[2 months]

My lil one is already 2 months old. Time really flies when you're looking after a little one. I would say I am more confident about handling him on my own now.

My cutie pie!

In one of his I-want-to-play moods. Simply adorable!

He has (unfortunately) developed a habit of wanting to be put to sleep since he turned 1 month. It's ok when he's not too cranky. But when he starts screaming, all hell breaks loose. Sometimes we panic because even with all his crying, he still won't want to sleep. Several times I've had to comfort nurse him to sleep. Several times my sis has given up on trying to get him to sleep lol. He also seems to fight sleep. Sometimes we put in realy hard work to make him sleep, put him down in the cot and he wakes up immediately. On good days he lasts half and hour. Ha. Not enough time for mummy to catch up on chores and snooze. But who said looking after a baby was easy yeah?

Apart from his sleep patterns, he's become more active. Not the usual go-to-sleep-after-drinking like before. These days he wants to play and talk. His coos are so adorable you could spend hours looking at him. Once Sakura and I even heard what seemed like a laugh. MashaAllah...the miracles of a baby.  He's also developed a habit of putting his fist into his mouth....didn't know mittens tasted so nice but with a baby anything can happen heh.

It's time to go back in 3 days. My family will feel the absence a lot. H has managed to bring everyone closer together. The first baby in the family after a long time. They will miss him a lot.  Hope we get to come back to Sg soon so that he can grow up with his family. Meanwhile, mummy's gonna miss the love she experienced during the 4 months here. Hope 3rd March won't be too tough on me. Sigh....

I have mixed feelings about going back to work. On one hand I'm bored to death at home and feel as if I'm wasting away my brain cells not doing anything productive i.e. I concluded I will go crazy if I become a SAHM. On the other hand, the thought of leaving my baby with someone else while I go to work is a little scary, coupled by the fact that I will miss him terribly while I'm at work. Hopefully Boss will be flexible and allow me to work from home as usual.  Right now trying to get a nanny because I don't think I can bear leaving him in someone's house while I'm working whether from home or in the hospital. At least when I work from home I can have the luxury of breastfeeding him and keeping an eye on him and the nanny.  And if I'm at the office at least it will be easy for me to have him at home the moment I'm there, instead of having to pick him up from someone's place. Hope we can get a suitable nanny soon *fingers crossed*.

[One month on]

If you were to ask me how my birth experience was, I would say at this point that it was an interesting experience. Of course while going through it, it was scary but now that time has passed, I am able to appreciate the wisdom behind it. Most of all I am grateful to God because He let me know that it was the right time for H to come into this world. I would not have to live with thoughts of "Did I take him out too early?"

The first few days were tough as I could barely move in bed, much less prop myself up everytime it was feeding time.  At certain points I almost gave up but since colostrum is important, I persevered. I did not like feeling helpless and counting on people to do simple things like get out of bed.  I did not like losing my "dignity" like having Auntie follow me to the toilet to help me out, but I soon learned that when you need help and people are around, just accept it.

Coming home was a different matter. At least in hospital I had the bed bars to hold myself up, and the up/down buttons to move around. At home, I had to rely on habibi to pull me out of bed and carry H to me especially at night.  Dealing with my wound was also scary because well, I hate wounds. Haha. I still remember the first time I had to bathe - my mom and MIL offered to accompany me in the toilet but I was like NOOOOO. SHY! Lol.  Unfortunately habibi was the poor guinea pig but thank God he was very supportive.

The first couple of weeks were tough as we got to know about H's huge appetite. Even in the hospital he kept wanting to nurse.  The same pattern continued at home and we couldn't figure out why. Thanks to Auntie's friend, the lactation consultant, we managed to figure out that his weird pattern was because A) He was falling asleep while sucking hence not getting enough milk and B) He had a big appetite and so had to nurse for a longer time.  We resorted to pumping out breastmilk so that we could monitor how much he needed and true enough, for a newborn, he was drinking a lot.  So came our endeavour to put him on a schedule, 80 ml per 3 hours. Turned out he needed 100 ml per 3 hours, which is a lot for a newborn. 

Between worrying about his huge appetite and why he was "growing so fast" (he could lift his head very early on and even rolled on his tummy once when we placed him on his side), the first month was quite trying. I was also dealing with post-natal depression (at least I think it was that) and everyone in the house had to deal with my lots and lots of crying. I think I really freaked them out heh.  Lack of sleep and crazy hormones really drives you nuts.  Having to deal with Baba leaving and the school year starting (i.e. no more mum and sis to help me out at home) also made me a nervous wreck.

But Alhamdulillah with everyone's help, things fell into place.  Mama quit her job to help me (luckily it was an easy job to quit and rejoin later when she wants to).  F kept reminding me that I could do it and that he had faith in me.  I became stronger mentally, emotionally and physically and we've also figured him out now - mostly at least.  He only cries for food lol (ok well, lately he also cries to be put to sleep).  InshaAllah when we get to Ruh things will be easier to manage.  Here's to a changed life forever....