[growing old]

One thing stood out as I watched my parents this trip. They were ageing. Yes everyone ages. But it seemed that it was more obvious that they were getting older.

My dad has developed arthritis in his right knee and has to go for physiotherapy, if not surgery if/when it gets worse. This was one of the reasons I wanted to go back - in case he had to go for surgery I'd be there to look after him. Apart from this, he has cellulitis which seems to be a recurring condition which he inherited from our grandmother. Luckily this time he did not need to be hospitalised, or rather he was stubborn about seeing a doctor so the doctor said "If you can wait one week before seeing a doctor, I guess you can just take antibiotics first without being hospitalised." Nice conclusion.

Both my parents have started to sit down on a chair to pray. My mother who lost a lot of weight a couple of years ago has put it on. And even though she goes walking everyday, she said her joints are becoming less flexible.

As children I guess we've always seen our parents as strong and capable. Especially for my father who rarely used to get sick and was always the more active one in sports or bringing us out here and there. These days when I suggest a taxi ride home he more than relents. Of course the other reason being that I'm the one paying heh.

I guess this is one of the biggest difficulties of living overseas and a guilt that both Mr F and I carry. I hope I can be there when they need me most.

[reset]

And so I thought I was resilient.

I thought I had gotten used to the monochrome life here. I thought I would be fine in Hyd. I thought I wouldn't miss home after spending a few weeks there.

And that was my one month vacation part two. It started off alright in Hyd. The weather was nice, Abbah was doting and I had time to read a book (not that I don't have time to read here, but that's another point). I had to wear a different dress everyday, doll up literally from head to toe (read: earrings, necklace, bangles, toe rings; thank god no nose ring though lol) and play the part of a docile Indian wife who was content with what was going on.

Relief came when I had an impromptu trip to Sg, because my initial plans of going to Dk to join Sakura were marred by my post-Haj bronchitis (I'd even bought tickets..sob sob). I had a great time during my "unofficial" stay being treated like a princess at Auntie's house. No chores, served 3 yummy meals a day; my auntie even went to the extent of running down to the shop to buy the desert I requested for just jokingly or carrying the shopping loot herself even when I insisted on taking over. Ahh, doted on I was....could live a life like that always lol. Then came Clementi, where life became "tougher". No nasi lemak or lontong or laksa for breakfast, but I did get a couple of dishes from mummy. Mmmm nothing can beat mummy's cooking. Sakura's room was way too dusty for my sensitive nose (my eyes started to water too...gasp!) and though she blames it on her being away for 6 months, I beg to differ. I think the last time she cleaned her room was during my wedding. Anyhoo, after much bargaining, I finally got my old room back and the next 2 weeks zoomed by as time always does when you're having fun. I didn't meet up with many friends this time round because it was a last minute trip, so no hectic breakfast, lunch and/or dinner meets this time. I did manage to meet up with a couple of close friends and as usual we had a wonderful time. Felt like it's been just a busy time and we only got to meet after many months, something which happens even when friends are living in the same country or same neighbourhood heh.

The most dramatic part happened on the last day of my stay. Even though it was a weird/hectic arrangement, I wanted to attend I's wedding very much so after rushing to her solemnisation at 5pm, by 6 I was off to the airport. To top things up, that was the day Sakura was returning. Since her flight got delayed I went to check in alone at T2. I was counting down the minutes because it was almost time for me to board, and by some miracle she appeared just in time (after they ran all the way from T1 to T2, she contests). We hugged and kissed and hugged and chatted and chatted and chatted. Dad kept saying "hey boarding has started", "last call, last call", but we kept on talking. Finally I had to face the inevitable so after a couple more rounds of kissing and hugging (and pinching of cheeks), it was time to say goodbye. I guess I have trained myself or become more immune to separation now because tears did not flow, at least not till I'd passed immigration.

Even after my last entry of how I've gotten used to living here, I guess all my feelings were reset after going home. There is afterall no place like home. I still feel frozen probably because I know subconsciously if I let my emotions flow, I'll be back to square one about life here. But on the brighter side of things a) it's kind of nice to be away from family drama, b) i'm grateful it's just the two of us living together (in laws = more drama) and c) life is simpler here.

Thank You and you for the amazing opportunity - going back almost for 2 months this year (3 wks in June plus 3 wks now) - it is indeed a blessing that has helped me to keep going. :)

P.S. On another note, it seems that everyone's new year resolution for us is to get pregnant. Even my usually not-so-direct dad went like "Make sure next time you come back it's to give birth ah!" Lol. Well let's see when we achieve that aim. :P