[PTSD fancy schmancy]

I've watched movies and been reading books on how people with rare/unique diseases feeling frustrated on why they haven't been diagnosed with a certain "A-B-C disease". Does being diagnosed mean u're normal? Or perhaps it gives u the assurance that at least someone knows ur condition exists somewhere in some medical literature.

Some might even call it closure. For example, as much as I suspected my lower back pain was more psychosomatic than physical, I was happy when the SGH doc finally found the cause - my 4th and 5th lumbar being fused. Even tho it was supposedly some congenital abnormality that couldn't be fixed, I at least had the assurance that..hey...at least they know what's wrong.

Sometimes we see signs around us (which I believe are sent from God) just as we need some answers to sort out the mess in our lives. I remember reading an article in the Straits Times many months ago abt Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It kinda sounded like what I was going through...but hey...who was I (with the help of a newspaper article and a friend) to really say what I was suffering from.

When TK (my new counsellor) finally said PTSD last week, I kinda felt comforted. I wasn't really buying the clinical depression thing which P and her doc, and Ad tried to feed me into. As much that there's a possiblity that depression might run in my family, I just knew that couldn't be the main cause of it. And it's not that I feel better that "hey now I know I'm suffering from PTSD", but at least I know that I'm not purposely driving myself crazy.

I'm grateful I ran into TK. I wish I had seen him a couple of years ago, when I was going through one of the worst periods of my life. He gives me a sense of comfort that I was in desperate need of, and solutions that made/make me feel that I'm in safe hands and there's someone to protect me. He even reassures me that if (the threat) returns back into my life, he'll be the first to find me a safe place for shelter. Oh and might I add, he even said I could use his office after hours if NUS couldn't find me a place to stay pronto (on the condition that I don't read his private files on his PC lol).

I've found more support besides him. My Auntie for one, who although was terribly shocked to find out details of my trauma, has been putting in a lot of effort to show me she cares. Thanks again to Flo, who thought I'd strangle her for telling my aunt lol - actualy, I'm grateful, cos if it weren't for u...I could never have done it alone. And thanks mind_boggler for being there for me in my darkest hour. I'm gonna overcome this soon thanks to all your support =)

Princess is getting emo. I think I should stop here. Full stop. Good night.