My intelligent daughter

Some say I'm hallucinating,  but I refuse to accept it.

1. On her second day, Hana said "Ibu" in the ward. Embak heard it too.
2. Yesterday she said "Hana". Tanti and Baba heard as well.

Maybe she'll start speaking really early InshaAllah.  You never know....

A bittersweet reminder

Will remember this on tough days

My princess

So my princess has quite a different character from her brother even at this young age. Her cries when she was born were noticeably softer. She did wake me up a lot for colostrum and just like her brother kept sleeping while she was drinking. But she's also much more patient. Her cries are more like a meow. Only when she's extremely hungry will she scream till she turns red. Alhamdulillah this c section had a faster recovery, and coupled with Blissful's character, I've been able to have an easier first month so far.

My princess is born

I'm a happy mummy. Here's my lovely princess, my Blissful Achiever InshaAllah.

[Come May]

Can't believe I'll soon be in my 3rd trimester. Time flies! Baby girl, looking forward to meeting you next week (in scans at least). Here's to being fair (as Sakura keeps emphasising) - a ticker for princess H (yes, we potentially have a name!)

[it's a girl!]

♥♥♥
Had the mid term scan on 26th Dec and found out it's a girl!  Wee! Firstly our instincts were right and secondly I get to buy dresses!  Yay! Hehe. Yes I'm elated. We're almost half way there and thank goodness the morning (or whole day) sickness is gone. At least now I don't have to gorge myself with food to overcome the nausea. Have to say though this pregnancy has been wayyy easier than the last. Maybe my body's got the hang of it. Less vomiting,  less unpleasant things like haemorrhoids,  less visits to the doctor. Alhamdulillah thank You for Your blessings. Can't wait to see my lil girl in May.

For now,  wishing my kuchi poo a happy second birthday. You light up our day everyday and only God knows how much you mean to me. Muah muah muah. May Allah constantly bless you with health happiness and wealth always. ♥ Ibu

[Number 2]

And so as of 14 Sept we found out, after 2 stick tests, that Number 2 is on the way. It was a bit of a surprise because knowing what a worrier I was, I thought my recently diagnosed adenomyosis would hinder chances of conceiving, especially since there were two months of no news. Ha. Guess my magic number is 3 cos even with the boy, I conceived in the 3rd month of trying.

How do I feel? It hasn't really sunk in, although the nausea has set in. Going for a scan this Friday - maybe things will be more "real" then.

I want a girl! Haha. Yes, please! I wanna buy cute pink dresses and silly headbands. T-shirts and pants are getting boring! Fingers crossed!

Now how about that for a post that might revive my blog? Speaking of which, I have obviously been too busy to blog after the boy started crawling...or walking... Had many intentions of updating it but maybe nothing so significant as this piece of news heh.

Hope to update this pregnancy journey on this blog...wee!

[A chapter closes]

My blog has been on a hiatus for awhile. Motherhood has kept me busy, with other preoccupations keeping me away from blogging as well. Let's not forget the forgetfulness.

 

My darling son has turn one. Amazing how time flies. To be exact, he'll be 14 months in 4 days' time. I won't say that motherhood has been a breeze, but it is definitely rewarding when you see the smile he brings on people's faces, and of course ours. He is picking up things (literally and figuritively) very quickly, especially during our trip to Sg last Dec. I'm glad that he turned from the clingy mummy's boy to "I don't care about mummy if someone else is gonna bring me out" lil rascal. He's back to square one now that we're back here, but hey, I guess there's always hope that this clingy-ness won't be permanent.

 

A new chapter for us will begin soon. Shall update when the time comes. Meanwhile, have to prepare yself for a lot of changes around us. Fingers crossed...

 

[Our prince's progress...]

[My 8-month old]

My little boy is 8 months old! Sounds...old! Haha. 4 more months will zoom by and soon he'll be 1. Wow!

Some of his milestones include:

1.  Being able to stand up on his own with support.
2.  Drinking from a sippy cup.
3.  Saying IBU!! (My fave one kekeke)
4.  Going da-da
5.  GOing from commando crawl to a full crawl.

He keeps standing in his cot now so we had to lower it. At least now onnly his head pops up. Though it's scary sometimes when we turn around in the middle of the night and see a head popping up and crying. Lol.

I'm so proud of my boy. Soon he won't need me anymore! Sigh... (haha)

[Eid Mubarak!]

