[all packed up, not]

Here's a break from the tale of the rat.

I'll be leaving in a week's time for the final portion of this journey. 

63 days to go according to the ticker.  Apparently some people look forward once they get double digits.  I think I was more excited when I passed the 100 days-to-go mark for the wedding.

How do I feel?

A mix of feelings as I mentioned previously.  But how am I feeling about going home?

Truth be told, I'm not looking forward to it as much as I anticipated.  Last year when I envisioned this period, I thought - yay, I'd be home hibernating, waiting for baby to arrive.  Last year I was so eager to go home I leaped at the chance of going twice.  Last year I was sure my family would change when I told them I was pregnant.

I don't doubt that they are excited to see H and all, but I still feel disconnected.  My dad, the "sober" one, has hardly asked me anything about the pregnancy. I only remember him congratulating me at the beginning. Then again, he's always been silent, so I can't fault him, I guess.  My mother was not so involved initially but she got more and more excited as time went by. Yet, with her living in her own world, and certain characteristics of her which not many of us like, makes me wonder how much she's truly interested in knowing about my journey.  As usual, it seems like she wants a one way effort in our relationship, and no, I don't want to do that.  Sakura has been the most eager, asking me for updates constantly.  Anyway, despite their reactions, I'm sure about one thing - even if they're not going to pay me any attention, H will definitely be loved by them all. Loved and spoilt...heh.

One of the main reasons I'm suddenly reluctant to go back is because Mr F has been taking so good care of me.  Ok, so his enthusiasm to be the in charge of the house chores died down about 2 weeks after it started.  But I can say for sure that he's been such a doll when it comes to comforting me, being there for me on my lousy days, being there at every doctor's appointment, giving in (sometimes) to my cravings.  In his words, "Who is going to run down at 12 midnight when you're hungry to get u food?"  I guess he also knows my family's helpfulness and he's a little worried about whether I'll be able to be independent for a couple of months.  I guess I wouldn't be feeling so insecure had my darling parents helped me with some stuff I had requested.  My mother's current wave of "you don't care about me" is making me even more stressed. I am in no mind to have any arguments with her when I'm back, yet I am also in no mood to play pretend and act as if all is well between us. Sigh...

To top it all off, my in laws will be coming to Sg for the delivery. They have every right too and I am amazed at their enthusiasm.  Yet, with the way things were when they came over the last time, I am pretty worried how things are going to turn out.  MIL has decided to come over everyday to be with H, and my mother will be home during that period because of school holidays. Two strong characters in the same house the whole day, I hope I don't lose my sanity. For now I must remind myself that my job is to focus on H, and Mr F can deal with the family policitcs. Good luck to him lol.

The option of staying on here and doing everything just the two of us suddenly seems very enticing.  These past couple of weeks have seen us being very mushy to each other.  Apparently, as much as I don't like it here, the F factor has made me want to consider delivering here. I even requested that Mr F be mean to me this week so that I won't miss him so much. As if that's working...

I guess for now I'll just go with the flow.  Tickets are booked. Luggage bag taken out. Now for me to fill it up...

Shall just tell myself that things probably won't be as bad as I'm imagining them to be.  In any case, will be looking forward to Mr F joining me in Dec to welcome our firstborn. Yippee!

[The Tail of the Rat - Chapter 2]

Mrs F awoke the next morning feeling refreshed. It must have been the exertion of the night before that made her sleep very well.  That, coupled with A's hospitality where she spread out a beautiful bedsheet and even included a candle in the corner of the room, made Mr and Mrs F feel as if it was their honeymoon suite. 

After breakfast, it was time to head home and face the inevitable again.  Mr F bought some rat glue to which Mrs F expressed her disappointment.  Rat glue = trapped rat ≠ dead rat. Furthermore, how would Mr F get rid of the rat if and when it gets trapped on the glue?? When they stepped cautiously into the house, it seemed that everything was alright - there was no sign of the rat.  Mrs F was secretly hoping that the rat had gone.  Mr F then literally forced Mrs F into facing the rat with him.  She was, however, not ready to see it again, nor face her fears.  This ensued into an argument, but thankfully after calming down, Mr F braved the front himself.  He put the glue onto all the doorways so that they could see where Mr Rat was going.  Work done for the day, they headed out for a picnic.

That night when they returned, they noticed that some of the glue near the main door had a smudge. Upon looking closely, there were also traces of blood.  Mrs F felt sorry for the rat, instead of ending its life quickly, they had instead hurt it.  This also meant that the rat was still in the house. Gasp! So much for her hopes of it being a figment of their imagination.  That night, she went to sleep with a stick next to her bed. Even if she didn't dare kill the rat, she could still shoo it away with the stick.

The next day, Mr and Mrs F went to a hardware store to purchase some things for the rat fiasco.  Their theory was that the rat might have entered through the main door since the gap at the bottom was pretty big.  After some unsuccessful attempts at looking for wooden boards to seal the gap, they ended up at S to see if they had anything useful. Guessing that a place like that would sell rat poison, Mrs F urged Mr F to ask the salesman if they had any.  To their suprise, the salesman was standing at the exact location of the poisons.  There was another customer there trying to decide which kind to by. "Apparently we're not the only one having rat problems," Mrs F said.

After some deliberation, they settled on a slightly expensive version of rat poison; Mrs F had faith that something costlier would be more effective.  They went off armed with a wooden board they had picked up in an alley beside one of the stores they had gone to earlier.  On the way out of S, they found a construction bin which had bits of ceramic which they thought would be useful for doing the job.  Feeling like scavengers themselves, they picked up a few pieces and headed home.

Mr F spent the rest of the evening sealing the gap at the door with the ceramic pieces and placing rat poison all around the house.  He did not want Mrs F to panic again and wanted her to have peace of mind, especially since the previous day's panic had made their unborn child very quiet that day. Mrs F was very grateful that Mr F was putting in so much effort into easing her worries about being "attacked" by the rat.

Feeling slightly more relaxed, Mr and Mrs F went back to the living room and watched a movie together. It was now a waiting game - would the rat appear? Would it eat the poison?  Time would tell...

