I get more and more nervous as they wheel me in into the OR. Everything is a blur as they half knock me out with a sedative. I'm a little nervous because the spinal is about to be done, and hubby was not inside the room yet. I keep asking the nurses when he can come in and they say only AFTER the epidural is done. Sigh. This is when I need him the most. There is a nurse who reminds me of Soefie and I keep telling myself - think of Soefie. Think happy thoughts. With that, after one contraction, I get the epi and soon I feel warm and fuzzy in the legs.
After some time F is finally by my side. He holds my hand and tells me not to worry because he is there for me. I feel relief and am grateful he is there. I feel a lot of pushing in my abdomen and figure it's the drs trying to push the baby out. F looks over and I tell him not to in case he faints. He continues to look over and in a while I realise it's because baby is out. Dr says "Your baby is holding on to the cord." In my half dazed mind, I wonder which machine's cord he's holding on to. Baby starts crying and it seems so near yet so distant. Was that my baby? Tears well up in Mr F's eyes and I know that H is out. Wow. So surreal. I had requested for delayed cord clamping and dr honours my request. After awhile, not sure how long (hubby said a couple of mins) dr said baby is a little cold so they have to cut his cord. In my half dazed state I started worrying - oh dear, why is my baby cold. Is he ok? Dr then lifted H over the screen and showed me - here's your baby. Alhamdulillah, he looks fine and his cry is very strong. I'm not sure at which point Mr F left the room but he reassured me he'll be by my side when I was out.
The midwife, after wrapping H up, came to me to talk some crap about skin-to-skin. She said my procedure would take long so I couldn't do much skin to skin since they had to take him to the nursery to be warmed up. I had already known this so I was wondering why she'd still brought him to me. Anyway, her version of skin-to-skin was to she put his face on mine (in the process compressing my nose till I couldn't breathe lol) and said that was skin-to-skin. Duh, even in my semi-conscious state, I knew that wasn't it. Anyway, that was that. They took him away and I dozed off as they stitched me up.
I woke up in the recovery room shivering madly - a reaction to the anaesthesia. I was very frightened, the trembling was quite severe. Being alone, I felt even more fearful. My teeth were chattering uncontrollably and I was extremely cold even after the thermal blanket and many layers of other blankets they had put on me. After a while Auntie came in and I felt better in no time. She assured me that everything was fine and that it was a normal reaction. The dr eventually came to give me something else to reduce the shivering. It took almost an hour but finally I was out of the recovery room. I was surprised to see my family there - everyone from Mr F to PIL to Sakura congratulating me and asking me how I was. I couldn't reply much but I do remember everyone joining me in the lift to be wheeled back to my room.
I was still shivering in the room and needed another layer of blanket. Everyone was gathering around H and I felt almost envious that I couldn't hold my own baby. Auntie brought him up to me to show him to me and I was like - wow, that's my son. Mr F then later lifted him to me and I kissed him. Mr F and I held hands and looked into each other's eyes - our new family had begun. =)