Diarium av en Princessa

[Our prince's progress...]

2012-12-27T18:50:00.000+08:00

[One month on]

2012-02-06T14:59:00.002+08:00

If you were to ask me how my birth experience was, I would say at this point that it was an interesting experience. Of course while going through it, it was scary but now that time has passed, I am able to appreciate the wisdom behind it. Most of all I am grateful to God because He let me know that it was the right time for H to come into this world. I would not have to live with thoughts of "Did I take him out too early?"

The first few days were tough as I could barely move in bed, much less prop myself up everytime it was feeding time. At certain points I almost gave up but since colostrum is important, I persevered. I did not like feeling helpless and counting on people to do simple things like get out of bed. I did not like losing my "dignity" like having Auntie follow me to the toilet to help me out, but I soon learned that when you need help and people are around, just accept it.

Coming home was a different matter. At least in hospital I had the bed bars to hold myself up, and the up/down buttons to move around. At home, I had to rely on habibi to pull me out of bed and carry H to me especially at night. Dealing with my wound was also scary because well, I hate wounds. Haha. I still remember the first time I had to bathe - my mom and MIL offered to accompany me in the toilet but I was like NOOOOO. SHY! Lol. Unfortunately habibi was the poor guinea pig but thank God he was very supportive.

The first couple of weeks were tough as we got to know about H's huge appetite. Even in the hospital he kept wanting to nurse. The same pattern continued at home and we couldn't figure out why. Thanks to Auntie's friend, the lactation consultant, we managed to figure out that his weird pattern was because A) He was falling asleep while sucking hence not getting enough milk and B) He had a big appetite and so had to nurse for a longer time. We resorted to pumping out breastmilk so that we could monitor how much he needed and true enough, for a newborn, he was drinking a lot. So came our endeavour to put him on a schedule, 80 ml per 3 hours. Turned out he needed 100 ml per 3 hours, which is a lot for a newborn.

Between worrying about his huge appetite and why he was "growing so fast" (he could lift his head very early on and even rolled on his tummy once when we placed him on his side), the first month was quite trying. I was also dealing with post-natal depression (at least I think it was that) and everyone in the house had to deal with my lots and lots of crying. I think I really freaked them out heh. Lack of sleep and crazy hormones really drives you nuts. Having to deal with Baba leaving and the school year starting (i.e. no more mum and sis to help me out at home) also made me a nervous wreck.

But Alhamdulillah with everyone's help, things fell into place. Mama quit her job to help me (luckily it was an easy job to quit and rejoin later when she wants to). F kept reminding me that I could do it and that he had faith in me. I became stronger mentally, emotionally and physically and we've also figured him out now - mostly at least. He only cries for food lol (ok well, lately he also cries to be put to sleep). InshaAllah when we get to Ruh things will be easier to manage. Here's to a changed life forever....

[Labour Day - Part Two]

2012-01-31T20:42:00.001+08:00

I get more and more nervous as they wheel me in into the OR. Everything is a blur as they half knock me out with a sedative. I'm a little nervous because the spinal is about to be done, and hubby was not inside the room yet. I keep asking the nurses when he can come in and they say only AFTER the epidural is done. Sigh. This is when I need him the most. There is a nurse who reminds me of Soefie and I keep telling myself - think of Soefie. Think happy thoughts. With that, after one contraction, I get the epi and soon I feel warm and fuzzy in the legs.

After some time F is finally by my side. He holds my hand and tells me not to worry because he is there for me. I feel relief and am grateful he is there. I feel a lot of pushing in my abdomen and figure it's the drs trying to push the baby out. F looks over and I tell him not to in case he faints. He continues to look over and in a while I realise it's because baby is out. Dr says "Your baby is holding on to the cord." In my half dazed mind, I wonder which machine's cord he's holding on to. Baby starts crying and it seems so near yet so distant. Was that my baby? Tears well up in Mr F's eyes and I know that H is out. Wow. So surreal. I had requested for delayed cord clamping and dr honours my request. After awhile, not sure how long (hubby said a couple of mins) dr said baby is a little cold so they have to cut his cord. In my half dazed state I started worrying - oh dear, why is my baby cold. Is he ok? Dr then lifted H over the screen and showed me - here's your baby. Alhamdulillah, he looks fine and his cry is very strong. I'm not sure at which point Mr F left the room but he reassured me he'll be by my side when I was out.

The midwife, after wrapping H up, came to me to talk some crap about skin-to-skin. She said my procedure would take long so I couldn't do much skin to skin since they had to take him to the nursery to be warmed up. I had already known this so I was wondering why she'd still brought him to me. Anyway, her version of skin-to-skin was to she put his face on mine (in the process compressing my nose till I couldn't breathe lol) and said that was skin-to-skin. Duh, even in my semi-conscious state, I knew that wasn't it. Anyway, that was that. They took him away and I dozed off as they stitched me up.

I woke up in the recovery room shivering madly - a reaction to the anaesthesia. I was very frightened, the trembling was quite severe. Being alone, I felt even more fearful. My teeth were chattering uncontrollably and I was extremely cold even after the thermal blanket and many layers of other blankets they had put on me. After a while Auntie came in and I felt better in no time. She assured me that everything was fine and that it was a normal reaction. The dr eventually came to give me something else to reduce the shivering. It took almost an hour but finally I was out of the recovery room. I was surprised to see my family there - everyone from Mr F to PIL to Sakura congratulating me and asking me how I was. I couldn't reply much but I do remember everyone joining me in the lift to be wheeled back to my room.

I was still shivering in the room and needed another layer of blanket. Everyone was gathering around H and I felt almost envious that I couldn't hold my own baby. Auntie brought him up to me to show him to me and I was like - wow, that's my son. Mr F then later lifted him to me and I kissed him. Mr F and I held hands and looked into each other's eyes - our new family had begun. =)

[Labour Day - A Divinely Guided Delivery, Part One]

2012-01-24T15:28:00.000+08:00

Let's back track a few days so that I can boast about what a wonderful hubby I have.

On the 20th of Dec (seems I can remember the dates clearly, too bad I just didn't have the time or right frame of mind to blog sooner), hubby sent me a message to say he would be back late from work. I found this suspicious because he hadn't done it since I came here. A couple of hours later he texted to say he was home and he would be sleeping in the next morning. I suppose his intention, or supposed intention, was to tell me either not to worry that he didn't answer his phone or not to disturb him (I hope it was the former lol). I had not-so-secrretly been hoping that habibi would come earlier to ease the tension of an unpredictable impending day of Baby's arrival. Even blatantly told him to surprise me by coming earlier, and provided an SIA officer's contact number to help him change his ticket. However, since 23rd was fast approaching, I had mostly given up hope. If I could wait so many days, what would 2 days be right?

But alas, hubby had something up his sleeve. While watching TV on the 21st, I was still thinking "if he doesn't come by 2pm then I guess I must've made the whole thing up in my mind". 2 o'clock came and went and there was no sign of him so I gave up hoping. I guess I had to wait for the 23rd afterall. Suddenly at 2.30 there was a ring at the door and Sakura got up to answer the door. There was "no one" at the door so I went out to investigate the source of the door bell. There he was - after looking far right - my mischievous hubby grinning away! He was here! 2 days early! What a great surprise it was! He wasn't too pleased with my "What are you doing here?!" reaction, but nevertheless I hugged him really tight and welcomed him with open arms. I knew he had been up to something the day before!! Apparently my suspicions were right afterall. Trust a women's instinct eh? Keke.

Thanks to his early arrival, he was able to come for our last prenatal appointment. Dr S could sense how relieved I was that habibi was here. She told Mr F "She was a nervous wreck when you were not around, now she's glowing." Hehehe. Well my love, now you know how important you are to me.

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So the labour story begins here.

I was still feeling a bit jittery about the whole major operation thing. I had told Sakura to give me "tough love" as I headed off for the hospital that night. Tough love because that way I wouldn't get too emo. Yes, I get emo-er when I get "soft love". But nevermind that.

We were given the option of coming in at 12am or 6am on the morning of 27 Dec since ours was the first op of the day (8.30am). 12am sounded like a better option so that we could settle in slowly and get used to the hospital environment. So at about 11.30pm we said our prayers and goodbyes to my family and Mr F and I headed to the hospital to check in. The next morning was going to be a big moment.

At around 4am after trying to catch some sleep (quite impossible with nurses coming in to check/do this and that), I felt like a stomach ache coming on. Maybe I had eaten something wrong that day. Darn, what a time to have food poisoning, or so I thought. The pain became quite regular, about 7 mins apart. After awhile of tossing and turning, I decided to go to the loo to relieve myself then tried to get back to sleep. The pains continued, 7 mins apart but lasting only a few seconds. This couldn't be labour I guess since the "contractions" only lasted a few seconds. Plus they came on suddenly and were already 5-7 mins apart, weren't they supposed to come more irregularly first? About an hour of the same pain later, I decided to go to the toilet to relieve myself yet again. This was when things got interesting because as I was cleaning up, there was a bloody show on the toilet paper (on hindsight, I'm quite amused I had the instinct to check before washing up straight away. And on hindsight, apparently that sharp pain I felt before leaving home was probably a sign of things to come, not just a backache). I woke hubby up to tell him that I was in labour, then alerted a nurse who said she would monitor me.

Monitor me she didn't (bleah) but the contractions continued and I was amused, irritated and amazed that Baby decided I should go into labour on the scheduled day itself. How accurate - on his EDD at that. I took it that God was giving me a sign that we had chosen the right day to schedule the c-section. And apparently, even with the c-section, I was meant to have a taste of labour pains afterall; though I wasn't entirely amused by that (note by irritation). Talk about double whammy - contractions PLUS c-section! I went through the contractions quite calmly thanks to my HB sessions, breathing through them as they came. Trust me, even with all that training, going through the surges were no walk in the park. It did help though because I was calm and knew how to brace myself through the pain. Since we hadn't forseen going into labour, Mr F hadn't learnt the ways to massage me from Sakura. Though from how I reacted when I asked him to put his hand on my tummy to soothe me (by being my "heat pack") during one surge, I think I would've been more irritated than calm if he had tried to massage me. Well, I guess G did say that different women react differently to touch when they are actually in labour. (Note: during class, the massages simply felt shiok...hehe.)

At about 7am I was almost ready for the op. Auntie had come some time before that to see how I was doing. She was a little annoyed that the nurse didn't monitor me afterall even though I was already in labour but she couldn't do anything since it wasn't her ward or domain. Mama and Sakura arrived in time before I was due to go the the OT. My OT gown was damn unglam, it was made for shorter people so when I wore it, it hardly covered anything. Auntie was busy taking photos with her iPad even in my unglam state (exposed, during contractions and al) - I wonder if the whole thing was amusing to her lol. The crazy attendant wanted me to walk down to the OT but I'm glad my mum insisted that they wheel me down instead otherwise the walk there would've been very slow and painful. Auntie came again while we were in the pre-op room. Her presence was really reassuring and she seemed to be pretty popular around the hospital.

Soon it was time to go in. I would see Mr F in the OT once I had been prepped up.......

2012-01-23T20:13:00.002+08:00

Since I can't possibly be 44 weeks pregnant, I guess it's time to take off my pregnancy ticker. Here comes my new ticker to track H's first year. =)

[Labour day part zero]

2012-01-23T20:09:00.002+08:00

It started out when I woke up on 16 Dec. I remember the date clearly because it was one week till habibi was due to come. It also turned out to be a memorable day because my Syrian friend had her baby that day.

I noticed some wetness as I got up. Thinking it was nothing, I headed to the hall to have my breakfast. The leaking continued and then I started panicking. At the back of my mind I was thinking, the signs look obvious, but something was not right. This couldn't be it. To add to the panic, I did not want to go into labour without my habibi around. By 11am I called him up (yes, it was 6am in Ruh on a weekend - sorry baby) to tell him what was going on. Tell him wouldn't be an accurate description, more like crying to him. I kept saying I did not want to go into labour without him and that I couldn't do it without him. The sensible thing was to get myself checked at the hospital yet I kept thinking, "if this is it, and I go get myself checked, I'm sure the doctor would induce me." My brains got the better of me and as habibi said, the right thing to do was to get myself checked so that baby wouldn't be in danger if I procrastinate.

Bracing myself, I walked into Sakura's room and tearily told her I was in labour. The poor girl, half asleep, looked a little shocked and asked why I was crying. So I repeated again that I did not want to have baby without his father around. Sigh. Sakura being the clear headed lady she was, very calmly asked me to start my breathing exercises. She then freshened up and even warmed my rice sock for me. We called Auntie to ask if we should go to the hospital, to which she said we probably should. She sensed my panic and tried to calm me down and "warned" me that if it was the real thing, I should prepare myself, even without Mr F, since it was best for baby. After the breathing exercises and regaining my composure, I told myself I could do it. I had Sakura with me afterall.

I still did not believe what was happening. Yet, even Sakura said she could smell my "labour fluid", or whatever it was. I prepared myself; removing the nail polish from my manicure (darn :P), packed my hospital bag (or the last minute stuff that had to be packed into it) and we headed off to the hospital. My mum said she'd meet us there. The taxi driver took my mind off things by joking a lot along the way. He said stuff like, don't worry, when I drive, there won't be a jam on PIE. Then he said I should ask my baby to wait till new year so that he can be a new year baby. Thanks uncle for keeping me calm! Till now I wonder if he knew, or perhaps he was just being his usual jovial self.

To cut a long story short, after a long hour or so in the delivery suite, Dr S came to check if I was truly leaking amniotic fluid. The CTG machine was annoying me so I was eager to get the procedure over and done with. By then, I had psyched myself that I was able to have baby without Mr F around. After checking, Dr S gave the clear and said it was probably some other fluid, and I wasn't in labour. PHEW. Silly me, there I was panicking during the wait because I thought the peaks on the CTG machine meant I was having contractions. Seems they were just baby moving inside me. All the while, Mr F was "by my side" sms-ing and calling me asking for updates. Even my MIL sms-ed to tell me to be calm. How sweet. After the long wait, I went to tell Sakura and mama the good news and we headed home after that eventful day.

Thank God I had my wonderful family around me. Calm Sakura, who later said she was just pretending to be calm (she did a mighty good job - I wouldn't have known); darling mum who rushed down from her tuition to be there with me; cute father who finally saw the urgency of getting a mattress for a cot after we told him about the (false) labour; and Auntie who came from her duty even though she was busy to check on me.

During all that excitement, Sakura and Auntie had told Mr F that the day might come anytime soon so it would be good if he could come down earlier. Unfortunately flights were fully booked and Mr F couldn't get much more leave anyway, so it was a wait and see thing whether he could come. Being practical as he was, he even said there was no point in him coming early if "nothing was going to happen". Gah.

In any case, labour part zero was a good preparation for the actual day; had I gone into spontaneous labour. More to come about things that transpired up to the actual day...stay tuned... ;)

2011-12-28T21:44:00.000+08:00

[the final lap]

2011-12-18T20:26:00.002+08:00

Baby has made it past 38 weeks. In 39th week now. Good going darling. Please hang in there till Baba comes ok? Thank you.

It hasn't been an easy past few weeks; what with decisions to make and being comfortable with them. It's been an emotional rollercoaster. It seems as if everything that my natural birthing coach talked about that could happen/go wrong in a highly structured organisation, i.e. a hospital, happened. Among which:

Doctor will prefer me not to go into natural labour, more so because she is going on leave and won't be around should baby decide to come out beyound 27th Dec;

I will not be able to have skin-to-skin contact once baby is out because of the c-section;

I will have to be proactive (read: stern) about no formula feeding and that baby be given to me in the recovery room to be breastfed;

I can only hold him if they deem me stable;

Doctor has even tried to persuade me to take baby out earlier since he's big;

Doctor tried to persuade me to have the c-section earlier since she will be on leave.

From my research I've read that:

Fewer complications are likely to occur if I let baby go into spontaneous labour, even if it is followed by a C-section. Cos then at least we know that he is really ready to come out. Afterall, nature knows best right?

The first hour is important for skin-to-skin contact so that baby still feels the familiarity of his mummy's heartbeat that he was hearing for 9-10 months.

C-section babies have a harder time latching on so it's important to start breastfeeding asap.

I don't want him to have separation anxiety by being not beside me when he comes into this world.

Baby size has no relation to whether he needs to be taken out earlier, if both mummy and baby are otherwise doing well.

Doctors are known for scheduling patients around their own leave, whether baby is truly ready or not.

I've tried my best to put my views across to the doctor, but ultimately in such a healthcare setting I don't think I have much say because we have a very "doctor knows best" perception. The only thing that she didn't disagree to was delayed cord clamping; which I was surprised that she agreed to immediately. She even wrote it down on the front of my case sheet the moment I told her, especially when I asked whether I had to remind her on the day itself or not.

Thursday's appointment (15/12) was again very messy. I very much felt like seeing the doctor alone and was secretly agreeing with her that the room was too crowded. Doctor even said "Next time I'll charge each extra person in the room." Ha. If I had a choice, well, you know who I'd have in the room with me. Unfortunately even though Auntie had good intentions, she somehow managed to complicate things and ask more of Dr S, which I'm feeling very bad about. To top things off, now I'm not even sure if I'll be able to pick Mr F up from the airport on Friday because of her little arrangement. Haiz.

Had a little scare on Fri (16/12) when what I thought was my waterbag leaking happened. The strog, although painless, contractions didn't help either. A trip to the hospital just to be safe and two hours later, seems that everything is still as it is; baby is not ready to come out yet. Thank God. My first thought throughout the exciting morning was: I can't go for the c-section without Baba around. Thank you Allah for letting it be a false alarm. Please let him come soon. Unfortunately, flights are fully booked so he can't come earlier. Sigh. Can't imagine the relief I'll feel when he's finally here. I'm literally counting down the days till he comes. On another note, I'm glad I have Sakura who appeared so calm when I woke her up to tell her my symptoms. God bless her. With her around, I was able to go through the false alarm very calmly.

I'm confining myself at home for this final lap. Don't want to take any chances. Don't want extra activity to induce labour. Baba please come soon so that Mummy can be relieved and go for the c-section smoothly. Right now I'm just praying relentlessly that things will go smoothly and Baba will be here on time.

[time to let go]

2011-12-03T09:00:00.000+08:00

I broke down at the doctor's office day before yesterday. I knew I'd been stressed and was at the breaking point. Just didn't expect it to be in front of Dr S. Ha. Before long even Auntie who wasn't there because she was too tired, knew about it thanks to Dr S telling her. What happened to patient-doctor confidentiality?? :P

The reason for the meltdown?

Baby is still in breech position and it was the day to make a decision on the turning procedure or C-section. The two weeks we had to make that decision went by so fast. Even after the things I did, even after coming up with a plan with Mr F, the "confirmation" of the decision suddenly felt wrong. We had planned to do the turning procedure as a last resort; but when Dr S said I had to do it by latest next week, I just couldn't say yes. Biggest reason being that there was a risk of going into spontaneous labour or putting baby in distress. And no, I can't risk that, especially without habibi around.

As you can tell, this C-section thing has caught me totally off-guard. From not wanting baby to be born on a "wrong day" (what if he's not ready to come out on the day that we plan the c-section for him?), to being afraid of a major surgery, to not being able to give him the best birth, to wondering whether I/we can be the first one to hold him instead of strange nurses, to asking what if I didn't have a misaligned pelvis - I had to finally accept the fact that I will probably not have the birthing that I wanted.

Although it's not the ideal situation that I was hoping for, I've come to terms with it. Yes, I know I've tried. And frankly speaking, Sakura and mum have a point - I should enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy instead of mind-f*ing myself over what to do and running around trying to correct things. Afterall, I have tried my best, I have worked hard. Although I'm still not-so-secretly hoping for a "miracle", I've decided to leave it to His will. I felt a little comforted when Dr S said that it seems baby has made his decision so let's now leave it to Allah's will. Now just have to sit back and pray that everything will go smoothly InshaAllah.

[Give me some lovin']

2011-12-02T09:32:00.000+08:00

Auntie arrived on the same soil I was in a few days before my departure. Let's not talk about what a pity it was that she was in a different city so we couldn't meet. So near yet so far. She even had a one hour stop over in Rh...gah! We had a good time chatting on the phone what with the local calls, and cheap call rates. Mr F made an effort to keep in touch with her even when I left for Sg. Even though it was a small gesture of calling and saying hello, Auntie was touched. Mr F then said something to the effect of "This is what family does for each other". There have been a few other incidences where I was very touched as to how he treated me, though for him it was not a big deal.

Ever since coming back, Sakura has more than once said "Awww you're so sweet!" for the littlest things I do for her - be it giving her a shoulder massage while she's busy mugging away, or taking her something or other even though she didn't request for it. While I'm pretty sure we were not devoid of affection growing up, perhaps we were not shown much. Or perhaps the current state of things in the house makes little things like these seem more meaningful. Yesterday, Papa commented on how we were so cute. When he sms-ed us whether we wanted dinner, I said "Yes for me and Sakura" while Sakura replied "Yes for me and kakak." My conclusion - we look out for each other. Sisterly love. :)

While we can't change our parents' characters and attitudes or their quirky ways of demanding attention from us, I guess we could concentrate on the way we look after each other. Hopefully as we grow into more loving persons with other relationships around us, we get more used to not only giving affection, but also accepting it readily, instead of feel "Wow, he/she did this for me." That's of course not to say that we should take affection for granted, especially if we have a loving husband like mine. I guess it's all about moderation and expressing gratitude when it's due.

To my habibi, thank you for teaching me the meaning of family and affection. Yes we may both have dysfunctional families (then again, who doesn't - it's just the intensity that differs, right?), but InshaAllah with His Guidance, we can instill the same love to our children and their children and the many generations after that.

[need I say more?]

2011-12-01T22:08:00.001+08:00

[HB classes]

2011-11-30T12:38:00.000+08:00

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have been attending HB classes. To read more on it, click here. One of the biggest disadvantages of a long distance relationship is the fact that some things you can't do with your husband. And in this case, I found it quite sad that the other 4 preggies could go with their hubbies, but I was there with my sister. Of course, I'm not complaining that I had to go with my sister. By all means, I was so happy that she agreed to come along, and felt so grateful I had her support and didn't have to turn up there alone. But, it's just a little different, as if something missing, when the person you created this life with isn't there to prepare for the birth with you.

I first heard about HB several years ago when I did hypnotherapy to overcome my PTSD. The hypnosis sessions really worked, so I thought why not try it for birthing as well. One of my friends is also a doula and she had trained under GP so that's why I was even more open to the idea. The classes started of by tackling what our issues/fears about birthing were and how to replace them with positive affirmations. We were also thought some relaxation techniques which will help us cope with labour. It seems that HB mums have shorter, and less painful labours. In fact, instead of painful, strong contractions, HB mums were more likely to describe them as just intense surges. Lesser need for drugs, lesser need for interventions, lesser rates of caesareans. It's a pity it didn't include post-natal/parenting tips (have to pay separately for that!) or I'd have attended them too. There's still time to sign up lah...but must think of the cost. Heh. I'm not too worried about that because there are lactation consultants in hospitals that can help with issues like breastfeeding.

I hope I get to experience the natural birth that I have envisioned. Otherwise, all these nights of listening to the ahem..very interesting...hypnosis tracks would be wasted. Heh. Then again, I guess I could use them for other aspects of my life, or for baby #2. Again, got to just wait and see the outcome. Wish me luck!

[the final countdown]

2011-11-29T11:46:00.001+08:00

9 months! 36 weeks! 1 more month to go! Time flies!

Can't believe 9 months has passed so fast. Ok well, while I was "suffering" it seemed to go slowly but now that we're here, nearly approaching December, it seems that time has zoomed by. My lil peanut has become a 2.4kg human being, at the last appointment at least, I'm sure he's grown even more. My stomach seems to have grown exponentially since I came back, and I'm pretty sure it's not me who's putting on the weight heh. If he were to come out next week, he'd be considered a full term baby (but of course my dear H, you know you have to wait till daddy comes :P). My little H! And the end of life as we know it...

Had some not so good news at the first appointment at KK. Dr S was very nice, saying how we should listen to babies and let nature take it's course as to when H should greet the world. Then she dropped the not-so-unexpected but still worrying bomb that H is still in breech position so I had to 2 options - to turn him manually from the outside, or to schedule a C-section. While some women might be very comfortable with the idea of a C-section, I was very much inclined from the beginning to have a natural, unmedicated birth (read: do not even want an epidural. Laugh at me, but that's how I feel). Having a bio background has has it's benefits and downsides, the more I read about what drugs can do to babies (and adults), coupled with new research about how birth experience moulds a child into an adult, I was very keen to give H the best start in his life. Not just that, I guess I have to admit that I'm pretty much afraid of a major surgery and it's post-recovery period. Sooooo, as Dr S said, it was a decision hubby and I have to make by next appointment, which is the day after tomorrow. Sigh.