                                   -------- End of Chapter 2--------

[The Tail of the Rat - Chapter 1]

Once upon a time, Mr and Mrs F were sitting peacefully in the living room of their humble abode.  Mrs F noticed that Mr F was staring at something at the corner of the room.  She enquired as to what he was staring at, but he continued staring, and looking back at Mrs F, and staring back at the corner again, as if deep in thought.  Finally, he looked up and calmly said "I think there's a rat in the house."

Mrs F laughed it off and started making jokes about rats in houses in general.  How could it be? Rats never entered apartments in Sg. Moreover, they were living on the 2nd floor, how could it have come in?  After some time passed, Mr F got up and went to the toilet that they seldom use (let's call it Toilet #2).  He seemed to be looking for something.  Mrs F being amused, followed him to see what he was up to. As she was about to open the door to the dining room, something caught her attention. There it was, a black furry creature with a long black tail running across the hallway, scurrying towards the main toilet (Toilet #1).

"There's a rat in the house!!! There's a rat in the house!!! It just ran into that bathroom!!!!"

Mr F came out of toilet #2 and asked Mrs F if she was sure she had seen it.  She ran into the living room and started screaming at the top of her lungs that "THERE'S REALLY A RAT IN THE HOUSE!!!!!"  Mr F tried to calm Mrs F down because he felt that the screaming would do their unborn child no good.  He was also worried the neighbours would misunderstand and call the police to "save" Mrs F from whatever calamity had befallen her.

Finally, after about 5 minutes of panicking, Mrs F calmed down.  Mr F had even resorted to slapping her face lightly although she thought she wasn't going hysterical given the circumstances.  All she wanted was for Mr F to stop calming her down and do something about the rat.  Quick! Thereupon, Mr F went to conduct further investigations as to where the rat might have gone.

Alas, after almost an hour of searching for it, the rat was nowhere to be found. Not in Toilet #1, not in the kitchen, it was nowhere to be seen.  Since it was already 12 in the night, the "investigations" would have to be called off for the time being.  However, Mrs F could not bear the thought of sleeping in the same house as the rat. What if it came crawling all over them on their bed at night? What if on her way to wee-wee in the middle of the night, she accidentally stepped on it or got freaked out by it? What if it bit her?? With all these thoughts racing through her mind, she convinced Mr F to let them stay over at a friend's place that night.  She promised she would be braver the next day and help him face the rat.  So they changed and hurried off to A's place, with Mrs F hoping that it was all a dream and that the rat would be a figment of their imagination the next day.

                                             ------- End of Chapter 1--------

[the final lap]

I can't believe so much time has passed that it's already the 3rd trimester of the pregnancy. Wow! How did the 6 months pass by so quickly???  Still remember the time I was convincing Mr F that we should go to the dr to check out my lower abdominal pain, followed by the surreal feeling when the doctor said our pregnancy test was positive.  One significant obstacle I've overcome, and am deeply grateful for, is the passing of the morning sickness that lasted till the 4th month.

Tummy is growing steadily bigger.  Baby is kicking steadily harder lol.  He's been a really good boy, cooperating during ultrasounds and such. I love the way he responds when his dada sings to him.  Sniff sniff he doesn't respond when I sing to him heh. He's gonna be daddy's boy!!

Not sure if I blogged about this but a lot of people around me have a lot of unwanted comments.  Nose puffy, darker skin, carrying big, acne breakout and so on. Other than the big tummy, I think the other things they just see because they want to see. Especially after telling them the gender.  The DHs never fail to bring up one comment or another every single time we meet. Like come on, I feel conscious enough, it doesn't help that you're helping to point out my "flaws". These days I've learnt to filter these people out. Am focusing on the people who acknowledge that H is a good boy and that I can't control the way I look during this hormone-crazy period.  Why can't people just keep comments to themselves??

According to the ticker there's 82 days to go. Sounds really soon!  Are we ready to be parents? Will we be good parents? Will I survive the labour pains according to my birth plan?  Will baby wait for daddy to arrive in Sg before he greets the world ? (I really hope so!) So many questions that can't be answered till the time comes.  This sentence (not ad verbatim) I found on a baby site rings so true; at this point, we are fluctuating between feelings of "Yay it's the last trimester, can't wait to welcome baby into this world!" and "Oh dear, are we ready to be parents? It's coming to soon!"  I guess some things you can never fully prepare for.  As in my friend's experience, her baby greeted the world 3 weeks early and it's still sinking in that she's a mother.

Well our dear H, we are ready to meet you. Till then, all we can do is say our usual prayers - that you be a strong and healthy boy who is always happy. Love you so much. xoxo

[hiatus]

So I haven't blogged in a while.  Haven't been in the mood really, coupled by the fact that I don't think anyone, or maybe just a couple of people, are reading my blog.

What's been happening so far?

Eid this year was fun in a different way because we celebrated it with our babymoon in Dubai.  It was a little hectic for a pregnant woman who couldn't get enough sleep because her hubby is so relaxed during holidays that his snoring score is 10/10.  The searing heat combined with the uncomfortable humidity also made it difficult for this waddling walrus.  Despite those obstacles, it was a very enjoyable trip - we got to see the main highlights of the place thanks to the bus tour.  The world's (current) highest tower, the Atlantis, the world's only 7 star hotel, the museum, a creek cruise and much more.  After living in a place which is dull and where customer service doesn't exist, Dxb was a real refreshing experience.  There were crowds everywhere, people looked more vibrant, even security guards offered us directions and the service in the 4-star hotel was superb. Superb to the point where even the cleaners greeted you along corridoors.  Not to mention that the Arabesque theme of the room was very unique.  The infrastructure there is also fantastic, comparable to Sg if not better. At the end of the trip Mr F said that Sg seemed under-developed in comparison to Dxb. He was expecting me to get defensive but seriously, I had to agree. That's how impressive it was!  Ok, so now I'm working on getting him to move there. Yeah the cost of living is higher, but at least I'll have freeeedom!

Baby has been doing fine, albeit some minor thing that should clear up by the time he comes out or soon after, God-willing.  We realised being parents is not easy even though we're officially not parents yet.  The past couple of months have seen us increasingly spending time at the hospital; what with scares like food poisoning till I wasn't retaining any food or water, ultrasounds, gynae appointments, one blood test after another and chiropractice for my poor aching back.  The frequency, as Mr F pointed out, was almost once in every 2 weeks, and in the last week itself, I think I went there everyday except one for one thing or another.  It hasn't stopped there because I still have more chiro to go for (it's working..yay!) and a glucose test to rule out or diagnose (I'm hoping the former) gestational diabetes.  Pregnancy is a long and difficult process!!!

