[Labour Day - Part Two]

I get more and more nervous as they wheel me in into the OR. Everything is a blur as they half knock me out with a sedative. I'm a little nervous because the spinal is about to be done, and hubby was not inside the room yet. I keep asking the nurses when he can come in and they say only AFTER the epidural is done. Sigh. This is when I need him the most. There is a nurse who reminds me of Soefie and I keep telling myself - think of Soefie. Think happy thoughts. With that, after one contraction, I get the epi and soon I feel warm and fuzzy in the legs.

After some time F is finally by my side. He holds my hand and tells me not to worry because he is there for me. I feel relief and am grateful he is there.  I feel a lot of pushing in my abdomen and figure it's the drs trying to push the baby out. F looks over and I tell him not to in case he faints.  He continues to look over and in a while I realise it's because baby is out.  Dr says "Your baby is holding on to the cord." In my half dazed mind, I wonder which machine's cord he's holding on to.  Baby starts crying and it seems so near yet so distant. Was that my baby? Tears well up in Mr F's eyes and I know that H is out. Wow. So surreal.  I had requested for delayed cord clamping and dr honours my request. After awhile, not sure how long (hubby said a couple of mins) dr said baby is a little cold so they have to cut his cord. In my half dazed state I started worrying - oh dear, why is my baby cold. Is he ok? Dr then lifted H over the screen and showed me - here's your baby.  Alhamdulillah, he looks fine and his cry is very strong.  I'm not sure at which point Mr F left the room but he reassured me he'll be by my side when I was out.

The midwife, after wrapping H up, came to me to talk some crap about skin-to-skin. She said my procedure would take long so I couldn't do much skin to skin since they had to take him to the nursery to be warmed up. I had already known this so I was wondering why she'd still brought him to me. Anyway, her version of skin-to-skin was to she put his face on mine (in the process compressing my nose till I couldn't breathe lol) and said that was skin-to-skin. Duh, even in my semi-conscious state, I knew that wasn't it. Anyway, that was that. They took him away and I dozed off as they stitched me up.

I woke up in the recovery room shivering madly - a reaction to the anaesthesia.  I was very frightened, the trembling was quite severe. Being alone, I felt even more fearful. My teeth were chattering uncontrollably and I was extremely cold even after the thermal blanket and many layers of other blankets they had put on me.  After a while Auntie came in and I felt better in no time. She assured me that everything was fine and that it was a normal reaction. The dr eventually came to give me something else to reduce the shivering. It took almost an hour but finally I was out of the recovery room.  I was surprised to see my family there - everyone from Mr F to PIL to Sakura congratulating me and asking me how I was. I couldn't reply much but I do remember everyone joining me in the lift to be wheeled back to my room.

I was still shivering in the room and needed another layer of blanket.  Everyone was gathering around H and I felt almost envious that I couldn't hold my own baby. Auntie brought him up to me to show him to me and I was like - wow, that's my son.  Mr F then later lifted him to me and I kissed him.  Mr F and I held hands and looked into each other's eyes - our new family had begun. =)

[Labour Day - A Divinely Guided Delivery, Part One]

Let's back track a few days so that I can boast about what a wonderful hubby I have. 

On the 20th of Dec (seems I can remember the dates clearly, too bad I just didn't have the time or right frame of mind to blog sooner), hubby sent me a message to say he would be back late from work.  I found this suspicious because he hadn't done it since I came here.  A couple of hours later he texted to say he was home and he would be sleeping in the next morning. I suppose his intention, or supposed intention, was to tell me either not to worry that he didn't answer his phone or not to disturb him (I hope it was the former lol).  I had not-so-secrretly been hoping that habibi would come earlier to ease the tension of an unpredictable impending day of Baby's arrival.  Even blatantly told him to surprise me by coming earlier, and provided an SIA officer's contact number to help him change his ticket.  However, since 23rd was fast approaching, I had mostly given up hope. If I could wait so many days, what would 2 days be right?

But alas, hubby had something up his sleeve.  While watching TV on the 21st, I was still thinking "if he doesn't come by 2pm then I guess I must've made the whole thing up in my mind". 2 o'clock came and went and there was no sign of him so I gave up hoping. I guess I had to wait for the 23rd afterall.  Suddenly at 2.30 there was a ring at the door and Sakura got up to answer the door. There was "no one" at the door so I went out to investigate the source of the door bell.  There he was - after looking far right - my mischievous hubby grinning away! He was here! 2 days early! What a great surprise it was!  He wasn't too pleased with my "What are you doing here?!" reaction, but nevertheless I hugged him really tight and welcomed him with open arms. I knew he had been up to something the day before!! Apparently my suspicions were right afterall. Trust a women's instinct eh? Keke.

Thanks to his early arrival, he was able to come for our last prenatal appointment.  Dr S could sense how relieved I was that habibi was here. She told Mr F "She was a nervous wreck when you were not around, now she's glowing." Hehehe. Well my love, now you know how important you are to me.

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So the labour story begins here. 

I was still feeling a bit jittery about the whole major operation thing. I had told Sakura to give me "tough love" as I headed off for the hospital that night.  Tough love because that way I wouldn't get too emo. Yes, I get emo-er when I get "soft love". But nevermind that.

We were given the option of coming in at 12am or 6am on the morning of 27 Dec since ours was the first op of the day (8.30am).  12am sounded like a better option so that we could settle in slowly and get used to the hospital environment.  So at about 11.30pm we said our prayers and goodbyes to my family and Mr F and I headed to the hospital to check in.  The next morning was going to be a big moment.

