Lilypie - Pregnancy

Thursday, June 26, 2008

[grrrl power]

From an email I got from a friend

"To all the lovely ladies I know"

enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...

something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour... ;)

a youth she's content to leave behind....

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age.... interesting ;)

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra... need to get the last one..haha

one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry... very important

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored... me cook for guests? wait long long...

a feeling of control over her destiny...

how to fall in love without losing herself.. oh how true

how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...

when to try harder...
and when to walk away...

that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

that her childhood may not have been perfect...
but its over...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally... oh the life lessons :P

where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing

what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...
and a year...


Sunday, June 22, 2008

[eat raisins campaign]

I'm not exactly a proponent of eating raisins, but since it has been my regular source of snack while trudging through my thesis writing, and since I think of a million and one other things to do other than focus on it, I researched and found out that my snack was notably healthy. So I thought I'd advertise it's remarkable properties to qualify for my snacking. Or perhaps just so that I had something else to do other than write. Haha.

Friday, June 20, 2008

[is it worth hoping?]

Life is about experiments and risk. Sometimes you don't realise you're in one, sometimes you don't realise you conjured up one, sometimes you don't realise the experiment has been going on for almost all your life; till you take a step back and look at the big picture. As unpredictable as life is (I read somewhere that the only constant thing about life is change), some experiments turn out great, sometimes they blow up in your face. Good thing none of my lab experiments haven't blown up in my face, at least not literally.

When you're being bombarded with problems, insurmountable hurdles, there is always that chance to succeed. But rising above that challenge is difficult when there is the people factor, a factor other than you, which is more often than not, even more unpredictable than life itself. Or perhaps predictably unpredictable. As in any (failing) experiment, you can try, and you can try. But how much do you try? Often you think of giving people second chances without even realising it. But if compound A isn't gonna react with compound B no matter how many different ways you approach it, are you still gonna go on like a mad scientist? Or do you say enough is enough?

It's not easy to put an end to hope. Hoping that perhaps this time the experiment might work. Hoping that if you do things differently this time, the outcome might be different. Maybe, just maybe, A and B will produce C this time. And then when you receive a slap in the face (or perhaps realise, finally, that you've been receiving too many slaps in the face), you decide: it is time to stop this experiment. Enough.

"It's not enough to know how to ride - one must also know how to fall" Mexican Proverb quote

No it is not quitting. How could it be quitting when you've tried repeating the experiment for years, without even knowing consciously you were hoping for the best? How could it be quitting when all this time there has been no evidence that the experiment would succeed? This is probably what is meant by a reality check. The reality is, sadly, that no matter how many ways you try to combine A and B, they simply aren't gonna react. No you haven't failed. You have succeeded in accepting the situation. And you have also made a discovery, albeit not the one you hypothesized: that A will not react with B. Probably not, ever.

So where do you go from here then? Do you give up hope entirely? It would be easy to say, since my experiments have not been working, there is no point being a scientist/experimentor anymore. Yet being the basis of what life is, where would the challenge be if we stopped experimenting and gave up hope? Perhaps it just means it's time to move on. Experiment with different materials, hope for different outcomes. Hope for Life. Because some dreams do come true.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

[thank you jie jie]

It's nice to have an "elder sis" giving you fruitful advice on love and marriage, etc. It's always good to have someone who has similar experiences (or gonna have similar experiences with) dish out a word of advice or two. And when you can sense it's been all sincere and not in a naggy, this-is-how-it-ought-to-be way, you can't help but feel cared for. (Much more refreshing than advice from those who haven't been there or haven't done that, but seem to have limitless words of wisdom on how things should be done or will turn out to be; which mostly seem to reflect on their own insecurities...bleah.)

Thank you jie jie!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

[I'm Yours]

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
And now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family.
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
I like one big family (2nd time: I like happy family)
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more
Oh no more no more no more
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No I won't hesitate no more, no more
This cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours, I'm yours

Jason Mraz

Friday, June 06, 2008

[beauty underwater]

all smiles after first dive
still smiling after 2nd dive
bye bye Aur
Clown Fish in Anemone
Crown of Thorns

Photos courtesy of Daniel and of the advanced divers and instructors

Thursday, June 05, 2008

[I love GSS!]

When else would I be able to buy 3 $70-$80 bras for only $69 in total? Haha. Next up: diamond ring.. ;) Yun says I might be able to get twice the carat for the same price. Let's see..heh.

Monday, June 02, 2008

[hanging up my fins]

I was there for an experience, and an experience is what I got. After last Monday's pool session, I didn't think I'd make it for the real dive. I panicked just submerging into the 2m(!) deep pool with the respirator. Haha. But after some personal attention and calming down Mr Alex, I managed to convince myself that I could breathe underwater lol. Funny how the brain took time to be convinced it's possible to breathe through the respirator and not thru the nose at all. After a very difficult first session, I was ready to call it quits.

Fortunately (in some cynical way), Far also experienced the same sucky 1st session. After comparing notes about how we panicked at several points along the session, we motivated ourselves that we'd do better the next time. And we did! At least I submerged without panicking and the rest of the session was fruitful despite the several instances where I couldn't keep myself "sunken" (fats must've made me too buoyant lol). Oh and I still grabbed onto Alex a couple of times haha.

