[syncope]

syn·co·pe [sing-kuh-pee]
–noun

1. Grammar. the contraction of a word by omitting one or more sounds from the middle, as in the reduction of never to ne'er.

2. Pathology. brief loss of consciousness associated with transient cerebral anemia, as in heart block, sudden lowering of the blood pressure, etc.; fainting.

So paiseh. Imagine fainting at work and having 4 of ur colleagues carrying you to safety. And then the news being transmitted to those under the research project. *Hides face*

[PTSD fancy schmancy]

I've watched movies and been reading books on how people with rare/unique diseases feeling frustrated on why they haven't been diagnosed with a certain "A-B-C disease". Does being diagnosed mean u're normal? Or perhaps it gives u the assurance that at least someone knows ur condition exists somewhere in some medical literature.

Some might even call it closure. For example, as much as I suspected my lower back pain was more psychosomatic than physical, I was happy when the SGH doc finally found the cause - my 4th and 5th lumbar being fused. Even tho it was supposedly some congenital abnormality that couldn't be fixed, I at least had the assurance that..hey...at least they know what's wrong.

Sometimes we see signs around us (which I believe are sent from God) just as we need some answers to sort out the mess in our lives. I remember reading an article in the Straits Times many months ago abt Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It kinda sounded like what I was going through...but hey...who was I (with the help of a newspaper article and a friend) to really say what I was suffering from.

When TK (my new counsellor) finally said PTSD last week, I kinda felt comforted. I wasn't really buying the clinical depression thing which P and her doc, and Ad tried to feed me into. As much that there's a possiblity that depression might run in my family, I just knew that couldn't be the main cause of it. And it's not that I feel better that "hey now I know I'm suffering from PTSD", but at least I know that I'm not purposely driving myself crazy.

I'm grateful I ran into TK. I wish I had seen him a couple of years ago, when I was going through one of the worst periods of my life. He gives me a sense of comfort that I was in desperate need of, and solutions that made/make me feel that I'm in safe hands and there's someone to protect me. He even reassures me that if (the threat) returns back into my life, he'll be the first to find me a safe place for shelter. Oh and might I add, he even said I could use his office after hours if NUS couldn't find me a place to stay pronto (on the condition that I don't read his private files on his PC lol).

I've found more support besides him. My Auntie for one, who although was terribly shocked to find out details of my trauma, has been putting in a lot of effort to show me she cares. Thanks again to Flo, who thought I'd strangle her for telling my aunt lol - actualy, I'm grateful, cos if it weren't for u...I could never have done it alone. And thanks mind_boggler for being there for me in my darkest hour. I'm gonna overcome this soon thanks to all your support =)

Princess is getting emo. I think I should stop here. Full stop. Good night.

[PTSD]

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a term for certain severe psychological consequences of exposure to, or confrontation with, stressful events that the person experiences as highly traumatic. Clinically, such events involve actual or threatened death, serious physical injury, or a threat to physical and/or psychological integrity, to a degree that usual psychological defenses are incapable of coping with the impact.

...

PTSD is thought to be primarily an anxiety disorder (possibly closely related to panic disorder) and should not be confused with normal grief and adjustment after traumatic events.

PTSD may be triggered by an external factor or factors. Its symptoms can include the following:
nightmares
flashbacks
emotional detachment or numbing of feelings (emotional self-mortification or dissociation)
insomnia
avoidance of reminders and extreme distress when exposed to the reminders ("triggers")
loss of appetite
irritability
hypervigilance
memory loss (may appear as difficulty paying attention)
excessive startle response
clinical depression
anxiety

...PTSD has three subforms: Acute PTSD subsides after a duration of three months. If the symptoms persist, the diagnosis is changed to chronic PTSD. The third subform is referred to as delayed onset PTSD which may occur months, years, or even decades after the event.

Experiences which may induce the condition

* childhood physical, emotional or sexual abuse, including prolonged or extreme neglect; also, witnessing such abuse inflicted on another child or an adult

* experiencing an event perceived as life-threatening, such as: a serious accident; medical complications; violent physical assaults or surviving or witnessing such an event, including torture; adult experiences of sexual assault or rape; warfare; violent, life threatening, natural disasters; incarceration

For more info, read about PTSD here. God bless wikipedia lol.

[gema 2007 at TJC]

we're cool, we're cool


Stop! In the name of love....

Went to see my sis performing for her malay cultural society annual performance. The sketch was pretty entertaining. The audience was silly. The dikir barat was great..I always like it...and of course...cos my sis was performing. Heh. I still think she shld've asked dad to come...don't think he'd have snored his way through. I think with his limited Malay, he wld've been able to understand what was going on. :P

[Your eyes say you're Sincerely Sweet ]

Kind and genuine, you're the sort of gal who's always looking out for others and being a great friend. You have a big heart and can't help but open it up to those you're close with. When you're that pretty on the inside, you can't help but be beautiful on the outside, too.When it comes to makeup, you like to keep things light and low-key. But that doesn't mean you don't enjoy getting dolled up on special occasions. And when you do, we'd guess you only add to your already sparkling and sweet self. You glow girl!