At around 4am after trying to catch some sleep (quite impossible with nurses coming in to check/do this and that), I felt like a stomach ache coming on.  Maybe I had eaten something wrong that day. Darn, what a time to have food poisoning, or so I thought.  The pain became quite regular, about 7 mins apart.  After awhile of tossing and turning, I decided to go to the loo to relieve myself then tried to get back to sleep.  The pains continued, 7 mins apart but lasting only a few seconds. This couldn't be labour I guess since the "contractions" only lasted a few seconds. Plus they came on suddenly and were already 5-7 mins apart, weren't they supposed to come more irregularly first?  About an hour of the same pain later, I decided to go to the toilet to relieve myself yet again.  This was when things got interesting because as I was cleaning up, there was a bloody show on the toilet paper (on hindsight, I'm quite amused I had the instinct to check before washing up straight away. And on hindsight, apparently that sharp pain I felt before leaving home was probably a sign of things to come, not just a backache).  I woke hubby up to tell him that I was in labour, then alerted a nurse who said she would monitor me. 

Monitor me she didn't (bleah) but the contractions continued and I was amused, irritated and amazed that Baby decided I should go into labour on the scheduled day itself. How accurate - on his EDD at that.  I took it that God was giving me a sign that we had chosen the right day to schedule the c-section. And apparently, even with the c-section, I was meant to have a taste of labour pains afterall; though I wasn't entirely amused by that (note by irritation). Talk about double whammy - contractions PLUS c-section!  I went through the contractions quite calmly thanks to my HB sessions, breathing through them as they came. Trust me, even with all that training, going through the surges were no walk in the park.  It did help though because I was calm and knew how to brace myself through the pain.  Since we hadn't forseen going into labour, Mr F hadn't learnt the ways to massage me from Sakura. Though from how I reacted when I asked him to put his hand on my tummy to soothe me (by being my "heat pack") during one surge, I think I would've been more irritated than calm if he had tried to massage me. Well, I guess G did say that different women react differently to touch when they are actually in labour. (Note: during class, the massages simply felt shiok...hehe.)

At about 7am I was almost ready for the op. Auntie had come some time before that to see how I was doing. She was a little annoyed that the nurse didn't monitor me afterall even though I was already in labour but she couldn't do anything since it wasn't her ward or domain.  Mama and Sakura arrived in time before I was due to go the the OT.  My OT gown was damn unglam, it was made for shorter people so when I wore it, it hardly covered anything.  Auntie was busy taking photos with her iPad even in my unglam state (exposed, during contractions and al) - I wonder if the whole thing was amusing to her lol.  The crazy attendant wanted me to walk down to the OT but I'm glad my mum insisted that they wheel me down instead otherwise the walk there would've been very slow and painful.  Auntie came again while we were in the pre-op room. Her presence was really reassuring and she seemed to be pretty popular around the hospital. 

Soon it was time to go in. I would see Mr F in the OT once I had been prepped up.......

Since I can't possibly be 44 weeks pregnant, I guess it's time to take off my pregnancy ticker.  Here comes my new ticker to track H's first year. =)

[Labour day part zero]

It started out when I woke up on 16 Dec. I remember the date clearly because it was one week till habibi was due to come.  It also turned out to be a memorable day because my Syrian friend had her baby that day.

I noticed some wetness as I got up.  Thinking it was nothing, I headed to the hall to have my breakfast. The leaking continued and then I started panicking. At the back of my mind I was thinking, the signs look obvious, but something was not right. This couldn't be it.  To add to the panic, I did not want to go into labour without my habibi around.  By 11am I called him up (yes, it was 6am in Ruh on a weekend - sorry baby) to tell him what was going on. Tell him wouldn't be an accurate description, more like crying to him. I kept saying I did not want to go into labour without him and that I couldn't do it without him. The sensible thing was to get myself checked at the hospital yet I kept thinking, "if this is it, and I go get myself checked, I'm sure the doctor would induce me."  My brains got the better of me and as habibi said, the right thing to do was to get myself checked so that baby wouldn't be in danger if I procrastinate.

Bracing myself, I walked into Sakura's room and tearily told her I was in labour.  The poor girl, half asleep, looked a little shocked and asked why I was crying. So I repeated again that I did not want to have baby without his father around. Sigh. Sakura being the clear headed lady she was, very calmly asked me to start my breathing exercises.  She then freshened up and even warmed my rice sock for me.  We called Auntie to ask if we should go to the hospital, to which she said we probably should.  She sensed my panic and tried to calm me down and "warned" me that if it was the real thing, I should prepare myself, even without Mr F, since it was best for baby.  After the breathing exercises and regaining my composure, I told myself I could do it. I had Sakura with me afterall.

I still did not believe what was happening. Yet, even Sakura said she could smell my "labour fluid", or whatever it was.  I prepared myself; removing the nail polish from my manicure (darn :P), packed my hospital bag (or the last minute stuff that had to be packed into it) and we headed off to the hospital. My mum said she'd meet us there. The taxi driver took my mind off things by joking a lot along the way. He said stuff like, don't worry, when I drive, there won't be a jam on PIE.  Then he said I should ask my baby to wait till new year so that he can be a new year baby. Thanks uncle for keeping me calm! Till now I wonder if he knew, or perhaps he was just being his usual jovial self.

To cut a long story short, after a long hour or so in the delivery suite, Dr S came to check if I was truly leaking amniotic fluid.  The CTG machine was annoying me so I was eager to get the procedure over and done with. By then, I had psyched myself that I was able to have baby without Mr F around.  After checking, Dr S gave the clear and said it was probably some other fluid, and I wasn't in labour. PHEW. Silly me, there I was panicking during the wait because I thought the peaks on the CTG machine meant I was having contractions. Seems they were just baby moving inside me.  All the while, Mr F was "by my side" sms-ing and calling me asking for updates.  Even my MIL sms-ed to tell me to be calm. How sweet.  After the long wait, I went to tell Sakura and mama the good news and we headed home after that eventful day.