I'm trying all sorts of non-invasive interventions now, like moxabustion (TCM thing), pelvic tilt, polar bear positioning, putting ice/heat packs and lately chiropractice. Also listening to hypnosis tracks coupled with the relaxation techniques I learnt during HypnoBirthing classes. I feel like a bad mum when the chiro said H can't turn probably cos of my tilted pelvis, a problem I've had for ages that has caused my lower back pains. I guess if things do result in a C-section, I can console myself by saying I've tried all possible avenues. Sorry lil one, if I could, I would have given you a better start. Some people are comforting me by saying that he might turn at the last moment, so well, I guess I'll leave it in His hands and pray for the best.

Right now the only dreams I'm having seem to be of me going into labour. Either we did too much role playing during classes or that's all my mind is preoccupied with haha. It'll be interesting to see how things work out. How will my labour start? When will I be at the hospital? How long will labour take? Some things cannot be planned. That's kind of what has put me off balance ever since the breech news. Me, the one who loves to "plan ahead", can't plan on how things will turn out when it's time for me to greet my baby. On the other hand, God is the best planner and at this point, I guess I should just put my trust in Him that everything will happen as it is supposed to.

See you soon my darling. Everyone is so excited to meet you. May you have a safe journey into this world. =)

[2 weeks of humidity]

2011-11-16T13:46:00.001+08:00

After 2 weeks of humidity I think I'm finally getting used to the weather here. Can just stay in the room / sleep with 1 fan on. That's a great achievement. During my first week or so here I was blasting myself with two fans - the ceiling fan and a standing fan. And even with the windows wide open, I was perspiring like a cow. Ok, I don't know if cows perspire a lot, but I just felt that I was loosing LOTS of water. No wonder my friend said she had to have a fan constantly next to her when she was back here.

I've been taking it easy so far. Enjoying the company of my darling sister who's been looking after me so well. Ah, the advantages of being "Pregnant Lady" (that's my title now apparently; even her friends and my dear Jam call me that!). Also did some catching up wtih Jam since she's having her school hols. Met a couple of friends here and there but nothing "hectic". I guess I'm not too rushed since I'll be here for a few months. Though I'm sure I won't have the luxury of time once baby pops!

My parents have been surprisingly nice. Haha. Well, a weird thing to say but we all know how they can be :P. I guess they have also been affected by the "Pregnant Lady" phenomenon. So all in all, I'm having a great time here. Although I was hesitant to come back, I think now I'll be hesitant to return to desert land. Ah the irony, or maybe it's not so ironic afterall.

I've been attending birthing classes at HV. My dear Sakura has been accompanying me - she's such a doll. I'm the only one there without a hubby as a birth partner, sadly. I appreciate Sakura's enthusiasm, but I guess it just feels different seeing the rest of the preggies there with their supportive hubbies (forced or otherwise lol). While going through the getting rid of negative thoughts exercise on the first lesson, Sakura said hers was that she was afraid Mr F wouldn't be here on time for the delivery. G (the coach) said the positive affirmation should be to have faith that things will happen according to plan and that at least I have a support system with my family. Then she added that Sakura shouldn't be surprised if I wanted her in the birthing suite even with Mr F around, to which she gasped. Haha, I guess she's not ready for that responsibility yet. The birth classes are fun, I actually look forward to attending them. 2 down, 2 more to go.

Other than that, been stocking up on local food. Everytime someone wants to meet me, or if dad asks what I want for dinner, I'll go "Anything local!" Haha. I eat a lot of Indian food there, so been gorging mostly on Malay food - nasi lemak, ayam masak merah, and finally day before yesterday laksa. Mmmm. Haha. Now on my quest to eat more Chinese food...I didn't realise what a big Chinese food eater I was till living in Rh heh. Still eyeing paus and siu mei which I did not manage to get yesterday :P

Haven't prepared much for the baby. Put his clothes in the cupboard, though I haven't washed them yet. Been trying to plan what other baby necessities to shop for. Mum said to wait for her to be free so I guess I won't make a list yet. I'm so not in the mood to do work. Point to note: Having to work from home in (boring) Rh is sooooo different from having to work while back here because I so feel like I'm on holiday and should NOT be staring at datasets or proposals, plus there are lots of distractions like my bed and of course, people around me. Can't wait for my leave to officially start!

[The Tail of the Rat - Chapter 4]

2011-11-07T23:25:00.003+08:00

Mr F was ever so keen to see if the poison had done its job. Next morning, he was in the kitchen exploring again, looking high and low for the rat. Mrs F was quite keen to know the outcome, but at the same time worried that the rat might come out of the kitchen when Mr F opened the door.

Alas, he had good news for Mrs F! He had seen the rat lying on the floor beside the washing machine. In his excitement, he asked her to look at it too but Mrs F was hesitant. She would not have minded but she had had a bad morning with morning sickness that made her puke, so seeing Mr Rat might have made things worse. Mr F looked a little disappointed but did not want Mrs F to go into another vomitting fit, so he changed his mind. Mrs F was totally relieved now. No more rat in the house!

Since Mr F had to rush off to work, he said he would get rid of the rat that evening. However, that afternoon, he called Mrs F during lunch time to describe his little "adventure" in getting rid of it. Since Mr Rat was in a tight corner and there was rat glue around the area he was in, getting him out wasn't a very easy task. In his attempt to push Mr Rat out, Mr Rat had gotten stuck on the glue. Furthermore, he realised that the rat was not totally dead - it was still moving and twitching a little. A sad sight, Mrs F imagined. After some struggle, Mr F managed to free the rat from the glue, place it on the dustpan and put it into a plastic bag. Finally, he could throw it away and close the chapter on the rat.

Although Mrs F was totally freaked out by the whole incident, she felt pity for the rat. If only it hadn't entered their house, they wouldn't have had to resort to drastic measures to get rid of it. Mr F also felt bad, especially since he had to do the killing. He joked with Mrs F that he would have gladly coexisted peacefully with the rat if not for her. Haha, not.

One weekend (and more) later, Mr F worked hard to get rid of all the rat glue around the house. Mrs F mopped up the remaining traces. They were both glad they wouldn't accidentally step on the glue again. It was indeed difficult to get rid of the glue once you stepped on it, no wonder the poor rat had bled after being trapped on it.

Sorry Mr Rat, we hope you will forgive us. But to other rats, let this be a warning not to come into our house. Muahahaha.

--------------The End--------------

[The Tail of the Rat - Chapter 3]

2011-11-07T22:53:00.001+08:00

Mr F got up from his seat and headed to the kitchen. Then he called Mrs F, saying that he had heard a noise from the kitchen. Wow, Mrs F was impressed that he was so sharp. They found that the knife had falled from the chopping board where it usually was. Did that mean the rat was running around the kitchen?

Mr F then noticed that the rat poison he had placed outside the master toilet had moved into the kitchen. There was only one explanation - that the rat had moved from the toilet into the kitchen. It was a good sign, because at least now they could confine it to the kitchen. As if to confirm their suspicion, Mr Rat suddenly started squeaking. Freaked out as usual, Mrs F ran back to the hall while Mr F tried to search for it. Well, it was still squeaking, meaning the poison hadn't taken effect yet. When would this rat episode be over?

Mr and Mrs F then decided to lock the kitchen up so that the rat could stay there in his remaining days (or hours, hopefully). They took some essentials like a couple of plates, a butter knife, a couple of mugs and their breakfast shake; put them in the dining room then proceeded to lock the door. Hopefully, this meant that the rat would eat more poison and die soon.

The waiting continued but knowing that the rat was contained in the kitchen, Mrs F could be less paranoid and not be anxious about whether the rat would pop out in front of her any time. For the first time that night, she slept without the stick beside her, and without the night light turned on.

------------ End of Chapter 3-------------

[back!]

2011-11-07T21:49:00.000+08:00

And so I took the plunge. The parting, albeit temporary, was a little teary. But I reminded myself (and the man) that we'd see each other in Dec InshaAllah.

The excitement of the airport kind of cheered me up a little. First, because the Sg community in Rh is so small, we (or rather Mr F) knew the guy at the check-in counter. Unfortunately he didn't know his name. But that didn't hinder us, because I got an express check-in partly cos I'd checked in online, but as an added bonus, I found out later that my bag had a biz class priority sticker on it, and we also got the airline keychain meant for biz class travellers. Yay to networking! We even fought over the keychain (quite atas quality and looks good) with Mr F saying it was HIS friend so it's HIS keychain; while I said it was MY check-in so MY keychain. I'm keeping it for now, so I'll assume I won the battle haha.

As if that wasn't fun enough, just as I was about to queue for the plane, I bumped into Mr Wong at the boarding gate. The other embassy guy was also there. Wah, what a small world. Obviously though, Mr Ambassador was in the biz class...but nvm lah...it was an eventful boarding.

After all that worry whether I should openly declare I was preggie or not, there was no hassle over boarding at all. In fact, Mr F was telling Mr we-don't-know-his-name that I was going back for the delivery and yet he did not ask for any doctor's letter. So perhaps they're not that strict after all. I had asked the stweardess for a seat belt extension so she asked "Are you by any chance pregnant, ma'am?" but that was that, I did not need to sign any "Expectant Mother's Form" unlike my Dxb trip. Good lah. Simple and hassle free.

The flight was pretty uneventful, only one minor turbulence (I like them - makes the journey more fun lol). So much for the flight being empty when I was choosing seats online; both segments were fully filled and I did not get to stretch my legs from the AD-SIN flight as I'd thought I could. That made the flight a little uncomfortable, since I already have trouble sleeping in planes. I walked around and drank lots of water as precaution. I guess as obscure as finding S'poreans in Rh is, there are still people who like Sg Air. Woot. But then again, I wasn't very impressed with the service. My seat had coffee stains all over. The two pillow covers were also stained that I asked mine to be changed. Even then I only got mine changed at AD. The food was pathetic, the rice so soft that it was almost porridge like, and the quantity was pathetic. Picture a usually good appetite lady who's appetite has doubled since pregnancy = I was not satisfied at all. Oh, and not forgetting, they did not serve ice-cream for dessert! Boo hoo. Seriously, if it hadn't been for the convenience, I would have chosen another carrier (something starting with "E" to be precise :P). Oh well...

Things at home have been pretty good so far Alhamdulillah. Family has been very nice. Parents treating me nice, sister super nice. Heh. Dad is so protective he doesn't even let me carry light NTUC bags haha. Sis has an amusement for my round tummy, and my stretch marks lol. She is even accompanying me to my birth classes, so sweet. Jam was almost scared to touch my tummy intially then she got used to it heh. Quite amusing to see their reactions.

Let's hope everything goes this nicely for the entire time I am here. Wee! Mr F, come here soon!

[all packed up, not]

2011-10-27T03:07:00.000+08:00

Here's a break from the tale of the rat.

I'll be leaving in a week's time for the final portion of this journey.

63 days to go according to the ticker. Apparently some people look forward once they get double digits. I think I was more excited when I passed the 100 days-to-go mark for the wedding.

How do I feel?

A mix of feelings as I mentioned previously. But how am I feeling about going home?

Truth be told, I'm not looking forward to it as much as I anticipated. Last year when I envisioned this period, I thought - yay, I'd be home hibernating, waiting for baby to arrive. Last year I was so eager to go home I leaped at the chance of going twice. Last year I was sure my family would change when I told them I was pregnant.

I don't doubt that they are excited to see H and all, but I still feel disconnected. My dad, the "sober" one, has hardly asked me anything about the pregnancy. I only remember him congratulating me at the beginning. Then again, he's always been silent, so I can't fault him, I guess. My mother was not so involved initially but she got more and more excited as time went by. Yet, with her living in her own world, and certain characteristics of her which not many of us like, makes me wonder how much she's truly interested in knowing about my journey. As usual, it seems like she wants a one way effort in our relationship, and no, I don't want to do that. Sakura has been the most eager, asking me for updates constantly. Anyway, despite their reactions, I'm sure about one thing - even if they're not going to pay me any attention, H will definitely be loved by them all. Loved and spoilt...heh.

One of the main reasons I'm suddenly reluctant to go back is because Mr F has been taking so good care of me. Ok, so his enthusiasm to be the in charge of the house chores died down about 2 weeks after it started. But I can say for sure that he's been such a doll when it comes to comforting me, being there for me on my lousy days, being there at every doctor's appointment, giving in (sometimes) to my cravings. In his words, "Who is going to run down at 12 midnight when you're hungry to get u food?" I guess he also knows my family's helpfulness and he's a little worried about whether I'll be able to be independent for a couple of months. I guess I wouldn't be feeling so insecure had my darling parents helped me with some stuff I had requested. My mother's current wave of "you don't care about me" is making me even more stressed. I am in no mind to have any arguments with her when I'm back, yet I am also in no mood to play pretend and act as if all is well between us. Sigh...

To top it all off, my in laws will be coming to Sg for the delivery. They have every right too and I am amazed at their enthusiasm. Yet, with the way things were when they came over the last time, I am pretty worried how things are going to turn out. MIL has decided to come over everyday to be with H, and my mother will be home during that period because of school holidays. Two strong characters in the same house the whole day, I hope I don't lose my sanity. For now I must remind myself that my job is to focus on H, and Mr F can deal with the family policitcs. Good luck to him lol.

The option of staying on here and doing everything just the two of us suddenly seems very enticing. These past couple of weeks have seen us being very mushy to each other. Apparently, as much as I don't like it here, the F factor has made me want to consider delivering here. I even requested that Mr F be mean to me this week so that I won't miss him so much. As if that's working...

I guess for now I'll just go with the flow. Tickets are booked. Luggage bag taken out. Now for me to fill it up...

Shall just tell myself that things probably won't be as bad as I'm imagining them to be. In any case, will be looking forward to Mr F joining me in Dec to welcome our firstborn. Yippee!

[The Tail of the Rat - Chapter 2]

2011-10-26T23:00:00.002+08:00

Mrs F awoke the next morning feeling refreshed. It must have been the exertion of the night before that made her sleep very well. That, coupled with A's hospitality where she spread out a beautiful bedsheet and even included a candle in the corner of the room, made Mr and Mrs F feel as if it was their honeymoon suite.

After breakfast, it was time to head home and face the inevitable again. Mr F bought some rat glue to which Mrs F expressed her disappointment. Rat glue = trapped rat ≠ dead rat. Furthermore, how would Mr F get rid of the rat if and when it gets trapped on the glue?? When they stepped cautiously into the house, it seemed that everything was alright - there was no sign of the rat. Mrs F was secretly hoping that the rat had gone. Mr F then literally forced Mrs F into facing the rat with him. She was, however, not ready to see it again, nor face her fears. This ensued into an argument, but thankfully after calming down, Mr F braved the front himself. He put the glue onto all the doorways so that they could see where Mr Rat was going. Work done for the day, they headed out for a picnic.

That night when they returned, they noticed that some of the glue near the main door had a smudge. Upon looking closely, there were also traces of blood. Mrs F felt sorry for the rat, instead of ending its life quickly, they had instead hurt it. This also meant that the rat was still in the house. Gasp! So much for her hopes of it being a figment of their imagination. That night, she went to sleep with a stick next to her bed. Even if she didn't dare kill the rat, she could still shoo it away with the stick.

The next day, Mr and Mrs F went to a hardware store to purchase some things for the rat fiasco. Their theory was that the rat might have entered through the main door since the gap at the bottom was pretty big. After some unsuccessful attempts at looking for wooden boards to seal the gap, they ended up at S to see if they had anything useful. Guessing that a place like that would sell rat poison, Mrs F urged Mr F to ask the salesman if they had any. To their suprise, the salesman was standing at the exact location of the poisons. There was another customer there trying to decide which kind to by. "Apparently we're not the only one having rat problems," Mrs F said.

After some deliberation, they settled on a slightly expensive version of rat poison; Mrs F had faith that something costlier would be more effective. They went off armed with a wooden board they had picked up in an alley beside one of the stores they had gone to earlier. On the way out of S, they found a construction bin which had bits of ceramic which they thought would be useful for doing the job. Feeling like scavengers themselves, they picked up a few pieces and headed home.

Mr F spent the rest of the evening sealing the gap at the door with the ceramic pieces and placing rat poison all around the house. He did not want Mrs F to panic again and wanted her to have peace of mind, especially since the previous day's panic had made their unborn child very quiet that day. Mrs F was very grateful that Mr F was putting in so much effort into easing her worries about being "attacked" by the rat.

Feeling slightly more relaxed, Mr and Mrs F went back to the living room and watched a movie together. It was now a waiting game - would the rat appear? Would it eat the poison? Time would tell...

-------- End of Chapter 2--------

[The Tail of the Rat - Chapter 1]

2011-10-22T20:43:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time, Mr and Mrs F were sitting peacefully in the living room of their humble abode. Mrs F noticed that Mr F was staring at something at the corner of the room. She enquired as to what he was staring at, but he continued staring, and looking back at Mrs F, and staring back at the corner again, as if deep in thought. Finally, he looked up and calmly said "I think there's a rat in the house."

Mrs F laughed it off and started making jokes about rats in houses in general. How could it be? Rats never entered apartments in Sg. Moreover, they were living on the 2nd floor, how could it have come in? After some time passed, Mr F got up and went to the toilet that they seldom use (let's call it Toilet #2). He seemed to be looking for something. Mrs F being amused, followed him to see what he was up to. As she was about to open the door to the dining room, something caught her attention. There it was, a black furry creature with a long black tail running across the hallway, scurrying towards the main toilet (Toilet #1).

"There's a rat in the house!!! There's a rat in the house!!! It just ran into that bathroom!!!!"

Mr F came out of toilet #2 and asked Mrs F if she was sure she had seen it. She ran into the living room and started screaming at the top of her lungs that "THERE'S REALLY A RAT IN THE HOUSE!!!!!" Mr F tried to calm Mrs F down because he felt that the screaming would do their unborn child no good. He was also worried the neighbours would misunderstand and call the police to "save" Mrs F from whatever calamity had befallen her.

Finally, after about 5 minutes of panicking, Mrs F calmed down. Mr F had even resorted to slapping her face lightly although she thought she wasn't going hysterical given the circumstances. All she wanted was for Mr F to stop calming her down and do something about the rat. Quick! Thereupon, Mr F went to conduct further investigations as to where the rat might have gone.

Alas, after almost an hour of searching for it, the rat was nowhere to be found. Not in Toilet #1, not in the kitchen, it was nowhere to be seen. Since it was already 12 in the night, the "investigations" would have to be called off for the time being. However, Mrs F could not bear the thought of sleeping in the same house as the rat. What if it came crawling all over them on their bed at night? What if on her way to wee-wee in the middle of the night, she accidentally stepped on it or got freaked out by it? What if it bit her?? With all these thoughts racing through her mind, she convinced Mr F to let them stay over at a friend's place that night. She promised she would be braver the next day and help him face the rat. So they changed and hurried off to A's place, with Mrs F hoping that it was all a dream and that the rat would be a figment of their imagination the next day.

------- End of Chapter 1--------

[the final lap]

2011-10-07T19:19:00.001+08:00

I can't believe so much time has passed that it's already the 3rd trimester of the pregnancy. Wow! How did the 6 months pass by so quickly??? Still remember the time I was convincing Mr F that we should go to the dr to check out my lower abdominal pain, followed by the surreal feeling when the doctor said our pregnancy test was positive. One significant obstacle I've overcome, and am deeply grateful for, is the passing of the morning sickness that lasted till the 4th month.

Tummy is growing steadily bigger. Baby is kicking steadily harder lol. He's been a really good boy, cooperating during ultrasounds and such. I love the way he responds when his dada sings to him. Sniff sniff he doesn't respond when I sing to him heh. He's gonna be daddy's boy!!

Not sure if I blogged about this but a lot of people around me have a lot of unwanted comments. Nose puffy, darker skin, carrying big, acne breakout and so on. Other than the big tummy, I think the other things they just see because they want to see. Especially after telling them the gender. The DHs never fail to bring up one comment or another every single time we meet. Like come on, I feel conscious enough, it doesn't help that you're helping to point out my "flaws". These days I've learnt to filter these people out. Am focusing on the people who acknowledge that H is a good boy and that I can't control the way I look during this hormone-crazy period. Why can't people just keep comments to themselves??

According to the ticker there's 82 days to go. Sounds really soon! Are we ready to be parents? Will we be good parents? Will I survive the labour pains according to my birth plan? Will baby wait for daddy to arrive in Sg before he greets the world ? (I really hope so!) So many questions that can't be answered till the time comes. This sentence (not ad verbatim) I found on a baby site rings so true; at this point, we are fluctuating between feelings of "Yay it's the last trimester, can't wait to welcome baby into this world!" and "Oh dear, are we ready to be parents? It's coming to soon!" I guess some things you can never fully prepare for. As in my friend's experience, her baby greeted the world 3 weeks early and it's still sinking in that she's a mother.

Well our dear H, we are ready to meet you. Till then, all we can do is say our usual prayers - that you be a strong and healthy boy who is always happy. Love you so much. xoxo

[hiatus]

2011-10-07T19:05:00.001+08:00

So I haven't blogged in a while. Haven't been in the mood really, coupled by the fact that I don't think anyone, or maybe just a couple of people, are reading my blog.

What's been happening so far?

Eid this year was fun in a different way because we celebrated it with our babymoon in Dubai. It was a little hectic for a pregnant woman who couldn't get enough sleep because her hubby is so relaxed during holidays that his snoring score is 10/10. The searing heat combined with the uncomfortable humidity also made it difficult for this waddling walrus. Despite those obstacles, it was a very enjoyable trip - we got to see the main highlights of the place thanks to the bus tour. The world's (current) highest tower, the Atlantis, the world's only 7 star hotel, the museum, a creek cruise and much more. After living in a place which is dull and where customer service doesn't exist, Dxb was a real refreshing experience. There were crowds everywhere, people looked more vibrant, even security guards offered us directions and the service in the 4-star hotel was superb. Superb to the point where even the cleaners greeted you along corridoors. Not to mention that the Arabesque theme of the room was very unique. The infrastructure there is also fantastic, comparable to Sg if not better. At the end of the trip Mr F said that Sg seemed under-developed in comparison to Dxb. He was expecting me to get defensive but seriously, I had to agree. That's how impressive it was! Ok, so now I'm working on getting him to move there. Yeah the cost of living is higher, but at least I'll have freeeedom!

Baby has been doing fine, albeit some minor thing that should clear up by the time he comes out or soon after, God-willing. We realised being parents is not easy even though we're officially not parents yet. The past couple of months have seen us increasingly spending time at the hospital; what with scares like food poisoning till I wasn't retaining any food or water, ultrasounds, gynae appointments, one blood test after another and chiropractice for my poor aching back. The frequency, as Mr F pointed out, was almost once in every 2 weeks, and in the last week itself, I think I went there everyday except one for one thing or another. It hasn't stopped there because I still have more chiro to go for (it's working..yay!) and a glucose test to rule out or diagnose (I'm hoping the former) gestational diabetes. Pregnancy is a long and difficult process!!!

Have bought my tickets to go back to Sg. I must say I've been having second thoughts about returning. The main reason is because I don't see my family being very supportive. Yeah, they want to be part of the baby's life but other than that, they seem reluctant to help me out in certain things. I've also grown dependent on Mr F and the thought of handling the last few weeks of pregnancy myself scares the shit out of me. No one to accompany me to the dr (I'm sure my family will be too busy), no one to hold my hand in case of not so good news (cross fingers there won't be any), no one to get me food at 12am in case I get hunger pangs. Sigh, Mr F has spoilt me...not that I'm complaining. Hehe.

For now I shall just stick to plan A. Am reminding myself that no matter what, family support is important and having (more than one) family member around will always come in handy.

[glow or grow?]

2011-08-25T06:29:00.016+08:00

Someone commented that I should be having a pregnancy glow now that I'm in the 5th month.

Frankly speaking, I don't see any pregnancy glow but instead just pregnancy grow. Growing swollen ankles, growing tummy, growing number of stretch marks so soon..gah.

Feels like I'm having one of the most unglamorous pregnancies actually. Hopefully the anecdote "it gets better" will be true for subsequent pregnancies.

I have rashes on my shoulders, and the weirdest part is that they're concentrated solely on where the sleeves of my tops are (is that supposed to be a comfort?). I have stretch marks so soon. My tummy is expanding so fast I feel like a walrus who will soon be promoted to a whale. I have swollen ankles which have become so big I only have one pair of shoes I can fit into, and they're wearing out fast. I have facial acne outbreaks more often and some on my back too, which unfortunately some people like to point out and make me feel even worse. I have a sour taste in my mouth quite often which I don't know how to eliminate and makes eating somewhat unappealing. I have some hyperpigmented creases at my neck and the linea nigra down my belly. My fainting episode has apparently been attributed to low-ish iron levels so I hope the iron pills do a better job otherwise I've been warned that I might need iron infusions in month 7 onwards. As if these pleasures of pregnancy were not bad enough, yesterday came the epitomy of all embarrassments, I had blood in my stool. I shall not go into details the embarrassing part but thank goodness no one checked me when I was at the ER, just some tests and lots of questions to rule out anything more serious. Diagnosis: hemorrhoids. Seems it's common during pregnancy because of the pressure on the blood vessels in the you-know-where, go figure, I would've never associated the two at all. I feel like if there were a checklist of the side effects of pregnancy, most of them would be ticked by now.

