Was discussing some pretty intense topics during lunch today, like the difference in parenting laws in Singapore and Sweden. We were talking about how Sweden doesn't allow parents to lift a finger on kids, even when they're misbehaving. While most Asian parents, who still believe in using the rod, might snigger and say "ah that's why their kids turn out nasty", you can't help but wonder where to draw the line between labelling a parent who's disciplining his child, and one who is abusing the child.
My friend messaged me a couple of days ago at 3am in the morning to tell me she was in terrible pain. Why? Her father had just beaten her - again. All because she was caught smoking. A couple of months back, he hit her so bad that she had to go to the hospital to get an eye scan because her sight was affected during the battering. I asked whether she had made a police report and apparently she HAD to; since she had to be admitted. What was the outcome of that? Her father simply told the police he was disciplining his child so they dropped the matter.
I knew it would be pointless to ask if she would wanna report to the police about this early morning incident and her meagre response was that they'd just take her statement and leave it at that, and her father would probably tell them it was a family matter and she's be back at square one again. And this poor, small-built girl could only stay in bed, locked up in her room the whole day, contemplating if there would ever be a day she could escape.
Where does the law help in this instance? Isn't our dear law enforcement agency supposed to protect innocent victims even if it's a domestic matter? I remember the time my brother held my dad at knife point the whole night. They arrested him in the morning, but by afternoon they sent him back home. It's as if u're releasing ur potential killer back in your safe space..to give him another opportunity to attack perhaps? I could list a million and one things that the cops didn't help us do, like not helping us send him to IMH when he was getting violent, simply because they "did not have enough experience handling psychiatric patients". Are we supposed to have more experience than them? What were we supposed to do then? Wrap him up in a little box and send him in the car? Well if we could've fitted him in nicely, we wouldn't have asked them for help. Will my friend only be rescued the day she's unable to be dragged back home by her father?
That wasn't the only issue that came to mind. My friend also mentioned that her father was "discplining" her in the name of religion. She's presumably too wild for his liking, and should learn to be a better little Muslim girl - I suppose one who conforms to his every demands. While I can't say much about her behaviour, I still believe that no matter how nasty your child is, a parent has no right to abuse her so violently. If smoking were a reason to beat up your child, I think a lot more people should be bashed up by now. What happened to rational talking? If he wants to talk religion, didn't the Prophet preach non-violence? Is he being a good Muslim by instilling so much fear in his family, to the point where the girl's own mother no longer dares to protect her from his beatings? To the point where she really cannot run away from home because there's always a way he's gonna track her down. And to the point where she no longer has any self-esteem and is unable to love herself truly.
There's a few things she could do; like seriously consider running to a relative's place or a women's shelter, or getting a personal protection order. Report to the police..let her statements pile up. And when the time comes, throw all the reports in his face and show him how nasty he's been. It's easier said and done, and I would know how she's feeling. Lost. With no one to help you. Stuck. Not knowing what to do next. She told me her father said the only way she could get out of the house was through a marriage contract. I seriously pray she'll consider the former options. For now I can only be a listening ear.
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