Thank God I had my wonderful family around me. Calm Sakura, who later said she was just pretending to be calm (she did a mighty good job - I wouldn't have known); darling mum who rushed down from her tuition to be there with me; cute father who finally saw the urgency of getting a mattress for a cot after we told him about the (false) labour; and Auntie who came from her duty even though she was busy to check on me.

During all that excitement, Sakura and Auntie had told Mr F that the day might come anytime soon so it would be good if he could come down earlier. Unfortunately flights were fully booked and Mr F couldn't get much more leave anyway, so it was a wait and see thing whether he could come. Being practical as he was, he even said there was no point in him coming early if "nothing was going to happen". Gah.

In any case, labour part zero was a good preparation for the actual day; had I gone into spontaneous labour. More to come about things that transpired up to the actual day...stay tuned... ;)

[the final lap]

Baby has made it past 38 weeks. In 39th week now.  Good going darling. Please hang in there till Baba comes ok? Thank you.

It hasn't been an easy past few weeks; what with decisions to make and being comfortable with them.  It's been an emotional rollercoaster.  It seems as if everything that my natural birthing coach talked about that could happen/go wrong in a highly structured organisation, i.e. a hospital, happened.  Among which:

Doctor will prefer me not to go into natural labour, more so because she is going on leave and won't be around should baby decide to come out beyound 27th Dec;

I will not be able to have skin-to-skin contact once baby is out because of the c-section;

I will have to be proactive (read: stern) about no formula feeding and that baby be given to me in the recovery room to be breastfed;

I can only hold him if they deem me stable;

Doctor has even tried to persuade me to take baby out earlier since he's big;

Doctor tried to persuade me to have the c-section earlier since she will be on leave.

From my research I've read that:

Fewer complications are likely to occur if I let baby go into spontaneous labour, even if it is followed by a C-section. Cos then at least we know that he is really ready to come out. Afterall, nature knows best right?

The first hour is important for skin-to-skin contact so that baby still feels the familiarity of his mummy's heartbeat that he was hearing for 9-10 months.

C-section babies have a harder time latching on so it's important to start breastfeeding asap.

I don't want him to have separation anxiety by being not beside me when he comes into this world.

Baby size has no relation to whether he needs to be taken out earlier, if both mummy and baby are otherwise doing well.

Doctors are known for scheduling patients around their own leave, whether baby is truly ready or not.

I've tried my best to put my views across to the doctor, but ultimately in such a healthcare setting I don't think I have much say because we have a very "doctor knows best" perception.  The only thing that she didn't disagree to was delayed cord clamping; which I was surprised that she agreed to immediately. She even wrote it down on the front of my case sheet the moment I told her, especially when I asked whether I had to remind her on the day itself or not.

Thursday's appointment (15/12) was again very messy.  I very much felt like seeing the doctor alone and was secretly agreeing with her that the room was too crowded. Doctor even said "Next time I'll charge each extra person in the room." Ha. If I had a choice, well, you know who I'd have in the room with me.  Unfortunately even though Auntie had good intentions, she somehow managed to complicate things and ask more of Dr S, which I'm feeling very bad about. To top things off, now I'm not even sure if I'll be able to pick Mr F up from the airport on Friday because of her little arrangement. Haiz.

Had a little scare on Fri (16/12) when what I thought was my waterbag leaking happened.  The strog, although painless, contractions didn't help either. A trip to the hospital just to be safe and two hours later, seems that everything is still as it is; baby is not ready to come out yet. Thank God.  My first thought throughout the exciting morning was: I can't go for the c-section without Baba around. Thank you Allah for letting it be a false alarm.  Please let him come soon.  Unfortunately, flights are fully booked so he can't come earlier. Sigh. Can't imagine the relief I'll feel when he's finally here.  I'm literally counting down the days till he comes.  On another note, I'm glad I have Sakura who appeared so calm when I woke her up to tell her my symptoms. God bless her. With her around, I was able to go through the false alarm very calmly.

I'm confining myself at home for this final lap.  Don't want to take any chances.  Don't want extra activity to induce labour. Baba please come soon so that Mummy can be relieved and go for the c-section smoothly.  Right now I'm just praying relentlessly that things will go smoothly and Baba will be here on time.

[time to let go]

I broke down at the doctor's office day before yesterday. I knew I'd been stressed and was at the breaking point. Just didn't expect it to be in front of Dr S. Ha. Before long even Auntie who wasn't there because she was too tired, knew about it thanks to Dr S telling her. What happened to patient-doctor confidentiality?? :P

The reason for the meltdown?

Baby is still in breech position and it was the day to make a decision on the turning procedure or C-section. The two weeks we had to make that decision went by so fast. Even after the things I did, even after coming up with a plan with Mr F, the "confirmation" of the decision suddenly felt wrong. We had planned to do the turning procedure as a last resort; but when Dr S said I had to do it by latest next week, I just couldn't say yes.  Biggest reason being that there was a risk of going into spontaneous labour or putting baby in distress. And no, I can't risk that, especially without habibi around.

As you can tell, this C-section thing has caught me totally off-guard. From not wanting baby to be born on a "wrong day" (what if he's not ready to come out on the day that we plan the c-section for him?), to being afraid of a major surgery, to not being able to give him the best birth, to wondering whether I/we can be the first one to hold him instead of strange nurses, to asking what if I didn't have a misaligned pelvis - I had to finally accept the fact that I will probably not have the birthing that I wanted.

Although it's not the ideal situation that I was hoping for, I've come to terms with it. Yes, I know I've tried. And frankly speaking, Sakura and mum have a point - I should enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy instead of mind-f*ing myself over what to do and running around trying to correct things. Afterall, I have tried my best, I have worked hard. Although I'm still not-so-secretly hoping for a "miracle", I've decided to leave it to His will.  I felt a little comforted when Dr S said that it seems baby has made his decision so let's now leave it to Allah's will.  Now just have to sit back and pray that everything will go smoothly InshaAllah.