Some people's theories are that since it's a boy, my body is reacting to the extra testosterone. Others comfort me that when it's a girl, I will feel the glow. Let's hope.

Whatever it is, I'm grateful to have hubby's support. Yeah he tries to annoy me sometimes (and succeeds) by going "Eeee, look at the rashes on your shoulders", but most times, he comforts me by saying I'm still the most beautiful woman to him, if not more. One time I was feeling so insecure, he reassured me by saying that even though I felt I had a hideous tummy, when he sees it, he doesn't think of me as a walrus, but instead that it's our boy growing inside of me. I'm tearing just thinking of his sweet words =)

I know this is all going to go away when baby comes. Right now I just have to convince myself that walrus or not, whatever I'm going through is worth it.

[it's a....]

2011-08-24T06:29:00.003+08:00

So we know the gender of our baby. Seems our instincts were right after all. Woot!

Actually we have known for awhile (like two entries ago..which was why I wanted to update on bubs), but we didn't tell non-family till our most recent scan last weekend. I was quite freaked out by the term "foetal anomaly scan" and kept worrying about the outcome but Alhamdulillah, bubs is doing good. He was so cheerful during our scan and cooperative as always. I was already grinning when I saw the shadow of his face on the normal ultrasound, when we could see his image more clearly during the 3D version, I was so excited the radiologist told me to keep still so she could do her job. Haha. Aiyah, let mummy be excited lah! He seemed to be smiling throughout the scan, at first covering his face then letting us see it clearly. Everyone I've showed the pic to says he's just adorable...of course lah...my baby what...hahaha. Sakura says it's because he's in a no stress environment so he's happy...maybe if he's in Sg he won't smile as much lol.

Ok, so I guess I've already said it's a he..so no need to declare explicitly. My emotions were mixed - from the excitement of determining "the baby's" gender (now we can call it a "he" instead of "it" for sure) to being a little disappointed that I won't be buying cute pretty (pink) dresses anytime soon, to being totally in love with hubby again thinking that a part of him is in me. It's like I've fallen all over in love with Mr F again, on a different level (note: not that I'd fallen out of love with him heh).

If there's one way of describing how I'm feeling these days it's this: I've always been skeptical but now I know what it means to fall in love with someone even before knowing them. SG's song "I knew I loved you before I met you" rings so true now... No way is that line cliche anymore. Call it mushy motherhood feelings, but it's totally real. We talk to him everyday, I stare at his ultrasound pics constantly, am amazed everytime I see the "alien" movements in my tummy. I simply can't wait to meet him. 4 months suddenly seems so long!

He's a really good boy and InshaAllah he will come out healthy, happy and calm like he is right now. My little one, we love you so much. Hope to see you soon!

Our cheerful boy at 21 weeks...thank God for technology eh?

(labels were added for the in-laws :P)

[what was the update about?]

2011-08-24T06:11:00.001+08:00

So much for updating my previous post. Now I've forgotten what I wanted to write about. Growing old lol.

The only thing I remember that I wanted to post about was my birthday this year. Unlike the last, this year's one was pretty fun...met up with the DH gang and had a sumptious dinner at an Indian restaurant. The best part was the cake..yummy BR cookies and cream cake...mmm. The food was alright, the company was good, albeit for the fact that there was too much Urdu so I couldn't catch most of the jokes. And hubby didn't understand my eye signals so he only translated jokes when I asked him to. Sigh. I'd wanted to meet Y the day after, but sadly she was not feeling well and I guess with Ramadan the next day, it was a good thing to rest.

August went by very fast. Seems that fasting or not, Ramadan passes very fast. Can't believe summer is coming to an end (now that there's a concept of "summer" here, I can comment on it). Sometimes I wonder if I wasted it away. But seeing the amount of work I did, I guess I didn't.

National Day this year was a homely affair. We had dinner at a M'sian restaurant (the irony) and the catching up with faces you only see once a year was good (sounds like a typical Hari Raya affair in our family haha). The food was yummy and although the venue was a "step down" from last year's Four Season's, Mr Ambassador had a point - better to have local food which is something that sort of gels us together as S'poreans rather than international food at some posh place that not all can appreciate, especially seeing the occassion. Hubz must be very excited about little bubs cos now even the Ambassador knows I'm preggie. They were talking when hubz called me over and first thing Mr Wong did was to congratulate me, and I was taken aback. Heh. He's a nice guy though and offered some advice here and there. He even offered advice about how to deal with subsequent children but I was like...err..one by one please. Lol. Reminds me of how MIL nicely sms-ed and said 6 children would be ideal. SIX? My God, at the rate of how I'm feeling, I can't even think when we'll have the next one. Exhausted even before baby is born...after how?? Unforunately hubz had to go back to office (yes, at 9pm!) so we had to leave early..gah. I hate HW now, seriously, making him work long hours is one thing, but can't you cut some slack during Ramadan?? ROAR.

A pregnant and bloated me

(wore my Hari Raya baju kurung early just in case by the time it comes, I can't fit into it anymore :P)

they came over to my seat to take pics so that pregnant lady doesn't have to walk...I'm not disabled lah lol

(SW thought I was putting on weight, apparently SL had to tell her I was preggie...haha)

Seems I do have stuff to write about afterall, it's all coming back to me now...

Ramadan this year has it's new challenges for me. I kind of knew I would not be able to fast because I have a bubs who doesn't allow me to go off schedule with my food intake. I tried one weekend and only lasted one day. By the 2nd day at noon I felt the nausea creeping up again and since I was a little late in tackling it, out came gastric juices and awhile later whatever I tried to eat. Sigh. Feel guilty but I shall remember that God is kind and doesn't want us to suffer. Another struggle is to get enough energy to cook for Mr F. It's especially tough when he expects me to cook even though I feel like crap, or maybe it's just me over-reading or being over-sensitive about his comments the first couple of times I tried to ask him to get food from outside. That coupled with odd sleeping/waking hours - I've been cooking at all sorts of odd times of the day. First is the rush for iftar around 5 when I've napped for an hour (not enough) after getting home from work, then whatever time I have energy to cook for sahor (my "achievement" so far is cooking at 2am - not a very good idea seeing that being half awake in the kitchen has it's dangers...). Sometimes with the odd hours, I find that my sleep is disturbed and I only get about 5 hours of sleep a day. Sigh. I even managed to get one "stitch" (they use steri-strips these days..) from rushing to cook iftar. That is another story to tell heh.

Even then, I'm amazed I managed well the two-thirds of it. Only the last few days I've been more lenient to myself, declaring defeat when I can't make it to the kitchen. It's probably not a good thing but this year I feel like I can't wait for Ramadan to be over so that I don't have to struggle in the kitchen. I sound like a Ramadan grinch right now..ha. 6 days to go..I can do it!

Looking forward to our Eid break...hope we have fun together! :)

[halfway there!]

2011-08-07T22:53:00.006+08:00

Wow, time really does fly. I think I was so pre-occupied with coping with the woes of carrying Little Peanut that time must have flown out the window. Either that or I've been quite busy with work so I didn't notice time flying by. Somehow, my baby ticker also flew away, so I had to re-paste another one...haha. Am glad that we're already halfway there. Can't wait to see you soon Baby! This also spells that I'm closer to going home...yay!

Not sure where to start with updates so I'll probably go chronologically. My habibi was so generous - apart from the impromptu dinner, the flowers, he totally surprised me with an LV clutch bag. Wow! My first ever (very) branded thing. Hehe. I kind of suspected he was up to something because on the day he was supposed to fetch me from shopping, he left me with the girls while he disappeared into thin air. Later on when I said I was done, he was still "busy" and when he reappeared, he had a paper bag in his hand which he was trying very hard to hide. Later when we got into the car, he handed it to me and I was like WHOAAAAA. Haha. Needless to say, I was grinning big time - all the way home - so much so my cheeks were aching from smiling too widely. Thank you darling!!

my first (and hopefully not last) LV

lots of compartments...hubby knows my taste!

My LV deserves a photoshoot..teehee

As if those were not wonderful surprises enough, we had a short staycation at the east coast the next weekend. I was double surprised when hubby acceded to my request to stay in a hotel rather than a furnished apartment, and triple surprised when he said we could stay in a suite rather than the standard room. Woooo. Something told me I was going to enjoy this weekend :P Official reason for the trip: Settle bank matters. Unofficial reason(s): A getaway for us, celebrate 2nd anni, pre-bday escape, i'm-bored-of-this place, and so on... Somehow I like our unofficial reasons better. =)

A surprise for him

Short trip to the corniche

Enjoy the weekend we did, even though we didn't do much. We lounged around most of the time, did some shopping, caught up on sleep and enjoyed each other's company in the huge suite. I like! Sometimes a lazy holiday is just what you need. We drove home receiving good news on the way, S had given birth to their baby boy. So instead of going home directly, we dropped by the hospital to see the new parents and cute lil boy. Adorable he is..and very talkative even though he was only a few hours old lol. Definitely not like his mum :P

Our fun didn't end there...shall write more updates on the next post. Ta for now!

[Happy 2nd!]

2011-07-12T22:49:00.007+08:00

Yet another year has flown by quickly. Someone commented that my FB status was not romantic, but if you knew our history, living 2 years together without killing each other is a big achievement. Lol. We used to fight so much online even before we were a couple, we used to say, if we ever got together, we'd end up killing each other. I think we're doing pretty good...don't think we've had any major quarrels in the past year. First year had its ups and downs as we got to know each other, I think the 2nd year we understood each other better and are more aware of each other's feelings and how to react to them.

Celebration wise let's not talk about it. Hubby has been coming home late lately and by late I mean at least 9pm. There were a couple of times last week he came back at twelve-freaking-thirthy-am. Sigh. "At least" yesterday he came home around 9 something. Our celebration was no more than a cheesecake and ice choco drinks at an atas cafe in town. Unfortunately even that was interrupted by phonecalls by the %$##! in his office.

Let's not talk about prezzies either. Between one very contented man and a fickle and pretty contented woman, neither of us got the other anything.

I'm not lamenting how disappointed I was on 11 July 2011 (just realised the numbers are nice..heh). In fact, the little coffee we had and the de-tour hubby took on the way home so that we could spend more time together was enough to perk me up after missing him the whole day.

♥Happy Anniversary Darling♥

Thank you Allah for blessing us with each other.

Our 3rd anniversary will InshaAllah have a 3rd person celebrating with us. Good things come in threes. =)

Update: Wee, just an hour after posting this, hubby called to say he was coming home on time (sort of). And we were going for our post-anniversary dinner. Double wee! Dinner was at our favourite fish and chips place. Oh, and he got me a lovely bunch of flowers. Triple wee!!!

[tick tick ticker]

2011-07-04T20:44:00.001+08:00

Yay I finally have my ticker up. Been wanting to have one for some time...well, the last one was our wedding ticker. But these baby ones are sooo cute. Maybe now I'll be able to track the days/weeks better, or with less thinking. At least I'm not the only one who seems to have trouble keeping track...other mummies experience it too!

I still don't know how to put it as a tagboard, so it's not that I'm predicting the date to be 30th Dec. Since one dr said 28th and another said 30th, I'm just assuming that's roughly when lil baby will come out.

Oh and if you notice, I deliberately did not choose a baby boy or girl. Firstly, we don't know yet and secondly, I shall not assume (based on our hunches or desires). So there you go, ala emancipated Mimi's style, our baby will be gender neutral till we find out it's gender (well she took it a step further by not announcing it to the world till they were born, but I shan't do that. and no, i'm not a fan, i just happened to watch her interview on tv one day :P).

[changes]

2011-07-02T17:32:00.002+08:00

I'm not too sure if I should title this post as "changes" or "pregnancy symptoms". I guess it's an overlap, since pregnancy is a huge change.

Zzzzzz

One of the biggest change is my current lack of energy. It started right after our MS trip, when even Ez commented that I've been tired ever since returning. On hindsight, our little peanut had a mighty adventurous first few weeks of life since at that time we were very active during weekends. Maybe it will be inspired to take on mummy's travel adventures. Since the 5th week or so, energy levels have dipped to an all time low. I admit I was never very energetic upon returning home from work, but these days it seems like a nap is almost a must. Last week I was determined to stay fresh after work so I didn't give in to the bed the moment I returned, but apparently, when you're this tired, even sitting upright on the sofa can let you fall asleep. A full meal and Beethoven's symphony can also put me asleep on the drive home. Poor Mr F, surprised a couple of times when his passenger didn't respond to him. :P

Baby bump

I officially have a baby bump, I think. At least hubby says so and I guess my tummy IS growing bigger. My hesitation is that I'm not sure if it's really a bump or I'm growing fatter, since I wasn't stick thin to begin with hence the changes are less noticeable. Have taken a photo or two to show Auntie and Jam (yes, they're quite eager to see me growing), so let's hope they see the difference and not say I'm just fatter. Haha. Still a bit conscious so till I have a fully rounded belly, don't think I'm going to post pictures up just yet.

Emo street

Even before we got the news, I was getting more and more emo. Crying at little things, or upset over trivial things. So much so hubby commented one evening: You're so emo these days, maybe you're preggie. Needless to say, things are even more dramatic now. Yesterday, after finding out that I wasted about $130 on bras that were too small and couldn't be exchanged, I stopped in my tracks and started apologising (and sobbing) to hubby for wasting money. And I mean stopped in my tracks in the middle of the shopping centre! (On a side note, what a stupid system! Can't try on the bra cos no changing rooms, and yet can't exchange or return it...wtf! The first maternity bra I bought was too big because of this, and the current ones, which are a size smaller, are too small...fantastic! And no, I'm not about to ask the salesMEN for help on sizing because I do not want them checking out my boobs...roar!!! Not that they seemed very helpful anyway. Point to note, shall buy oversized undies from now on, better to wait to grow into them than having them wasted...I guess I have to wait till I get back to my pre-pregnancy size.) There've been numerous other instances to cry as well..such as worrying about hubby possibly not wanting me anymore once I get fat and ugly, wanting to go home or get out of here for good desperately (well, that's not a new one :P), and not having a fall-asleep-with buddy almost every night (consequences of yawning out loud and dozing off on the sofa: being dragged by hubby to the bedroom keke). I think hubby is immune to my tears now.

Dreams

I've always been a vivid dreamer but it seems as if my dreams have become more and more outrageous of late. Apparently it's common for first time mummies-to-be to have strange dreams, which more often than not reveal some sort of anxiety about being a good mum or insecurities that have been lingering in the subconscious mind. My conclusion...if I were to make my dreams into a movie, they'd sell even better than a Spielberg blockbuster!

Aversions i.e. nausea

I've developed strange aversions, mostly to smells and food. I can't stand the kitchen now, just entering it makes me nauseated. It doesn't help that the sink sucks, but little things such as just opening the onion plastic can make me gag. Let's not talk about the garbage... Needless to say, because of these reasons cooking has become an even bigger chore. At times, I'm so averse to being in the kitchen that as long as I get to fry an egg for dinner, I'm happy. I also can't stand the sell of burnt popcorn, so hubby now has to make popcorn only after I sleep (poor guy). I also get quesy at the sight of red meat, and often times throw up after eating meat. I always try to tell baby, mummy needs the iron, so please cooperate. Heheh. Most of the times feeling hungry makes me puke (strange!), but eating the wrong thing also does the same, so it's a tricky situtation. The only fool proof thing that works right now is work. But work = exhaustion, so go figure!

The one thing I can't wait to get rid off is the nausea and I'm glad it's gradually improving. Let's hope I get to experience the so-called easy trimester soon, and enjoy the baby glow. Looking forward to our next appointment eagerly, want to see little peanut waving at us again. Wee!

[another new beginning]

2011-06-26T21:08:00.075+08:00

This place, as much as I still haven't developed an affinity to, has seen several new beginnings in our lives. A new beginning for us as a couple, a new beginning in owning a home (well renting, same difference :P), a new beginning in living abroad for me.

As of April 27, we discovered we will be making another new beginning. InshaAllah, come end of the year, we will be celebrating the culmination of our love - as parents. I'm being melodramatic I know, but in this instance, I think I have the perogative to.

I have not announced it to the world (i.e. using the very reliable no-privacy tool - FB) and neither do I intend to. Based on the previous post, I have not been able to tell certain people as soon as I would have liked and have yet to tell them the news personally. As unideal as it is, I guess a certain few will have to find out through my blog. Then I'll also be able to find out who still reads it...haha. For now, a select few have been informed of their impending new roles :P

I'm usually kaypoh about how my friends found out they were expecting, etc, so I shall indulge with the details, if you want to know (otherwise ignore the next section). To make a long story short, it was kind of unexpected although we'd already been trying (and panicking at the lack of instant results lol). Neither did we expect to find out the news the way we did - at the ER because I was complaining of lower left abdominal pain for a couple of weeks. After a couple of almost-scares, All Praise be to Allah, little peanut and mummy are doing well now at 3 months and 1 week. Here was our initial "adventure" with the doctors:

April 27 - Finally we go to the ER at 9pm because pain becomes unbearable.

First qs dr asks is whether I'm pg. I say I'm a week late so test #1 is a pg test. Suspect: ectopic pg. Us: WORRIED. After a gruelling 1 hr wait in the paed ER (bcos they had no beds in the adult section), Test: Positive. Reaction: Wow, really? :P

April 28 - No female radiologist the night before so we have to come early morning for an emergency ultrasound in the ob/gyn dept. ER dr (not the same one who attended to us the night before) scares the shit out of us by saying that although it's not an ectopic pg, some fluid which is not supposed to be there is present. To confirm with ob in 2 wks time.

So for 2 weeks we sit biting our nails...even Auntie who's a female reproductive system specialised nurse can't make the link between what the dr said and why it's bad.

May 10: Good news comes in 3s! Dad signed our BTO lease papers, got news of a possible promotion, and most importantly, there is nothing wrong with the baby. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. We can't thank God enough. (On a side note, we felt like kicking that dr's you-know-where.) Baby is roughly 8 weeks old and I am privileged to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time - MashaAllah, no words could describe the miraculous moment! Unfortunately daddy-to-be could not come into the room, but I described it to him.

June 16: Appt #2 - detailed scan. Corrected EDD is 28 Dec 2011. Baby, can wait 3 days for new year? Lol. Baby waves to us during ultrasound and this time hubby got to be in the room. Yay Dr I, my new gynae. Changed gynae bcos the previous one seemed uninterested in her job. Good decision I made.

The first few weeks were very smooth, but in the 3rd month I got morning sickness to the core. My record was 3 times one evening followed by 5 times the next day. IV fluids the moment I went to the ER but good thing I was not officially dehydrated yet. These days I go to work just to keep distracted, and so far it seems to be working. The more I work, the less I puke...yay. I've got wonderful colleagues who have been doting on me, from making sure I eat on time to reminding me that I should drink milk and buy only decaff coffee. Mr F has been a doll too, helping me with the housework and comforting me each time I have to visit the toilet for unglamorous throwing up sessions. Blessed I am.

Everyone at home is excited of course. Sakura has seen a need to define roles for everyone, or rather titles. I'm not sure but I think she will be "Auntie", mum will be "Nana" and dad "Petapa". Ah, the multicultural family lives on (English - English - Tamil). Auntie has been supportive all the way, even staying up till 1am everytime we have an appointment so that she can be up to date with what the dr said. Jam has coined a new term - nieson - niece + cousin. Very creative. In laws were elated over the phone and MIL constantly gets updates about me thru Mr F.

Ah a mighty long post. Which reminds me...have you thought about what a long process pregnancy is - 9 months (10 to be exact)! Have to be patient, and InshaAllah the end results will be marvelous. Wee!

[on long distance relationships]

2011-06-22T21:03:00.001+08:00

My friends would probably think I'm a pro on this topic, having been in one for half a decade which ended in a happily-ever-after fairytale (well, sort of). Ever since coming here, as I start to reflect on things, as much as I am not against long distance relationships, I wouldn't recommend it for the faint hearted.

The kind of relationship I've been pondering on is not so much a romantic one but a platonic one. Although I was initially very dependent on my buddies in Sg for getting me through the long desert days and nights, I have somewhat been able to wean myself off the dependency. It's not that I don't need them anymore, but as circumstances permit or don't permit, it is quite difficult to maintain an optimal conversation/relationship online when you are world's apart, literally and figuratively.

As everyday demands mount on you, such as work pressures, family commitments, social commitments, it is hard to find a common time to come online with the time difference. I have even found a trend - that as wrong as it sounds, more people seem to be online on weekdays during office hours than on weekends. But although they are online at work, well, work being work, is not a conducive place to chat online. The different weekday/weekend schedules further compound this problem. Furthermore, as I grow more and more out of touch with happenings around my circles of friends as well as what is happening back home, the number of topics you are able to talk about declines gradually. You soon find yourself talking about the same topic repeatedly or cracking your brain on what topic to talk about next. Once in awhile, when you are in an epiphany of things to talk about, something or other crops up like a bad internet connection or a "I have to go off now".

Lately I've been more than a little ticked off by a couple of friends who claim they have been too busy to drop a line or two to at least tell me they are doing well. It seems that the onus is on me to maintain the friendship. Is it my fault because I had to go away? Doesn't it take two to clap, tango, or whatever else it is? I almost feel like a sucker for wanting to maintain the friendships and it leaves me wondering if the other party is interested at all.

I guess this is part and parcel of living away from home. While you make new friends, you risk losing the old ones, and sadly the latter is very real. Though I'm not yet giving up, because I believe that since we were once good friends, there will be something to rekindle sooner or later. On the end of the person who is living abroad, as KS said, it becomes tough when every summer, you find out that yet another expat friend of yours is leaving for good, and you never know when you will meet them again.

"Friendships aren't always forever, but while you have them they are intellectually and emotionally enriching and you should always treasure them, even if they are short term." - KS

[A Nabatean Adventure]

2011-05-04T21:22:00.003+08:00

According to Kak Su, there are two places that are definitely worth going here - EOTW and MS. So since we've done EOTW last year, this time we ventured to MS.

In my layman terms, MS is an archealogical site on the west of this country. They were the same people who settled in Petra, which was the capital of their kingdom. For more details, please refer to this. Seems there is some Islamic history to it too. This trip was much more adventurous albeit being a guided tour. Off we were at 4am to the airport; a sleepy me equals a grumpy me so I warned hubby not to irritate me on the 4 hour bus ride we had to take once we landed.

I shall not go into details but the highlights of the trip were the Elephant Rock, the tombs of course, and the marvellous canyons surrounding the landscape. Even our hotel was impeccably placed in a valley hence there were beautiful rock structures all around us. The whole time, the lot of us felt as if we were not in this country, rather transported into some exotic location like the Grand Canyon. Indeed, it was that beautiful! Subhanallah. Who can deny God's existence after seeing such beauty that encompasses us?

The service was perfect throughout the trip. We had security with us almost all the time - the official reason is that the king wants his tourists to be safe while venturing. Our take on it? Well contact me privately to find out..lol. There were no delays, the guide and driver were friendly, the hotel though 2 star had amazing facilities including a pool which had a lot of privacy. They even provided drinks in a cooler so that we did not get dehydrated, the buffet meals were satisfying and they even planned rest hours in the day so that we did not melt under the sun. The group was also very diversified, with Europeans, Americans and us Asians. Lovely people, would love to keep in touch with them.

I'm glad we made this pre-summer trip even though there were some complications initially (next one will be in Nov). Shall look out for more adventures in the coming months, but of course, with limitations...hehe.

Can you see the elephant?

Tombs tombs and more tombs

One of the few examples of lovely landscape

He was practising on the new cam, I enjoyed being the model :P

The biggest tomb standing tall and alone (and yes, it was windy)

For lots and lots more pictures, and a clearer story, click here.

[time to slow down]

2011-05-04T20:35:00.001+08:00

April was extremely fun-filled. Actually we've been having adventures from mid May till last week, from iris fields to desert biking to an impromptu trip to the east coast (beach..yay!), our MS trip, an istiraha party and more.

Thank you Mr F for putting in so much effort in keeping me "occupied" and happy. Happy indeed I am. But at this point, (actually even during some point mid-April), it's time to slow down. Too much of anything is not good right? Haha.

The weather is getting a bit wonky, sandstorms almost every other day. One day it's bright and sunny (and hot!), then a sandstorm happens, then the next day it rains. I'm loving the rain, but if only it'd happen without the sandstorms. Unfortunately that's how things work here in the desert. The weather is getting too warm for no aircon, but too much aircon plus constant exposure to dust made me get a sorethroat. Hope it doesn't worsen to anything else!

Stay tuned for my post about our MS adventure!

[still here]

2011-04-18T15:54:00.001+08:00

After my angsty rant two entries ago, my decision would seem somewhat contradictory. However, in order to placate and remind myself why I made this decision, here goes this entry.

The thing that struck me most was when I told hubby that I hadn't come to an answer even after praying Istikharah (=prayer of guidance). To which he said, if I really wanted the new job, things would have been very clear by now. And mind you, I think 3 months, if not more, have passed since they made the offer, interviewed me and asked me for a decision (thanks to the laid back style here, I don't think anyone in Sg would wait that long for an answer!). So I did another Istikharah, before which I told Mr F that the "feeling" was clearer and the decision was easier when I did Istikharah for our marriage lol. Actually, upon hindsight, I had already thought about staying at the first job after my first istikharah, it's just that I kept fighting the decision because of well, who knows why...