Have bought my tickets to go back to Sg.  I must say I've been having second thoughts about returning.  The main reason is because I don't see my family being very supportive. Yeah, they want to be part of the baby's life but other than that, they seem reluctant to help me out in certain things.  I've also grown dependent on Mr F and the thought of handling the last few weeks of pregnancy myself scares the shit out of me. No one to accompany me to the dr (I'm sure my family will be too busy), no one to hold my hand in case of not so good news (cross fingers there won't be any), no one to get me food at 12am in case I get hunger pangs. Sigh, Mr F has spoilt me...not that I'm complaining. Hehe.

For now I shall just stick to plan A. Am reminding myself that no matter what, family support is important and having (more than one) family member around will always come in handy. 

[glow or grow?]

Someone commented that I should be having a pregnancy glow now that I'm in the 5th month.

Frankly speaking, I don't see any pregnancy glow but instead just pregnancy grow. Growing swollen ankles, growing tummy, growing number of stretch marks so soon..gah.

Feels like I'm having one of the most unglamorous pregnancies actually.  Hopefully the anecdote "it gets better" will be true for subsequent pregnancies.

I have rashes on my shoulders, and the weirdest part is that they're concentrated solely on where the sleeves of my tops are (is that supposed to be a comfort?).  I have stretch marks so soon. My tummy is expanding so fast I feel like a walrus who will soon be promoted to a whale.  I have swollen ankles which have become so big I only have one pair of shoes I can fit into, and they're wearing out fast.  I have facial acne outbreaks more often and some on my back too, which unfortunately some people like to point out and make me feel even worse.  I have a sour taste in my mouth quite often which I don't know how to eliminate and makes eating somewhat unappealing.  I have some hyperpigmented creases at my neck and the linea nigra down my belly.  My fainting episode has apparently been attributed to low-ish iron levels so I hope the iron pills do a better job otherwise I've been warned that I might need iron infusions in month 7 onwards.  As if these pleasures of pregnancy were not bad enough, yesterday came the epitomy of all embarrassments, I had blood in my stool.  I shall not go into details the embarrassing part but thank goodness no one checked me when I was at the ER, just some tests and lots of questions to rule out anything more serious. Diagnosis: hemorrhoids.  Seems it's common during pregnancy because of the pressure on the blood vessels in the you-know-where, go figure, I would've never associated the two at all.  I feel like if there were a checklist of the side effects of pregnancy, most of them would be ticked by now.

Some people's theories are that since it's a boy, my body is reacting to the extra testosterone.  Others comfort me that when it's a girl, I will feel the glow. Let's hope.

Whatever it is, I'm grateful to have hubby's support. Yeah he tries to annoy me sometimes (and succeeds) by going "Eeee, look at the rashes on your shoulders", but most times, he comforts me by saying I'm still the most beautiful woman to him, if not more.  One time I was feeling so insecure, he reassured me by saying that even though I felt I had a hideous tummy, when he sees it, he doesn't think of me as a walrus, but instead that it's our boy growing inside of me. I'm tearing just thinking of his sweet words =)

I know this is all going to go away when baby comes. Right now I just have to convince myself that walrus or not, whatever I'm going through is worth it.

[it's a....]

So we know the gender of our baby. Seems our instincts were right after all. Woot!

Actually we have known for awhile (like two entries ago..which was why I wanted to update on bubs), but we didn't tell non-family till our most recent scan last weekend. I was quite freaked out by the term "foetal anomaly scan" and kept worrying about the outcome but Alhamdulillah, bubs is doing good.  He was so cheerful during our scan and cooperative as always.  I was already grinning when I saw the shadow of his face on the normal ultrasound, when we could see his image more clearly during the 3D version, I was so excited the radiologist told me to keep still so she could do her job. Haha. Aiyah, let mummy be excited lah!  He seemed to be smiling throughout the scan, at first covering his face then letting us see it clearly.  Everyone I've showed the pic to says he's just adorable...of course lah...my baby what...hahaha. Sakura says it's because he's in a no stress environment so he's happy...maybe if he's in Sg he won't smile as much lol.

Ok, so I guess I've already said it's a he..so no need to declare explicitly.  My emotions were mixed - from the excitement of determining "the baby's" gender (now we can call it a "he" instead of "it" for sure) to being a little disappointed that I won't be buying cute pretty (pink) dresses anytime soon, to being totally in love with hubby again thinking that a part of him is in me.  It's like I've fallen all over in love with Mr F again, on a different level (note: not that I'd fallen out of love with him heh). 

If there's one way of describing how I'm feeling these days it's this: I've always been skeptical but now I know what it means to fall in love with someone even before knowing them.  SG's song "I knew I loved you before I met you" rings so true now... No way is that line cliche anymore.  Call it mushy motherhood feelings, but it's totally real.  We talk to him everyday, I stare at his ultrasound pics constantly, am amazed everytime I see the "alien" movements in my tummy. I simply can't wait to meet him.  4 months suddenly seems so long!

He's a really good boy and InshaAllah he will come out healthy, happy and calm like he is right now.  My little one, we love you so much. Hope to see you soon!

 

Our cheerful boy at 21 weeks...thank God for technology eh?

(labels were added for the in-laws :P)

[what was the update about?]

So much for updating my previous post. Now I've forgotten what I wanted to write about. Growing old lol.

The only thing I remember that I wanted to post about was my birthday this year. Unlike the last, this year's one was pretty fun...met up with the DH gang and had a sumptious dinner at an Indian restaurant.  The best part was the cake..yummy BR cookies and cream cake...mmm.  The food was alright, the company was good, albeit for the fact that there was too much Urdu so I couldn't catch most of the jokes. And hubby didn't understand my eye signals so he only translated jokes when I asked him to. Sigh.  I'd wanted to meet Y the day after, but sadly she was not feeling well and I guess with Ramadan the next day, it was a good thing to rest.

August went by very fast. Seems that fasting or not, Ramadan passes very fast. Can't believe summer is coming to an end (now that there's a concept of "summer" here, I can comment on it).  Sometimes I wonder if I wasted it away. But seeing the amount of work I did, I guess I didn't.