[Give me some lovin']

Auntie arrived on the same soil I was in a few days before my departure.  Let's not talk about what a pity it was that she was in a different city so we couldn't meet. So near yet so far.  She even had a one hour stop over in Rh...gah!  We had a good time chatting on the phone what with the local calls, and cheap call rates.  Mr F made an effort to keep in touch with her even when I left for Sg.  Even though it was a small gesture of calling and saying hello, Auntie was touched.  Mr F then said something to the effect of "This is what family does for each other".  There have been a few other incidences where I was very touched as to how he treated me, though for him it was not a big deal.

Ever since coming back, Sakura has more than once said "Awww you're so sweet!" for the littlest things I do for her - be it giving her a shoulder massage while she's busy mugging away, or taking her something or other even though she didn't request for it.  While I'm pretty sure we were not devoid of affection growing up, perhaps we were not shown much. Or perhaps the current state of things in the house makes little things like these seem more meaningful.  Yesterday, Papa commented on how we were so cute. When he sms-ed us whether we wanted dinner, I said "Yes for me and Sakura" while Sakura replied "Yes for me and kakak."  My conclusion - we look out for each other. Sisterly love. :)

While we can't change our parents' characters and attitudes or their quirky ways of demanding attention from us, I guess we could concentrate on the way we look after each other. Hopefully as we grow into more loving persons with other relationships around us, we get more used to not only giving affection, but also accepting it readily, instead of feel "Wow, he/she did this for me." That's of course not to say that we should take affection for granted, especially if we have a loving husband like mine.  I guess it's all about moderation and expressing gratitude when it's due.

To my habibi, thank you for teaching me the meaning of family and affection.  Yes we may both have dysfunctional families (then again, who doesn't - it's just the intensity that differs, right?), but InshaAllah with His Guidance, we can instill the same love to our children and their children and the many generations after that. 

[need I say more?]

[HB classes]

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have been attending HB classes. To read more on it, click here. One of the biggest disadvantages of a long distance relationship is the fact that some things you can't do with your husband.  And in this case, I found it quite sad that the other 4 preggies could go with their hubbies, but I was there with my sister.  Of course, I'm not complaining that I had to go with my sister. By all means, I was so happy that she agreed to come along, and felt so grateful I had her support and didn't have to turn up there alone.  But, it's just a little different, as if something missing, when the person you created this life with isn't there to prepare for the birth with you.

I first heard about HB several years ago when I did hypnotherapy to overcome my PTSD.  The hypnosis sessions really worked, so I thought why not try it for birthing as well.  One of my friends is also a doula and she had trained under GP so that's why I was even more open to the idea.  The classes started of by tackling what our issues/fears about birthing were and how to replace them with positive affirmations. We were also thought some relaxation techniques which will help us cope with labour. It seems that HB mums have shorter, and less painful labours. In fact, instead of painful, strong contractions, HB mums were more likely to describe them as just intense surges.  Lesser need for drugs, lesser need for interventions, lesser rates of caesareans.  It's a pity it didn't include post-natal/parenting tips (have to pay separately for that!) or I'd have attended them too. There's still time to sign up lah...but must think of the cost. Heh. I'm not too worried about that because there are lactation consultants in hospitals that can help with issues like breastfeeding.

I hope I get to experience the natural birth that I have envisioned.  Otherwise, all these nights of listening to the ahem..very interesting...hypnosis tracks would be wasted. Heh. Then again, I guess I could use them for other aspects of my life, or for baby #2.  Again, got to just wait and see the outcome. Wish me luck!

[the final countdown]

9 months! 36 weeks! 1 more month to go! Time flies!

Can't believe 9 months has passed so fast. Ok well, while I was "suffering" it seemed to go slowly but now that we're here, nearly approaching December, it seems that time has zoomed by. My lil peanut has become a 2.4kg human being, at the last appointment at least, I'm sure he's grown even more. My stomach seems to have grown exponentially since I came back, and I'm pretty sure it's not me who's putting on the weight heh.  If he were to come out next week, he'd be considered a full term baby (but of course my dear H, you know you have to wait till daddy comes :P). My little H! And the end of life as we know it...

Had some not so good news at the first appointment at KK.  Dr S was very nice, saying how we should listen to babies and let nature take it's course as to when H should greet the world. Then she dropped the not-so-unexpected but still worrying bomb that H is still in breech position so I had to 2 options - to turn him manually from the outside, or to schedule a C-section.  While some women might be very comfortable with the idea of a C-section, I was very much inclined from the beginning to have a natural, unmedicated birth (read: do not even want an epidural. Laugh at me, but that's how I feel).  Having a bio background has has it's benefits and downsides, the more I read about what drugs can do to babies (and adults), coupled with new research about how birth experience moulds a child into an adult, I was very keen to give H the best start in his life. Not just that, I guess I have to admit that I'm pretty much afraid of a major surgery and it's post-recovery period. Sooooo, as Dr S said, it was a decision hubby and I have to make by next appointment, which is the day after tomorrow. Sigh.

I'm trying all sorts of non-invasive interventions now, like moxabustion (TCM thing), pelvic tilt, polar bear positioning, putting ice/heat packs and lately chiropractice. Also listening to hypnosis tracks coupled with the relaxation techniques I learnt during HypnoBirthing classes.  I feel like a bad mum when the chiro said H can't turn probably cos of my tilted pelvis, a problem I've had for ages that has caused my lower back pains. I guess if things do result in a C-section, I can console myself by saying I've tried all possible avenues. Sorry lil one, if I could, I would have given you a better start. Some people are comforting me by saying that he might turn at the last moment, so well, I guess I'll leave it in His hands and pray for the best.

