of what I did, but when u no longer no how to cope, u resort to stupid things.

I'm lucky that my counsellor noticed something was wrong, and that she took time off her busy schedule (despite being "just" my pro-bono counsellor) to bring me to a doc to get me more help. It was then that I was inducted into prozac nation.

Things weren't so smooth initially...between all the mind-fucking I did to myself, and the panic attacks I was getting, I thought I was gonna go crazy. I'm glad though that I had my dear Flo beside me all the way. Thanks babe, I wouldn't have survived without your support. Thanks for putting up with my mood swings, for helping me speak to my family, for helping my family understand my situation, for teaching me how to be more open about my feelings, for just being there. Thanks to my family whose support I now know I'd have had all along and for understanding me. Thanks to my friends who noticed something wasn't right and attempted to cheer me up, you know who u are. You guys rawk!

I realise that many ppl dunno what depression is, thinking that it's something u can just will away or that positive thinking will cure. It's not as simple as it sounds. And I don't blame 'em for not understanding. I had a hard time deciding too cos I felt I was doing this to myself. I'm much better than I was 6 weeks ago, so don't worry, I probably won't burst out crying when I go out with you. Haha.

There's still a lot of trauma that I have to get over. I know I've shocked a few of my friends with some details of things I'm dealing with...skeletons that I wanna get rid of. It will take time. And at times I get a bit impatient. But I'm glad I've got people around who care. =) Need to remind myself to be patient. But I think I'm better now to start designing my room again. Haha.