So anyway, as of last week, I have formally rejected the job offer. I felt a little bad because I had already submitted the reference letters (felt bad about troubling my referees of course). But a decision had to be made and thanks to hubby who made me work through my decision making, I emailed the rejection letter. Furthermore, it did feel that I was letting go of a possibly good opportunity. But as of now, my reasons are:

My current superiors really cherish me. Dr A really sounded sincere with his advice and said he'd work on keeping me more challenged. He said if I wanted to lecture, he could give me a few hours to do that next semester.
Even though Dr F pretty much pissed me off with the conversation, he too has stepped up. Since that conversation, he's been calling me up almost every week to enquire how I am and "how's life" (which boss would ask that usually heh). He's even given me an assignment which I'm finding too hot to handle. Eeks.
Dr A must have told Dr M about my "misery" so Dr M is really stepping it up to keep me on my feet. Been attending meetings after meetings with him, and upon my very thick skinned suggestion of sending me to Canada for training, although he blatantly said the university would (i quote) NEVER sponsor me because they think I'd run away with my husband there, he suggested some alternative ways of getting my own funding. He even "invited" me to participate (mentor/lecture) in a new diploma course he'll be introducing next semester. Fun!
The new place is far and a one hour commute in peak hour is NOT ideal.
The current university is much more well known than the new one which is only just starting up.
I would be further away from the lab since the new job was mainly teaching/statistics. Dr F had a point there.
The new place, as several people have pointed out, works every cent out of you. Even the profs there were complaining they were working too hard and did not have any time for themselves. Not the kind of life I want while living here, since everything else is so laid back. Must enjoy before I get back to stressful Sg.
I did not get a very good vibe from the meetings I attended with them. At least at the current job I'm seen as a big shot and they come to me for help. The new place have ang moh big shots from South Africa, USA and what not, so I'd be a tiny tiny fry there. Should enjoy the glamour I'm getting now while I can right? ;)
The current job will be more flexbile if and when a baby comes. And since we're planning on a child, reason 4 and 6 applies. I want a stress free pregnancy. :P
Though theoretically the pay will be higher in the new place, the transport allowance does not totally cover the cost of a driver (dumb) and the net "gain" would not be much especially if they're going to work the life out of me.

I hope I remember these reasons. I guess if I forget I can come back to my blog heh. For now, I shall enjoy the new projects they are assigning me, including the one where I get to watch surgeries in the OR (wee!).

[breaking barriers]

2011-04-10T19:21:00.003+08:00

No hugs, no kind words, no kisses, no affection.

We have a one-of-a-kind father. That we do. He says things that hurt us, he complains when we ask for a gift (or just to buy us something that he deems unnecessary and expensive). Yet at the end of the day, we know he loves us. How? We just do.

When I was on exchange, he constantly asked about my health. He offered to help me settle in and told me not to worry about money. When Sakura was on exchange, he kept in touch with her on Skype no less, and paid the hefty bill which she incurred after a senseless mistake without a single word of displeasure.

When we are sick, he doesn't offer to take us to the doctor and even scolds us if we go to a private (i.e. expensive) one. Yet when we continue to sniff, he nags us to see a doctor or take our meds till we finally do.

The only time I remember receiving a hug from him, as an adolescent onwards at least, was 4 years back when I was in depression. Even while leaving for here, I pondered whether to hug him at the airport and I guess he got surprised when I did. Let's not talk about the awkwardness when he hugged Mr F after our wedding lol.

Even though he now thinks I "belong" to my husband, he constantly emails and asks about us. He always enquires whether the sandstorms are affecting my asthma and let's not forget the links he sends us for F's job applications.

I guess affection doesn't come naturally to him probably due to his upbringing. Sakura wrote him a card today and in her own words: "then i so shy to give him. cos u know how we're so unaffectionate with papa. so after i give him then i run away to shower so he dun have to read in front of me." And when she said she'd return the money for the huge bill she got in dk, he said, i quote, "don't need, just study hard and then when u want to get married I will say BYEEE". Go figure!

Freaky or not, I had the exact same thought last night as I sms-ed him and signed off with "Love you" to replace my usual "Take care". I went straight to bed with my hp facing down so that I wouldn't regret what I wrote lol. His reply was that the govt was giving us money that'd be credited to my bank account. Go figure!

To our dear father who shows his love in his own quirky ways... Happy Birthday, we love you. ♥

[career? what career?]

2011-03-31T21:18:00.002+08:00

As of last week, I made two discoveries. I wouldn't exactly say they were new discoveries, but they could be termed reaffirmations of notions I already had about living here.

To sum it up, I have a double disadvantage of being myself. Firstly, I'm not a local, and more specifically (my own deduction), an Asian. Westerners are treated as gods here, men and women alike. Arabs are in the middle runk. Asians are varied, with people from the Indian subcontinent being at the lowest end of the heirarchy, and I would say, being a Singaporean gives you a slightly upper hand. However, after talking to Dr M, in his exact words after I asked about the possibilities about being trained overseas or the like, "they wouldn't sponsor me, because I'm not a local". ("they" being the university)

This very blatant disclaimer came a couple of days after I talked to Dr F about my job change considerations. Ha, here I was thinking that talking to him would help. What essentially came out of the discussion was that it's my own decision to make, though they like me and definitely want me to say. Though in the midst of it all, he said something to the effect of my news being shocking and that he didn't know I was unhappy with my current position, and that "any other woman here with your kind of job would be happy [with the workload], but you're from a different background".

So basically, being a non-local, Asian woman (maybe that's 3 disdvantages, no?) has put me at a great disadvatage. While I knew I would have career suicide coming here, I did not think it would be this bad. Then again, maybe I did and I wasn't being pessimistic afterall. What's even more disappointing is to have the people I work with say things like that without any reserve. As a follow up to my conversation with Dr F, yesterday he asked what I felt/thought about what we had discussed about. Honestly I said "I've come to a conclusion that women here cannot have a career". His reponse? "Well, I thought you would've known that even before coming here." Light-hearted or not, it was yet another slap in my face.

I have a very important decision to make. To stay in my boring job and have it as just a job i.e. let's not talk about "career advancement", much more a career, or to be daring and venture into a different field, with more challenges (according to Dr A they will work my butt off there, and I believe him judging by how much the nurses are overworked there and how they're already giving me work even before joining) and a less willing husband. Compounded with the decision of wanting to start a family soon, that's the main thing holding me back from taking the job, otherwise I am all up for it.

Dr F once asked if he knew someone with my background he could hire. Even then I was thinking, who would want to come to this place. My response to him from now on will be: Why would I want to ruin someone's career by asking them to come to this MCP country???

I'm down in the dumps. Keep wondering how I can move forward from this but at this moment, I just feel that I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS FREAKING PLACE. HELP!!!

[my new baby]

2011-03-27T06:37:00.003+08:00

So when I bought my first camera way back in 2006, I deemed it my "baby". I was so proud of owning a semi-manual camera, and treated it with great care because 1) it cost me $800, which was a lot of money then since I'd just started working and 2) it was out of my first pay check so well, back to (1) but also because it was a memorable moment for me. Till now I treat it with such great care, often times huddling it close to me so that it gets all the TLC it needs.

If you haven't already known, I've been into photography since my secondary school days. Is and I were, you could say, the pioneer girls in our then unofficial photography club under the wings of the AVA club (ok maybe I shouldn't remind everyone I was in that geeky club lol). We were the first to get our hands on a manual film camera back then, attended courses with an ah-pek I remember (lol!) and by Sec 4, we were taking photos of official events in school and training our juniors how to use an SLR. After we left, the photography club branched out to become a club of it's own (our campaign worked!). Needless to say, I've always yearned for an SLR and have been more than hinting (more like thick-skinnedly asking blatantly) Mr F to get me one.

I was totally surprised one day, about two weeks ago, when Mr F started getting serious about buying one. I'm not one who receives gifts easily. Since childhood our parents only bought us expensive gifts on special occasions, mainly birthdays, so I was a little sheepish about receiving a gift on a "normal" day, and such an expensive one at that. Moreover I didn't feel I "deserved" it (talk about esteem issues...) plus my Powershot is in excellent working condition except for the scratches on the LCD screen (the other thing I learned from my dad, fortunately or unfortunately, was that I shouldn't/couldn't get new things till old ones are dead and gone). I tried to "postpone" it (to my birthday...many months away) but Mr F seemed pretty adamant about buying one, so we started our research.

Here I am, a proud owner of a Canon EOS 500D (reviews and specs here) which was a little above budget of an entry level SLR we were aiming for (though I was the one who convinced Mr F to go for a higher end one instead of upgrading later..hehe).

Love it! Compact, light and full of features!

As dramatic as this is going to sound, I am thrilled and extremely thankful to my dearest habibi for finally fulfilling my 13 year long dream. Yes you could say it didn't need to be dramatic since I could've easily afforded one and almost every other person owns one these days. But for reasons stated above I decided to hold back on indulging, being the thrifty person that I am.

Now that I have a new "baby", I shall polish up my photography skills and hopefully come up with really beautiful photos. Shall practive whenever I'm bored. This is going to be dangerous...if I take 500+ photos on a week long trip with my first "baby", maybe with baby #2 that might double with all the trial and error shots. Good thing cameras are digital these days!

I ramble...perhaps it's time to continue reading up on the manual. Ta!

[conquering the dunes]

2011-03-26T05:14:00.000+08:00

Remember how I said sand dunes + camels = my image of this desert country? Well, I'd been itching to go see some sand dunes; to be more exact, ride an all-terrain-vehicle (ATV) in the desert. This famous spot, among expats who have nothing better to do at least, is about an hour's drive from downtown. Well then again, plenty of locals do it too. After months and months of bugging hubby, who came up with reasons like we don't have the right car, he doesn't know how to get there, we finally made the trip there. Seems he's up for lots of adventures these days. Me like! This time I didn't let him give anymore excuses, because I even contacted members of an expat blog for coordinates or at least directions there. Coordinates we didn't get, but judging by the accuracy of our not very updated GPS, I think the well explained directions were more than sufficient.

I was more than surprised that his bunch of close friends were up for it. Note that they haven't previously "signed up" for any desert adventures for fear of it not being safe (for their ladies or otherwise) so us plus 2 more couples was more than I bargained for. It was a pity the nurses couldn't make it, what with S & S being in S'pore and Y being sick.

I was all prepared, buying sunblock just before leaving (they only have SPF 50 here..pathetic...must remember to stock up when I'm back in Sg). But the moment we arrived there, all was forgotten, so now I've got a tan that adds to the tan I got a couple of weeks before. At least now my family can't go "so much for living in a desert/sunny country" lol (they previously said that instead of getting tanned I've gotten fairer after staying here. no wonder women here have vit D deficiency heh).

Off we went, me and Mr F sharing one ATV initially. He had a little trouble with confidence...he kept putting his foot down ala riding a motorbike whenever he felt the ATV wasn't stable, so we didn't progress much. I initially thought I was too heavy so I got down so that hubby could ride by himself. The other reason I got down was cos I almost fell off once when we were going uphill and he braked abruptly. :P Even then, he was still a little scared so I grabbed the bike from him and zoomed off without him..lol. Well, as a sideline, we got a new camera (shall post about that too!) so he kept himself busy playing around with it.

It was a totally exhilerating experience. I was initially hesitant about going too far, more so so that Mr F wouldn't be worried. But after I saw that he wasn't stopping me (maybe he was too engrossed with the camera), I headed off as far as I dared, but always looking back to see that I knew which direction I was heading from. As I got more and more confident, I went faster and faster, thinking "woo hoo, I'm driving in this country!!". Cheap thrill lah, but what to do..haha. That little emancipation was enough for me. N was daring enough, or should I say she trusted me enough, to pillion ride with me a couple of times. Till we got into a minor misadventure, after which I told her she'd be safer with her hubby. I didn't want to bear any responsibility...Baby A needs his mummy safe and sound! (I should also add that M was so daring, he even brought Baby A on a couple of rounds...if he becomes an ATV expert when he grows up, we know why!)

While Mr F stuck to the safer gravel ground, M&N and I conquered dune after dune, especially during our final "countdown". I was braking too much at first, but after M&N's motivation, I became more adventurous and literally zoomed over the dunes. It was like a roller coaster ride, up and down, down and up, sometimes the back wheel even lifting off the ground. Weee!

After that exciting experience, we had some desert that S made. Too bad she couldn't ride cos she was preggie...maybe next year heh. Since we have a new tripod, we took the opportunity to take some couple/group shots. Baby A had a mini photoshoot too, just too bad he wasn't smiling much, till he was lifted into the air.

It was a great day and I'm sure returning for more adventures, if not just to shoot more pics of the red sand dunes. Yay!

[iris fields]

2011-03-14T20:13:00.004+08:00

I have to refrain from writing another post about how the DHs are so overprotected, but somehow that tale is related to this post. Let's just summarise by saying that K did not want to go for the trip because it wouldn't be safe for A. A pity... Between the last post and now, or I guess even longer than that, I realise I'm glad I married Mr F. Although he's protective, he's not overprotective. And he's always in for an adventure.

That aside, the day started off early with me waking up at 6.30 am. Although the "official" time to wake up was 7, when I'm excited (and worried) about cooking for a picnic or preparations in general, I have an automatic alarm that wakes me up in the morning, if I hadn't already had a restless night's sleep.

After waking up that early instead of cooking the night before to have fresher food, I found out that the gas had ran out. What are the odds?? I was initially relieved thinking phew, I don't have to cook afterall (let's just say I have cooking esteem issues). After prancing around the hall for awhile and feeling a tinge of disappointment, hubby said he'd try to check if the shop selling gas would be open. So off he went at 7am in search of a new gas tank. I was happy as I heard the sound of the tank on the stairs signaling my preparations wouldn't go to waste! Menu for the day: mee goreng! :) As part of my cooking esteem issues, halfway after reconstituting the noodles (don't have yellow mee here lah...have to use packed ones..), the noodles which I haven't tried before (supposedly pancit Canton aka Cantonese noodles in tagalog) seemed to be very little. So I told Mr F that we'll just leave it for ourselves. By some miracle (or perhaps I should've thought about it first, but it was 7 am so...) after adding the noodles to the ingredients, the volume plumped up so we were ready to set off.

We were the earliest car at the meeting point, not that we were going in our car. When our ride came, it seemed a little out of shape and I was like..hmm..I think it would be better to take our car. Mr F wasn't in the mood for desert driving so we stuck to our original plan. Off we set with Art and Mei. They were good company and we had plenty of good, intelligent, light hearted and stimulating conversation throughout the 1 hour drive to our destination. Well, Mei did most of the talking. She had lots of stories to tell about her myriad of experiences having lived and worked abroad. Art was interjecting here and there, and whenever he did, I had to strain to hear him. Now who says all angmohs speak loudly..heh. Oh and I should add, I loved his Scottish accent!

Just as we were 1 km before our destination, our car got stuck in sand. The spare wheel at the bottom of the car (seriously, why keep a spare wheel there of all places??) kept accumulating sand, and because of that the back tires also got buried in sand. Of all days, Siti n hubby didn't bring shovels in their usually well packed desert-friendly vehicle. The next best solution was to tow the vehicle out of the sand. The first attempt didn't work because the front wheel wasn't straight. After straightening the wheel almost by hand (and I mean turning the wheels by hand, not with the steering), it was attempt #2, along with man-power pushing from the rear end. This worked and thankfully we were out of the sand in no time, not before the tow hook of Art's car snapped. Ha. I wonder if we were jinxed because even on our trip last year, our car was the one that had engine troubles. :P Good thing we all had the mentality that these little misadventures added a little more spice to the trips, we would have interesting stories to tell. ;)

Then came the highlight of the day (well, my highlight anyway) - the picnic! Why? Because there was nasi lemak! Haha. Even while waiting for Siti n family who were the latest (due to some rice cooker issues), our motto was "We're not leaving until we have that nasi lemak". A bunch of S'poreans and M'sians desperate for local food, I bet we would have literally raided Siti's home had she not appeared. Even if it meant forsaking the trip. So there we were gobbling down the good food, including chicken curry Sara made. All in all, as I said, it was a yummy-licious highlight.

We spent the next 2 hours literally waiting for the irises to bloom. Siti's intelligence (no pun intended there) had said they would bloom at 12, but there was no sign of any blooming even at 12.30. We were joined by a Msian convoy shortly and about an hour later, a Japanese convoy. Talk about foreigners trying to find amusement in a desert country! It was cute seeing the Japs bowing to one another when they arrived. Their intelligence told them the flowers would bloom at 1 but even then, the flowers were still sleeping. Siti attempted to wake them up by pouring coke (=caffeine) on them but even that didn't work. So much for the rain the night before...

By 2 pm, there were vague signs of the flowers blooming. One here, one there. Very sporadic. No 21 gun effect that we see at our NDP. Our Msian neighbours told me that they had been there the week before and the entire fields were covered in purple. Maybe we went there a tad too late. It was hilarious looking at such a big crowd (~15 of us, ~10 in the Msian convoy and at least 30 in the Jap convoy) bending forward, scrutinising and waiting patiently for the next iris to bloom. One lady squatted in her spot for so long, we were watching her from our car (city people lah, had to run for shade eventually, after we gave up using our umbrellas) and saying maybe she's got positive thinking: If I stare long enough, the flower will bloom. We took several snaps and since it was getting too hot, we left at about 2.30. The Jap had a better route so we took that one back out so that Art's car wouldn't get stuck in sand again, and thankfully it didn't. In fact, we even stopped along the way to look at desert watermelons which I initially thought were tennis balls picnickers had left behind (kekeke).

So the iris fields were a little bit disappointing, but overall I had an enjoyable time. Maybe next year we'll go a week or two earlier to watch the whole field turn purple, and have more nasi lemak of course. Meanwhile, enjoy these photos!

How do we get out of this? (note Mei and her cute straw hat. Or at least, her shadow)

The rare couple pic

Our convoy

Maybe the irises had performance anxiety after seeing the crowd :P

before, after (pretty!)

~~Tennis balls~~ Desert watermelons

P.S. On a separate note, the new blogger image interface seems much better than before. Good!

[over protected]

2011-03-04T19:02:00.003+08:00

What am I to do with my life
(You will find out don't worry)
How am I supposed to know what's right?
(You just got to do it your way)
I can't help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected

Ok no, I haven't become a Britney fan but the song rang in my head as I was thinking about the situation.

On Wed A and I went out for an "adventure". Since I'd been to the spa before, and A wanted a massage badly, her husband finally relented and allowed her to come along with me. The massage was yummy but that's not the point of this post...

When they saw me standing outside a bookstore where were supposed to meet, K (A's hubby) first exclaimed: Oh no, F left you there alone??

Me (jokingly): Yeah, he always leaves me alone, sob sob, I'm used to it.

K: Oh no! I would never leave A alone. It's not safe here!

After some goodbyes and questions about "do you have pepper spray in your bag", I promised K I would take care of his wife even without a pepper spray (I have a strong kick) and she'd be safe with me.

On our way home just as I was about to open the building door, A suggested we get some ice cream and drinks at the bakalah (grocery shop) nearby. As we made our way she exclaimed, "Wow, this is the first time I'm out on my own. I feel so free." Me: "Uhuh, you feel liberated right? Like a breath of fresh air?" And she was chirping away, almost with a spring in her step.

This was exactly how I felt a week ago when I met Y for dinner. Now don't get me wrong, we love our husbands and we enjoy going out with them. But with the entire scare about safety and what nots, A and I have been under the shade of "we can't go out ourselves because it's not safe without our husbands." Seems A wants to go for an internship but K is not keen on it because he doesn't trust the locals...gah.

This was the mentality I shared for more than half a year after coming here. All the DHs were warning me how it wasn't safe and this and that. I was shocked when A said she hasn't even gone down to the grocery shop on her own. What more K wouldn’t have allowed her to come with me had I not had a driver i.e. no taxis. Gladly I met the S'porean nurses last August and from there I thought, wow, if these girls are "daring" enough to go out on their own, and they're single, why can't I? Afterall, even if I get lost in the taxi, I can always call my husband to redirect the driver home. Even the mum of the kid I was tuitioning would go out on her own in the days so from there I started gathering courage.

Now 1 year and 3 months after first stepping foot here, I wouldn't say I'm totally "adventurous", but I'm not as afraid to go out on my own. It’s not about being complacent about my safety, but it’s unhealthy to be always paranoid to the point of being miserable about being cooped up within four walls. Baby steps are the way to go. My main worry is that I haven't memorised my way home except from nearby places, and that I don't speak the same language as the taxi drivers who can be trusted. My driver is well, another story. So far my strategy is to get hubby to drive me to wherever I want to go, and I'd memorise the route so that I can take a cab back. Actually the memorisation part hasn't been absolutely necessary because most of the drivers of the South Asian kind know where I'm referring to (for some reason the locals always seem confused...) but for my own peace of mind, at least I know I'm going in the right direction home.

Looking forward to venturing the town more often on my own, or rather with my girlfriends. Am already bugging Y about her next off day. We are planning to paint another mall red! ;)

[the heat is on]

2011-02-20T04:52:00.002+08:00

It's been getting a little stressful. I knew this would come but I didn't expect it to take a toll on me.

When you're single, everyone will ask when are you getting married.

When you're married, everyone will ask you when is the baby coming.

I guess it doesn't end because after the first baby, everyone will ask when the next one is coming.

And the questions just keep coming.

People I don't even know are asking me why I don't have a baby "yet". My busybody, though nice, driver who said "One year marriage and still no baby yet?" and even the therapist who does my laser hair removal whom I've never had a personal conversation with asked "You are not pregnant yet?" Gosh. Like okay, please myob.

Before coming back here, I had plenty of reminders from my family, throughout the few weeks and definitely at the airport.

Dad: (a very blatant) Next time you come here you better be pregnant ah! (err does that mean if I'm not I shouldn't come back?)

Mum: So now that you have achieved your big goal (i.e. haj), you can work on your next one. To which I just said...haha.

Sakura: Give me a baby soon! I want to play with it!

Auntie: Make rabbit baby k? (Now that the year of the rabbit is in...I recently told her that whenever she says that, it makes me think of 5-6 rabbits hopping here n there lol..freaky)

Jam: Ah, this girl, needless to say, everytime I chat with her or get on the phone with her, her first (or second) question will be...So are you pregnant? And I have to applaud her scheming mind, "I will dote on your baby and buy for him/her lots of gifts, with mama's money of course."

And let's not talk about the indirect pressure I get from mixing with the DHs. They're 21-24 years old and only 2 out of about 7 of them are not mummies yet. Even S, the latest member of the clan, gave us surprising news last weekend that she's already 3 months pregnant but did not tell us earlier because her in laws were sort of pantang (superstitious or just being "careful"). Talk about working fast!! She must've gotten pregnant the moment she came. So much for R saying he wanted to enjoy married life first, I guess he caved in to the pressure. Even my neighbour who claimed to want to enjoy married life first before kids (which in hindsight was probably her "poser" way of agreeing with my train of thought) is about 4-5 months pregnant now. So much for waiting, now she says "I was desperately trying to get pregnant because I was so bored". Well I guess her poser-ness is another issue. Good thing her family is over from Pk now, I have a reason not to go over.

To top it all of, I wish I could remind people that babies aren't instant. So please don't remind me everyday, or ask me everyday if there's any news. Even worse, whether I've been "working hard". Seriously, some things should remain PRIVATE. When there's news, there's news. I even did some reading and seems that it takes on average about 3-6 months to get pregnant so yeah, I've still got time. Furthermore, I'm a firm believer that everything happens according to His will, so when the time is right, He will let things happen.

Because of all the external pressure, I'm putting pressure on my own self which I know isn't good. In Dec I was almost devastated when my monthly friend came even when I knew nothing would happen. In Jan I was upset again. This month, even though I wasn't as upset, I still felt disappointed. To make it worse, it came 5 days early this month, and I usually get it early when I'm stressed. I don't think I'm stressed from work (since when have I been hehe) so the only other reason that seems plausible is this. Sigh.

For now I shall work on being zen and meditate all the external pressure away. After all that reminders and pressure, the people around me better rejoice when I do finally get pregnant InshaAllah. Or else.... lol.

[happy valentine's day my love]

2011-02-14T15:33:00.000+08:00

No flowers on the street
No bears in the cart
But for you my sweet
I love you from my heart

Happy Valentines' Day!

[distractions]

2011-02-13T15:07:00.003+08:00

I always seem to have something else to do when I have important work pending. Suddenly I'd be clearing the table, mopping the floor, things that I normally wouldn't do very willingly. Today I decided to spruce up my blog. Ok it still looks the same - I wanted to change the main image but it's hard to decide which image I like when I have collected so many over the years of traveling. Have to get back to my hard disk because my flickr pro account has expired so only the most recent photos are there (and I distract myself again by wondering if I should renew my account...I wonder who goes there these days anyway...Mr F used to be my regular fan...now I just give family and friends my FB photo links since everyone has an account there these days).