Right now the only dreams I'm having seem to be of me going into labour. Either we did too much role playing during classes or that's all my mind is preoccupied with haha.  It'll be interesting to see how things work out. How will my labour start? When will I be at the hospital? How long will labour take?  Some things cannot be planned. That's kind of what has put me off balance ever since the breech news. Me, the one who loves to "plan ahead", can't plan on how things will turn out when it's time for me to greet my baby.  On the other hand, God is the best planner and at this point, I guess I should just put my trust in Him that everything will happen as it is supposed to.

See you soon my darling. Everyone is so excited to meet you.  May you have a safe journey into this world. =)

[2 weeks of humidity]

After 2 weeks of humidity I think I'm finally getting used to the weather here. Can just stay in the room / sleep with 1 fan on. That's a great achievement. During my first week or so here I was blasting myself with two fans - the ceiling fan and a standing fan. And even with the windows wide open, I was perspiring like a cow. Ok, I don't know if cows perspire a lot, but I just felt that I was loosing LOTS of water.  No wonder my friend said she had to have a fan constantly next to her when she was back here.

I've been taking it easy so far. Enjoying the company of my darling sister who's been looking after me so well. Ah, the advantages of being "Pregnant Lady" (that's my title now apparently; even her friends and my dear Jam call me that!). Also did some catching up wtih Jam since she's having her school hols.  Met a couple of friends here and there but nothing "hectic". I guess I'm not too rushed since I'll be here for a few months.  Though I'm sure I won't have the luxury of time once baby pops!

My parents have been surprisingly nice. Haha. Well, a weird thing to say but we all know how they can be :P.  I guess they have also been affected by the "Pregnant Lady" phenomenon.  So all in all, I'm having a great time here.  Although I was hesitant to come back, I think now I'll be hesitant to return to desert land. Ah the irony, or maybe it's not so ironic afterall.

I've been attending birthing classes at HV. My dear Sakura has been accompanying me - she's such a doll.  I'm the only one there without a hubby as a birth partner, sadly.  I appreciate Sakura's enthusiasm, but I guess it just feels different seeing the rest of the preggies there with their supportive hubbies (forced or otherwise lol). While going through the getting rid of negative thoughts exercise on the first lesson, Sakura said hers was that she was afraid Mr F wouldn't be here on time for the delivery.  G (the coach) said the positive affirmation should be to have faith that things will happen according to plan and that at least I have a support system with my family.  Then she added that Sakura shouldn't be surprised if I wanted her in the birthing suite even with Mr F around, to which she gasped. Haha, I guess she's not ready for that responsibility yet. The birth classes are fun, I actually look forward to attending them. 2 down, 2 more to go.

Other than that, been stocking up on local food.  Everytime someone wants to meet me, or if dad asks what I want for dinner, I'll go "Anything local!" Haha. I eat a lot of Indian food there, so been gorging mostly on Malay food - nasi lemak, ayam masak merah, and finally day before yesterday laksa. Mmmm. Haha.  Now on my quest to eat more Chinese food...I didn't realise what a big Chinese food eater I was till living in Rh heh.  Still eyeing paus and siu mei which I did not manage to get yesterday :P

Haven't prepared much for the baby.  Put his clothes in the cupboard, though I haven't washed them yet.  Been trying to plan what other baby necessities to shop for. Mum said to wait for her to be free so I guess I won't make a list yet.  I'm so not in the mood to do work. Point to note: Having to work from home in (boring) Rh is sooooo different from having to work while back here because I so feel like I'm on holiday and should NOT be staring at datasets or proposals, plus there are lots of distractions like my bed and of course, people around me.  Can't wait for my leave to officially start!

[The Tail of the Rat - Chapter 4]

Mr F was ever so keen to see if the poison had done its job. Next morning, he was in the kitchen exploring again, looking high and low for the rat.  Mrs F was quite keen to know the outcome, but at the same time worried that the rat might come out of the kitchen when Mr F opened the door.

Alas, he had good news for Mrs F! He had seen the rat lying on the floor beside the washing machine. In his excitement, he asked her to look at it too but Mrs F was hesitant. She would not have minded but she had had a bad morning with morning sickness that made her puke, so seeing Mr Rat might have made things worse.  Mr F looked a little disappointed but did not want Mrs F to go into another vomitting fit, so he changed his mind. Mrs F was totally relieved now. No more rat in the house!

Since Mr F had to rush off to work, he said he would get rid of the rat that evening.  However, that afternoon, he called Mrs F during lunch time to describe his little "adventure" in getting rid of it.  Since Mr Rat was in a tight corner and there was rat glue around the area he was in, getting him out wasn't a very easy task.  In his attempt to push Mr Rat out, Mr Rat had gotten stuck on the glue. Furthermore, he realised that the rat was not totally dead - it was still moving and twitching a little. A sad sight, Mrs F imagined.  After some struggle, Mr F managed to free the rat from the glue, place it on the dustpan and put it into a plastic bag.  Finally, he could throw it away and close the chapter on the rat.

Although Mrs F was totally freaked out by the whole incident, she felt pity for the rat. If only it hadn't entered their house, they wouldn't have had to resort to drastic measures to get rid of it.  Mr F also felt bad, especially since he had to do the killing.  He joked with Mrs F that he would have gladly coexisted peacefully with the rat if not for her. Haha, not.

One weekend (and more) later, Mr F worked hard to get rid of all the rat glue around the house. Mrs F mopped up the remaining traces. They were both glad they wouldn't accidentally step on the glue again. It was indeed difficult to get rid of the glue once you stepped on it, no wonder the poor rat had bled after being trapped on it.

Sorry Mr Rat, we hope you will forgive us. But to other rats, let this be a warning not to come into our house. Muahahaha.

--------------The End--------------

[The Tail of the Rat - Chapter 3]

Mr F got up from his seat and headed to the kitchen.  Then he called Mrs F, saying that he had heard a noise from the kitchen. Wow, Mrs F was impressed that he was so sharp.  They found that the knife had falled from the chopping board where it usually was.  Did that mean the rat was running around the kitchen? 

