[The sky]

What you mean to me
You'll never know
I want to say
But I cannot show

You came into my life
And disappeared in a flash
After this journey
You'll be my secret stash

To see your deep blue eyes again
I hope one day our paths will cross
To tatter in deep conversation
In this land of frost

[Think before you talk --- Goodbye Stockholm]

I'm really really pissed with YK right now. So pissed that if I wanted to be childish I should stop talking to her. I trusted her with something really personal about my eye-candy and told her not to tell a single soul about it. Then we went for dinner. And within minutes she's like "hey saf i told XL abt it" I was like WTF!! I very clearly told her not to tell anyone, and yet 10 minutes later she says "oops I forgot...I just blurted it out". Goodness. And now XL wants to tell Jon, and who knows where else the story might travel to. I was telling XL not to tell Jon, but she was like...well I don't think the person will mind (ok at least they don't know that the person is my eye-candy). I guess when YK says she usually talks before she thinks, she really means it. I really needed to tell someone about it and I thought since she was so open-minded, she could handle the truth. Handle yeah she did, but her big mouth made it leak within minutes. She didn't even apologise! I'm feeling so guilty now. I should've just kept it to myself. Not that my eye-candy told me to keep mum, but I just don't think it's a topic u'd want many ppl to know abt. At least GH kept really quiet abt something else I told her. Steph suggested I strike her off my friends list (since she also pissed me off previously by telling me at the last moment that I'll have to go to London alone since she's going around with her friend ALONE). So my response was, well, she was always in my colleagues list, not friends. o as for now, I think she'll remain there for some time. I just hope the story doesn't get passed on to everyone. And even worse if it gets back to my eye-candy, tho pretty unlikely. Damn, I shouldn't be so trusting next time!

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Ok well, on to more cheerful things (well kinda..). Met Elin this afternoon in town. We shopped a bit at Drottningatan then went to Rosendal park for a fika (so called coffee and dessert session). Was great meeting her again before flying off. We were saying how now since we've had our first reunion, it doesn't seem that keeping in touch or meeting again in future is such an abstract idea anymore. I'm not letting her off..she still has to come to sg and she said she's not letting herself off too. Heh. Come to think of it, I don't think I blogged about going to the countryside to her place again last weekend. It was like a surreal feeling...big big huggies when we met at the train station. Then as we went up my fave hill that overlooked the frozen lake, I was like... wow I'm back here again! Wonderful feeling. I had actually planned to bring everyone along but as I probably mentioned before, my group is extremely undecisive - one min they wanted to come along, one minute they wanna go to town. Their loss. GH enjoyed it tremendously. The fields and fields of snow and the hairy cows (we dunno what they're called). And just like before, we had a little picnic at the top of the hill and took lots of pics (none of which I have since my friggin' cam decided to have a mood swing). The wind was so strong, the rustling through the trees sounded as if we were sitting at the beach at high tide. At one point in time it was quite hard to walk cos the wind was blowing against us. We went down onto the lake, there was so much snow that we couldn't really see the ice. There was some what of a snowstorm (picture a dessert sandstorm except it's snow..) and Elin made us a snowangel on the ground. It started snowing snowballs on our way back. Really interesting. Instead of snowflakes, what came down looked like what u'd get if u crunched up a styrofoam box. It looked really really cute. So we've seen 3 types of snow now...snowflakes, ice (painful when it hits ur face btw) and snowballs. And I thought snow was just snow.

After fika, I went to Kista to meet Ayisha. I felt pretty bad cos I was almost an hour late (till she decided to have lunch first without me haha). We talked, did some shopping, I bought my box to send home my notes in. We didn't hang around long cos she wanted to hurry home to pray so yeah...we did our huggy thing, I took a pic with Leyla (who is 3 now and can talk..heh). Ayisha said we'd meet again, perhaps when she comes to sg in future, Inshallah. That'd be really cool. And she said I prob won't return to sweden since I've already been there twice and I was like..well u never know ;) I wasn't teary but of course I was a bit sad. Nice to know though that at least I got to meet my friends again. Sthlm, I'll miss you.