Ah but I digress. What I wanted to say was that I've updated the ticker (bottom right column if you haven't noticed) to the one G uses in the hope that I will see (in her words) "green flags popping up". So far I haven't seen anything pop up, it's more of like I have to click the "country summary" icon so maybe it was just her way of expressing it. Or perhaps I'm missing something...have to ask her soon. I have two tickers at the moment, the old one is still there just in case the new one doesn't work out. Kiasu much.

I also added a link so that people can donate to different sites everyday just by a click of the button (also somewhere in the right column.scroll down a little). I'd been clicking this page regularly since I started using the internet. That was when my mum introduced the site to me through her friend. I forgot about it till recently I got a FB invite to join that cause, so here I am again, trying my best to click on all the sites everyday. If you notice on the webpage, after you click on hungersite, there's one tab for breast cancer, child health and so on. How it works is that for every click that you make, their sponsor will donate a certain amount to that particular charity. So if there's anymore souls reading this blog, please do your part. It just takes a few clicks a day!

Ok now...back to work...

[BBQ blast]

2011-02-11T17:40:00.006+08:00

I can't even remember the last time I had a barbeque in Sg...the last one I remember was one several years ago on the rooftop of Flo's parents' apartment, and that was at least 3 years ago. This was kind of a last minute plan that came out of random suggestions on how to enjoy what's left of the winter.

We started off with a shopping trip on Tues to get equip ourselves with BBQ tools and chicken to be BBQ'd. That in itself was enjoyable because everyone was in a jovial mood. Then came our "marinating party" which didn't consist of us marinating but instead us talking crap and playing dining table tennis. Yes you guessed it right, we were bored (and ingenious) enough to play table tennis on E's dining table. Hehe. We also managed to see the lighter side of S, the latest member of the DH club, who is usually very quiet.

It took awhile getting the fire started up. As with all things here, the charcoal was of weird quality which even when we doused with lots and lots of fire starting liquid, refused to burn. After the guys went of to buy some decent fire startes, us (ingenious again) ladies managed to coax the flames back to life and voila, our BBQ started. The boyz were pretty hardworking, BBQing the chicken for us while we sat on the mats munching on chips and fruits. The chicken was ready round about sunset, and it was a pretty scene to enjoy the food in. Alhamdulillah, the chicken tasted excellent, the beer was thirst quenching, and the company was great. We had ice cream and tea to end the meal and as the night drew, we played some cards to end our lovely day.

It was a different BBQ from what I'm used to, mainly the food that I initially thought was "boring". In Sg we BBQ hot dogs, corn, even prawns and we usually use wings instead of chicken breast and with a variety of marinades. But even then, I was pretty full by the second piece so I'm glad we didn't overeat.

I'm happy to say that grocery shopping hasn't been the highlight of my week for some time now. First was the K trip, then the BBQ, hope things go on like this and I think I'll survive the year, well. My motto used to be "spread out the excitement" i.e. I'd tell hubby not to go to a certain place because we already had fun for that month (since we don't know that many new places to entertain us every weekend). Now I guess we should just go with the flow and see whatever comes up. Afterall we can always return to the same place ourselves or with our friends to relive the same "adventure" with different people. R here I come!

[ranting again]

2011-02-07T22:58:00.004+08:00

This is probably my second rant about driving here. I concluded that women have to be very patient when they want to go out. These are the reasons:

1) They have to wait for their hubbies to chauffeur them places. In my case, I can make appointments 3 times a day - in the morning, during lunch time or after hubby comes back from work.

2) Take a taxi. In my case it is quite a hassle because I don't speak Urdu which is fine in most cases because as long as I have some "key phrases", such as numbers to haggle, "ahead" and "beside KFSH", it's pretty ok. Neither do I speak Arabic, though the other problem is that you can't trust local drivers so there comes another trouble of weeding out one half of the fleet. What I don't like is when the cabbies realise I can't speak much Urdu or Arabic, the drivers start enquiring more and more about where I'm from etc. Seriously, what does it matter to you where I'm from? I just want to get home. Plus stop mixing a spattering of English into Urdu and Arabic and expect me to understand what you're saying. Give it up already.

2) If they have a driver,

hopefully they have one who is punctual. Today I spent 20 mins waiting for the time my driver was supposed to arrive, and another 20 mins that he was late. And the drive home was only 10 mins. I guess a taxi will be faster. I guess the hassle of explaining where I live is easier than waiting in the cold for so long. Oh, and I should probably give up calling drivers when I'm early, in the hopes they are free and come pick me up earlier.
they still have to plan carefully. Finish on time or feel bad making the driver wait. Yesterday our late meeting ended very late, and my driver had come at the original time, even earlier because it was his first day so he wanted to be sure where he was. Annoyingly, even after telling him the new time (and oh, I tried to call him to come earlier than my postponed timing), he was 10 mins late. Nevermind I thought, it was his first day. I also guess that parties will have to end on time. Once the nurses and I were having a good time and they suddenly had to rush off cos they had booked their driver at a particular time.
the driver changes frequently. My first driver lasted half a year, then he got transferred to the west coast. My second driver got a part time job so unless I want to leave office at 2, which is quite ridiculous, I can't go with him anymore. Hopefully my latest one will work out, if he starts getting punctual. Seriously, I don't like waiting, much less waiting like a fool along the road, in a society where men stare at women who have uncovered faces or are alone.

The past couple of months I've been going to work pretty often (an achievement haha). Taxis are hard to come by at the end of the day because security has been tightened at the drop off area. Other than that, I realised that probably the only thing I spend on here is transport. Gone are the $1 bus rides from NUS home. Spending $6 a day on cab fares is expensive even by Sg standards. Then again, a lot of things pertaining to women, e.g. gyms and spas, are expensive here. Gah. It's actually not as bad as it sounds. But after today's 40 mins wait for Mr AK, I'm a little pissed. Don't mind me....

[weekend at the east coast]

2011-02-07T03:15:00.008+08:00

I was waiting forever to go to K so when Mr F sorta made plans for it, I kept my fingers crossed but didn't wanna think too much about it since arrangements hadn't really been made. (Note: I'm a plan-ahead person and he's a book-hotel-one-day-before person) But as the day approached, I was getting more excited. Mr F had half the Wednesday off because of CNY and since V day is approaching and there is virtually no sign of V day celebrations here, I named the trip our "CNY cum early V day getaway".

Cutely we each had planned for surprises for the other throughout the trip. His surprise #1 for me was when we stopped about 1.5 hrs into the drive along the highway for a picnic. Hubby knows how much I love picnics so we did the very local thing of stopping the car in the middle of nowhere (on the side of the road of course), spread our mat and dived in. Hubby had initially asked me to pack food to eat on the go, and I was wondering if we were going to stop along the way (thinking gas station/pit stops), why did I need to pack food since we could eat at the restaurants there itself. Ah, now I know what he was up to. What was even more rewarding was that in the background there were lovely reddish sand dunes (I requested that spot to stop hehe). My stereotyped perception of this desert country finally materialised, and boy was it beautiful!

About 3 hours and a few u-turns later, thanks to our not very accurate GPS coordinates, we checked into our very pretty furnished apartment. First on the itinerary was the corniche after dinner at a restaurant called "Chinatown" but served Indian in addition to Chinese food (why am I surprised...all kinds of things happen in "Chinese" restaurants here...). Just approaching the waters and I could smell the sea breeze in my face. Ahhhh.

The next day we met a (half) local couple we'd met on the Internet. After coffee with them, we made our way to Mr F's alma mater where he'd graduated from 5 years ago. He looked so happy and adorable as he beamed about the campus and recalled his fondest memories, and also because he could show his wife where he spent his remaining bachelor years. I must admit I was very impressed with the campus - extremely spacious in this land-rich country and excellent landscaping with a mixture of natural rocks and man-made gardens with ponds. Would have been a nice place to go dating while in college haha. Oh but of course, it was an all male college :P.

After the tour we headed to the beach. This princess loves the beach so the moment we reached there I was already beaming. I shouldn't divulge too much information online but I have to add that it was fun changing into our beach pants in our new MPV's spacious boot lol. The beach scene was pretty calm, I guess it's the most "conservative" beach I've been to, where instead of laying mats on the sand, there were concrete shelters where families gathered. Kids and men seemed to be the only ones entering the water, but that did not stop me from getting at least my legs wet. The only thing missing then was another picnic, but with the strong wind blowing sand into our faces, I guess that was a blessing in disguise. As the winds got stronger and it got colder and colder, we decided to pack up. Just before leaving the coast we headed for another beach which I was quite insistant about seeing because it had "emerald" waters. Unfortunately I was sorely disappointed because what made the water emerald was actually some whitish pollutant in the water. Eeks. So much for picturing Phuket... There was more activity at this beach with ATVs, horse-riding vendors selling all kinds of stuff. Even saw a lady on an ATV..woot!

Our final stop for the day was the SA-B causeway. That too was a little disappointing because the tower was under renovation so we couldn't see the view from up above. Anyway it was a pretty nice stop because after a quick dinner we walked around to see the gorgeous sunset. And yes, apart from beaches, I love sunsets.

Friday morning didn't have much excitement because Mr F had to conserve energy for the drive home. We had breakfast and lunch in and spent time watching tv together. My surprise #2 for him didn't work out because the bath tub didn't have a stopper. Yes, I had brought my rose petal soap wedding favour to splatter across the bath water. Too bad it didn't happen.

Although the trip was short, it was enjoyable. I also got to see another side of the country. Even though K is only 4 hours away from R, it looked like a much less conservative society. The most "shocking" thing we saw was a lady smoke openly in public. We went "wow" lol. You could also see people having more fun in open areas; bachelors were playing football on the same grounds as where families were picnicking. A couple of girls were playing around in the water, laughing and screaming without a care about who would come up to them with a baton. I guess being closer to the sea and hence having more outside influence, as well as having one of the largest American companies there has helped them broaden their mentalities. Unlike here where there's pretty much no natural escape except desert, desert and more desert, the corniche and beaches were a very welcomed breather. Even the drive there had lots of picturesque scenery which sad I could only snap from inside the car. I also learnt that my fascination for camels or camels-in-the-desert pics hasn't died down hehehe. I would definitely want to go back again soon, hopefully this time with more stops along the highway to take decent photos (afterall my canon has been collecting dust since coming here :P).

Thanks Mr F for making the trip happen :D

More pictures can be found on my FB page...

[growing old]

2011-01-11T15:31:00.003+08:00

One thing stood out as I watched my parents this trip. They were ageing. Yes everyone ages. But it seemed that it was more obvious that they were getting older.

My dad has developed arthritis in his right knee and has to go for physiotherapy, if not surgery if/when it gets worse. This was one of the reasons I wanted to go back - in case he had to go for surgery I'd be there to look after him. Apart from this, he has cellulitis which seems to be a recurring condition which he inherited from our grandmother. Luckily this time he did not need to be hospitalised, or rather he was stubborn about seeing a doctor so the doctor said "If you can wait one week before seeing a doctor, I guess you can just take antibiotics first without being hospitalised." Nice conclusion.

Both my parents have started to sit down on a chair to pray. My mother who lost a lot of weight a couple of years ago has put it on. And even though she goes walking everyday, she said her joints are becoming less flexible.

As children I guess we've always seen our parents as strong and capable. Especially for my father who rarely used to get sick and was always the more active one in sports or bringing us out here and there. These days when I suggest a taxi ride home he more than relents. Of course the other reason being that I'm the one paying heh.

I guess this is one of the biggest difficulties of living overseas and a guilt that both Mr F and I carry. I hope I can be there when they need me most.

[reset]

2011-01-10T00:07:00.004+08:00

And so I thought I was resilient.

I thought I had gotten used to the monochrome life here. I thought I would be fine in Hyd. I thought I wouldn't miss home after spending a few weeks there.

And that was my one month vacation part two. It started off alright in Hyd. The weather was nice, Abbah was doting and I had time to read a book (not that I don't have time to read here, but that's another point). I had to wear a different dress everyday, doll up literally from head to toe (read: earrings, necklace, bangles, toe rings; thank god no nose ring though lol) and play the part of a docile Indian wife who was content with what was going on.

Relief came when I had an impromptu trip to Sg, because my initial plans of going to Dk to join Sakura were marred by my post-Haj bronchitis (I'd even bought tickets..sob sob). I had a great time during my "unofficial" stay being treated like a princess at Auntie's house. No chores, served 3 yummy meals a day; my auntie even went to the extent of running down to the shop to buy the desert I requested for just jokingly or carrying the shopping loot herself even when I insisted on taking over. Ahh, doted on I was....could live a life like that always lol. Then came Clementi, where life became "tougher". No nasi lemak or lontong or laksa for breakfast, but I did get a couple of dishes from mummy. Mmmm nothing can beat mummy's cooking. Sakura's room was way too dusty for my sensitive nose (my eyes started to water too...gasp!) and though she blames it on her being away for 6 months, I beg to differ. I think the last time she cleaned her room was during my wedding. Anyhoo, after much bargaining, I finally got my old room back and the next 2 weeks zoomed by as time always does when you're having fun. I didn't meet up with many friends this time round because it was a last minute trip, so no hectic breakfast, lunch and/or dinner meets this time. I did manage to meet up with a couple of close friends and as usual we had a wonderful time. Felt like it's been just a busy time and we only got to meet after many months, something which happens even when friends are living in the same country or same neighbourhood heh.

The most dramatic part happened on the last day of my stay. Even though it was a weird/hectic arrangement, I wanted to attend I's wedding very much so after rushing to her solemnisation at 5pm, by 6 I was off to the airport. To top things up, that was the day Sakura was returning. Since her flight got delayed I went to check in alone at T2. I was counting down the minutes because it was almost time for me to board, and by some miracle she appeared just in time (after they ran all the way from T1 to T2, she contests). We hugged and kissed and hugged and chatted and chatted and chatted. Dad kept saying "hey boarding has started", "last call, last call", but we kept on talking. Finally I had to face the inevitable so after a couple more rounds of kissing and hugging (and pinching of cheeks), it was time to say goodbye. I guess I have trained myself or become more immune to separation now because tears did not flow, at least not till I'd passed immigration.

Even after my last entry of how I've gotten used to living here, I guess all my feelings were reset after going home. There is afterall no place like home. I still feel frozen probably because I know subconsciously if I let my emotions flow, I'll be back to square one about life here. But on the brighter side of things a) it's kind of nice to be away from family drama, b) i'm grateful it's just the two of us living together (in laws = more drama) and c) life is simpler here.

Thank You and you for the amazing opportunity - going back almost for 2 months this year (3 wks in June plus 3 wks now) - it is indeed a blessing that has helped me to keep going. :)

P.S. On another note, it seems that everyone's new year resolution for us is to get pregnant. Even my usually not-so-direct dad went like "Make sure next time you come back it's to give birth ah!" Lol. Well let's see when we achieve that aim. :P

[one year on]

2010-11-29T22:35:00.004+08:00

Today marks 1 year of having survived here. I know that doesn't very positive, I should perhaps have said 1 year of living with my hubby-bi [mashup of hubby+habibi (darling in arabic) hehe].

Time flies even when you're not busy with things to do. I can vouch for that because in between figuring out how to fill my time and becoming an expert at fb games, time seemed to slip away and suddenly it's been one whole year since I came. Quite an achievement I must say, I did not expect to last so long here, seriously.

I have accomplished my main goal in coming here - to do my Haj. Alhamdulillah, with my capable husband and His Guidance, we managed to complete the fifth pillar of Islam at such a young age. Our time has not come yet to move out of here, though I still hope and pray it will come soon. Yes I've made friends, have a pretty easy and simple life here, but as the old adage goes, there is indeed no place like home.

I guess things will get easier as more time goes by. Perhaps I've given up fighting, or perhaps He is helping me cope. Whatever it is, I've had a wonderful year with my darling and am looking forward to more us time here :)

[virtual blogging]

2010-10-28T14:21:00.004+08:00

How much more virtual can it get than having a diary online? Well what I had in mind was having a machine to translate your thoughts into a blog entry. Cool right? I'm sure they already have it somewhere...maybe in NASA..haha. That way, instead of having the dozen things I've thought to write about not making it here, I would have more frequent posts. Seems that I read others' blogs, thanks to Feeds, but forget about visiting my own. Heh.

It's not as if I have much exciting stuff to blog about anyway. Life is as usual as it has been for the last month or so, post Raya fun. Hubby has been, as usual, thankfully, pushing me to go out to meet people i.e. mostly his friends wives (the DH). Without his "persuasion", I would have probably remained the recluse that I turned into since coming back in July. I guess several reasons have contributed to it; perhaps because I was comforted that I didn't lose my Sg friends afterall, and because making friends is a challenge for me. It's not that I don't like making friends, but interacting with people who don't have the same wavelength as you do requires great effort and patience. On the other hand, those whose friendships I was seeking don't seem as keen on maintaining one, so I lose hope. On the bright side, hubby's motivation has allowed me to once again bake cookies (at E's place), see a dolphin/sealine (sic) show and host an impromptu potluck of 8 people whom none of us personally invited lol.

As much as I'm trying to stay positive and look at the plus sides of being here, I still get down sometimes. It seems a monthly thing that I get down about the boredom, lack of friends, unchallenging job - perhaps I should blame it on the hormones. As further salt to the injury, none of my efforts to get us back to Sg seem to be working - neither was our first attempt at balloting for a flat successful, nor have the numerous job applications I have sent for hubz received ANY sort of response AT ALL. I think I got my job here easier...that only took about 50 odd emails haha.

Yeah as S and hubz put it, the time is probably not right. Meanwhile I hope the monthly down time gets better as I find ways to keep myself more busy and convince myself that life here ain't so bad afterall. Right now am looking forward to Dec fun...that will be a huge breather from desert life. Wee!

[Umrah Take 2 cont'd]

2010-09-23T20:44:00.004+08:00

So we survived that trying trip. As I was saying, this trip was much different from our first Umrah. Our first trip was much much more relaxed. Hubz later said he wanted me to experience my first Umrah in a calm environment so that I would appreciate it better. He'd gone for his first Umrah during Ramadan so it wasn't so enjoyable for him and he didn't want to put me through that. I'm glad he was so considerate, because I definitely enjoyed and appreciated the first one better. Then, even despite my gastritis and what have you, we had time to sit down, pray, reflect, appreciate the grandeur of the two Holy Mosques, and purposefully carry out our worship. This Umrah was much more hurried, and although hubz had his reasons for doing a day trip (because hotels in Makkah cost 10 times more during Ramadan, what more during the last 10 days), I wouldn't recommend it. The gruelling heat also made it very difficult, I'm thankful we went during winter previosuly because we weren't scorched and dehydrated then.

I wasn't very proud of my quickly-finish-it attitude this trip but I guess with the dehydration and exhaustion, I desperately wanted to get it over and done with and go home. I would, sadly, admit that during this trip, I was more of going through the rituals without appreciating each step of it. I hope God will still accept my Umrah.

Another reason for going during Ramadan was so that I could get used to the crowd that we'd see during Haj. I suppose I will be able to manage, as I long as I get to cling on to hubz all along the way hehe.

This trip made me realise the wisdom behind the greatness of doing Umrah during Ramadan. It is said that performing the Umrah at this time is as good as performing a Haj. Our test was made harder by the scorching summer sun, but I guess even without that, going for Umrah while you're fasting is a big test because apart from the rituals, you're tested further with the tiredness, hunger and thirst. It also teaches you to keep a tab on your patience.

Despite all the rough and tough, I'm once again very grateful that we were able to do this Umrah. Did I say this is probably the best thing about being here?? One friend said I was lucky because going to Makkah was as easy as driving from Sg to JB. Very true, though I'd say it's a little more like driving to KL, or maybe Penang heh. Insha Allah we'll be ready for our Haj this year. Better start studying up!

[Umrah Take 2]

2010-09-21T05:32:00.005+08:00

This post is long overdue. Should've been entered before the Hari Raya post. Anyway, here goes... (warning: it's gonna be a longgggggggg post...was generous on the description since it was only a one day journey hehe)

I thought this Umrah was going to be the same as the last, but my perception was quite off target. Firstly, instead of a gruelling 12 hour bus ride, we took a plane to Jeddah then a private car to Makkah. We were in our ihrams from home, and I was initially feeling a bit self-conscious being in my white prayer garment and hubz in his towels but upon reaching the airport, I realised we weren't the only one dressed like that (the men at least, the women were dressed in their usual black). We went during the second last Friday of Ramadan, so it being the last 10 days AND a Friday, we were in for a huge rush.

The flight was pretty uneventful and since it was Ramadan there was no food served but anyway, it was only a 1.5 hr journey. Upon touching down, there were plenty of taxi touts around. One guy offered 250 riyals and as we took another step he went down to 200, then 180. My smart husband said 100 but he said "No one will take you for that price". Two steps later, another guy took up our offer and off we went. Boo ya, haha. My legs were pretty cramped in the car and although I was pretty tired from the lack of sleep the previous night due to nervoussness/excitement, I couldn't nap.

We arrived an hour or so early for the Friday prayers but the crowd had already gathered. The main entrance was blocked by guards interlocking their arms in a huge ring around the entrance. We went around looking for a place to sit and finally settled at one spot which we thought was shaded. The shade only lasted awhile. Soon, we found ourselves under the scorching sun, slowly getting dehydrated while we waited patiently for the call to prayer. There were really some characters there - some women insisted on walking over and around those of us who were sitting just to get to the front and discover there was no more place and then walk back over/around us to finally settle down behind; one lady was creating a scene by screaming at the top of her lungs at the guards to let her into the mosque; others were arguing the same at another entrance at the poor guards who could do nothing but stand their ground. I really pitied the guards because they had to shout at the people while fasting. It was a little disappointing too since it was Ramadan, and was this the behaviour you should be on when you're fasting? If they're not letting you in I'm sure there's a good reason for it. So just go off and look for another place to pray. I'm sure God will accept your prayers whether you're inside or outside the mosque. Like seriously!

The wait for the prayers seemed like an eternity. An Arab lady was gesturing to me "Shams" (meaning sun) and I was like shaking my head in agreement. Hot hot hot. I guess it was about 46 degrees, if not closer to 50! Luckily I was in white and I noticed that when I covered my black stocking-ed feet with my skirt, it actually became cooler. Really pity all those who were totally in black. There were all sorts of methods people were using to cool themselves off. The girls in front of me had 2 bottles of ice...everytime some ice melted, they would take some of the water and pour it on their heads. Soon people around them saw what they were doing and requested for some water. Others had umbrellas with them, and one frail lady was lucky enough to share her shade with the Indo who had the umbrella, and also some water from the girls to cool herself. Soon, the Indo had 4 people under her tiny brollie - God bless her! Many others were using their prayer mats, even pieces of cardboard to put over their heads. At least we women could cover our heads, the poor men were left bare in their ihrams. If the heat was a test, it was sure a big one. There were a few casualties; one old lady nearby had to be taken away in a wheelchair. I'm sure there were many more. I myself was praying and praying that I would remain strong despite possibly suffering a heat stroke.

The sound of the prayers a very long wait later was like sweet music because we could finally get up and get out of the sun. I was overwhelmed when I realised the Imam leading the prayer was my favourite Quran-reciter - very lucky huh? He got emotional during the Friday sermon, which I unfortunately didn't understand. But when he said a few doas I was familiar with, I asked for God's mercy and thanked Him again for letting us be here.

Getting into the mosque after the prayers was another long wait. They were attempting to empty it first before letting us in, and with the hundreds of thousands, possibly millions, of human beings there, it took forever. Even the guards must've realised it was taking forever so halfway through, they finally let people seep in even though people were still coming out. We started on the 1st floor with our Tawaf (circumambulation) thinking that it would be easier since it was less crowded and more shaded. As we stepped onto the Tawaf lane, my feet were almost scorched. After just a few steps I pleaded with hubs to do it in the shade although that wasn't the designated Tawaf area. As I processed the moment, I was thinking - wow, if this is how it feels under the scorching sun, imagine how the heat of hellfire will be. Dear Allah, save us all from that torment.

Our first three rounds on the first floor was incredibly slow. I was totally dehydrated and if it were not for hubz literally pulling me along, I don't think I would have made it. What made it worse was that since it was a bigger circumference, it took forever to complete. We would walk and walk and walk, and then I'd be like, oh no, we only covered one side of the Ka'bah. The zam zam taps were all turned off since it was Ramadan, so there was also no way to cool off. Thankfully I brought a tiny little bottle of water so we used that to sprinkle some water on our faces every now and then to cool off and prevent further dehydration. Although I was afraid of going to the ground floor to finish the rest of our Tawaf, we figured it would be much faster to clear. It was a good thing I brought my thick socks (special Umrah/Haj "socks" which they sell here that look a little like booties) so armed with that, we completed our next 4 rounds in half the time we took upstairs. Should've done that from the start heh.