Mr F then noticed that the rat poison he had placed outside the master toilet had moved into the kitchen.  There was only one explanation - that the rat had moved from the toilet into the kitchen.  It was a good sign, because at least now they could confine it to the kitchen.  As if to confirm their suspicion, Mr Rat suddenly started squeaking. Freaked out as usual, Mrs F ran back to the hall while Mr F tried to search for it. Well, it was still squeaking, meaning the poison hadn't taken effect yet.  When would this rat episode be over?

Mr and Mrs F then decided to lock the kitchen up so that the rat could stay there in his remaining days (or hours, hopefully).  They took some essentials like a couple of plates, a butter knife, a couple of mugs and their breakfast shake; put them in the dining room then proceeded to lock the door. Hopefully, this meant that the rat would eat more poison and die soon.

The waiting continued but knowing that the rat was contained in the kitchen, Mrs F could be less paranoid and not be anxious about whether the rat would pop out in front of her any time.  For the first time that night, she slept without the stick beside her, and without the night light turned on.

------------ End of Chapter 3-------------

[back!]

And so I took the plunge.  The parting, albeit temporary, was a little teary. But I reminded myself (and the man) that we'd see each other in Dec InshaAllah.

The excitement of the airport kind of cheered me up a little. First, because the Sg community in Rh is so small, we (or rather Mr F) knew the guy at the check-in counter. Unfortunately he didn't know his name. But that didn't hinder us, because I got an express check-in partly cos I'd checked in online, but as an added bonus, I found out later that my bag had a biz class priority sticker on it, and we also got the airline keychain meant for biz class travellers. Yay to networking! We even fought over the keychain (quite atas quality and looks good) with Mr F saying it was HIS friend so it's HIS keychain; while I said it was MY check-in so MY keychain.  I'm keeping it for now, so I'll assume I won the battle haha.

As if that wasn't fun enough, just as I was about to queue for the plane, I bumped into Mr Wong at the boarding gate.  The other embassy guy was also there. Wah, what a small world. Obviously though, Mr Ambassador was in the biz class...but nvm lah...it was an eventful boarding.

After all that worry whether I should openly declare I was preggie or not, there was no hassle over boarding at all. In fact, Mr F was telling Mr we-don't-know-his-name that I was going back for the delivery and yet he did not ask for any doctor's letter.  So perhaps they're not that strict after all. I had asked the stweardess for a seat belt extension so she asked "Are you by any chance pregnant, ma'am?" but that was that, I did not need to sign any "Expectant Mother's Form" unlike my Dxb trip. Good lah. Simple and hassle free.

The flight was pretty uneventful, only one minor turbulence (I like them - makes the journey more fun lol).  So much for the flight being empty when I was choosing seats online; both segments were fully filled and I did not get to stretch my legs from the AD-SIN flight as I'd thought I could.  That made the flight a little uncomfortable, since I already have trouble sleeping in planes.  I walked around and drank lots of water as precaution. I guess as obscure as finding S'poreans in Rh is, there are still people who like Sg Air. Woot. But then again, I wasn't very impressed with the service. My seat had coffee stains all over. The two pillow covers were also stained that I asked mine to be changed. Even then I only got mine changed at AD. The food was pathetic, the rice so soft that it was almost porridge like, and the quantity was pathetic. Picture a usually good appetite lady who's appetite has doubled since pregnancy = I was not satisfied at all. Oh, and not forgetting, they did not serve ice-cream for dessert! Boo hoo. Seriously, if it hadn't been for the convenience, I would have chosen another carrier (something starting with "E" to be precise :P). Oh well...

Things at home have been pretty good so far Alhamdulillah. Family has been very nice. Parents treating me nice, sister super nice. Heh. Dad is so protective he doesn't even let me carry light NTUC bags haha.  Sis has an amusement for my round tummy, and my stretch marks lol.  She is even accompanying me to my birth classes, so sweet.  Jam was almost scared to touch my tummy intially then she got used to it heh. Quite amusing to see their reactions.

Let's hope everything goes this nicely for the entire time I am here.  Wee! Mr F, come here soon!

[all packed up, not]

Here's a break from the tale of the rat.

I'll be leaving in a week's time for the final portion of this journey. 

63 days to go according to the ticker.  Apparently some people look forward once they get double digits.  I think I was more excited when I passed the 100 days-to-go mark for the wedding.

How do I feel?

A mix of feelings as I mentioned previously.  But how am I feeling about going home?

Truth be told, I'm not looking forward to it as much as I anticipated.  Last year when I envisioned this period, I thought - yay, I'd be home hibernating, waiting for baby to arrive.  Last year I was so eager to go home I leaped at the chance of going twice.  Last year I was sure my family would change when I told them I was pregnant.

I don't doubt that they are excited to see H and all, but I still feel disconnected.  My dad, the "sober" one, has hardly asked me anything about the pregnancy. I only remember him congratulating me at the beginning. Then again, he's always been silent, so I can't fault him, I guess.  My mother was not so involved initially but she got more and more excited as time went by. Yet, with her living in her own world, and certain characteristics of her which not many of us like, makes me wonder how much she's truly interested in knowing about my journey.  As usual, it seems like she wants a one way effort in our relationship, and no, I don't want to do that.  Sakura has been the most eager, asking me for updates constantly.  Anyway, despite their reactions, I'm sure about one thing - even if they're not going to pay me any attention, H will definitely be loved by them all. Loved and spoilt...heh.

One of the main reasons I'm suddenly reluctant to go back is because Mr F has been taking so good care of me.  Ok, so his enthusiasm to be the in charge of the house chores died down about 2 weeks after it started.  But I can say for sure that he's been such a doll when it comes to comforting me, being there for me on my lousy days, being there at every doctor's appointment, giving in (sometimes) to my cravings.  In his words, "Who is going to run down at 12 midnight when you're hungry to get u food?"  I guess he also knows my family's helpfulness and he's a little worried about whether I'll be able to be independent for a couple of months.  I guess I wouldn't be feeling so insecure had my darling parents helped me with some stuff I had requested.  My mother's current wave of "you don't care about me" is making me even more stressed. I am in no mind to have any arguments with her when I'm back, yet I am also in no mood to play pretend and act as if all is well between us. Sigh...