National Day this year was a homely affair. We had dinner at a M'sian restaurant (the irony) and the catching up with faces you only see once a year was good (sounds like a typical Hari Raya affair in our family haha).  The food was yummy and although the venue was a "step down" from last year's Four Season's, Mr Ambassador had a point - better to have local food which is something that sort of gels us together as S'poreans rather than international food at some posh place that not all can appreciate, especially seeing the occassion.  Hubz must be very excited about little bubs cos now even the Ambassador knows I'm preggie.  They were talking when hubz called me over and first thing Mr Wong did was to congratulate me, and I was taken aback. Heh.  He's a nice guy though and offered some advice here and there.  He even offered advice about how to deal with subsequent children but I was like...err..one by one please. Lol. Reminds me of how MIL nicely sms-ed and said 6 children would be ideal.  SIX? My God, at the rate of how I'm feeling, I can't even think when we'll have the next one. Exhausted even before baby is born...after how?? Unforunately hubz had to go back to office (yes, at 9pm!) so we had to leave early..gah.  I hate HW now, seriously, making him work long hours is one thing, but can't you cut some slack during Ramadan?? ROAR.

A pregnant and bloated me

(wore my Hari Raya baju kurung early just in case by the time it comes, I can't fit into it anymore :P)

they came over to my seat to take pics so that pregnant lady doesn't have to walk...I'm not disabled lah lol

(SW thought I was putting on weight, apparently SL had to tell her I was preggie...haha)

Seems I do have stuff to write about afterall, it's all coming back to me now...

Ramadan this year has it's new challenges for me.  I kind of knew I would not be able to fast because I have a bubs who doesn't allow me to go off schedule with my food intake.  I tried one weekend and only lasted one day.  By the 2nd day at noon I felt the nausea creeping up again and since I was a little late in tackling it, out came gastric juices and awhile later whatever I tried to eat. Sigh.  Feel guilty but I shall remember that God is kind and doesn't want us to suffer.  Another struggle is to get enough energy to cook for Mr F.  It's especially tough when he expects me to cook even though I feel like crap, or maybe it's just me over-reading or being over-sensitive about his comments the first couple of times I tried to ask him to get food from outside.  That coupled with odd sleeping/waking hours - I've been cooking at all sorts of odd times of the day. First is the rush for iftar around 5 when I've napped for an hour (not enough) after getting home from work, then whatever time I have energy to cook for sahor (my "achievement" so far is cooking at 2am - not a very good idea seeing that being half awake in the kitchen has it's dangers...).  Sometimes with the odd hours, I find that my sleep is disturbed and I only get about 5 hours of sleep a day. Sigh. I even managed to get one "stitch" (they use steri-strips these days..) from rushing to cook iftar. That is another story to tell heh.

Even then, I'm amazed I managed well the two-thirds of it.  Only the last few days I've been more lenient to myself, declaring defeat when I can't make it to the kitchen.  It's probably not a good thing but this year I feel like I can't wait for Ramadan to be over so that I don't have to struggle in the kitchen.  I sound like a Ramadan grinch right now..ha.  6 days to go..I can do it!

Looking forward to our Eid break...hope we have fun together! :)

[halfway there!]

Wow, time really does fly. I think I was so pre-occupied with coping with the woes of carrying Little Peanut that time must have flown out the window.  Either that or I've been quite busy with work so I didn't notice time flying by.  Somehow, my baby ticker also flew away, so I had to re-paste another one...haha.  Am glad that we're already halfway there. Can't wait to see you soon Baby! This also spells that I'm closer to going home...yay!

Not sure where to start with updates so I'll probably go chronologically.  My habibi was so generous - apart from the impromptu dinner, the flowers, he totally surprised me with an LV clutch bag. Wow! My first ever (very) branded thing. Hehe.  I kind of suspected he was up to something because on the day he was supposed to fetch me from shopping, he left me with the girls while he disappeared into thin air.  Later on when I said I was done, he was still "busy" and when he reappeared, he had a paper bag in his hand which he was trying very hard to hide.  Later when we got into the car, he handed it to me and I was like WHOAAAAA. Haha. Needless to say, I was grinning big time - all the way home - so much so my cheeks were aching from smiling too widely.  Thank you darling!!



my first (and hopefully not last) LV



lots of compartments...hubby knows my taste!

My LV deserves a photoshoot..teehee

As if those were not wonderful surprises enough, we had a short staycation at the east coast the next weekend.  I was double surprised when hubby acceded to my request to stay in a hotel rather than a furnished apartment, and triple surprised when he said we could stay in a suite rather than the standard room. Woooo. Something told me I was going to enjoy this weekend :P  Official reason for the trip: Settle bank matters. Unofficial reason(s): A getaway for us, celebrate 2nd anni, pre-bday escape, i'm-bored-of-this place, and so on... Somehow I like our unofficial reasons better. =)

A surprise for him

Short trip to the corniche

Enjoy the weekend we did, even though we didn't do much.  We lounged around most of the time, did some shopping, caught up on sleep and enjoyed each other's company in the huge suite. I like!  Sometimes a lazy holiday is just what you need.  We drove home receiving good news on the way, S had given birth to their baby boy.  So instead of going home directly, we dropped by the hospital to see the new parents and cute lil boy.  Adorable he is..and very talkative even though he was only a few hours old lol. Definitely not like his mum :P

Our fun didn't end there...shall write more updates on the next post. Ta for now!

[Happy 2nd!]

Yet another year has flown by quickly.  Someone commented that my FB status was not romantic, but if you knew our history, living 2 years together without killing each other is a big achievement. Lol.  We used to fight so much online even before we were a couple, we used to say, if we ever got together, we'd end up killing each other.  I think we're doing pretty good...don't think we've had any major quarrels in the past year.  First year had its ups and downs as we got to know each other, I think the 2nd year we understood each other better and are more aware of each other's feelings and how to react to them.

Celebration wise let's not talk about it.  Hubby has been coming home late lately and by late I mean at least 9pm.  There were a couple of times last week he came back at twelve-freaking-thirthy-am.  Sigh.  "At least" yesterday he came home around 9 something.  Our celebration was no more than a cheesecake and ice choco drinks at an atas cafe in town.  Unfortunately even that was interrupted by phonecalls by the %$##! in his office.

Let's not talk about prezzies either. Between one very contented man and a fickle and pretty contented woman, neither of us got the other anything.