[Uppsala lalalalala]

Ok believe it or not, that's Uppsala university's cheer. It's the oldest uni in Scandinavia, Sweden's first. I went to Uppsala town on my last weekend in Sweden. Been wanting to go forever and since it didn't look as if Iso was gonna bring us, I decided to go myself (GH already left for sg). It was a really beautiful town. I thought that it'd probably look like Sthlm but it's interesting how different cities in the same country can look so different. I was also thinking how things work out perfectly (God loves me haha)...cos I've been wanting to go there for so long...and yet on the day I went, there were special events going on so it was like a bonus. The entrance to the museum was free cos they had a new exhibit and there was an ice motorbike racing at the stadium so the trip there was definitely worthwhile. Was looking out for eye-candy #2 cos he lives there..but too bad didn't find him haha. I thought I'd only take half a day there but in the end, I left the place at only 6 pm. I guess I could return to Sweden 10 more times and still find a unique new city to visit each time. Fabulous.

On the way home, I dropped by my fave coffee place again to have chicken pie for dinner. I went back to my hostel and intended to attend a musical performance nearby, but knowing me, once I have taken off my coat and boots, I'm too lazy to go out again :P So I resorted to packing my bag, which surprisingly was pretty light. Guess I'm turning into a better traveller ;)

Will be meeting Ayisha and Elin tmr to bid a fond farewell. Hope I don't get teary.

[Friendship]

Having lots of time alone, and not having the internet as a distraction, gives u time to think about things that you would otherwise never really ponder about. I was on the way home today when I started thinking about friendship. Friendship is intricate, and a blessing. I just came back from meeting Jurgita and Abela today. My fellow GAME friends. It was just a few months ago when we met up in sg for our first coursework. And now that we're in Sweden, these two wonderful women are showing us warm hospitality. We were having some sinful indulgence after school (dessert and smoothie at a nearby cafe) and although I haven't talked to Abela for months (she's not in GAME anymore) we were talking about everything under the sun. And I mean everything - even things that were going on under the bed sheets...haha. And Jurgita, well, what can I say.. she's been looking after us since the day we came, with bed sheets, comforters, extra pillows and all. She was the only one among our Swedish colleagues that organized a little dinner gathering among our group.

I started to think about how when I first met GH, I thought that she was so quiet, why wasn't she talking to me, did we have nothing in common to talk about. And now that we're here seeing places together, cooking meals for each other, just hanging out at each other's rooms when we're devoid of other forms of entertainment at night...we're so close...it's just...intriguing. She even wishes I could go to Ohio with her for a summer course in epi so that we can travel around tog...dang...too bad boss ain't sending me! Then I thought about AL, our dept secretary, whom I thought I was gonna meet only when I needed help with admin stuff. Now, we're having lunch together almost everyday, back in NUS that is.

And then I was thinking how one of my friends cheered me up in an instant when I told her I was feeling down. The best part is that I only got to know her online after coming here, and in a matter of a couple of weeks, she bothers to call me up in my hostel late at night to perk me up. I don't usually do well in phone conversations, but the instant I picked up the phone, I was like... wow this girl is cool. I was smiling in no time. She could guess exactly how I was feeling and like with Abela, we talked about almost everything under sun. And all this within just two weeks of knowing her. Two weeks of msn. Two weeks of just "hi how are you, I'm from sg, etc". I was really touched that she did that for me. Sweet girl. Too bad she lives in another town in Sweden, or I would definitely go meet her. She's coming to sg tho, this summer, so I'm looking forward to meeting her. She said she'd treat me to coffee (since I'm not gonna tarnish her reputation of telling ppl she's err...ok I'm not supposed to say...lol) and I was like...man, I'm the one who owes her two coffees. So for now, our date is at coffee bean, coffee and cheesecake in June ;).

[speak up!]

I need to learn how to talk to guys. I can count the number of guys I know on my fingers. And how many I would consider close friends...really few. I seem to numb up everytime I'm with a guy. Either that or I just don't know what to talk about. Even GH was commenting on how Jon n I never seem to talk much. We were sitting in comp lab tog and both of us were chatting with her on msn, apparently asking the same qs when we could've related the same messages to each other. I guess the internet ain't really good practice cos I can always hide myself behind the screen.