And so we celebrate the boy's first Eid with us.  It's been a long while since I've blogged - due to busy schedule and lack of inspiration. Or well, keep forgetting to get down to it even though I've had ideas.  Anyway, this Ramadan was a great one, 3 of us as a family.  I have many things to be grateful for. Firstly the hubby was very supportive. He not only bought food when I was too zonked out looking after the lil monkey to cook, he even volunteered to ease my chores even on days where I thought I could have managed. Alhamdulillah. Secondly, even though I was initially worried, my milk supply did not dwindle, at least not noticeably. In fact, the lil one seems to be even more energised instead of going to sleep after I fed him. Alhamdulillah. Thirdly, our Eid itself was an enjoyable one. I got an Arabic gorgeous long dress and lil H got a local costume to suit the theme. Next year we'll make Baba fit into the theme too heh. Alhamdulillah.

We had a simple celebration today which started out with the usual baths and wearing new clothes. Then the "Maaf Zahir Batin" part and of course receiving ang pao from Baba. Keke.  Lazed the day away - I didn't even cook! (Thank you Baba again for giving me an "off day") It was partly because one, we woke up pretty late after morning prayers and two, we had a dinner invite anyway so we would've "wasted" the effort to cook just for one meal.

All in all, this has been one of the best Eids since I've come here (as if I've had so many lol). Thank Allah for His wonderful mercies.

My lil cutie pie wishes all readers Eid Mubarak / Selamat Hari Raya!

[Don't judge]

I'm writing this not as a "warning" to others, but more so of a reminder to myself, of my previous folly.

I used to judge parents/mothers. Not that I attacked them per se but since that is the topic close to heart these days, that's what I'm focusing on.

One of the memories of my "judgemental" views that came to mind recently was when my Burmese friend told me that shortly after the birth of her daughter, she chose to work at the Myanmar-Laos border (or something of the sort) because she needed to be away. She was not into the whole mummyhood thing and needed some distance.Of course I gasped, not realising the emotions she must have been experiencing.

Many years later as a mummy now I realise how she must have felt.  No, she was not abandoning her child, she was doing what was best for her family.

I had always suspected that I wasn't going to be the stay-at-home mum, especially if I had still been in Sg.  Nothing against SAHMs but I am the independent, go-getter person that needs to be not confined at home with a baby or not.  Lately however, especially because of experiencing a less than welcoming work environment, coupled with the desire to watch my precious prince grow up, as well as fill the void I felt when (some) other mums used to be around with their children in my primary school days, I decided that being a SAHM would not be a bad idea afterall.  And of course the environment here is very condusive for SAHMs, coupled with societal pressure and all.

And then comes the BUT...

But...my husband will not allow it.  No, he is not some money grabbing man who wants to profit from his wife's earning.  The total opposite is true - he wants H's mummy to be sane with exposure to the outside world.  He knows that as much as Ibu enjoys looking after the lil one, she'll be at her wits' end bored by the third day at home, knowing that there's no work waiting for her in her inbox.

Unfortunately in my 3 months back here I have already faced a few comments of how I'm seemingly neglecting my child.  2 from people I'm not even close with.  One said "Leave your job; it doesn't need you, but your son does."

Well, thank you very much for your advise, as if I didn't know that already.  To these people, who probably have set ideas on how mummies should be at home 24/7, JUST BECAUSE I "STILL" WORK DOES NOT MEAN I LOVE MY BABY ANY LESS. So please, keep your gasps and uninvited comments to yourself. Thank you.

[I could]

I could watch you sleep all day
Your closed eyes so peaceful are they
As you stretch and yawn so innocently
I hope your dreams make you happy

I could play with you all day
Make you laugh cheerful and gay
Your giggles brighten up my dull hours
I hope for everyone you have these powers

I could hold you in my arms all day
With you all my fears allay
Your curious gaze and wondering fingers
When you're away a thought or two always lingers

For you, I could.

[a new trick a day]

I'm really blessed to be able to watch my son grow. Everytime I feel down about being in this socially pathetic place, I remind myself about this blessing.

Lil H seems to have a new trick up his sleeves, or onesies so to speak, every day. One day he tries to pull himself up when we hold his hand, next day he is playing with the hanging toys on his play mat, another day he rolls over.  Which mum wouldn't want to be there to watch her child roll over for the first time? Alhamdulillah.