I'm not lamenting how disappointed I was on 11 July 2011 (just realised the numbers are nice..heh).  In fact, the little coffee we had and the de-tour hubby took on the way home so that we could spend more time together was enough to perk me up after missing him the whole day. 

♥Happy Anniversary Darling♥

Thank you Allah for blessing us with each other.

Our 3rd anniversary will InshaAllah have a 3rd person celebrating with us. Good things come in threes. =)

Update: Wee, just an hour after posting this, hubby called to say he was coming home on time (sort of). And we were going for our post-anniversary dinner. Double wee! Dinner was at our favourite fish and chips place. Oh, and he got me a lovely bunch of flowers. Triple wee!!!

[tick tick ticker]

Yay I finally have my ticker up. Been wanting to have one for some time...well, the last one was our wedding ticker.  But these baby ones are sooo cute.  Maybe now I'll be able to track the days/weeks better, or with less thinking. At least I'm not the only one who seems to have trouble keeping track...other mummies experience it too!

I still don't know how to put it as a tagboard, so it's not that I'm predicting the date to be 30th Dec. Since one dr said 28th and another said 30th, I'm just assuming that's roughly when lil baby will come out.

Oh and if you notice, I deliberately did not choose a baby boy or girl.  Firstly, we don't know yet and secondly, I shall not assume (based on our hunches or desires). So there you go, ala emancipated Mimi's style, our baby will be gender neutral till we find out it's gender (well she took it a step further by not announcing it to the world till they were born, but I shan't do that. and no, i'm not a fan, i just happened to watch her interview on tv one day :P).

[changes]

I'm not too sure if I should title this post as "changes" or "pregnancy symptoms".  I guess it's an overlap, since pregnancy is a huge change.

Zzzzzz

One of the biggest change is my current lack of energy. It started right after our MS trip, when even Ez commented that I've been tired ever since returning.  On hindsight, our little peanut had a mighty adventurous first few weeks of life since at that time we were very active during weekends. Maybe it will be inspired to take on mummy's travel adventures.  Since the 5th week or so, energy levels have dipped to an all time low. I admit I was never very energetic upon returning home from work, but these days it seems like a nap is almost a must.  Last week I was determined to stay fresh after work so I didn't give in to the bed the moment I returned, but apparently, when you're this tired, even sitting upright on the sofa can let you fall asleep.  A full meal and Beethoven's symphony can also put me asleep on the drive home.  Poor Mr F, surprised a couple of times when his passenger didn't respond to him. :P

Baby bump

I officially have a baby bump, I think.  At least hubby says so and I guess my tummy IS growing bigger. My hesitation is that I'm not sure if it's really a bump or I'm growing fatter, since I wasn't stick thin to begin with hence the changes are less noticeable.  Have taken a photo or two to show Auntie and Jam (yes, they're quite eager to see me growing), so let's hope they see the difference and not say I'm just fatter. Haha.  Still a bit conscious so till I have a fully rounded belly, don't think I'm going to post pictures up just yet.

Emo street

Even before we got the news, I was getting more and more emo.   Crying at little things, or upset over trivial things.  So much so hubby commented one evening: You're so emo these days, maybe you're preggie. Needless to say, things are even more dramatic now. Yesterday, after finding out that I wasted about $130 on bras that were too small and couldn't be exchanged, I stopped in my tracks and started apologising (and sobbing) to hubby for wasting money.  And I mean stopped in my tracks in the middle of the shopping centre! (On a side note, what a stupid system! Can't try on the bra cos no changing rooms, and yet can't exchange or return it...wtf! The first maternity bra I bought was too big because of this, and the current ones, which are a size smaller, are too small...fantastic! And no, I'm not about to ask the salesMEN for help on sizing because I do not want them checking out my boobs...roar!!!  Not that they seemed very helpful anyway.  Point to note, shall buy oversized undies from now on, better to wait to grow into them than having them wasted...I guess I have to wait till I get back to my pre-pregnancy size.)  There've been numerous other instances to cry as well..such as worrying about hubby possibly not wanting me anymore once I get fat and ugly, wanting to go home or get out of here for good desperately (well, that's not a new one :P), and not having a fall-asleep-with buddy almost every night (consequences of yawning out loud and dozing off on the sofa: being dragged by hubby to the bedroom keke).  I think hubby is immune to my tears now.

Dreams

I've always been a vivid dreamer but it seems as if my dreams have become more and more outrageous of late. Apparently it's common for first time mummies-to-be to have strange dreams, which more often than not reveal some sort of anxiety about being a good mum or insecurities that have been lingering in the subconscious mind.  My conclusion...if I were to make my dreams into a movie, they'd sell even better than a Spielberg blockbuster!

Aversions i.e. nausea

I've developed strange aversions, mostly to smells and food.  I can't stand the kitchen now, just entering it makes me nauseated. It doesn't help that the sink sucks, but little things such as just opening the onion plastic can make me gag. Let's not talk about the garbage... Needless to say, because of these reasons cooking has become an even bigger chore.  At times, I'm so averse to being in the kitchen that as long as I get to fry an egg for dinner, I'm happy.  I also can't stand the sell of burnt popcorn, so hubby now has to make popcorn only after I sleep (poor guy). I also get quesy at the sight of red meat, and often times throw up after eating meat.  I always try to tell baby, mummy needs the iron, so please cooperate. Heheh.  Most of the times feeling hungry makes me puke (strange!), but eating the wrong thing also does the same, so it's a tricky situtation.  The only fool proof thing that works right now is work.  But work = exhaustion, so go figure!

The one thing I can't wait to get rid off is the nausea and I'm glad it's gradually improving.  Let's hope I get to experience the so-called easy trimester soon, and enjoy the baby glow.  Looking forward to our next appointment eagerly, want to see little peanut waving at us again.  Wee!

[another new beginning]

This place, as much as I still haven't developed an affinity to, has seen several new beginnings in our lives.  A new beginning for us as a couple, a new beginning in owning a home (well renting, same difference :P), a new beginning in living abroad for me.

As of April 27, we discovered we will be making another new beginning. InshaAllah, come end of the year, we will be celebrating the culmination of our love - as parents. I'm being melodramatic I know, but in this instance, I think I have the perogative to.