During tea break today when Erik came near where I was sitting, I was like…damn I think he wants to talk to me. So instead of being friendly and saying hi, I hovered over my hot cocoa and dipped my oatmeal cookie in it as if that was all that mattered in the world. He finally sat next to me and started talking. He's cute. Haha. So I hope I didn't make a fool of myself. If holding a decent conversation with guys is my weakness, doing so with a cute one around is usually disastrous. Anyway, Erik was pretty interested in Sg and who we were and what we were doing there, etc. And when I was telling him about the different races in sg, he asked me what about me…I felt like going…I'm human :P. After break, the rest at our table, friends being friends, teased me cos although they were also at the table, Erik seemed to be only talking to me. Anyway, too bad he already has a ring on his finger haha. He shall be my new eye candy lol...I gave up on my previous one after finding out my eye candy has a gf and the emails are getting less frequent. For now, I shall work on my talking-with-guys skills.

[Gay bars and more]

This weekend was really exciting. We did lots of things and we're now like dead tired. Yesterday, we went to City Hall in the morning. This is where the Nobel prize is given out every year. The 3 of us were so in awe with just the magnificence of the building that we took half an hour snapping photos. GH and XL didn't want to go into the Nobel Hall which was a pity, cos they'd have been mesmerized by the golden rooms inside. After that, we went to Gamla Stan for the umpteenth time (ok it was only my 2nd time but they've been there plenty). Since we went to City Hall earlier, we decided to see who have been the deserving winners at the Nobel Museum. GH and I were full of respect for Albert Einstein after we walked through the exhibition. He was a great man – a solitary scientist but a social administrator. (Ok I didn't think that up myself...it was a line from the footage they had about him...) After that, we walked n walked along the quaint old streets, not really having any aim. We entered plenty more souvenir shops but found nothing that we really wanted to buy...and anyway we've already bought enough. There was a little crystal shop that had nice jewellery but unfortunately the ring sizes were either too big or too small for me. We walked towards Storkyrkan (Stor Church) till I finally found the gay cafe I had been to the last time I was here, Chokladkappen (chocolate cup). The girls wanted to have a drink but XL wanted to go to Roberts' Coffee near our hostel instead. So we walked around some more, going into a couple of churches which had really majestic interiors, looking stupid posing in front of a Swedish phone booth (we had fellow Auzzie tourists watching us…but they decided it was a pretty good idea afterall then they took our lead), and tiring ourselves out till we decided to head home around 4. It was a pretty short day. Sthlm is kinda boring if u're not into museums and shopping (the main activities around winter since the lakes are too frozen to take boat rides and it's too cold to go to the park). We were exhausted after all the walking that we had to take a nap before dinner. After dinner, I tried to use the net...stting on the window sill freezing my butt off. But not many ppl were online (4am in sg) so GH came to my room and we hung out for awhile. She's really good company to be with. I think the reason we get along so well is that we're both very accommodating people. She had to put up with my gaga-ing over my dear eye candy. Well I guess that's the price she has to pay for me being her tour guide. Haha.

On Sunday we set out early since we couldn't sleep much anyway. I for one have been thinking so much about my eye-candy till I couldn't sleep (the reason why I went online was to check eye-candy's email reply but I figured I'd receive it only on Monday since it's a work email address...dang...the Swedes make sure they don't do anything related to work on weekends...not even email...sobs...patience girl patience...). When I did finally sleep around 4 am, I was woken up by an sms from mama saying "Happy birthday to me". She didn't even give me a chance...it was 6 am here, she should've waited a couple of hours more then I'd have messaged her on my own :P