What Do Your Eyes Reveal?

Brought to you by Tickle

[grrr]

i hate judgemental pigs

[geraldine geraldine wherefore art thou?]

vincent: i'm in korea sitting on the 18th floor. having a cup of coffee and thinking about u. sorry..it's just that i miss u. take care.

me: get over her man.

been getting sms-es from some vincent occasionally ever since i got my new line. and it's been all the same topic. Thing is..i dunno who he is, nor do i know who his beloved geraldine is. i must've gotten a recycled starhub number. i've told him a couple of times i'm not geraldine...and he stills sends "her" messages. bleah. get over her mister! or at least, stop bugging me!

[happy teenage-hood]

happy birthday jam. had a great time with all of u =)

p.s. auntie, i think there's more to teenagehood than just BGR. so don't worry too much abt it heh.




my darling auntie


we are family


my best cuz

happy birthday! (they put 33 candles at first lol)

[you are mine]

If I was not given a second chance to be with you again
Would I be blessed today?
What happened in the past was a big laugh
I never want to let you go

You will always be mine
I thank the angels for throwing the arrows of love
You are always my reason for living
Without you I won't be who I am today

Our love is hard to come by
But surprises and problems keep us alive
The love we have is not a fairy tale
But it has made us stronger

Treasure we must
To keep our love everlasting
Through goals and vision
We can make each other smile everyday

[My plate of happiness]

I don't know what to do
I want to get rid of this
No one truly understands what I'm going through
I just want to get some bliss

I want to learn to love myself
And get rid of my ill health
Enough of cramming my feelings on a shelf
No point in hiding all the stealth

I'm waiting for the day
I'm strong and gay and healthy
When I can look back and say
Hey, now I'm truly happy

It won't be an easy road
Bumps and humps along the way
But when I finally let off the load
My happiness will be here to stay

[ugly people]

Witnessed some really terrible behaviour yest. On the way home from Chinatown, we noticed that all the entry gates at the NEL station had a cross. We thought maybe something was wrong with the barriers..then turned out that every single one of them had a red cross. Then awhile later..the station control with a very kan-chiong officer announced that we were not supposed to go down and shuttle buses would be provided to Harbour Front and Dhoby Ghaut instead. Since we had a lot of stuff to lug, we decided to take a cab home. It was a horrible wait..probably almost an hour. Taxis weren't coming, and the only ones that came were on call. So there we were...hot and stuffy..outside OG waiting patiently for a taxi (taxi lines were jammed up as well). Then we saw one guy trying to cut queue and stand on the road to flag for a taxi. Irritatingly, he got into a cab before anyone could stop him. Later on, these two men (prob from India) happily stood with their luggage bag at the roadside and tried to flag down the first taxi that came. This garang auntie..it was her turn...so she squeezed her way into the cab..and told the guy off. It was quite irritating really..I'm sure they could see the ever extending queue so it really didn't make sense that they didn't see a need to queue. The next guy behind the garang lady went up to the men and had a little argument with them too. At first, Flo thought it was bcos he wanted to tell the men off for shouting at the woman, but I told her I think it was more like he was telling them off cos he didn't want them cutting his queue, knowing how selfish ppl can get. There was this poor mum in front of us who was struggling with her cranky and crying 2 yr old...I bet in any other more gracious society, ppl wld have let her get ahead of the queue. Argh. A lot of other things pissed me, like how some ppl waited indiscriminately in between lanes in their cars for their friends/family to board and how some taxi drivers leisurely stopped their taxis at any place of fancy without bothering to check the traffic behind them. Grrr.

After being hot n sweaty for almost n hour and seeing the taxi situation not improving, we tried calling for a taxi but had to wait very long still. When we finally got through, a row of 4 cabs came...Flo scolded me for making her call and then hang up the phone. But I was like..hey..it's our right. Plus $4 cheaper. Haha.

Anyway, I didn't really get what I wanted from Chinatown. I was there to buy a Chinese painting to hang in my room (u know those long ones...watercolour on canvas thingies....was inspired by some I saw in Taiwan..dang should've bought them then...only 4 bucks!! anyone know where to get them?). We lugged home a lot of other things though...like a pair of pants from dorothy perkins (yay!), sugarcane juice to keep us from dehydrating while waiting for the taxi to come, and lots n lots of toiletries like soap, shampoo, pads n liners that will probably last me for the next few of months lol....cos Flo said one of the shop there sold things really cheap. Good deal I think..the bill only came up to $43.10. Maybe should start shopping there more often. I've been spending a lot lately...I think shopping's making me happy. Hmm but that's dangerous...my bank balance already looks scary...and I have a scuba diving trip end of this month. Hmmm....shall eat less then..I don't mind sacrificing my food lol :P

[another arrival...baby Isaac]

Isaac
6 lb 13
on the evening of April 26th 2007 at 1823

A friend whom we (many of us) never thought would be one of the first to get married...much less set up a family. Terribly thrilled for her =)

[living in the last century]

Click the image to see it clearer.

1899. Hmm. I'm still wondering how it got there. Anybody wanna buy 4D? Lol.