To top it all off, my in laws will be coming to Sg for the delivery. They have every right too and I am amazed at their enthusiasm.  Yet, with the way things were when they came over the last time, I am pretty worried how things are going to turn out.  MIL has decided to come over everyday to be with H, and my mother will be home during that period because of school holidays. Two strong characters in the same house the whole day, I hope I don't lose my sanity. For now I must remind myself that my job is to focus on H, and Mr F can deal with the family policitcs. Good luck to him lol.

The option of staying on here and doing everything just the two of us suddenly seems very enticing.  These past couple of weeks have seen us being very mushy to each other.  Apparently, as much as I don't like it here, the F factor has made me want to consider delivering here. I even requested that Mr F be mean to me this week so that I won't miss him so much. As if that's working...

I guess for now I'll just go with the flow.  Tickets are booked. Luggage bag taken out. Now for me to fill it up...

Shall just tell myself that things probably won't be as bad as I'm imagining them to be.  In any case, will be looking forward to Mr F joining me in Dec to welcome our firstborn. Yippee!

[The Tail of the Rat - Chapter 2]

Mrs F awoke the next morning feeling refreshed. It must have been the exertion of the night before that made her sleep very well.  That, coupled with A's hospitality where she spread out a beautiful bedsheet and even included a candle in the corner of the room, made Mr and Mrs F feel as if it was their honeymoon suite. 

After breakfast, it was time to head home and face the inevitable again.  Mr F bought some rat glue to which Mrs F expressed her disappointment.  Rat glue = trapped rat ≠ dead rat. Furthermore, how would Mr F get rid of the rat if and when it gets trapped on the glue?? When they stepped cautiously into the house, it seemed that everything was alright - there was no sign of the rat.  Mrs F was secretly hoping that the rat had gone.  Mr F then literally forced Mrs F into facing the rat with him.  She was, however, not ready to see it again, nor face her fears.  This ensued into an argument, but thankfully after calming down, Mr F braved the front himself.  He put the glue onto all the doorways so that they could see where Mr Rat was going.  Work done for the day, they headed out for a picnic.

That night when they returned, they noticed that some of the glue near the main door had a smudge. Upon looking closely, there were also traces of blood.  Mrs F felt sorry for the rat, instead of ending its life quickly, they had instead hurt it.  This also meant that the rat was still in the house. Gasp! So much for her hopes of it being a figment of their imagination.  That night, she went to sleep with a stick next to her bed. Even if she didn't dare kill the rat, she could still shoo it away with the stick.

The next day, Mr and Mrs F went to a hardware store to purchase some things for the rat fiasco.  Their theory was that the rat might have entered through the main door since the gap at the bottom was pretty big.  After some unsuccessful attempts at looking for wooden boards to seal the gap, they ended up at S to see if they had anything useful. Guessing that a place like that would sell rat poison, Mrs F urged Mr F to ask the salesman if they had any.  To their suprise, the salesman was standing at the exact location of the poisons.  There was another customer there trying to decide which kind to by. "Apparently we're not the only one having rat problems," Mrs F said.

After some deliberation, they settled on a slightly expensive version of rat poison; Mrs F had faith that something costlier would be more effective.  They went off armed with a wooden board they had picked up in an alley beside one of the stores they had gone to earlier.  On the way out of S, they found a construction bin which had bits of ceramic which they thought would be useful for doing the job.  Feeling like scavengers themselves, they picked up a few pieces and headed home.

Mr F spent the rest of the evening sealing the gap at the door with the ceramic pieces and placing rat poison all around the house.  He did not want Mrs F to panic again and wanted her to have peace of mind, especially since the previous day's panic had made their unborn child very quiet that day. Mrs F was very grateful that Mr F was putting in so much effort into easing her worries about being "attacked" by the rat.

Feeling slightly more relaxed, Mr and Mrs F went back to the living room and watched a movie together. It was now a waiting game - would the rat appear? Would it eat the poison?  Time would tell...

                                   -------- End of Chapter 2--------

[The Tail of the Rat - Chapter 1]

Once upon a time, Mr and Mrs F were sitting peacefully in the living room of their humble abode.  Mrs F noticed that Mr F was staring at something at the corner of the room.  She enquired as to what he was staring at, but he continued staring, and looking back at Mrs F, and staring back at the corner again, as if deep in thought.  Finally, he looked up and calmly said "I think there's a rat in the house."

Mrs F laughed it off and started making jokes about rats in houses in general.  How could it be? Rats never entered apartments in Sg. Moreover, they were living on the 2nd floor, how could it have come in?  After some time passed, Mr F got up and went to the toilet that they seldom use (let's call it Toilet #2).  He seemed to be looking for something.  Mrs F being amused, followed him to see what he was up to. As she was about to open the door to the dining room, something caught her attention. There it was, a black furry creature with a long black tail running across the hallway, scurrying towards the main toilet (Toilet #1).

"There's a rat in the house!!! There's a rat in the house!!! It just ran into that bathroom!!!!"

Mr F came out of toilet #2 and asked Mrs F if she was sure she had seen it.  She ran into the living room and started screaming at the top of her lungs that "THERE'S REALLY A RAT IN THE HOUSE!!!!!"  Mr F tried to calm Mrs F down because he felt that the screaming would do their unborn child no good.  He was also worried the neighbours would misunderstand and call the police to "save" Mrs F from whatever calamity had befallen her.