I have not announced it to the world (i.e. using the very reliable no-privacy tool - FB) and neither do I intend to.  Based on the previous post, I have not been able to tell certain people as soon as I would have liked and have yet to tell them the news personally.  As unideal as it is, I guess a certain few will have to find out through my blog. Then I'll also be able to find out who still reads it...haha.  For now, a select few have been informed of their impending new roles :P

I'm usually kaypoh about how my friends found out they were expecting, etc, so I shall indulge with the details, if you want to know (otherwise ignore the next section). To make a long story short, it was kind of unexpected although we'd already been trying (and panicking at the lack of instant results lol).  Neither did we expect to find out the news the way we did - at the ER because I was complaining of lower left abdominal pain for a couple of weeks.  After a couple of almost-scares, All Praise be to Allah, little peanut and mummy are doing well now at 3 months and 1 week.  Here was our initial "adventure" with the doctors:

April 27 - Finally we go to the ER at 9pm because pain becomes unbearable. 

First qs dr asks is whether I'm pg.  I say I'm a week late so test #1 is a pg test. Suspect: ectopic pg.  Us: WORRIED.  After a gruelling 1 hr wait in the paed ER (bcos they had no beds in the adult section), Test: Positive. Reaction: Wow, really? :P

April 28 - No female radiologist the night before so we have to come early morning for an emergency ultrasound in the ob/gyn dept.  ER dr (not the same one who attended to us the night before) scares the shit out of us by saying that although it's not an ectopic pg, some fluid which is not supposed to be there is present.  To confirm with ob in 2 wks time.

So for 2 weeks we sit biting our nails...even Auntie who's a female reproductive system specialised nurse can't make the link between what the dr said and why it's bad.

May 10: Good news comes in 3s!  Dad signed our BTO lease papers, got news of a possible promotion, and most importantly, there is nothing wrong with the baby. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.  We can't thank God enough.  (On a side note, we felt like kicking that dr's you-know-where.)  Baby is roughly 8 weeks old and I am privileged to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time - MashaAllah, no words could describe the miraculous moment!  Unfortunately daddy-to-be could not come into the room, but I described it to him.

June 16: Appt #2 - detailed scan. Corrected EDD is 28 Dec 2011.  Baby, can wait 3 days for new year? Lol.  Baby waves to us during ultrasound and this time hubby got to be in the room. Yay Dr I, my new gynae. Changed gynae bcos the previous one seemed uninterested in her job.  Good decision I made.

The first few weeks were very smooth, but in the 3rd month I got morning sickness to the core.  My record was 3 times one evening followed by 5 times the next day.  IV fluids the moment I went to the ER but good thing I was not officially dehydrated yet.  These days I go to work just to keep distracted, and so far it seems to be working.  The more I work, the less I puke...yay.  I've got wonderful colleagues who have been doting on me, from making sure I eat on time to reminding me that I should drink milk and buy only decaff coffee.  Mr F has been a doll too, helping me with the housework and comforting me each time I have to visit the toilet for unglamorous throwing up sessions. Blessed I am.

Everyone at home is excited of course.  Sakura has seen a need to define roles for everyone, or rather titles.  I'm not sure but I think she will be "Auntie", mum will be "Nana" and dad "Petapa". Ah, the multicultural family lives on (English - English - Tamil).  Auntie has been supportive all the way, even staying up till 1am everytime we have an appointment so that she can be up to date with what the dr said. Jam has coined a new term - nieson - niece + cousin.  Very creative.  In laws were elated over the phone and MIL constantly gets updates about me thru Mr F.

Ah a mighty long post. Which reminds me...have you thought about what a long process pregnancy is - 9 months (10 to be exact)! Have to be patient, and InshaAllah the end results will be marvelous.  Wee!

[on long distance relationships]

My friends would probably think I'm a pro on this topic, having been in one for half a decade which ended in a happily-ever-after  fairytale (well, sort of).  Ever since coming here, as I start to reflect on things, as much as I am not against long distance relationships, I wouldn't recommend it for the faint hearted.

The kind of relationship I've been pondering on is not so much a romantic one but a platonic one.  Although I was initially very dependent on my buddies in Sg for getting me through the long desert days and nights, I have somewhat been able to wean myself off the dependency.  It's not that I don't need them anymore, but as circumstances permit or don't permit, it is quite difficult to maintain an optimal conversation/relationship online when you are world's apart, literally and figuratively.

As everyday demands mount on you, such as work pressures, family commitments, social commitments, it is hard to find a common time to come online with the time difference. I have even found a trend - that as wrong as it sounds, more people seem to be online on weekdays during office hours than on weekends.  But although they are online at work, well, work being work, is not a conducive place to chat online.  The different weekday/weekend schedules further compound  this problem. Furthermore, as I grow more and more out of touch with happenings around my circles of friends as well as what is happening back home, the number of topics you are able to talk about declines gradually.  You soon find yourself talking about the same topic repeatedly or cracking your brain on what topic to talk about next.  Once in awhile, when you are in an epiphany of things to talk about, something or other crops up like a bad internet connection or a "I have to go off now".

Lately I've been more than a little ticked off by a couple of friends who claim they have been too busy to drop a line or two to at least tell me they are doing well.  It seems that the onus is on me to maintain the friendship.  Is it my fault because I had to go away? Doesn't it take two to clap, tango, or whatever else it is?  I almost feel like a sucker for wanting to maintain the friendships and it leaves me wondering if the other party is interested at all.

I guess this is part and parcel of living away from home.  While you make new friends, you risk losing the old ones, and sadly the latter is very real.  Though I'm not yet giving up, because I believe that since we were once good friends, there will be something to rekindle sooner or later.  On the end of the person who is living abroad, as KS said, it becomes tough when every summer, you find out that yet another expat friend of yours is leaving for good, and you never know when you will meet them again. 

"Friendships aren't always forever, but while you have them they are intellectually and emotionally enriching and you should always treasure them, even if they are short term." - KS

[A Nabatean Adventure]

According to Kak Su, there are two places that are definitely worth going here - EOTW and MS.  So since we've done EOTW last year, this time we ventured to MS.

In my layman terms, MS is an archealogical site on the west of this country. They were the same people who settled in Petra, which was the capital of their kingdom.  For more details, please refer to this.  Seems there is some Islamic history to it too.  This trip was much more adventurous albeit being a guided tour.  Off we were at 4am to the airport; a sleepy me equals a grumpy me so I warned hubby not to irritate me on the 4 hour bus ride we had to take once we landed.