Anyway, GH and I set off to Junibacken after breakfast. Any of u heard of Astrid Lingren's children's stories? Does Pippi Longstocking ring a bell? Funny enough none of us really know her stories but MH was saying that he actually grew up reading her stories. The place was amazing. There were loads of kids having fun there, adults too. The tram ride was so amusing. It was like a 3D story telling session...we were even hovering over the displays that it was as if we were flying over them. I must say that although museums ain't really my thing, the presentation in many of the museums here are very unique. After leaving fantasy land, we headed to Gamla Stan (yes...again...) to see the change of guards ceremony. We thought we were early but when we arrived, the soldiers were already stamping their feet. There was a lot of excitement going on and we bumped into Winston and found out that the crown princess Victoria would be there today. Lucky us! After some marching and some drumming, the princess came out to greet us. We were half expecting her to appear in a gown and a tiara or something but she came out in an overcoat over a blouse n skirt and knee high boots. She was very friendly - after the guards presented her with flowers, she came off the pedestal to say hi to us. I felt like a paparazzi in action, snapping photo after photo of her. Well, it isn't everyday we get to see princesses do we? She kept thanking the crowd for coming to see her. Nice lady. Very cheerful. We watched the rest of the ceremony after that. I think this is like the 4th time in total I've watched it but I always seemed to be fascinated anyway. Too bad we didn't get any Dancing Queen from the band this time, but the drum performance was impressive.

We headed to Chokladkappen after that. At first, I was disappointed that it was crowded (wanted to see the pretty boys inside lol) cos we had to go to the cafe next door. Then after hanging awhile inside, we were wondering whether the two shops were connected cos the waiters next door kept coming in and out of our place. GH had yummy choc cake with mochacinno and I had yummy apple pie with vanilla sauce and hot chocolate. We definitely didn't need lunch after that heavy meal. The dessert was so filling that we had no space left for the drink...which was in a HUGE cup (almost like a bowl!). We noticed that in this shop most of the customers were ladies. Only as we were leaving I read the poster on the wall which said this was Chokladkappen's "sister" bar, so I assumed here's where the lesbians hang. Interesting. GH and I wanna go back there again. I told her I'll flirt around...and she was like...hey...as long as someone doesn't come along to flirt with me. Lol.

We had a failed attempt at trying to get onto the winter cruise ferry so we walked around Norralmstorg instead. The music museum was nearby and since it was free (which is rare...and since we've had enough of paying for museums which we don't really care about), we went in to check it out. Turned out to be a pretty interesting place. We had a little adventure after that. We wanted to go to the suburbs to try a restaurant we saw in a guide book. We didn't really know where we were heading. We got down at a deserted bus stop, thankfully there were a couple of ppl around but all they could help us in was telling us that we should take a bus from the opp side of the road. When the first bus came, the bus driver said we could hop on and he'd show us where we could change to another bus. But while waiting at the second bus stop, we checked the time-table. First of all, 71 wasn't on the list, and the other bus 804 didn't operate on Sundays (boy are we lucky living in sg...where we have bus services everyday!) Bus 414 was gonna arrive at 19:21 and it was only 18:00 so we decided that we should not freeze ourselves and headed home.

We'll be starting a new module on Monday. I shall get back to imagining what my eye-candy will reply me tomorrow. And perhaps getting the rest that I need. Good night.

[Dangerous candies]

My sister n I have cooked up a new term…eye candy. Definition: Someone whom u don’t really have a crush on, but pleasing to look at, just for the sake of it. I wasn’t really looking out for one, but there was someone in my class whom I kept looking at to pass by the boring lecture hours. The person is from a different state (Umea) and is really friendly (for a Swedish haha) and of course…cute :P Why dangerous? Cos now that the module is over and the person’s returned home, I’m still gaga-ing. Dang. And the possibility of us meeting ever again is probably 0..which makes it even worse. Help.

P.S. far, read between the lines ;)

[Finally some air]

Advanced Epi is finally over. It was a tough two wks...and on Friday after our presentations, we made sure we rewarded ourselves for the tremendous effort we put in. We went to Kista for dinner..It was good we went there cos there was Halal food in the food court. Been feeling guilty eating a beef/chicken burger from BK/Macs now n then hehe. Unfortunately we were too tired staying up the previous night (writing up our final project reports) so we window shopped only for awhile then went home. And the only thing that was on our minds when we got home was SLEEP!

