Thursday, May 18, 2006

[emotional rollercoasters]

why do we take ourselves on emotional rollercoasters? it seems we never learn our lesson.

my friend just told me yesterday that the guy she's liked for abt two years annouced (on a monday morning no less) he was going to the ROM on the eve of her b'day. And that's just a few months after he told her he got attached, in Feb this year while she was feeling lonesome in sthlm. Nice b'day prezzie. Just weeks before, she blocked him in msn so that she wouldn't have to chat with him and cause herself further heartbreak. Yet I assume she unblocked him to keep in touch.

And then there's me, who promised myself I would get over my eye candy once I came home. I was pretty wrong, obviously, feelings can't be controlled. And when I received an email from the person last wk, after a month of no response and after assuming I had simply been taken for a ride since I was lonesome in a foreign country, I was all bouncy and grinning again (and had to put poor Far thru an ordeal with my shrieking relentlessly, thank god, on msn.) I think I'm crushing rather than eye-candying, but I wonder what caused the progress. Steph said I'd probably take a while to get over it, cos there's always a fascination for someone/something that you can't get. Which totally sucks. Sigh. I hope she's not right, because as excited as I get over things, it hurts cos I'm not gonna get the person. Somebody slap me out of this phase!

We get heartbroken time and again, relationship after another. I'm not one who enters a relationship at some whim, so luckily I don't have a string of relationships to boast about. As much of a softie I am, I think I still feel with my head more than with my heart. And I don't think that's bad, afterall for a relationship to work, you gotta think about where it's going and whether there'll be a future in it. It's tiring searching for the one, because apparently the choices I have made so far have not led me to the right person, I think. And yet, at the back of everyone's mind, there's a yearning to find the one whom you're gonna spend the rest of your life with. And then you wonder, have I already met the person but let him/her slip away?

I hope I'm not getting too emo, I just need to figure out this thing called love.

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