Today he came up with yet another trick.  He has been trying to pull the hanging toys into his mouth, and gets frustrated when he fails. Today he was MashaAllah so smart - he pulled his head up and pulled the toy at the same time, and finally managed to put it in his mouth. Doing crunches so young eh?

He's also been trying to get his toes into his mouth. He had not been successful yet, but as of yesterday while I was cleaning his poo-poo, he managed to get it in. Maybe he feels more flexible when his bottom is free-and-easy. Lol.

Oh my growing son, I could never get bored watching you. This morning I was actually bored waiting for him to wake up (cos I got up way earlier than him). The moment he woke up I smothered him with kisses, not before he gave me his precious "good morning" smile. Oh the wonderful moments of having a child. =)

[My First Mother's Day!]

Wee! Sent by his proxy, but I'm beaming nonetheless. Happy Mother's Day to all mummies out there! =)

P.S. H gave me the sweetest of smiles this morning when he woke up. Must've been his way of wishing me Happy Mummy's Day :)

[aww-ful moment]

Had a sudden recollection of how the hubz used to drive down all the way to my deserted office location with lunch, just so that I would not get hypo or puke because of not eating.

He loves me. =)

[our 4 month old]

It's been some time since I last blogged. Guess I'm losing interest now after finding out that no one reads my blog. Plus the hectic schedule of handling a baby while trying to work leaves me not much time for leisure, and whatever leisure time is best spent SLEEPING. Ok, maybe not sleeping all the time but resting. Rest is preciousuthese days. Very precious.

Our prince is already 4 months old. By SG standards I'd have gone back to work full time now. I'm glad I'm not in Sg because although I had to go back to work earlier, I still have time to watch him grow when I work from home.

The biggest moment was on 23rd March April (omg where did time fly to??) when I sort of saw him rolling. At least the aftermath of it, which was a very shocked looked on his face. I guess he wasn't expecting to end up on his tummy. I was so excited I called Baba to tell him about his son's feat. He hasn't rolled again since, but he's achieving other milestones.  For instance, he now wants to sit up, so when we hold his tiny hands, he actually pulls himself up to sitting position. The most adorable is when he does his "pilates" pose - using the momentum of his legs in the air to pull him up to sitting position, with our help of course. He's also starting to make more noises - apart from the ng-geee and gee gee. Now it's like he's babbling more and having conversations with us.  He's also very curious about what we do. Every motion like me drinking or lifting up something, his eyes will follow.

Had excellent news at his appointment last week where he was declared ASD free. Yay! With no hole in his heart now, I told Baba our lion can go scuba diving - in 20 year's time..lol. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for the wonderful news!

Here's a pic of my lil Pilates instructor. Oh I wish I were as agile as him!

P.S. Did I also mention that most of his clothes are going into the "undersized" bag now? Explains his oversized shorts in the pic heh. He's growing!!

[Happy Birthday Habibi!]

This marks yet another year of us celebrating Habibi's birthday together. With a difference this year, because our little one is here to mark it with us. Unfortunately, with the little one being here it made it all the more harder (what with transport nonsense and such) for me to go out and get something for Habibi.  But as he said, and I agree, he's a happy man, he doesn't need anything else. Kekeke. Afterall, he did buy a tablet recently, and he said he's a satisfied man because his little bundle of joy is here, so I guess I shouldn't feel too bad.

I did try to make it up by cooking him his favourite dish - ayam masak kicap and cumin rice.  Almost missed that even because the night before I had to wake up several times thanks to you-know-who, so I was totally knocked out when I came back from work (have to thank you-know-who though for letting me nap so long hehe).  By the time I woke up, I barely had enough time before Mr F came home. Good thing I managed to finish cooking on time. 

Our family pic :)

My birthday boys!

Incidentally Baby H also turned 3...months that is...so it was double celebration.  We ended our lil celebration with an ice cream cake from BR - yum yum! Happy Birthday Baba, love you lots! Happy 3 months sayang..muak muak!

[2 months]

My lil one is already 2 months old. Time really flies when you're looking after a little one. I would say I am more confident about handling him on my own now.

My cutie pie!

In one of his I-want-to-play moods. Simply adorable!

He has (unfortunately) developed a habit of wanting to be put to sleep since he turned 1 month. It's ok when he's not too cranky. But when he starts screaming, all hell breaks loose. Sometimes we panic because even with all his crying, he still won't want to sleep. Several times I've had to comfort nurse him to sleep. Several times my sis has given up on trying to get him to sleep lol. He also seems to fight sleep. Sometimes we put in realy hard work to make him sleep, put him down in the cot and he wakes up immediately. On good days he lasts half and hour. Ha. Not enough time for mummy to catch up on chores and snooze. But who said looking after a baby was easy yeah?