Finally, after about 5 minutes of panicking, Mrs F calmed down.  Mr F had even resorted to slapping her face lightly although she thought she wasn't going hysterical given the circumstances.  All she wanted was for Mr F to stop calming her down and do something about the rat.  Quick! Thereupon, Mr F went to conduct further investigations as to where the rat might have gone.

Alas, after almost an hour of searching for it, the rat was nowhere to be found. Not in Toilet #1, not in the kitchen, it was nowhere to be seen.  Since it was already 12 in the night, the "investigations" would have to be called off for the time being.  However, Mrs F could not bear the thought of sleeping in the same house as the rat. What if it came crawling all over them on their bed at night? What if on her way to wee-wee in the middle of the night, she accidentally stepped on it or got freaked out by it? What if it bit her?? With all these thoughts racing through her mind, she convinced Mr F to let them stay over at a friend's place that night.  She promised she would be braver the next day and help him face the rat.  So they changed and hurried off to A's place, with Mrs F hoping that it was all a dream and that the rat would be a figment of their imagination the next day.

                                             ------- End of Chapter 1--------

[the final lap]

I can't believe so much time has passed that it's already the 3rd trimester of the pregnancy. Wow! How did the 6 months pass by so quickly???  Still remember the time I was convincing Mr F that we should go to the dr to check out my lower abdominal pain, followed by the surreal feeling when the doctor said our pregnancy test was positive.  One significant obstacle I've overcome, and am deeply grateful for, is the passing of the morning sickness that lasted till the 4th month.

Tummy is growing steadily bigger.  Baby is kicking steadily harder lol.  He's been a really good boy, cooperating during ultrasounds and such. I love the way he responds when his dada sings to him.  Sniff sniff he doesn't respond when I sing to him heh. He's gonna be daddy's boy!!

Not sure if I blogged about this but a lot of people around me have a lot of unwanted comments.  Nose puffy, darker skin, carrying big, acne breakout and so on. Other than the big tummy, I think the other things they just see because they want to see. Especially after telling them the gender.  The DHs never fail to bring up one comment or another every single time we meet. Like come on, I feel conscious enough, it doesn't help that you're helping to point out my "flaws". These days I've learnt to filter these people out. Am focusing on the people who acknowledge that H is a good boy and that I can't control the way I look during this hormone-crazy period.  Why can't people just keep comments to themselves??

According to the ticker there's 82 days to go. Sounds really soon!  Are we ready to be parents? Will we be good parents? Will I survive the labour pains according to my birth plan?  Will baby wait for daddy to arrive in Sg before he greets the world ? (I really hope so!) So many questions that can't be answered till the time comes.  This sentence (not ad verbatim) I found on a baby site rings so true; at this point, we are fluctuating between feelings of "Yay it's the last trimester, can't wait to welcome baby into this world!" and "Oh dear, are we ready to be parents? It's coming to soon!"  I guess some things you can never fully prepare for.  As in my friend's experience, her baby greeted the world 3 weeks early and it's still sinking in that she's a mother.

Well our dear H, we are ready to meet you. Till then, all we can do is say our usual prayers - that you be a strong and healthy boy who is always happy. Love you so much. xoxo

[hiatus]

So I haven't blogged in a while.  Haven't been in the mood really, coupled by the fact that I don't think anyone, or maybe just a couple of people, are reading my blog.

What's been happening so far?

Eid this year was fun in a different way because we celebrated it with our babymoon in Dubai.  It was a little hectic for a pregnant woman who couldn't get enough sleep because her hubby is so relaxed during holidays that his snoring score is 10/10.  The searing heat combined with the uncomfortable humidity also made it difficult for this waddling walrus.  Despite those obstacles, it was a very enjoyable trip - we got to see the main highlights of the place thanks to the bus tour.  The world's (current) highest tower, the Atlantis, the world's only 7 star hotel, the museum, a creek cruise and much more.  After living in a place which is dull and where customer service doesn't exist, Dxb was a real refreshing experience.  There were crowds everywhere, people looked more vibrant, even security guards offered us directions and the service in the 4-star hotel was superb. Superb to the point where even the cleaners greeted you along corridoors.  Not to mention that the Arabesque theme of the room was very unique.  The infrastructure there is also fantastic, comparable to Sg if not better. At the end of the trip Mr F said that Sg seemed under-developed in comparison to Dxb. He was expecting me to get defensive but seriously, I had to agree. That's how impressive it was!  Ok, so now I'm working on getting him to move there. Yeah the cost of living is higher, but at least I'll have freeeedom!

Baby has been doing fine, albeit some minor thing that should clear up by the time he comes out or soon after, God-willing.  We realised being parents is not easy even though we're officially not parents yet.  The past couple of months have seen us increasingly spending time at the hospital; what with scares like food poisoning till I wasn't retaining any food or water, ultrasounds, gynae appointments, one blood test after another and chiropractice for my poor aching back.  The frequency, as Mr F pointed out, was almost once in every 2 weeks, and in the last week itself, I think I went there everyday except one for one thing or another.  It hasn't stopped there because I still have more chiro to go for (it's working..yay!) and a glucose test to rule out or diagnose (I'm hoping the former) gestational diabetes.  Pregnancy is a long and difficult process!!!

Have bought my tickets to go back to Sg.  I must say I've been having second thoughts about returning.  The main reason is because I don't see my family being very supportive. Yeah, they want to be part of the baby's life but other than that, they seem reluctant to help me out in certain things.  I've also grown dependent on Mr F and the thought of handling the last few weeks of pregnancy myself scares the shit out of me. No one to accompany me to the dr (I'm sure my family will be too busy), no one to hold my hand in case of not so good news (cross fingers there won't be any), no one to get me food at 12am in case I get hunger pangs. Sigh, Mr F has spoilt me...not that I'm complaining. Hehe.

For now I shall just stick to plan A. Am reminding myself that no matter what, family support is important and having (more than one) family member around will always come in handy.