Sunday, June 26, 2011

[another new beginning]

This place, as much as I still haven't developed an affinity to, has seen several new beginnings in our lives.  A new beginning for us as a couple, a new beginning in owning a home (well renting, same difference :P), a new beginning in living abroad for me.

As of April 27, we discovered we will be making another new beginning. InshaAllah, come end of the year, we will be celebrating the culmination of our love - as parents. I'm being melodramatic I know, but in this instance, I think I have the perogative to.

I have not announced it to the world (i.e. using the very reliable no-privacy tool - FB) and neither do I intend to.  Based on the previous post, I have not been able to tell certain people as soon as I would have liked and have yet to tell them the news personally.  As unideal as it is, I guess a certain few will have to find out through my blog. Then I'll also be able to find out who still reads it...haha.  For now, a select few have been informed of their impending new roles :P

I'm usually kaypoh about how my friends found out they were expecting, etc, so I shall indulge with the details, if you want to know (otherwise ignore the next section). To make a long story short, it was kind of unexpected although we'd already been trying (and panicking at the lack of instant results lol).  Neither did we expect to find out the news the way we did - at the ER because I was complaining of lower left abdominal pain for a couple of weeks.  After a couple of almost-scares, All Praise be to Allah, little peanut and mummy are doing well now at 3 months and 1 week.  Here was our initial "adventure" with the doctors:

April 27 - Finally we go to the ER at 9pm because pain becomes unbearable. 
First qs dr asks is whether I'm pg.  I say I'm a week late so test #1 is a pg test. Suspect: ectopic pg.  Us: WORRIED.  After a gruelling 1 hr wait in the paed ER (bcos they had no beds in the adult section), Test: Positive. Reaction: Wow, really? :P

April 28 - No female radiologist the night before so we have to come early morning for an emergency ultrasound in the ob/gyn dept.  ER dr (not the same one who attended to us the night before) scares the shit out of us by saying that although it's not an ectopic pg, some fluid which is not supposed to be there is present.  To confirm with ob in 2 wks time.

So for 2 weeks we sit biting our nails...even Auntie who's a female reproductive system specialised nurse can't make the link between what the dr said and why it's bad.

May 10: Good news comes in 3s!  Dad signed our BTO lease papers, got news of a possible promotion, and most importantly, there is nothing wrong with the baby. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.  We can't thank God enough.  (On a side note, we felt like kicking that dr's you-know-where.)  Baby is roughly 8 weeks old and I am privileged to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time - MashaAllah, no words could describe the miraculous moment!  Unfortunately daddy-to-be could not come into the room, but I described it to him.

June 16: Appt #2 - detailed scan. Corrected EDD is 28 Dec 2011.  Baby, can wait 3 days for new year? Lol.  Baby waves to us during ultrasound and this time hubby got to be in the room. Yay Dr I, my new gynae. Changed gynae bcos the previous one seemed uninterested in her job.  Good decision I made.

The first few weeks were very smooth, but in the 3rd month I got morning sickness to the core.  My record was 3 times one evening followed by 5 times the next day.  IV fluids the moment I went to the ER but good thing I was not officially dehydrated yet.  These days I go to work just to keep distracted, and so far it seems to be working.  The more I work, the less I puke...yay.  I've got wonderful colleagues who have been doting on me, from making sure I eat on time to reminding me that I should drink milk and buy only decaff coffee.  Mr F has been a doll too, helping me with the housework and comforting me each time I have to visit the toilet for unglamorous throwing up sessions. Blessed I am.

Everyone at home is excited of course.  Sakura has seen a need to define roles for everyone, or rather titles.  I'm not sure but I think she will be "Auntie", mum will be "Nana" and dad "Petapa". Ah, the multicultural family lives on (English - English - Tamil).  Auntie has been supportive all the way, even staying up till 1am everytime we have an appointment so that she can be up to date with what the dr said. Jam has coined a new term - nieson - niece + cousin.  Very creative.  In laws were elated over the phone and MIL constantly gets updates about me thru Mr F.

Ah a mighty long post. Which reminds me...have you thought about what a long process pregnancy is - 9 months (10 to be exact)! Have to be patient, and InshaAllah the end results will be marvelous.  Wee!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

[on long distance relationships]

My friends would probably think I'm a pro on this topic, having been in one for half a decade which ended in a happily-ever-after  fairytale (well, sort of).  Ever since coming here, as I start to reflect on things, as much as I am not against long distance relationships, I wouldn't recommend it for the faint hearted.

The kind of relationship I've been pondering on is not so much a romantic one but a platonic one.  Although I was initially very dependent on my buddies in Sg for getting me through the long desert days and nights, I have somewhat been able to wean myself off the dependency.  It's not that I don't need them anymore, but as circumstances permit or don't permit, it is quite difficult to maintain an optimal conversation/relationship online when you are world's apart, literally and figuratively.

As everyday demands mount on you, such as work pressures, family commitments, social commitments, it is hard to find a common time to come online with the time difference. I have even found a trend - that as wrong as it sounds, more people seem to be online on weekdays during office hours than on weekends.  But although they are online at work, well, work being work, is not a conducive place to chat online.  The different weekday/weekend schedules further compound  this problem. Furthermore, as I grow more and more out of touch with happenings around my circles of friends as well as what is happening back home, the number of topics you are able to talk about declines gradually.  You soon find yourself talking about the same topic repeatedly or cracking your brain on what topic to talk about next.  Once in awhile, when you are in an epiphany of things to talk about, something or other crops up like a bad internet connection or a "I have to go off now".

Lately I've been more than a little ticked off by a couple of friends who claim they have been too busy to drop a line or two to at least tell me they are doing well.  It seems that the onus is on me to maintain the friendship.  Is it my fault because I had to go away? Doesn't it take two to clap, tango, or whatever else it is?  I almost feel like a sucker for wanting to maintain the friendships and it leaves me wondering if the other party is interested at all.

I guess this is part and parcel of living away from home.  While you make new friends, you risk losing the old ones, and sadly the latter is very real.  Though I'm not yet giving up, because I believe that since we were once good friends, there will be something to rekindle sooner or later.  On the end of the person who is living abroad, as KS said, it becomes tough when every summer, you find out that yet another expat friend of yours is leaving for good, and you never know when you will meet them again. 

"Friendships aren't always forever, but while you have them they are intellectually and emotionally enriching and you should always treasure them, even if they are short term." - KS