The Sa'ee was also tough since our energy levels were super low. Imagine being hungry, dehydrated and having to walk hundreds of metres in a few hours. Sigh. We trudged on, with hubby giving me horse power and us taking rests along the way. A couple of times I was dizzy with exhaustion and almost felt like giving up. By some miracle, Alhamdulillah, we managed to complete our Umrah before Asr prayers. We were dead beat by then so instead of staying on for iftar/Maghrib as originally planned, hubz suggested we go back to the airport to rest and break our fast there. Seriously, at this point, I was too tired to even think about protesting.

We had pizzas and coffee at Jeddah airport, was unsuccessful in changing our flight to an earlier one and so had to wait another couple of hours for our flight back. We were so dehydrated we finished 2 cups of soda and 4 bottles of water for iftar alone. Later on we gulped down another 3 bottles of water even before getting on the plane, and we were still thirsty! This time there was refreshments on the plane (me loike..hehe...I live for airplane food lol) - a sandwich and drinks. Upon reaching the airport here, we bought more pizzas, from the same franchise at that, and made our way home. I told hubz it would be better if we ate now and slept later because after our exhaustion, we probably wouldn't be able to wake up to eat in the morning. So we had our suhoor at 2am, gulped down a bottle of 7-up and more water (yes we were still thirsty!!), and dozed off till noon the next day.

This is already a long entry, so I will write my reflections in another one...hope I didn't bore anyone already heh.

[Selamat Hari Raya / Eid Mubarak!]

2010-09-17T02:54:00.004+08:00

My Desperate Housewives (@ DH) friends were telling me that Eid was gonna be boring here. According to them, people just go to the mosque in the morning then spend the whole day sleeping. Visiting and such maybe that night or the day after. I guess it would have been boring; since almost all of them either went back to India or went to other cities/across the causeway.

How was my first Eid away from home (not counting last year which I spent with hubby in Phuket hehe)? EK and us started from the night before, with our last iftar (break fast) at our place followed by a pizza "celebration" then a game of cards. On Eid itself, S gathered us S'poreans at her place for a potluck and as she put it, to have a little Hari Raya feel. It was a great gathering, chatting up with the Sg nurses, eating good Malay food and getting to know more people. After the meetup, we made our way to the stadium to watch fireworks. Cannot beat our National Day fireworks lah, but it was pretty nevertheless. Will upload it one fine day... EK were also on their way to catch the fireworks so we met them. After that, we went to their place for an eat-drink-and-be-merry time. This time there was beer, chips and more cards till 1am again. Happening right??

On Day 2 one of the nurses invited me to her compound for another little gathering. It was interesting walking around their grounds and experiencing a different kind of living here. Day 3 saw us on the outskirts of Riyadh, partly because we initially got lost thanks to wrong GPS coordinates, and partly cos AM's compound was literally in the middle of nowhere. It was food galore at their place. Chicken dishes, begedel, stir fried beans, even keropok ikan... mmm... yummy Indonesian food. I'd been craving for Malay food very much before this so these gatherings were a real treat. [On a side note, this was because firstly I don't cook much Malay food cos Mr F doesn't really like Malay food partly cos his chilli tolerance is pretty low, and secondly because the iftar gatherings at the DHs' houses were always very standard - haleem, fruit salad and briyani. Like ok, I love briyani, more aptly what we get in Sg, and not the Hyd kind, and 4-5 gatherings in a row of briyani, briyani and more briyani.....I don't mind staying off it for another 6 months now..hehehe). Needless to say I shamelessly packed food each time before going home. Hey, good food I've been craving for and 3 days of no cooking - why wouldn't I? :P I felt a little bad not giving duit raya (Raya money) to the kids but with our tight situation, we have to be thrifty.

I kinda regretted not spending my "last" Raya with my family (though at that time Phuket with the hubz sounded like a fantastic idea) especially when I started feeling homesick on Raya morning. I miss the Raya takbir (special call for Raya prayers) which I did not hear on Raya night nor the next morning, I miss mum shouting at us to get up early and go to the mosque or help her with cooking, I miss not having visitors i.e. Auntie's and Uncle's family in the day. I used to think Raya was a chore till of course now. When you don't have it, you miss it more. Despite this, I'm glad to say that I had an excellent time this Raya. Even more happening than in Sg since with my small family, our visiting can be done in a day or so. S brought up a relevant point that celebrating Raya away from home is sometimes better since there's no family drama and no need to make 4 sets of clothes for visiting (thank God we don't need to do the latter in our family). I'm really grateful and happy to have met with the lovely people here who made my first Raya away from home a very pleasant one. :)

[sacrifices]

2010-08-29T18:28:00.006+08:00

My heart goes out to the millions of people around the world who have to go away from home in order to earn a better living.

In particular, I had in mind the nurses at the hospital whom I work with. Many of them have been here for decades; they spent their youth here and are probably gonna end their careers here. Many of whom came because they would otherwise have been employed for meagre wages and forced to live prudently, if not being totally unemployed. Although many of them live comfortable lives here, even sporting an LV bag or two occasionally, therein comes some sacrifices.

As the ladies were recalling their childbirth stories, at the advent of one of our colleagues giving birth, my heart went out to the strong mothers out there. C told us how she only spent a month with her newborn, and had to fly back here to resume work. When A came in with her 2-month old yesterday, C said "Please let me carry her or I won't be satisfied, I did not get to carry my boys when they were babies." She sacrificed her annual leave this year just so she can go back for her son's high school graduation without any problems next year. Another colleague spent 6 months with her baby and now only sees her once a year, for at most 1.5 months each time. Another had her husband and child back home, and although the husband is here now, the child is still back home being looked after by her parents. Mr F also has a friend whose family lives in Sg - he loves his children so much that he doesn't mind flying all the way back just to spend a weekend with his daughter on her birthday.

I'm sure these are just a few of the many stories of child-parent separation caused by working abroad. Some are lucky to be able to bring their families here, some choose not to bring their families over because of the closed society here and lack of freedom. Whatever the reason, I'm sure missing other family members, much more your own child, bears a huge burden on the soul. This is why having friends when you're a thousand miles away from home is really important. What more the value of friends you can relate to. I am almost envious when I see how tight the relationship between the nurses and/or their families is. They regard each other as much more than friends, I dare say almost like extended families. Even when an ex-expat comes to visit, they will sacrifice their homes to accomodate them.

While admiring the sacrifices these people go through, I should also remind myself to be grateful that life has been pretty easy for myself and many other S'poreans. Not many of us are forced to work overseas to earn a decent living. In fact, many of the Sg expats here CHOSE to come over to INCREASE their standard of living i.e. they were already doing well in Sg, coming here was a way to improve their already good lifestyles. When was the last time we had to scrimp on the household expenditure so that we could buy enough meat to last the whole week? While we have our own stresses to bear, I kind of see the truth in what Mr F said (although mockingly) that (many) S'poreans are born with a silver spoon ~~up their~~ in our mouths. Maybe the silver quality varies a little here and there, but we generally get by pretty easily. In pondering about this, I also realise my own husband has had to go through being separated from his parents for the sake of a good job. I pray and pray that my children and I will not have to go through this next time. :P

Here's a reminder to everyone out there who isn't happy with their lives - there are always those worse off than you out there. So, count your blessings.

[Ramadan 2010]

2010-08-16T17:03:00.001+08:00

A fellow expat wife inspired me to write this entry after I read hers. Here's a gist of my reflections on Ramadan this year.

1. This Ramadan sees its many firsts. Although last Ramadan we were already married, Mr F and I were still apart. This Ramadan, after spending many together online, is finally our first - together in person. Thank Allah for His mercies on us.

2. It is my first Ramadan away from home. Although over the past few years Ramadan in my house has changed, I still miss breaking fast at home. Even hearing a different call to prayer, and the lack of the particular song they play on the radio while we're breaking our fast makes a difference.

3. It is also the first Ramadan where I have to be first in charge of bringing (good) food to the table at break fast and in the morning. Many years ago our maid was the one to bring delicacies to our table, then mum, then dad and me. It stresses me a little that now I have to plan the menu myself, and wonder what tidbit can be added to make iftar more flavourful. Luckily Mr F isn't too picky about it. So far he says I'm doing a good job. :)

4. Ramadan slows things down here. From a normal work time of 8.30 to 6, hubz now works from 10 to 4. A great reduction, a huge difference from the one hour I used to get in Sg, that too after a special request from the boss. Good for me because my companion is home earlier. Shops are mostly closed in the day, but at night they open till about 1 or 2 am, sometimes overnight. I've yet to see the bustling night life, maybe cos we've been going to the wrong places heh.

5. Have yet to do Terawikh at a mosque. I especially miss the zikirs (recitations) at the end of the prayers which are tear inducing. Wonder if they do that here. Hubz is unsure where they have places for ladies but I hope we'll find soon. On the other hand, I cherish the fact that I now have a new leader in prayer, who unfrotunately is still a little shy heh. I am really grateful for this because I can't remember the number of times during Ramadan or not where I've prayed to Him to bestow me with a husband who can lead me in prayers and guide me to the righteous path. Alhamdulillah.

6. No Ramadan bazaar. Although I'm not a big fan of crowds, it was almost ritualistic to go to the bazaar at Geylang Serai at least once during this month. Dendeng, Ramli burger, air kathira..oh man, makes my mouth water. Tiga sepuluh, tiga sepuluh - the chaotic cries from the vendors. On the other hand, they have plenty of Ramadan sales going on in practically every shopping mall. That's something different since in Sg we only usually have Hari Raya sales. I should mention too that people here stock up for Ramadan like they're stocking up for a famine. They start weeks before Ramadan, grabbing everything off the supermarket shelves. My friend said the Tang (drink mix) from Carrefour was wiped out in just two days. Relax lah people, we're not entering a famine.

I heard Eid/Hari Raya is also going to be a different affair here. Seems that after the morning prayers, most people just go home and go back to sleep. No visiting till night or the next day. Yawn. And I thought something exciting could take the place of our failed vacation plan (thanks to the efficiency of things here). Bleah. Luckily though I bought pineapple tarts from Sg JB to add to the Raya spirit. Maybe that will cheer me up heh :)

[on differences]

2010-08-15T15:54:00.004+08:00

Enter into any relationship and there's bound to be differences between two individuals. It would be quite unlikely that even two related families do things the same way. What more in an international, intercultural marriage. Over the past 9 months (woo I survived so long heh), I've noticed several differences in Mr F's and my style of doing things. Just wanted to point out a few here.

1. Food. In Sg we believe in our food pyramid - having a bit of everything during one meal. Rice (or other carbs), a meat dish and a vege dish. I remember the first meal I cooked after our first grocery shopping here. I cooked what would be a typical meal at home - chicken curry and stir-fried french beans. Upon having lunch, hubby commented that he didn't realise I was going to cook everything in one day. I later learned that what I cooked is equivalent to 3 different meals in India - chicken dish one day, potato another and french beans another. There went my "ideal" meals, but I'm not complaining since it's one less dish a day to cook hehe. Having a vege side dish has always made eating veges more palatable since the meat dish can "mask" the taste of the vege. Now we cook totally veg on certain days. They also cut their veges into tiny tiny pieces so that the quantity lookes bigger. After discussing this with his friend the other day, I realise maybe it's because (most) S'poreans are, Alhamdulillah, well to do and we don't need to pinch on our food at least.

2. Recipes. Also related to the above, needless to say I'm cooking more Indian/Hyderabadian recipes these days. It isn't a problem for me since I eat Indian food in Sg anyway, but I miss Malay food, something which I now cook only occasionally because Mr F's face changes whenever he sees a dish he's not familiar with (yes I notice darling). Gone also are my chilli downing days, whether it's prawn sambal, sambal belacan or a fiery curry recipe. Seems that although Indians are supposed to be able to tolerate spice, chilli spiciness is a different thing altogether. The couple of times I used a blazing hot fish curry mix (not used to the brands here yet...) and cooked sambal, Mr F's GI system went ablaze and he rushed to the loo immediately. Then again, I think he generally doesn't have high spice tolerance, which he claims is the result of having lived here for too long. Now I mostly cook chilli stuff just for myself, rarely.

3. Clothes. Again although I have no problems wearing traditional Indian clothes, it seems that the Hyd ladies here wear it all the time, out or at home. Gawdy sequinned ones at that. Thank God my MIL firstly doesn't like gawdy stuff, and secondly knows my taste about overly sequinned stuff, so the suits she makes for me are more plain. Yet after that, I feel a little underdressed everytime I meet the DH because my clothes are always the ones without any embellishments. I also wish I could be more "myself", wearing my regular clothes when I meet them, but with the growing number of suits MIL makes me, Mr F always goes "Who's gonna wear them if you don't?" Gah.

4. Language. Out of this list, I guess this is my biggest gripe. It seems that everyone just EXPECTS me to suddenly start speaking Urdu. It's not that I have anything against learning the language, but you can't learn a language overnight, especially when you hear it only once a month at most. I swear when I was hearing it constantly last July, I picked up more than I did these past months. And you also can't learn it when people just continue speaking in that language without any translation (that's why they invented the dictionary). My mother probably learned Tamil fast because my grandma lived with us, and she had plenty of things to say to her not-so-favourite DIL (i.e. she learnt a lot of swear words too lol). I get extremely bored and frustrated everytime the DH meet because although one or two of them will bother to tell me what's going on every now and then, it is mostly just me sitting there looking (or feeling) stupid because I have absolutely no clue what's going on. When there's a joke, everyone will suddenly turn to me and wonder why I'm not laughing, then someone will feebly try to translate, after the excitement has died down. What happened to accomodating an outsider? I guess that won't happen anytime soon. That is why I'm so desperately trying to keep in touch with fellow S'poreans or Msians, because believe me, speaking in your own tongue is sooooo liberating. I'm trying to learn on my own now, forcing Mr F to teach me a phrase or two a day and reading up here and there. Seems that Urdu teachers are hard to come by here; the only one I found throughout these months lives too far away for hub's convenience. I only have a couple of months more to go, since my in-laws will definitely be "testing" me when I'm back for hols. Sigh.

The list goes on, but I shall continue another day. Having pointed out these few points, I should say that even though the differences are there, it doesn't necessarily imply that it's a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it makes you more open to receiving and giving cultural experiences. Furthermore, isn't compromise what a good relationship is about? ;)

[national service]

2010-08-08T16:52:00.003+08:00

It was brought to my attention that the govt might actually want S'poreans to work overseas to help our growth. An interesting insight after we talked to the Ambassador at the National Day celebrations we had at the Four Seasons Hotel last week. I was lamenting how I didn't like it here and was looking for a job for Mr F so we could move back; so he said we should actually stay for awhile, build up our "reserves" then go back and "start our life in Sg". Interesting perspective, and I think that besides that reason, he was probably encouraging me to work here for awhile so that I could bring money back and spend in Singapore. Not a bad idea eh? So with this new perspective in mind that I'm doing national service for my country, and the fact that the money aspect is one of the biggest things keeping me going here, I shall persevere on.

The celebration was a pleasant relief from the lack of excitement here. Needless to say, I had a chance to (finally!) dress up so dress up I did - in my engagement baju kurung and make-up which I borrowed from E. Sad to say hubz called me a geisha after the make-up (he hates make-up) but who cares - I think I looked great. With husband like him, I don't need an enemy hehe. He looked stunning in his suit though - reminded me of 18 July - told him I want to marry him again lol. The hotel was also impressive, so huge till hubz asked the staff who was guiding us to the Paris room whether it was in R or another country lol (a bit lame lah..but that's his humour...). We started off with the National Anthem and the Pledge followed by a speech by the Ambassador. Have to say, I've never felt so proud singing/saying them. As a fellow attendee put it, it's never been so good hearing your national anthem till you're in a foreign land.

We later found out that the table of men we were sitting with (we didn't have much of a choice since we came late) were embassy workers and that three quarters of them were from Hyd. Hubz felt quite at home I guess heh. I was pushing myself to speak to them but after talking to the nearest guy, I realised he was just the embassy driver...bleah...so much for making contacts..haha. I met a few nurses from Sg too and they seem pretty fun people to be with. Looking forward to meeting them for a coffee or so. Since Ramadan is coming, might invite them for iftar too. I even received a pleasant surprise from Siti who gave me a Crabtree&Evelyn body wash as a bday prezzie. Wee! My 2nd prezzie for the year lol.

The embassy even attempted to bring in local food - there was Bedok prata, Katong laksa, Hainanese chicken rice, even ice kacang (with atapchee!!). Seems that someone brought the ingredients from Sg then the food was prepared by the hotel. Unfortunately, since they were prepared by non-S'poreans i.e. the hotel staff, they didn't taste so good (the prata was doughy, the wanton skin was hard...) but well, can't be choosy I guess. I made the most out of it e.g. since the laksa noodles was undercooked, I sipped the sinful gravy instead...hehe. Oh and I should add that the background music was National Day songs. We even received a goodie bag at the end of the day! I think it's remnants of what they'll give away at the NDP heh.

In the spirit of patriotism, here's a Happy 45th to Singapore. Majulah Singapura! Checkout the pics here.

[ask and I shall receive]

2010-08-03T17:22:00.005+08:00

Bearing no resemblance to any religious scriptures, I shall use that motto from now onwards when dealing with hubby. Seems that he doesn't take hints very well, so on my birthday, even after hinting many times everytime a Baskin Robbins ice-cream cake ad came on tv (with me saying "I want that soooon" - I thought that was clear enough...), I did not get any cake. What's a bday without a cake right??

So after giving up sulking for 2 days post bday, I decided to be very thick skinned and asked him for a cake. Seems that he did notice I was sulking on my bday but he just didn't know why. Bleah. But hubz was so sweet that he immediately went to get me a cake (it was 9pm). Hee...all's forgiven now..haha. :)

The result of my persistance:

I'm 4 apparently....

off topic - his anni prezzie

[grinzzzzzz]

2010-08-02T03:14:00.003+08:00

Need I say more? Hehehe. Even Mr F was complaining he doesn't get such poetic emails from his dad. Did I say he's my fave father-in-law? He sent me another lovely card last year. Me like. Hehehe =)

[a silent birthday]

2010-08-01T03:56:00.006+08:00

This must've been the most uneventful birthday in a very long time. Can't say it's my first away from home because last year I celebrated it with my in-laws post-wedding. If I had been in Sg, I'd have spent the past few weeks meeting different groups of friends. I'd probably have eaten 3 bday cakes by now, and put on 2 kg of birthday weight...haha. Thank God for FB though, logging into my account really cheered me up. Thank you to all my lovely friends for your note or two. Got perked up a lil today when I did the ritual of buying KFC for everyone at work and got more birthday wishes (thanks to E who went around announcing it..heh).

I decided that as of this year, I shall be 24, for the rest of my life...hehe. Now I know why women hide their age. I feel OLDDDD!!! (doesn't help that the desperate housewives are all a few years younger than me..and almost all are mothers or soon-to-be mothers!)

A lame poem for the prezzie hubz gave me, probably the only prezzie I'll get this year. Bought it in Sg during the PC show and hubz brought it over. Here goes:

(To be sung in the tune of the birthday song)
Happy birthday to me
Thank you for the Wii
Though I don't know who I bought it for
For him or for meeeee.

Lol. It's lame. I know. :P As you can see, he plays it more often than me. Heh. On another note, I'm glad I asked him for the Wii. A Wii a day keeps the blues away. Whenever I need some perking up, I play a round of tennis or two. Gives me a pretty good workout too since you perspire after playing (at the harder levels of course). Wee!

[be grateful]

2010-07-28T21:11:00.003+08:00

Dear Princess,

This is a reminder for you to be grateful. While you may be bored at home with nothing much to work on, consider this:

1) Some people would kill to have such a leisurely and well-paying job as yours.

2) You don't need to work OT like some of your friends do.

3) You don't need to ~~bring home work~~ work on weekends.

4) You don't have meetings at odd hours of the day, causing you to stay in the office till late.

5) You don't have to spend on lunch money.

6) You don't need to commute in the searing heat.

7) You don't have to wonder what to wear to work today.

8) You can take unlimited breaks as long as you complete your work.

9) There's no watchful eye over you.

10) You get to spend lunchtime with your hubby.

But.sometimes.the.boredom.just.gets.to.me.
Am.reminding.myself.to.be.grateful......

[part 3]

2010-07-20T19:19:00.005+08:00

The monotony of living here is back. Again 2 weeks feels like 2 months, and the regret of not extending my stay lingers more. Sigh. On the positive side, the thing that I daily look forward to over here is back.

My highlight of the day:
Part 1 - Hubby comes back for lunch.
Part 2 - We watch a series together (used to be a couple of Jap animes, now it's Frasier).
Part 3 - We cuddle up so that hubby can have a lil nap before facing the world again.

Part 3 is bittersweet because

1) Needless to say, we spend quality time together.

2) Most of the time, hubby (even at night) falls asleep the moment he hits the pillow. I will usually be the one disturbing him and keeping him awake, I guess because I'm in desperate need for company. Muahaha. When I eventually "pity" him, I'll watch him doze off. Sometimes I snooze off too.

3) It lasts for such a short period, I hardly fall asleep when his alarm goes off.

4) When his alarm goes off, I'm alone again. Sometimes I bargain for another precious 2 mins with him. :P

Today's part 3 was so welcomed that both of us slept through his alarm. Instead of waking up at 1.40, I woke up first at 2.00 and started wondering "Why do I feel so rested??". Only then did I realise hubby was late for work. Maybe my research conclusion should be "30 mins of a daytime siesta is more effective than a mere 15 mins". Hehe.

[H@ppY 1st @nniVerS@ry]

2010-07-11T13:47:00.003+08:00

Ah as the usual line goes...how time flies!! Can't believe it's been a year since we became one. Through the thick and the thin and the drama of trying to get together, we're finally living as a couple now, still going strong one year later.

At the risk of sounding mushy, I have this to say. I'm glad that after one year of marriage, we're still gushing over each other. Even songs that mean a lot to me/him brings out emotions in the form of a tear. When he sits away from me, I still wish he's sitting next to me. When it's time for bed, I ask him along too because the bed seems empty without him by my side. I always miss him when I wake up without him beside me, and the silly things he does to cheer me up. I still wonder how someone can be awed by the smiled of their loved one even though they've seen it plenty of times, and how I look forward to 6.30pm everyday so that I can hug him when he opens the door.

To my one and only, H@PPy FiRsT @nniVeRs@rY. May this mark the first of many wonderful anniversaries to come. :)

Here's what he got me...a sweet diamond necklace. It was quite a surprise..since he simply brought me to the store and said...i'm buying u something..pick what u like...hee. Needless to say I was grinning like an idiot :P. Will upload what I got him later.

[and i partied on]

2010-07-05T20:43:00.006+08:00

Wow, I probably had the most intensive 3 weeks of "partying" in June. It was a really precious 3 weeks, a much needed and welcomed reprieve from my ahem..exciting life here. The activities did not end from the moment I landed, from meeting one bunch of friends to another to spending time with my family, and doing things I hadn't done in a while including watching movieSSSS and karaoke-ing (weet!!). I had so many requests for meetups, I even had to schedule breakfast meets! Needless to say, I had loads of fun. Oh the breath of freedom...I miss you already.

I guess my fears of losing my friends or losing touch with them were unfounded. When we met up, things were like always. Moral of the story: some things never change. Haha. That could be good and bad of course, like how someone prioritised other things over spending time with their (precious) daughter, but I shall not dwell on that. I guess 6 months is a short period of time, so not much has changed in Sg either [city vibe still not up yet!! tho I got lost at Somerset MRT cos of 313...]. Sakura kept telling ppl we met "Aiyah kakak thinks 6 months would've changed things dramatically". Well, in my defense, I thought things would have changed, at least a little, since my life changed so drastically after moving here. But Sg is as humid as it is, and dad is still as noisy as he always was. Lol.

Us charmed ones enjoyed our JB trip tremendously, eating, shopping, eating, swimming, err did I mention eating? In fact, I was so excited I didn't even sleep early despite having sedatives in my system after the endoscopy I had that morning. Talk about leading a hectic life huh..morning endo, afternoon JB and the evening upon returning from JB, met up with JC pals...phew...glad I survived it all. Another piece of news that emerged from this fruitful trip which I can announce loud and clear now (didn't want to jinx it initially) - Mr F is now a PR, complete with blue IC and all. Yippee! Can start looking for flats now :P

Yes yes, I'm chipper. Though I thought I'd stocked up on enough "fun" to not feel bored - by the 2nd day of returning here, I was feeling homesick all over again. Ah, I guess you can't have the cake and eat it too. No matter the bittersweet feeling, I wouldn't mind doing it all over again. Next time though, I would naughtily extend my trip especially since I learnt from big boss yesterday that the next 3 weeks "will be slow as most of the doctors are away". Great...if only I had had the guts to stay on using some wonderfully cooked up story of being held up because of floods... Maybe next time hehe :P

meetup with ex-colleagues @ Fika cafe

one of the many outings with the charmed ones (unfortunately this pic was taken at NUH haha...lost all my JB pics when I sent phone for servicing...sigh...)

dinner with ma ladies...crappy talk and full of laughter as always :)

a more intimiate dinner with G and PE

Did i mention I tried to fool my family that I was some one else? Unfortunately the disguise didn't work, they were waving way before I even came out..sigh...