I shall not go into details but the highlights of the trip were the Elephant Rock, the tombs of course, and the marvellous canyons surrounding the landscape.  Even our hotel was impeccably placed in a valley hence there were beautiful rock structures all around us.  The whole time, the lot of us felt as if we were not in this country, rather transported into some exotic location like the Grand Canyon. Indeed, it was that beautiful! Subhanallah.  Who can deny God's existence after seeing such beauty that encompasses us?

The service was perfect throughout the trip. We had security with us almost all the time - the official reason is that the king wants his tourists to be safe while venturing. Our take on it? Well contact me privately to find out..lol.  There were no delays, the guide and driver were friendly, the hotel though 2 star had amazing facilities including a pool which had a lot of privacy.  They even provided drinks in a cooler so that we did not get dehydrated, the buffet meals were satisfying and they even planned rest hours in the day so that we did not melt under the sun.  The group was also very diversified, with Europeans, Americans and us Asians.  Lovely people, would love to keep in touch with them.

I'm glad we made this pre-summer trip even though there were some complications initially (next one will be in Nov). Shall look out for more adventures in the coming months, but of course, with limitations...hehe.

Can you see the elephant?

Tombs tombs and more tombs

One of the few examples of lovely landscape

He was practising on the new cam, I enjoyed being the model :P

The biggest tomb standing tall and alone (and yes, it was windy)

For lots and lots more pictures, and a clearer story, click here.

[time to slow down]

April was extremely fun-filled.  Actually we've been having adventures from mid May till last week, from iris fields to desert biking to an impromptu trip to the east coast (beach..yay!), our MS trip, an istiraha party and more.

Thank you Mr F for putting in so much effort in keeping me "occupied" and happy. Happy indeed I am. But at this point, (actually even during some point mid-April), it's time to slow down.  Too much of anything is not good right? Haha.

The weather is getting a bit wonky, sandstorms almost every other day.  One day it's bright and sunny (and hot!), then a sandstorm happens, then the next day it rains. I'm loving the rain, but if only it'd happen without the sandstorms.  Unfortunately that's how things work here in the desert.  The weather is getting too warm for no aircon, but too much aircon plus constant exposure to dust made me get a sorethroat.  Hope it doesn't worsen to anything else!

Stay tuned for my post about our MS adventure!

[still here]

After my angsty rant two entries ago, my decision would seem somewhat contradictory.  However, in order to placate and remind myself why I made this decision, here goes this entry.

The thing that struck me most was when I told hubby that I hadn't come to an answer even after praying Istikharah (=prayer of guidance).  To which he said, if I really wanted the new job, things would have been very clear by now.  And mind you, I think 3 months, if not more, have passed since they made the offer, interviewed me and asked me for a decision (thanks to the laid back style here, I don't think anyone in Sg would wait that long for an answer!). So I did another Istikharah, before which I told Mr F that the "feeling" was clearer and the decision was easier when I did Istikharah for our marriage lol.  Actually, upon hindsight, I had already thought about staying at the first job after my first istikharah, it's just that I kept fighting the decision because of well, who knows why...

So anyway, as of last week, I have formally rejected the job offer.  I felt a little bad because I had already submitted the reference letters (felt bad about troubling my referees of course). But a decision had to be made and thanks to hubby who made me work through my decision making, I emailed the rejection letter.  Furthermore, it did feel that I was letting go of a possibly good opportunity.  But as of now, my reasons are:

1. My current superiors really cherish me. Dr A really sounded sincere with his advice and said he'd work on keeping me more challenged. He said if I wanted to lecture, he could give me a few hours to do that next semester.
2. Even though Dr F pretty much pissed me off with the conversation, he too has stepped up. Since that conversation, he's been calling me up almost every week to enquire how I am and "how's life" (which boss would ask that usually heh). He's even given me an assignment which I'm finding too hot to handle. Eeks.
3. Dr A must have told Dr M about my "misery" so Dr M is really stepping it up to keep me on my feet.  Been attending meetings after meetings with him, and upon my very thick skinned suggestion of sending me to Canada for training, although he blatantly said the university would (i quote) NEVER sponsor me because they think I'd run away with my husband there, he suggested some alternative ways of getting my own funding.  He even "invited" me to participate (mentor/lecture) in a new diploma course he'll be introducing next semester. Fun!
4. The new place is far and a one hour commute in peak hour is NOT ideal.
5. The current university is much more well known than the new one which is only just starting up.
6. I would be further away from the lab since the new job was mainly teaching/statistics. Dr F had a point there.
7. The new place, as several people have pointed out, works every cent out of you.  Even the profs there were complaining they were working too hard and did not have any time for themselves.  Not the kind of life I want while living here, since everything else is so laid back. Must enjoy before I get back to stressful Sg.
8. I did not get a very good vibe from the meetings I attended with them. At least at the current job I'm seen as a big shot and they come to me for help. The new place have ang moh big shots from South Africa, USA and what not, so I'd be a tiny tiny fry there. Should enjoy the glamour I'm getting now while I can right? ;)
9. The current job will be more flexbile if and when a baby comes.  And since we're planning on a child, reason 4 and 6 applies.  I want a stress free pregnancy. :P
10. Though theoretically the pay will be higher in the new place, the transport allowance does not totally cover the cost of a driver (dumb) and the net "gain" would not be much especially if they're going to work the life out of me.

I hope I remember these reasons.  I guess if I forget I can come back to my blog heh.  For now, I shall enjoy the new projects they are assigning me, including the one where I get to watch surgeries in the OR (wee!).

[breaking barriers]

No hugs, no kind words, no kisses, no affection.

We have a one-of-a-kind father. That we do.  He says things that hurt us, he complains when we ask for a gift (or just to buy us something that he deems unnecessary and expensive).  Yet at the end of the day, we know he loves us. How? We just do.

When I was on exchange, he constantly asked about my health. He offered to help me settle in and told me not to worry about money. When Sakura was on exchange, he kept in touch with her on Skype no less, and paid the hefty bill which she incurred after a senseless mistake without a single word of displeasure.

When we are sick, he doesn't offer to take us to the doctor and even scolds us if we go to a private (i.e. expensive) one. Yet when we continue to sniff, he nags us to see a doctor or take our meds till we finally do.

