[the heat is on]

It's been getting a little stressful.  I knew this would come but I didn't expect it to take a toll on me.

When you're single, everyone will ask when are you getting married.

When you're married, everyone will ask you when is the baby coming.

I guess it doesn't end because after the first baby, everyone will ask when the next one is coming. 

And the questions just keep coming. 

People I don't even know are asking me why I don't have a baby "yet". My busybody, though nice, driver who said "One year marriage and still no baby yet?" and even the therapist who does my laser hair removal whom I've never had a personal conversation with asked "You are not pregnant yet?" Gosh. Like okay, please myob.

Before coming back here, I had plenty of reminders from my family, throughout the few weeks and definitely at the airport.

Dad: (a very blatant) Next time you come here you better be pregnant ah! (err does that mean if I'm not I shouldn't come back?)

Mum: So now that you have achieved your big goal (i.e. haj), you can work on your next one. To which I just said...haha.

Sakura: Give me a baby soon! I want to play with it!

Auntie: Make rabbit baby k? (Now that the year of the rabbit is in...I recently told her that whenever she says that, it makes me think of 5-6 rabbits hopping here n there lol..freaky)

Jam: Ah, this girl, needless to say, everytime I chat with her or get on the phone with her, her first (or second) question will be...So are you pregnant? And I have to applaud her scheming mind, "I will dote on your baby and buy for him/her lots of gifts, with mama's money of course."

And let's not talk about the indirect pressure I get from mixing with the DHs.  They're 21-24 years old and only 2 out of about 7 of them are not mummies yet.  Even S, the latest member of the clan, gave us surprising news last weekend that she's already 3 months pregnant but did not tell us earlier because her in laws were sort of pantang (superstitious or just being "careful").  Talk about working fast!! She must've gotten pregnant the moment she came.  So much for R saying he wanted to enjoy married life first, I guess he caved in to the pressure.  Even my neighbour who claimed to want to enjoy married life first before kids (which in hindsight was probably her "poser" way of agreeing with my train of thought) is about 4-5 months pregnant now.  So much for waiting, now she says "I was desperately trying to get pregnant because I was so bored". Well I guess her poser-ness is another issue. Good thing her family is over from Pk now, I have a reason not to go over.

To top it all of, I wish I could remind people that babies aren't instant.  So please don't remind me everyday, or ask me everyday if there's any news.  Even worse, whether I've been "working hard". Seriously, some things should remain PRIVATE.  When there's news, there's news.  I even did some reading and seems that it takes on average about 3-6 months to get pregnant so yeah, I've still got time. Furthermore, I'm a firm believer that everything happens according to His will, so when the time is right, He will let things happen.

Because of all the external pressure, I'm putting pressure on my own self which I know isn't good. In Dec I was almost devastated when my monthly friend came even when I knew nothing would happen.  In Jan I was upset again.  This month, even though I wasn't as upset, I still felt disappointed.  To make it worse, it came 5 days early this month, and I usually get it early when I'm stressed. I don't think I'm stressed from work (since when have I been hehe) so the only other reason that seems plausible is this. Sigh.

For now I shall work on being zen and meditate all the external pressure away.  After all that reminders and pressure, the people around me better rejoice when I do finally get pregnant InshaAllah. Or else.... lol.