Alas after a grueling 6 hour bus ride to Mersing (with the usual crazy Fri nite jam at the Woodlands causeway..dunno why they didn't use Tuas as originally planned...) and a 4 hour boat ride to Pulau Aur (imagine what a "bumpy" sleep we had), we had only an hour's rest before we were off to sea. I guess the thing that kept us awake was the excitement of the dive pumping thru our veins. I was disappointed that Alex wasn't gonna take us for the dive. Sob sob. Was looking forward to that. Good thing was that I was shifted to Far's group so at least we could be buddies...yay! Jumping into the sea alone took a lot of guts cos we didn't have the comfort of the walls of the swimming pool around us. The first dive was scary yet exciting. I was almost in denial that I made I took a handful of sand to prove I was really there. Haha.

The second dive was also alright..we did more skills this time. But again my problem was that I kept surfacing so they had to put on more weights on me. After Ross "rescued" me from surfacing a couple of times, we surfaced earlier than the rest of the group. By then I was a lil dizzy and thought I might not go for the 3rd dive. Of course Christophe was like..oh I won't be able to certify u etc, which I didn't mind since I was really there for the experience. But since I was feeling better later, I went ahead for it. I didn't know what I was in for.

18m underwater was a longgggg way down. Equalization was more crucial this time cos my ears started hurting. I didn't feel quite right at first cos I heard something clinging at my tank. But Christophe must've thought it was my usual panicking so he said I was alright to continue anyway. The dive was great - saw a lot of corals, a few schools of fish...there were clown fish, baracudas, rainbow fish...all sorts of fish..even sea cucumber of various kinds! Mashallah, the wonders of God's creation! It was definitely lovely, but I must say Redang was much better with better colours and more abundant corals. I was getting better at getting my buoyancy right...I could bring myself down whenever I was floating higher, and up when I was too low. Oh, but except a few times when I was too low that I hit some corals. Ouch!

Somehow things started going wrong. I was floating up too much - a couple of times Far managed to bring me down. Then I must've drifted too far from the group cos no one came to pull me back down. And weirdly enough I couldn't deflate my BCD to go back down. Luckily Far was such a sweet buddy and surfaced with me to find out what's wrong. I told her to go ahead without me and that I'd return to the boat cos I don't seem to be submerging even tho I was pressing my deflate button...that was enough to make me worried. After some checks she realised my tank was dislodged from my BCD. Later on she told me she was wondering why my tank was floating upwards even tho I was kicking downwards. She tried to get our instructor's attn back down but apparently they asked her to continue on with them (thanks a lot ha). So I did the emergency gesture on surface and another instructor on the boat came to my aid. As she was trying to refit my tank, I think it was sort of pulling my into the water so I panicked even more. Then she said the simplest thing..put the respirator back in my mouth and breathe - duh, the littlest things u don't realise when u're panicking. She asked another guy to sing for me to calm me down but in my head I was like..come on..I'm not 5 years old lol. So after that lil rescue I floated on my back while she towed me back to the boat. Phew. It must've seemed minor to the pros but to me it was scary enough an experience. Who knows what might have happened if the tank totally dislodged and floated away...I don't think damaging the corals would be top of my worries. When we were back on the island I finally looked at my cuts...which were plenty. Ross said he noticed I was struggling at the area with the "dangerous" corals, and true enough, I had several "burns" from the fire coral (Wiki: Even though this fire coral looks like real life coral, it is actually closer on the family tree to jellyfish and other stinging anemones.) Yikes! The burns were quite deep and needless to say, stang really badly. The stinging got 10 times worse when Ross sprayed some anti-sting thingy. It was like goddddddd please help get rid of the pain. Had to ask Far to convince me not to wash off the medication. Lol.

The most disappointing part of the incident was that Christophe was unaware it ever happened. When he surfaced with the group, he proceeded to undo his gear as if nothing happened. Only later he came by our room to ask me what went wrong and well, at least he apologised for not checking my tank. I was a lil pissed that he didn't notice I was doing fine all along till that point, and instead went like...u should try to help urself instead of waiting for help. Bleah. Ross was even more clueless, teasing me about how I probably killed some corals and how the stings must've felt multi-orgasmic. I didn't feel so bad cos at least he was "only" the assistant. Only when I told him how the stings were hurting and what happened to my tank..he took me more seriously. Good thing I got towed back before things went worse.

After that harrowing experience, I didn't think I was in the mental nor physical state to continue diving. 3 out of 4 dives - so close to certification. But I guess it wasn't a big loss, since after all I was there for the experience. And I don't think I'm likely to dive again soon or anytime. I accomplished what I set out to. I went to the abyss and back (must exaggerate a bit lah..haha). And I'm proud of myself for acheiving that. Woo hoo! Diving's not for me I guess, I'll stick to snorkeling! Definitely less more tanks and dive gear haha.

Oh and of course, I have to thank my dive buddy - Far, for helping me throughout. I think it's our first trip overseas together..sorta.. (after so many years..ha) and it was fantastic! Here's to more adventurous trips eh? Cheers!