[oh what chivalry]

2010-06-08T19:30:00.003+08:00

Beneath all the "oppression" towards women here, I guess chivalry does exist amongst some men in this country (one of the plus points my hubby was trying to win me over with about coming here). I was pleasantly surprised that after shopping alone today (bought hubby ready-to-eat mixes to make while I'm gone), the guy who packed my stuff into bags (they have one cashier and one packer) put everything into my trolley and wheeled it out of the supermarket for me. After that, he even stood in the hot sun trying to flag down a taxi for me while he asked me to stand in the shade. Grateful I was because venturing out in the blistering heat under two layers of clothes is an easy recipe for dehydration. Not to mention I was wearing my face cover that made me feel suffocated lol. (I wear it on occassion to either just annoy Mr F [he doesn't get the amusement I get in wearing it, then lifting it up while in the car to stick my tongue out at him lol] or when I go to the "little India" here to avoid despos from staring at me or when I'm venturing out alone...the more u look like one of them, the less stares u're likely to get. Not that they disappear completely, gah.) So anyway, after hailing the cab, he even put my things in for me into the boot. How nice right? I was like wow, I could've handled it on my own cos it was so few things, but it was so nice of him to help. I've also experienced instances where guys have let me get ahead in queue or let me pass in front. I guess these fellas can't be condemmed totally. Heh.

[the world should have more people like you]

2010-06-06T16:24:00.004+08:00

I was recently lamenting on how the doctors in my department were easily impressed by the work I've done, and because of that I wasn't feeling motivated because I wanted to be pushed further, and not complimented for the easy work that I do. Seriously, if anyone is impressed by my statistics, they are naive. Not only because they get awed by the tests that I can "come up with", but also because they are such newbies to research, giving them a few p-values for simple associations makes them happy. This career move certainly wasn't one where I could "excel further". But I guess I've excelled at using Stata the whole day without getting a headache everytime. Heh.

Nevertheless, yesterday during our usual Saturday meetings (about the only day of the week I definitely have to go into office), Dr W was chairing the meeting. I remember when I first came into the department he was the one who said "Oh Dr A told me they saw what you wrote and it was like magic that you were able to write about a new topic so soon and so well". **Grinz**. So during the meeting where each of us RAs give our updates, I mentioned the status of the three manuscripts I was working on. He replied with a "Are you a hepatologist?" so I was like errr... Then he added "..because the NAFLD paper, the HCC, the steatosis paper...wow..perfectly written, till there isn't much to correct. In a year's time you can be a full time hepatologist!" Lol. I heard a couple of MashaAllah's around the table (it literally means "Whatever God wills", often used when there is surprise in someone's achievements or good deeds). If I had a mirror I could swear I was blushing so while looking down at my notes I said thank you. Hehe.

Today after talking to my big boss, he commented again about how he was impressed I could catch on with the liver field so soon and write "brilliant" papers so quickly (seems they were worried initially about whether I could grasp it soon). He even said whatever paper I write from scratch I can be an author in...yay! (On another note, it seems that God sends me these little messages just when I need them. Only last week I was telling hubby how I feel thick skin to write my own name on the paper or ask if I could include my name...and voila, Dr A brought it up today.) Well, bottomline is, I guess it's always fantastic to have bosses who appreciate the work you do and give a compliment even when it's not due lol. For that reason, I really love my working environment. Now I'm having second thoughts about changing jobs (I still miss the lab!)...guess we'll see what happens... For now I shall revel in the fact that I've had pretty nice bosses in my short working life so far =)

5 days to go till I see Changi Airport again. Wee!

P.S. I'm not blowing my own horn, just stating how lucky I am to have positive people around me here :)

[at the playground]

2010-05-30T19:20:00.004+08:00

We've been having pretty busy weekends lately. First it was the potluck, then an impromptu night at the park (which was cut short by a sudden sandstorm..was quite exciting actually lol, minus the sand in my eyes), then we visited a friend's place, and last weekend we made it to a theme park. We'd (the desperate [house]wives) planned for this ever since the istiraha so some of us were literally counting down the days to the event. Hey, we need thing to look forward to!

The theme park was a pretty modest one and it was ladies and kids only so the fellas had to find their own fun. Nowhere near sg standards, I think we'd call it more of those funfair thingies we have on open fields every now and then. There were very few rides and since we were super early (life here starts at night on weekends, we were there at 4.30!), we had to wait for the rides to start. The rides I took for the day was the go kart, rollercoaster and a water ride. Yep, only three. Sad right? Well, there was one crazy ride which swung u up in the air more than 45 degrees each way, while rotating, but that was too much excitement for me. Didn't want my hernia to get worse lol. I was hoping the rollercoaster would set my tummy back where it belongs but seems it didn't..haha. One of the girls had a preconceived idea that being s'porean, I would love theme parks and take all the rides. So she was kinda urging me onto the rollercoaster when I was reluctant initially so in the end I was like, fine why not. Child's play I would say really, but it seems as you get older those plunges get scarier. I wonder what other preconceived ideas they have about S'poreans...hmmm...

The weirdest thing that happened was Ms A getting frightened about going into the 3D Dark Room which was supposed to be a horror house of sorts. We were ready to set off when she panicked and decided not to go. Luckily there weren't many people so I wasn't so embarrassed. The first cart came back and A was asking them how it was. Seems that I didn't miss much, since it was literally just a dark room, with a couple of not-very-frightening "ghosts" that popped up twice. As AM put it, the only frightening thing was that the room was dark. Guess I didn't miss much...I guess I've been spoilt after going to the haunted house in Sweden and after that, even the horror house in Bkk wasn't frightening. I tell ya, nothing can beat that. :P And I also think that having traveled lots and experienced fantastic theme parks (the one in Brisbane was awesommmeee), this was totally disappointing.

The rest of the time was spent eating and talking and me trying to decipher what they were saying (sigh, they keep telling me to learn some phrases, but if you speak only in one language and not translate, how am I supposed to learn right??). Well anyway, had a pretty good time overall. We plan to visit the theme parks one by one every few weeks or so. I heard the guys are already complaining about having to chauffeur us there and back. Wahaha.

On a separate note, I was pretty shocked to see what the local ladies wear when they're "free"...from thick makeup to beehive hairdos to plunging necklines and exposed cleavages of assets that were obviously pushed up, if not already naturally very well-endowed. One of the gals said this was nothing, seems that at their weddings, their ballroom gowns come in all shapes and sizes. She even said that since the Indians who were there wore their traditional salwar suits, she felt like she was too decent lol. Hope I get to witness one while I'm here...I shall get a sexy low cut dress to attend it hehe.

[sorry no cure]

2010-05-26T19:50:00.003+08:00

It seems that I spoke to soon. I was happy that they found a CAUSE of the pain, but it seems there is no CURE for it. The dr will only be able to treat the symptoms with proton pump inhibitors to lower the acid content in my stomach but the hernia itself cannot be treated. Surgery is only a last resort and mine is still considered minor. My mood plunged down to below zero after yesterday's appt when he said that. Sigh. Yet another problem that is uncurable. First asthma, then back pain, now this. Looks like I'm accumulating symptoms throughout my life. By the time I'm 60 I wonder how many more problems my body will accumulate. Grrr.

For now, I guess my stomach has an inbuilt mechanism to stay healthy. Seems that avoiding the following things will help with the acid secretion:
- Tomatoes,
- Citrus fruits (but where to get my Vit C??),
- Chocolate (gasp!),
- Coffee (not a problem, I avoid it anyway cos it works as a laxative for me esp in the mornings lol)
- ~~Smoking~~
- ~~Alcohol~~
- Spicy food (bye bye chilli...)

- White/refined flour
- Fried food

And I should stock up on the following:
- Exercise
- Milk
- Honey
- Greens
- Elevating my head while sleeping
- Relaxation techniques for the diaphragm

I'm still hoping that my symptoms are a stay-in-this-country side effect. Maybe in 2 wks time the pain will suddenly disappear when I land at Changi airport. Hehe. Meanwhile, I'm hoping to get a 2nd opinion when I'm back in June. Sorry hubby, since coming here it's been hospitals almost every other wk (past two wks it's been almost twice weekly!). Hope I can make it up to you in some way. *Huggies*

[the verdict]

2010-05-23T23:15:00.005+08:00

Ah finally had the gastrocopy done. At least now I don't have to worry about the procedure and what exactly is wrong. It was pretty harmless, since I was sedated lightly, though I remember trying to regurgitate out the tube and the doctor told me to relax..yeah like I could control it while being in lala land :P

The diagnosis? Hiatal hernia: an anatomical abnormality in which part of the stomach protrudes through the diaphragm and up through the chest. More on it here...I like the diagram lol. Seems that it's the same thing I had as a baby where I wouln't be able to keep in feeds till my dad had to rush out to pharmacies at odd hours (when stock was low) to get thickeners to add in the milk. Asthma is also believed to be a consequence of it...I wonder if it's linked in my case. Interesting.

Anyway, I'm kinda relieved because at least he found something wrong...I hate going for checks, especially such invasive ones, and getting the result: nothing wrong, i.e. nothing we can do about it. I read up on it after coming home, and it seems that I'm already taking the meds that are prescribed for it. I hope this doesn't mean mine isn't treatable. I don't want to resort to surgery. I hope this problem will resolve soon since we're planning to have a baby soon (heartburn and what not gets worse during pregnancy...if this is already so bad, don't wanna imagine that!)

Got to thank my hubby for being by my side all the way, even being in the waiting room with me before the procedure (even though he hates needles and hates seeing me being poked) and as far as he could till they closed the room for the procedure. :)

[touched]

2010-05-23T00:30:00.003+08:00

Felt very touched today when my friends and sister replied to my fb status abt going for my gastroscopy tmr. Was feeling a little nervous so wanted some words of encouragement heh. Auntie even told me to give her a call before I go for the procedure, and my MIL said she'll be praying for my quick recovery. I was especially touched when I received a call, from an unknown m'sian no, and it turned out to be a friend I met many years ago in Melaka after being online friends for awhile. Auntie E sounded quite concerned about what and why I needed the procedure done and said I could call her anytime for a chat. Sweet right? Hee. I guess even though I complained that my parents have not called me even once since coming here, God has sent me angels of friends who show their love through these little but meaningful ways.

Hopefully all will go well tmr (i.e. no complications) and that they'll find a (not so serious) cause as to what's going on, so that there can be a more specific solution to my gastric woes. :)

[super machine]

2010-05-20T17:17:00.006+08:00

We had our 2nd day of training yesterday. True to my words, our driver came 25 mins late. I'd already told Dr L to ask O to come much earlier cos he'd be late anyway, but perhaps he doesn't have much punctuality sense either. Sigh. When we reached there about an hour late, I was shocked to see that the training hadn't even started, and the trainer told us he'd been waiting for people to show up since 9am. Haiz. I guess next time I'll just ask hubby to drop me directly. Even if I'm super early, at least I won't be guilty of making anyone wait for me.

What machine have we been training on? It's this awesome chemical analyser which can run about 92 different biochemical tests, 44 tests per run, and about 400 runs per hour. Fantastic huh? It kind of obliterates the need for a graduate to do the running of biochemical tests, but I guess that's what technology is aiming for these days. I think any Tom, Dick or Harry could be told which buttons to press and voila, albumin, creatinine, urea and what nots can be measured in about 10 mins.

the super machine

Which leads me to the topic of research here. Research has not been a big thing here since recently. Even then, it seems to be picking up quite slowly, with doctors still prefering clinical work and trials to basic science research. Most of the basic science research is only done in universities here, and they have very few research institutes (I'm only aware of one, and that is part of a govt hospital). It seems that funding and infrastructure isn't a major problem unlike in Sg. My centre for example, after getting HUGE funding, probably has enough money to set up its own lab. I've toured several labs from beaming doctors/scientists who are all out to impress this S'porean and I must say I have been impressed - from latest super high throughput PCR machines that do ALL the work for you at the press of a few buttons to this super machine that can run plenty of tests in such a short time. They cost millions of riyals, and I'm sure they're probably in the millions of sg dollars too. Unfortunately though, what seems to be lacking is the expertise to carry out research. If they can be impressed by an "epidemilogist" like me who has such basic knowledge in the field, it makes me wonder about the quality of their research. Many of the labs also seem to be newly set up and still looking for overseas experts to guide them. Oh and I should mention that most of the people who are interested in research are locals who have been trained overseas and, I assume, have been exposed to the research world.

Thankfully I guess the problem of skilled manpower can be solved by the abundant funding that the govt is putting into biomedical research (sounds a little like Sg...hope they don't get disappointed as our ministers are 10 years later lol). I think if they were to hire a few capable s'poreans (ahem..like me..haha), they would be well on their way to churning out excellent 2nd tier journals. Meanwhile, let's hope that their enthusiasm in research continues to grow and that their motivations are not driven by the monetary rewards (did I mention PIs and co-PIs get monetary incentives??? kind of unfair because us downlines who actually do the nitty-gritty don't get such bonuses...hmpf!).

[let us drive already!]

2010-05-18T22:31:00.004+08:00

Today was an excellent example why women should be allowed to drive here. Asked hubby to drop me at KKUH although I had a training session at the new building. Partly because he gets grumpy when I ask him to send me there, but mainly because I didn't want to be early so that Mr S wouldn't be buaya-ing me. Who is Mr S? Well, he's a "colleague" at the new building, a fella from my hubby's neighbouring country who even after my emphasis that I was married, still tried to buaya me by asking for my number and asking if I wanted him to "show me around" the lab when our 2nd training had been postponed (during that time, we'd only had training for a centrifuge, vortex, etc...yeah like I need revision on that!).

So anyway, it took me 3 calls to finally get the guy who usually drives us. 45 mins later, after basking in the sun (I was sitting in the shade but the heat was just as bad, summer's kicking in!), he was still a no-show so I decided to move indoors to wait for Dr L so that we could go together (feel better with him around so that Mr S won't buaya me, or at least I can use Dr L as a shield lol). So anyway, the driver ~~never~~ turned up much much much later and by then Dr L managed to get an alternative transport and we were almost reaching the new building already. All in all, my attempt to reach there at 9.30 became 10.40. I think if I had driven, it would've just taken a bloody 5 minutes. GRRRRR!!

On a lighter note, hubby and I had a magnificent indulgence at a 4 star (I think) hotel last night. There was a Brit & Irish food festival going on and I was feeling down so hubby decided to cheer me up (he seems to like cheering me up with food...bad bad..lol). The ambience was absolutely fabulous - apart from maybe the almost-beach dining experience I've had at Msia, this was perhaps the most fantastic place I've been to. The dining area was on a lawn...the carpet grass, twinkling lights and man-made waterfall cascading down closeby and the wooden furniture made me feel like I was transported somewhere not in this country hehe. The food didn't disappoint either - from Irish stew to Lancashire hot pot to even Balti prawns. The fish-and-chips were easily the best I've tasted in a long time, it was of excellent quality and the fish was crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. The lamb steak was also very juicy, wayyyy better than the regular steak place we've been to twice and always disappoints me in regards to the meat (u'd think I'd learnt my lesson right?? what to do...hubby doesn't eat meat here so I have to satisfy my meat cravings at restaurants heh). Gosh, I sound like I'm advertising for them. The only disapponting bit were the desserts, which was a bummer because I usually live for desserts during buffets (my ex-colleague G can vouch for it lol) but these had such weird tastes that we were literally left confused whether they were good or bad.

When the bill came our hearts did a flip over, because neither of us knew how much the buffet was gonna cost (can't possibly ask them the price then turn away when we find it too expensive right? hehe). It came up to about $190 (yes, sgd after conversion), making it about $95 per person. Must've been one of the most luxurious meals I've ever had. So now Mr F says no more dining out for the next 3 months..hahaha. Let's see how that happens...maybe I'll be upset again and he'll cheer me up again, at a less expensive place lol. And don't forget, in 2 months time will be our one year anniversary (wow, time flies!!) and my b'day :P

A perfect ending to that wonderful dinner would be to win the lucky draw to Ireland. So fingers crossed! :)

P.S. I've been wondering whether ppl are still reading this blog and was pleasantly surprised when G made a comment about one of my posts. Yay! Anymore readers out there...show urself! Haha.

[reminiscing]

2010-05-10T01:49:00.001+08:00

Had a mini moment reminiscing as I read some posts while editing my blog. Since it's sort of an anonymous one (not that anyone has ever linked characters in the blog to me, from what I know at least), I searched for names that I accidentally forgot to de-identify e.g. Sakura's real name instead of Sakura, and changed them to pseudo names. Very free right? Haha. Well, I am actually lol. So friends don't worry, your secrets won't be divulged on my blog, knowingly at least.. :P

So anyway, even came across posts about Sakura going mad studying for her O-levels (she used a puncher on my hair..gasp!) and I was thinking, wow, now she's already in her 2nd year of uni. Time flies. I still remember setting up this blog to write down about my Sweden adventures. Perhaps in a few years time I'll be reminiscing about my "wonderful" time in S%%%% (btw, the reason I don't type that out is so that no one gets offended in case I bitch about the place lol).

[an eventful weekend]

2010-05-09T16:29:00.010+08:00

This must have been the busiest weekend I've had since I came here. And no I'm not complaining, cos at least I wasn't wasting my time at home playing FB and watching movie after movie. (By the way, can't believe it's almost 6 months since I've come...wow, time flies!!) On Thursday we went to the M'sian embassy for a bazaar they were having. It was a modest affair with several booths in the parking area, mostly selling food. Needless to say, I jumped at the satay and laksa that I saw. They tasted a little different (M'sian style I guess) but hey, when you're missing home food, it doesn't matter. They had other events like three-legged race, 5 stones, etc. Unfortunately Mr F wanted to leave early so I didn't get to play. :(

That evening we went over to A's (aka LM) place for what was supposedly dinner. It was a potluck but I managed to escape bringing something (cooked) since N told the hostess that I'm "a working woman" and didn't have time lol. I wanted to make Banoffee pie but hubby said it was expensive, so our contribution was two tubs of yummy ice cream. The guys over stretched their volleyball playing so they came home 2 hours later than planned. As if that wasn't bad enough, dinner was served only a couple of hours later and I had to endure the pain in my stomach that had returned that was worsened by the hunger and the chattering that went on in a foreign language. If it weren't for S I think I'd have wanted to leave early when Mr F suggested it. All in all our 6 pm dinner started at 10 and ended at 12am, and only thanks to Mr F making the first move to leave. I guess I shouldn't complain, since I had some interaction. Something's better than nothing. We've even planned our next event! Oh and I should add that hubby said he's glad his wife is a better cook than his friends' wives hehe (maybe he just got used to my horrible cooking haha).

On Friday, we had yet another event. This time it was an usrah (gathering to talk about Islam) at a M'sian diplomat's house. They have usrahs pretty often here, about fortnightly. I had met the diplomat's wife via FB and also the previous day at the embassy. Their house was a gigantic 3 storey semi-detached house which cost 140k riyals (~55k sgd) rent per MONTH! And guess how many people living in it? TWO!!! Oh well, shows how much governments spend on keeping their diplomats happy lol. So anyway, the topic for the day was pretty heavy for a first-timer like me - burial preparation - though it was quite amusing when we tried to demonstrate on one of our fellow attendees. The crowd was mostly M'sian (duh) and besides me, I think KS was the only other S'porean. After the usrah, we said prayers together with the men leading (I miss that too, they don't seem to do it in Indian gatherings) and next up was...FOOOD! It was a potluck and naughty me didn't bring anything even though I was gorging myself on the mee kari (curry noodles...somewhat like laksa), ayam masak merah (chicken cooked red...my favourite!!!) and numerous other dishes. Ok ok, I promise next time I shall bring something hehe. Again, hubby was quite eager to leave and since I thought that was it and I didn't want him to get bored further, we left soon after. Only later on I realised they stayed on till late to chat more and play some kampung games like congkak, I was like...darnnnn, next time I won't be so accomodating. Lol.

(kids playing congkak, photo grabbed from here)

Hopefully things will keep looking up with more such gatherings. Friends (although I would call them acquaintances at this stage) are soooo important in maintaining your sanity.

I've learnt a few lessons from this weekend:

1) Maybe I've been counting on the wrong people to "befriend" me. If I keep searching, I'm sure to find more friends on my own.

2) There are a great deal of expat wives (one website calls us "trailing wives") who sacrifice their jobs and careers for their husband's sake when they have to drop everything and go overseas. I salute all of them and at the same time grateful that not only my hubby lets me work, but I found a wonderful job in such a short time.

2) Am grateful we're living in such a neat, clean, non-chaotic and safe neighbourhood, and a new and clean house too.

3) Even though you've been advising me to "lower my standards" in finding friends, it seems you're not heeding your own advice in helping me "fit in". Which brings me back to point 1. But anyway, I know what you mean now.

4) Maybe after all this "searching for friends", I realise I'm pretty content spending quality time with my hubby afterall. :)

[this or that?]

2010-05-04T15:46:00.003+08:00

Have opposing kinds of stories to share...so not sure to combine it into one post or not. Anyway here goes..

On the down side, the city was flooded after a heavy thunderstorm yesterday. A couple of friends and I were so happy that it was raining, we even opened our windows to smell the rain (the things you miss when you're away from home). Unfortunately though, this country has a very poor drainage system, if they have one at all. Underpasses were heavily flooded, cars were drowned in water. The authorities issued a state of emergency and closed down schools today because they expect even more rain. Seriously, it's about time they built some drains!!

More horrifying images here. Thank God my baby got home safely.

On another note, by some sort of wonderful coincidence, I met another fellow Singaporean. I'd replied to an ad on an expat mailing list requiring tuition for IB Biology and since it was my down week, I replied. [NB: my workload, I realised, is like a sinusoidal curve - when I have no work, I have absolutely zilch work to do. When the drs decide to give me work, they all give it at the same time. Gah. It's my busy week now, though I'm so used to bumming now I don't feel like doing anything lol]. So anyway, when she called she sounded Singaporean, so I asked where she was from and voila! No wonder she was asking me which schools my previous students were from. First day tuition worked out well, except that I was a lil rusty, and the girl being a gifted student, didn't really need any basics covered, so she was asking me complicated questions. Told her to let me know what topic she wants for next tuition so that I can be more prepared lol.

Can't help but wonder if it was a God-sent, since I've been yearning to meet more Singaporeans. The mum is even inviting us over for dinner one day and told me she'd include me in more gatherings in future. Can't wait..yay! :)

[unlucky or blessing in disguise?]

2010-05-01T19:34:00.004+08:00

I've been craving for interaction and physical activity. So, when a certain "adventure" group posted that they were going to have a walk at a town on the outskirts of Riyadh, I immediately responded. It was going to be a one hour walk around the town, I think.

Mr F said he was going to service the car that morning. I assumed he meant he was going to fix the screen wipers which really needed to be changed especially since it's been raining lately and knock out the dent that someone gave the car (hit and run..grr). I assumed (again) he was doing it the very morning we had plans because we were going to drive quite a distance so better to be safe. It's been quite surprising how much/often it's been raining here, which is a fantastic thing. The last time we were out and it rained, we were driving pretty blindly because instead of wiping water off the windshield, the wipers only made things worse. So there I was, waiting patiently for Mr F to come home. It was already time to set off and he was still at the workshop.

When he finally returned, I was a little annoyed so I said I didn't want to go since we'd be late. He convinced me that we'd reach on time so off we went. I noticed that the dent was still there so I assumed he just fixed the wipers. I was wrong. Halfway about our drive the car started jerking. It happened several times so Mr F wanted to stop by a mechanic before continuing to our destination. It was then I realised that when he said service the car, he meant cleaning/polishing it, both the exterior and the engine, so that he could "make an entrance". Yeah make an entrance we would, since we'd be the last ones coming. Since we were already pressed for time, I told him to forget about the meetup and just get the car fixed.

We took a U-turn and headed home. Needless to say I was extremely disappointed. Awhile later, there was a mild sandstorm. I tried to cheer myself by saying that maybe it was a blessing that we didn't go, since I certainly didn't want sand in my face...that is, if it was sandstorming at the location we were going as well. Later on that night when we went out, I guess the engine "dried up" so it was fine again. No jerks at all. The last time we wanted to drive west for an adventure (the iris fields that we didn't see), we were misinformed and it didn't work out. This time we were headed west again, and something else happened. Sigh, just my luck I guess.

Moral of the story: don't wash your engine before a road trip..lol.

[my current preoccupation]

2010-04-28T17:45:00.001+08:00

Since I have lots of time on my hands, decided to try digital scrapbooking. I initially wanted to do "hardcopy" scrapbooking, but it seems that it's a hard commodity to come by here. I've always liked playing around with Photoshop, and I like (taking) pictures, this seemed to be the perfect hobby. Here are a few layouts I've tried...

My first try

This received raving reviews on FB..lol.

Would've used a better photo, but lazy to transfer them from my HDD.

I called this "narcissistic" for obvious reasons..lol.