The only time I remember receiving a hug from him, as an adolescent onwards at least, was 4 years back when I was in depression.  Even while leaving for here, I pondered whether to hug him at the airport and I guess he got surprised when I did. Let's not talk about the awkwardness when he hugged Mr F after our wedding lol.

Even though he now thinks I "belong" to my husband, he constantly emails and asks about us. He always enquires whether the sandstorms are affecting my asthma and let's not forget the links he sends us for F's job applications.

I guess affection doesn't come naturally to him probably due to his upbringing.  Sakura wrote him a card today and in her own words: "then i so shy to give him. cos u know how we're so unaffectionate with papa. so after i give him then i run away to shower so he dun have to read in front of me." And when she said she'd return the money for the huge bill she got in dk, he said, i quote, "don't need, just study hard and then when u want to get married I will say BYEEE". Go figure!

Freaky or not, I had the exact same thought last night as I sms-ed him and signed off with "Love you" to replace my usual "Take care".  I went straight to bed with my hp facing down so that I wouldn't regret what I wrote lol.  His reply was that the govt was giving us money that'd be credited to my bank account.  Go figure!

 

To our dear father who shows his love in his own quirky ways... Happy Birthday, we love you. ♥

[career? what career?]

As of last week, I made two discoveries.  I wouldn't exactly say they were new discoveries, but they could be termed reaffirmations of notions I already had about living here.

To sum it up, I have a double disadvantage of being myself.  Firstly, I'm not a local, and more specifically (my own deduction), an Asian.  Westerners are treated as gods here, men and women alike. Arabs are in the middle runk.  Asians are varied, with people from the Indian subcontinent being at the lowest end of the heirarchy, and I would say, being a Singaporean gives you a slightly upper hand.  However, after talking to Dr M, in his exact words after I asked about the possibilities about being trained overseas or the like, "they wouldn't sponsor me, because I'm not a local".  ("they" being the university)

This very blatant disclaimer came a couple of days after I talked to Dr F about my job change considerations. Ha, here I was thinking that talking to him would help.  What essentially came out of the discussion was that it's my own decision to make, though they like me and definitely want me to say. Though in the midst of it all, he said something to the effect of my news being shocking and that he didn't know I was unhappy with my current position, and that "any other woman here with your kind of job would be happy [with the workload], but you're from a different background". 

So basically, being a non-local, Asian woman (maybe that's 3 disdvantages, no?) has put me at a great disadvatage. While I knew I would have career suicide coming here, I did not think it would be this bad. Then again, maybe I did and I wasn't being pessimistic afterall.  What's even more disappointing is to have the people I work with say things like that without any reserve.  As a follow up to my conversation with Dr F, yesterday he asked what I felt/thought about what we had discussed about.  Honestly I said "I've come to a conclusion that women here cannot have a career". His reponse? "Well, I thought you would've known that even before coming here." Light-hearted or not, it was yet another slap in my face.

I have a very important decision to make. To stay in my boring job and have it as just a job i.e. let's not talk about "career advancement", much more a career, or to be daring and venture into a different field, with more challenges (according to Dr A they will work my butt off there, and I believe him judging by how much the nurses are overworked there and how they're already giving me work even before joining) and a less willing husband.  Compounded with the decision of wanting to start a family soon, that's the main thing holding me back from taking the job, otherwise I am all up for it.

Dr F once asked if he knew someone with my background he could hire. Even then I was thinking, who would want to come to this place.  My response to him from now on will be: Why would I want to ruin someone's career by asking them to come to this MCP country???

I'm down in the dumps. Keep wondering how I can move forward from this but at this moment, I just feel that I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS FREAKING PLACE. HELP!!!

[my new baby]

So when I bought my first camera way back in 2006, I deemed it my "baby".  I was so proud of owning a semi-manual camera, and treated it with great care because 1) it cost me $800, which was a lot of money then since I'd just started working and 2) it was out of my first pay check so well, back to (1) but also because it was a memorable moment for me. Till now I treat it with such great care, often times huddling it close to me so that it gets all the TLC it needs.

If you haven't already known, I've been into photography since my secondary school days.  Is and I were, you could say, the pioneer girls in our then unofficial photography club under the wings of the AVA club (ok maybe I shouldn't remind everyone I was in that geeky club lol).  We were the first to get our hands on a manual film camera back then, attended courses with an ah-pek I remember (lol!) and by Sec 4, we were taking photos of official events in school and training our juniors how to use an SLR.  After we left, the photography club branched out to become a club of it's own (our campaign worked!).  Needless to say, I've always yearned for an SLR and have been more than hinting (more like thick-skinnedly asking blatantly) Mr F to get me one.

I was totally surprised one day, about two weeks ago, when Mr F started getting serious about buying one.  I'm not one who receives gifts easily.  Since childhood our parents only bought us expensive gifts on special occasions, mainly birthdays, so I was a little sheepish about receiving a gift on a "normal" day, and such an expensive one at that.  Moreover I didn't feel I "deserved" it (talk about esteem issues...) plus my Powershot is in excellent working condition except for the scratches on the LCD screen (the other thing I learned from my dad, fortunately or unfortunately, was that I shouldn't/couldn't get new things till old ones are dead and gone).   I tried to "postpone" it (to my birthday...many months away) but Mr F seemed pretty adamant about buying one, so we started our research.

Here I am, a proud owner of a Canon EOS 500D (reviews and specs here) which was a little above budget of an entry level SLR we were aiming for (though I was the one who convinced Mr F to go for a higher end one instead of upgrading later..hehe).

Love it! Compact, light and full of features!

As dramatic as this is going to sound, I am thrilled and extremely thankful to my dearest habibi for finally fulfilling my 13 year long dream.  Yes you could say it didn't need to be dramatic since I could've easily afforded one and almost every other person owns one these days. But for reasons stated above I decided to hold back on indulging, being the thrifty person that I am.

Now that I have a new "baby", I shall polish up my photography skills and hopefully come up with really beautiful photos.  Shall practive whenever I'm bored.  This is going to be dangerous...if I take 500+ photos on a week long trip with my first "baby", maybe with baby #2 that might double with all the trial and error shots.  Good thing cameras are digital these days! 

I ramble...perhaps it's time to continue reading up on the manual. Ta!