Saturday was more exciting. We slept in till like 10 plus (yesss finally...) then headed to djurgården on the ferry. It was different cos I've never taken the ferry in winter...and it was fun seeing my friends getting so suaku over the view haha. I dropped my faithful followers at Vasa museum (since I've already been there) and headed to the Biological Museum. It was quite nice..the setting..not like the usual one animal in one display case setting u usually get. It was more like...hmm..how shall I put it...walking around a whole 'wildlife habitat' enclosed by glass case. Ok well I dunno if that description helped..but nevertheless..I was getting a headache trying to decipher which animal on my guide matched which one in the case. And I gave up cos I never seemed to find the right one...And just as I gave up..I saw another person...who had the next page opened instead (duh I shld've flipped it over). But it wasn't much help either way cos I wouldn't have been able to differentiate a red breasted merganser from a guillemot or a greenshank anyway. I took like half an hour there and was very early in meeting the rest. (I should've gone to Vasa again I guess cos this was quite disappointing..)

I decided to venture out into the snow..it was snowing really heavily...like lots n lots n lots of snow falling...that u couldn't see the visibility abt 100m ahead. I got into a coffee house cos my fingers were about to get numb..while I was trying to coax my digicam into life again..to no avail.. sigh.. After thawing a bit, I headed back to Vasa. The snow was falling even more now..and I made a stupid choice of taking the shortcut thru the field of snow cos the snow was coming up to my calf level. Was glad I survived that...vowed never to take a shortcut through thick snow again..haha. Waited awhile for the rest then we took a bus to town...had BK for lunch...walked around the shops a bit then went home. My fave Peru (I think) band was actually still there basking...and I finally bought their CD (after 2 yrs of thinking abt it..hmm...). The rest went to IKEA..I was tired and I've already been there so I followed Winston to a guitar shop which turned out to be closed. Darn it..the shops here close too early on weekends...

On Sunday, I finally met up with Ayisha. It was sooo nice.... wow...never wld've thought we'd meet again. Leyla is as adorable as ever. And she can talk now..heh...was learning a bit of Swedish from her (the last time all she could say was titta=look haha). Adam..her little bro) was adorable too..but I think I forgot that a 3 mth old is only capable of drinking milk, puking, and sleeping..so I turned my attention to Leyla instead. Ayisha fed me really well...cream salmon soup, toast with cheese. As if I wasn't full enough, there was freshly baked bread for dessert. I didn't need dinner that day.

We were quite bored that night. We gathered in the tv room. All 10 of us. (The other tv room had our new not-so-friendly ang-moh neighbours so we decided to label this OUR room..haha..we got the better tv..which has a remote..unlike the other grandfather set...). I had more dessert..yum yum..which Benita made. I don't really follow X-Men so I didn't really know what was going on in the movie..so I went to sleep at 11. Yeah so here I am. This new module doesn't look too bad. I'm wondering what I should do now..don't feel like going home so early..but it's too late to go sight-seeing. Ok lah, shall pack my bag now. See ya.

[10 things I hate about this hostel (in random order except #1)]

1. No internet!

2. No attached toilet.

3. Only two locked bathrooms between 15 people...the rest have only shower curtains.

4. The walls are so thin you can hear what’s going on 5 rooms away.

5. The washing machine is extremely noisy that it shatters the peace of the place.

6. The heater just broke down in my room (too).

7. It’s 45 minutes away from school on a good traffic day.

8. We don’t have designated storage spaces in the kitchen.

9. We’re one floor above basement where the garbage goes…so the lobby doesn’t smell very pleasant.

10. They shut off the corridor lights around 9pm everyday to save electricity but leave it on throughout the day.

Wow and I thought I wouldn’t be able to reach #10.

But on the other hand, at least I fulfilled my intention of returning to Sweden. And I got to meet up with my Swedish friends (ok well only 2 so far...hopefully more to come). So overall, I shall be happy. Wee I'm enjoying myself. I think I've been doing to much of meta-analysis. I'm even analysis the weight of my feelings too now...