Apart from his sleep patterns, he's become more active. Not the usual go-to-sleep-after-drinking like before. These days he wants to play and talk. His coos are so adorable you could spend hours looking at him. Once Sakura and I even heard what seemed like a laugh. MashaAllah...the miracles of a baby.  He's also developed a habit of putting his fist into his mouth....didn't know mittens tasted so nice but with a baby anything can happen heh.

It's time to go back in 3 days. My family will feel the absence a lot. H has managed to bring everyone closer together. The first baby in the family after a long time. They will miss him a lot.  Hope we get to come back to Sg soon so that he can grow up with his family. Meanwhile, mummy's gonna miss the love she experienced during the 4 months here. Hope 3rd March won't be too tough on me. Sigh....

I have mixed feelings about going back to work. On one hand I'm bored to death at home and feel as if I'm wasting away my brain cells not doing anything productive i.e. I concluded I will go crazy if I become a SAHM. On the other hand, the thought of leaving my baby with someone else while I go to work is a little scary, coupled by the fact that I will miss him terribly while I'm at work. Hopefully Boss will be flexible and allow me to work from home as usual.  Right now trying to get a nanny because I don't think I can bear leaving him in someone's house while I'm working whether from home or in the hospital. At least when I work from home I can have the luxury of breastfeeding him and keeping an eye on him and the nanny.  And if I'm at the office at least it will be easy for me to have him at home the moment I'm there, instead of having to pick him up from someone's place. Hope we can get a suitable nanny soon *fingers crossed*.

[One month on]

If you were to ask me how my birth experience was, I would say at this point that it was an interesting experience. Of course while going through it, it was scary but now that time has passed, I am able to appreciate the wisdom behind it. Most of all I am grateful to God because He let me know that it was the right time for H to come into this world. I would not have to live with thoughts of "Did I take him out too early?"

The first few days were tough as I could barely move in bed, much less prop myself up everytime it was feeding time.  At certain points I almost gave up but since colostrum is important, I persevered. I did not like feeling helpless and counting on people to do simple things like get out of bed.  I did not like losing my "dignity" like having Auntie follow me to the toilet to help me out, but I soon learned that when you need help and people are around, just accept it.

Coming home was a different matter. At least in hospital I had the bed bars to hold myself up, and the up/down buttons to move around. At home, I had to rely on habibi to pull me out of bed and carry H to me especially at night.  Dealing with my wound was also scary because well, I hate wounds. Haha. I still remember the first time I had to bathe - my mom and MIL offered to accompany me in the toilet but I was like NOOOOO. SHY! Lol.  Unfortunately habibi was the poor guinea pig but thank God he was very supportive.

The first couple of weeks were tough as we got to know about H's huge appetite. Even in the hospital he kept wanting to nurse.  The same pattern continued at home and we couldn't figure out why. Thanks to Auntie's friend, the lactation consultant, we managed to figure out that his weird pattern was because A) He was falling asleep while sucking hence not getting enough milk and B) He had a big appetite and so had to nurse for a longer time.  We resorted to pumping out breastmilk so that we could monitor how much he needed and true enough, for a newborn, he was drinking a lot.  So came our endeavour to put him on a schedule, 80 ml per 3 hours. Turned out he needed 100 ml per 3 hours, which is a lot for a newborn. 

Between worrying about his huge appetite and why he was "growing so fast" (he could lift his head very early on and even rolled on his tummy once when we placed him on his side), the first month was quite trying. I was also dealing with post-natal depression (at least I think it was that) and everyone in the house had to deal with my lots and lots of crying. I think I really freaked them out heh.  Lack of sleep and crazy hormones really drives you nuts.  Having to deal with Baba leaving and the school year starting (i.e. no more mum and sis to help me out at home) also made me a nervous wreck.

But Alhamdulillah with everyone's help, things fell into place.  Mama quit her job to help me (luckily it was an easy job to quit and rejoin later when she wants to).  F kept reminding me that I could do it and that he had faith in me.  I became stronger mentally, emotionally and physically and we've also figured him out now - mostly at least.  He only cries for food lol (ok well, lately he also cries to be put to sleep).  InshaAllah when we get to Ruh things will be easier to manage.  Here's to a changed life forever....