[on women here]

2010-04-27T21:25:00.002+08:00

I promised to post some stuff about life and culture here..so here goes my first posting (ever since saying that I seemed to have other things to blog about lol).

P.S. Please note that all my ramblings about this country are purely my opinioin and from my experiences. I may be biased so if any local is reading this, please don't get offended.

My preconceived ideas of women here were that they didn't have freedom, couldn't move around on their own, and were second class citizens. Did any of my beliefs change after spending 4 months here?

On work:

Most local women either hardly work at all, or work in administrative jobs or stereotypical "female" jobs like teaching. Working in a hospital will not give me a very good idea of how women fare in the work place here. It seems that the locals find it degrading for their women to work in nursing, because of the nature of the job. [Recently, there was even an outcry over a fatwa {religious decree} allowing women to work as maids, but I digress here]. So as you might expect, I can safely say that probably 99% of the nurses here are foreigners, made up mainly of Filipinos and Indians. The only local women in my department are 2 research assistants, which I guess is considered a "good" job since it doesn't involve manual labour.

In my experience I would say that there is hardly any discrimination professionally, at least none that are obviously visible. So far, I've been included in all board meetings, my views have been heard, and I'd dare say I'm earning pretty well (though Mr F's theory is that it's because I'm from Sg/NUS). The only problem is that I get my pay only once every two months. Rumour has it that it's because they do not think paying women (on time) is very important, since the man is the sole breadwinner of the house. I do not like to point fingers without evidence so I shall just believe that it's because the persons in charge are very busy.

On "freedom":

Bringing up this topic is probably opening a can of worms, so to make things simple, I shall talk about common perceptions of how women here do not have freedom.

Driving - As we all know very well, this was one of my biggest peeve even before marrying someone who lives here and knowing I might have to move here some day. I would say this is the hugest discrimination of all, not to mention all the inconvenience it brings. The "religious police" say the reason is that women should not meet men on the road. Isn't it ironic that you don't want that to happen, but say it's ok for a woman to be alone with a driver - be it a taxi driver or your chauffeur? There have been plenty of arguments to overturn this ban, plenty of protests from women here and abroad; and the latest news is that the king is trying his best to overturn this rule. It seems that there needs to be more policewomen on the roads and for this to happen, they need to be recruited and trained. I guess we won't see it happening soon.

I have other reasons for not liking this rule, especially the one about not having the freedom to go about wherever you want. For a foreigner like me, Mr F was so protective he didn't even want me to go down to the shops alone initially. It took me 3 months and not having a car (car was in the workshop) to finally have the courage to hail a cab and come home myself. Why? Firstly because local cabbies can't be trusted (one of my American friends had a story to tell!), and secondly, I can't communicate with the foreign drivers who are mostly south Asians and speak only smattering English. And the latter get excited when they see a foreigner who looks like them, and starts chatting you up. That again, is another story worth mentioning perhaps next time. It is really stifling to not be able to move around and be as independent as I was in sg. Sigh.

The women who live in compounds (sorta equivalent to condos in sg) have it easier because they have regular bus services from the compounds to various shopping centres throughout the day. I guss it's just too bad that not all of us live in compounds.

The next con about not being able to drive is being dependent on your husband to bring you around. Note that this is a different point from wanting to go places, because this is a NEED. There have been several times I've had to schedule my day according to what time my husband can pick me up. And though he never complains, I started to feel bad about him having to rush to pick me up and rush back to work. Good thing I have a part-time chauffeur now, although he only picks me up from work and nothing else (it would cost MUCH more to have one at my own disposal, but it's not worth it since I don't go out much anyway). But at least I don't have to feel bad about depending on Mr F all the time.

And here comes another disadvantage of not moving around on your own (they don't even have decent public transport!). I've put on weight, probably from several factors such as having a deskbound job (oh I so miss the lab) and bumming at home on no-work-to-do days, but I dare say that being chauffeured from point A to point B has had a significant effect on it. Gone are the days where I could walk home from work (call me crazy, but it's kinda therapeutic), walk from the bus stop to work, etc. Every metre counts! I don't even dare go walking on my own, maybe one day I should just take the plunge, in the day that is. Now don't get me wrong, it's not that it isn't a safe country, I'm/we're just paranoid that things may happen. And things happening in a foreign country where there are language barriers isn't good.

Ah, I've only blogged about two (women) topics and it's already 10 pages long. Shall continue more another day. :P

[worlds apart]

2010-04-24T04:29:00.006+08:00

X: So you are housewife or working? [sic]
Me: I'm working.
X: As what?
Me: Doing research at KKUH...etc etc
X: So why you are not housewife?
Me: ?????

That was the conversation I had with Mrs K, at the mini getaway we had this weekend. I was quite taken by surprise at that question, so after being stunned for a few seconds, I replied, because I'd be bored at home.

It made me wonder whether this was the mentality of Indian women. It seemed that with the few interactions I've had with them: 1) Most of them are like "wow" when they know I'm working and 2) They seem content knowing that they're devoting their lives to the home. While I have no objections against that, I feel it is quite a waste to throw away your education just to make babies. Many of these ladies whom I met yesterday, my hubby's friends' wives, have degrees in all sorts of fields, ranging from engineering to MBBS no less. But somewhere during their undergrad years, along comes a proposal and while some are lucky enough to be able to complete their degrees, others either stop halfway, or don't even get to complete their final year. It's such a sad waste, of talent, of money, and of dignity (to me at least). My MIL was unable to do her final year because of the same reason.

What usually happens is this - parents these days hear that having an e.g. engineering degree is in demand, so they send their daughters to do their degrees. Once a proposal comes, they can say: Hey, my daughter is studying/has studied engineering. Put crudely, it translates to: Hey, my daughter is marketable. There comes a groom who thinks this girl fits his (educational) criteria, he ticks off other items from his checklist like religiosity, looks, etc, then picks his bride. We have one friend who had 2 girls shortlisted, and all other factors being equal, finally decided on the one with "better looks".

And so these girls forego their education, whether they like it or not. One of my closer acquaintances had been accepted to do her MBA, but her future auntie-in-law told her not to so that she could "join the family earlier". And now in Riyadh, she was getting very bored, so her husband finally let her work, though that didn't last long because she is having a difficult pregnancy. Another girl cried when she came home from school one day to know that her mother had agreed to betroth her to someone. Most of the ladies at the party were quite bored being housewives, but I guess that being the norm, they either cannot or do not oppose it. The MBBS grad got her degree last Nov, got married in Dec via a proposal (though she had the privilege of interacting with her fiance after the engagement - most of the them don't interact much with their future spouses, a phonecall is considered out of the norm, one girl didn't even see her fiance's face in person till AFTER the engagement, and they only talked for 5 mins then), and now she probably will have to postpone her internship because she is 5 weeks pregnant.

I guess if you grew up in a culture where your sole purpose was to get married and produce kids, it wouldn't be a horrible thing. But for someone who comes from a society where every individual counts, where women are allowed to have careers besides being mothers, I was quite shocked after hearing everyone's stories yesterday. It didn't help that I was feeling out of place because I couldn't speak the language, it made it twice as strange because them being housewives, most of their topics ranged from pregnancies to looking after kids to how they spent their (not-so exciting) days. Good thing topics diversified (nowhere near as diversified as last weeks' topics tho lol) and they were quite curious to know more about the odd Singaporean so things got a little livelier for me.

Yes I was aware of all this before deciding to marry someone who was part of this culture. I am thankful that he is one of the more open-minded ones. I'm am even more now keen than ever to make sure my future daughters, even if they grow up in India, will be treated as independent women who are not destined to be groomed as baby-making machines

P.S. I should also add that while the boys were playing fun games like volleyball (yay) in the men's section of the villa, the women just sat in the room playing carem and cards and chatting away (yawn). Is this part of the "women shouldn't play sports culture"?? Gender segregation was bad enough (come on, I'm not gonna ogle at your husbands), segregation with no fun activities was quite torturous. Sigh. But I guess I should be grateful since there was some excitement anyway. Hopefully our pot luck plan turns out. My motto right now: if there's interaction, count me in. Lol.

[on making friends]

2010-04-21T19:48:00.007+08:00

I'm glad I took the plunge last weekend. I had stumbled upon an "expats in s%%%%" blog and was reading up on the forum and stuff. I'm not usually active on forums, but when I saw a "Girl Party" post I immediately emailed the organiser and put my name down. I was feeling a lil sick that day and was using that as an excuse not to go. Well, I actually get nervous meeting people I don't know so I wasn't sure about going. Even after all these years on planet earth! It was good that hubby pushed me to it, and the rest is history! It turned out that everyone was a bit hesitant at first about going, but in the end everyone was glad they turned up.

We got along really well, jabbering about anything there was to jabber about, ranging from "discussing" local culture to ahem...penis size..lol (ok, it was just a convo between the two ang mohs..lol). Most of them were American, by descent or otherwise (2 ang mohs, 1 Chinese, 1 middle eastern looking lady married to a local but she's american). One was a confused Pakistani who tried very hard to fake an American accent but failed miserably everytime she got excited. She ended up looking to me to interpret things whenever the rest didn't understand her..and I was like...huh...am I ur interpretor or what?? I'm beginning to believe what my hubby says about ppl from that country, from this encounter and others...I just thought he was being nationlistic all this time (we all know the India-Pakistan feud). The food was good though I didn't contribute any..oops (I brought a bottle of sparkling juice though hehe). A really nice bunch of ladies. We're already excited about the next meeting and hoping our group will grow. Hopefully some meaningful friendships will come out of it too. C has already invited me to go shopping with her one of these days..yay!

Am still on the quest to find more friends now, maybe next weekend I might meet a bunch of Malaysians instead, thanks to a girl I randomly added on FB...haha. Finding friends in a foregin country where no one socialises is hard work! I shall not give up. Hopefully I'll feel more comfortable here after finding a few people to call my friends :)

[the day he jumped]

2010-04-13T19:57:00.007+08:00

I thought I knew Mr F through and through. Even he claimed he has shown me all his sides. Not till yesterday though, when his favourite/home cricket team won the match and he was prancing and cheering around the living room. I was already dumbfounded before that when he was like screaming and clapping when they got a "shot" (a good move), so when he did this, I was literally speechless. This also leads me to another point - sooner or later every wife will have to put up with hours of no tv while their big boys cheer over their favourite sport. We all learn something new everyday eh? ;)

[:)]

2010-04-07T16:12:00.002+08:00

I love it when you kiss my cheek every morning before you go to work, even though I'm still asleep. This is bliss. :)

[hello doctor]

2010-04-06T21:18:00.005+08:00

I made yet another visit to the A&E, in less that 4 weeks from the last episode. This time it wasn't because of my tummy. For some strange reason, I literally was fine one day, and the next morning I had the worst of sore throats I think I've ever had. To make it worse, there was blood in my phlegm. That worried Mr F a little so despite my pleas not to go to the A&E (I think I've mentioned before I don't like hospitals, and it wasn't really an emergency), he insisted on it. Part of the reason was because he didn't want to end up waiting at the clinic for 2 whole hours. (They have a different system here - the clinics are part of the hospital, same area as outpatient specialist clinics. So even if you're seeing a GP, and if you don't have an appointment, it'll probably be a long while before they manage to slot you in somewhere. Our previous experience was waiting for almost an hour, to which the nurse said "If it's urgent go to the emergency". Hmpf.) I guess that was a good decision on hindsight, because 2 more hours in air con (dry+cold) would've made me worse.

The dr was a bit daft (I'll spare you the details) but after all his questions he said "I'll give you an injection" so that was what I was prepared for. Before I knew it, a nurse came in with an iv kit and we were like..huh?? My hubby asked the nurse..."Is this the "injection" the dr said he'd give?" and she nodded her head. Hmmm. I've seriously not heard of any dr giving iv for a sore throat, and we realised it was just paracetemol (1 gram!). Strange! Perhaps because I also mentioned I had sprained my back 3 days ago after being over enthusiastic about exercising (damn that aerobics video lol) so maybe he wanted to reduce my pains. He was even quite eager to give me the nebulizer even though I wasn't wheezing so good thing I insisted I didn't have any breathing difficulty. In the end the diagnosis was just URTI and I was poked twice just for that...hmpf! The first nurse couldn't find my vein and was playing "search for the vein" while already inside me. I was ready to box her and ask for a change of nurse. Luckily she took initiative herself, then the next nurse, after some prodding around, managed to get my vein. Gah.

I did feel good though after the paracetemol...could talk louder and I was like..wow my throat doesn't hurt much now! Lol. Maybe I was high on painkillers. Although I was quiet for just a few hours, Mr F said he missed my chatter. Awww..haha. I told him to enjoy the peace while it lasts. :P My Sg-Riyadh friends suggested that it could've been because of the dry weather here causing the irritation, leading to infection (read up a bit on it). So hopefully I can convince Mr F to get a humidifier before things get worse.

[ramblings]

2010-04-04T20:43:00.003+08:00

When I was down writing helped me vent my frustrations. I guess it's a good way of expressing yourself in general, so I've decided that I shall blog more instead of once a month. And since I'm learning more and more about this country everyday, perhaps I shall do a series of posts about it. Haven't decided how many, so let's just go with the flow. Hehe.

I'll start today's post with a different topic though, since I just realised I haven't blogged about it - My arrival here and how my darling hubby welcomed me.

"I touched down about 15 mins early and was anxious about going through immigration. I'd heard enough stories to wonder if they'd let a "single" woman travel alone. Plus I'd wanted to rebel so I was wearing a short top, jeans and a pink scarf. But my fears were unfounded, because everything went smoothly. The only minor hiccup was security asking me for my passport after I passed immigration, to which he just read out my husband's name (???) and let me pass.

The moment I stepped out I looked around for my baby. Unlike previous meetings where he could scoop me up and hug me (ok, don't count the meeting where our families were present..and well..he didn't really scoop me...heh), this one was very sober . After kissing my forehead he handed me the abaya to wear, to which I protested "Hey look that lady isn't wearing one!" Lol. I didn't want him to get into trouble so being the good wife I was (ahem), I put it on and we headed to the carpark where the winter night greeted me. On the passenger seat was a rose and my fave choc (Galaxy, they don't have it in Sg) and on the radio was our song. Hee :). Compared to other meetings, I wasn't as emo this time - perhaps because I knew this time things were gonna be different. We didn't need to part after a week.

Dinner was in his car, so pathetic because the restaurant we bought the pizzas from didn't have a family section. "Welcome to Saudi" was Mr F's retort. I was like, wow, why do I hate it already?!After that, we drove to what I'd call home for awhile. Mr F asked me to wait in the car while he went up with my first luggage bag. I did find it a bit strange as to why he didn't just let me in. But you'll find out why soon...

As I stepped into the house, the lights were dimmed. And trailing the way to our bedroom were candles lit up and roses placed on the floor. On our bed was another rose and another bar of Galaxy and needless to say, that brought (good) tears to my eyes.

Thank you Mr F for making my debut here so memorable."

[4 months and counting]

2010-03-23T23:56:00.006+08:00

It hasn't exactly been 4 months but well, just a few days away.

Haven't blogged much cos well, nothing very exciting has been happening. Our attempt to visit the iris fields at the beginning of the month turned out to be...well...let's just say the official reason is bcos there was poor visibility cos of the sandstorm. Lol.

I'm coping much better, tho I still miss home a lot. Less dreams of being back in Singapore and more confident that I'll survive here. Sorta. This doesn't include the couple of melt downs I had about being here. Hubby said we'll work towards going back to Sg end of the year...keeping my fingers, toes, limbs, whatever else possible crossed.

I didn't want this to be a melancholy entry...but hmmm...

As of 3 wks ago been having extremely sharp pain in my stomach. And I don't even mean abdomen like how u need to crap kinda pain...I really mean STOMACH pain...like 2cm below the sternum. Which is scary. Especially when it's at night and you can't sleep because every possible position doesn't ease the pain. 2 wks ago had a visit to the A&E bcos I couldn't take it anymore. And this was like after a LOT of resistance, bcos I hate hospitals, especially when I have to go at 4am in the morning. Diagnoses have been conflicting...the A&E dr and specialist at the usual hospital we go to think it's gastritis, but my big boss things it's IBS (irritable bowel syndrome - possibly brought on by the stress of moving, new envirnoment, etc). Whatever it is, I just hope the pain goes away soon. I need sleep.

The pain is much lesser now. Please pray that I get well soon.

Meanwhile, our house is turning into more of a home. We've got a flower pot on our tv cabinet, a side table and a painting up in the living room and curtains to shield us from the freaking strong summer sun. The skies decided to skip spring this year (just as I was enjoying the cool winter) - which explains the sandstorms. Note: sandstorms are formed when there are rapid changes in the temperature...I guess this causes wind currents, which blow sand from the deserts into the city. On a bad day, the whole world just looks yellow like a perpetual sunset, except it's far from pretty because of the poor visibility. Hubby's been so protective he doesn't let me go out during sandstorms so that my asthma doesn't get triggered (awww). Ah and I should add, the house is also looking more lived in..i.e. messier..lol. :)

[3 months and counting]

2010-02-28T16:27:00.006+08:00

Since there won't be a 29 Feb, I guess today marks 3 months of being here. Though when it gets lonely sometimes I feel like I've been here for 3 decades. Ok ok, shall not exaggerate...3 years perhaps? Haha.

I guess I'm coping much better than 2 months ago, much less "nightmares" of friends "leaving/forgetting me", more confident that there are people to support me in my adventure here. So to all those who have sent a random email to ask how I am (and HP's "Girl's Talk" emails heh), sms-ed me occasionally and chatted with me on msn, thank you very much for keeping me going. The littlest gesture means a big deal to me. At least I know I'm alone but not alone.

I'm caught between coming home in June for vacations because I really really wanna see the people I love SOON and help Sakura prepare for her exchange in Denmark, and coming home in Dec to help out/attend a very good friend's wedding. Two weddings on the same weekend in fact. How how?? Gah, hate to be caught in a tight situation. Maybe I shall toss a coin heh.

Here's my fave pics of the month, taken at the Edge of the World. Rest of the pics can be found on facebook - here and here. It was my first meeting with a bunch of Singaporeans I got in touch with online. Well sort of, a S'porean married to a Malaysian, a Singaporean from the embassy, and 2 PRCs who claim to be S'poreans (was disappointed to find this out the moment they spoke lol). It was a really adventurous trip, especially when we got off road onto the rocky desert terrain. The 4 wheel drive we rented wasn't up to it (brr this reaffirms my belief that Hyundai batteries suck) so it gave up several times during the trek to the desert. Thank goodness we had a team leader (the M'sian) who was well equipped and very experienced who jump started our car several times lol. I got to drive in the desert (100 m perhaps? I'm satisfied lol), go around without my abaya for once, and made friends with the group, as well as have fun with my colleagues who tagged along with us. The picnic under the acacia trees was also fun..good food...I had kuih baulu and love letters all the way from Sg...yay!! Excellent trip! Looking forward to more adventures. Unfortunately the weather is getting warmer, so it might not be for awhile till we go out next. But for this weekend, we're watching the irises bloom. Did I mention that I initially had to coerce hubby into going for this trip, but after the trip, he was like "we'll go for more trips next time!". Wee! ;)

overhangs

dried up streams

literally standing on the edge

rocks rocks and more rocks

[Happy Valentine's Day]

2010-02-14T15:10:00.007+08:00

I've learnt that you do not need a specially designated day to tell the one you love how much you love them, nor a day for them to tell you how much they love you. I must admit that when I was Mr F's "girlfriend" (technically only 2 years, let's not count the other 4 years of our love-hate r'ship lol), I was disappointed when I didn't get anything for V day. When he came over to Sg to meet my family (in March 08), we were like, ok, we have to make up for the lack/inability to celebrate V day together. Same thing for V day 09..when I didn't get flowers, I was like sob sob.

V day 2010 marks our first "celebration" together. We're no longer a virtual couple who has to send e-cards to each other (well we still could heh). But strangely enough, this was what I requested from my dear hubby: Please don't buy me gifts. Why? Well, as cliche as it may sound, I've realised that when you know how much you're loved everyday, you don't need a special day to commemorate your love. Especially a commercially special day. Though Mr F asked me what I wanted, I said I had everything I needed (literally and mushy-ly) and I really had no need to receive anything from him today. I wasn't surprised when he said he didn't want anything because he says that for every occasion...birthday, V day, wedding day, gah..the list goes on, sometimes it gets me frustrated lol. Ok ok I shall not deviate...

So we "celebrated" V day very simply with a meal at Chilli's (after Applebees, food here was bleah). On a side note, since it was CNY, we ordered Shanghai boneless wings as starters lol (that turned out to be the worst dish though). I gave him a card which I made with very limited materials I had (imagine construction paper and 2 colours of pens) which miraculously made him emo.

So baby, thank you for teaching me the meaning of love. To everyone out there who does or doesn't have a valentine, tell the ones you love how much you love them, today and everyday. It could be your family, friends, or anyone who means something to you (quoted from Jam's quote from the V day movie..I think..haha) =)

With that being said, it wouldn't hurt if you wanted to go the extra mile to buy them flowers or a box of chocolate just for the sake of it. Lol :P

Oh and not forgetting, Gong Xi Fa Cai to all those celebrating it!!

[a spiritual journey]

2010-01-25T23:26:00.007+08:00

this is gonna be a long post, so if u don't wanna get bored, navigate away..heh..

It was a unique way to celebrate our 6th month anniversay, though the date happened more by coincidence. Hubby and I took a trip to Mekkah to do our Umrah ("mini-Haj/pilgrimage"). I felt it was a little too soon to go...being religiously hopeless and all...but I guess hubby was right - do it when we have the opportunity. I was having a slight sore throat after spending a day in air con (body needed to acclimatise..haha) so was hoping and praying I wouldn't fall sick on the trip. Our bosses were pretty nice to give us 3 days off from work "just like that" (seems its a norm here). Great!

So off we go on a Tuesday afternoon, hubby being very kan chiong about being late and yet us ending up being the first ones at the bus interchange, half an hour before departure. And he calls me kiasu! The bus ride was pretty horrendous, buses here are capped at a max of 80km/h, and we were going at that speed for a freaking 10 hours, with cranky babies and loud music (albeit religious songs, which I didn't understand because they were in Urdu...gah). We stopped for dinner in the middle of nowhere and I started feeling breathless cos of the cold. I must've looked so pathetic that the lady next to us asked if I was ok, and later on another lady said something to the effect of "Oh I thought you were sick cos you were pregnant". Bleah. We arrived in Madinah about 4am, checked into our pathetic hotel and waited till it was time for morning prayers. Excites!

First destination: Prophet's Mosque. It was a chilly walk early in the morning, and as we turned the corner hubby said: Prepare to be awed. And awed I was, with the majestic mosque in front of me, the dazzling lights against the dawn sky making the building look even more astonishing. After Subuh we had breakfast and waited till it was time to see the 3 graves - the Prophet's, Sayidina Abu Bakar and Omar (the Prophet's companions). It was a solemn moment though I didn't get emo like I thought I would. I was more emo when I got to pray in the "Garden of Paradise" (Rawdatul Jannah) since well, praying there was equivalent to praying in Paradise itself, and access to women was only between 7.30-11.30 and yet I was privileged enough to do it. We then headed back to the cockroach-infested room (I kid not) for a much needed nap...did I mention the toilet stunk so badly neither of us used it till we had absolutely no choice? I am SO NOT STAYING THERE AGAIN!!! We spent the rest of the day and night praying, so much so I was wondering whether God would be bored of my prayers lol.
first glance of the Prophet's Mosque

Next morning ................Women's entrance:note the mechanical umbrellas outside..cool!!

By next morning, my stomach was feeling really queasy and was simply too nauseated to eat anything. After morning prayers, hubby suggested that I induce myself to vomit cos it's helped before when I was nauseated due to migraine. A good choice I guess...and so I left some souvenir at the Prophet's mosque toilet lol. I must've thrown up 2 days worth of food and didn't wanna eat anything further so that I wouldn't risk getting sick again. And so I was there, lying miserably in the awful room while hubby went to the mosque alone in the afternoon. I insisted on going for Asar since it was gonna be our last prayer at the mosque and I'm glad hubby let me go. We saw a doctor at the mosque itself and I was diagnosed with heartburn. Got meds for that and my now worsening cough...all for free...wow! Armed with the meds, we made our way for a 2 hour trip around Madinah to see some sites like the Quba mosque (first mosque in Islam), Uhud mountains (where the prominent Battle of Uhud took place), the mosque that had two Qiblats (prayer directions, Masjid Qiblatain), the grave of the matyrs of Islam and the remaining/rebuilt mosques that were built during the Battle of the Trench. At each mosque we did voluntary prayers and again I felt like I hadn't prayed so many prayers in a span of two hours lol. It was a good decision going for our tour without the group that night, because by the time we set off (we have notorious members in the bus who do not know the meaning of punctuality), it was dark and cold. And thank God for the meds, I could finally have dinner that night whilst on our journey to Mekkah.

Uhud mountain range

After another gruelling journey, we arrived at Mekkah at about 2.30am, ahead of schedule. We checked into a 5 star hotel which was almost paradise compared to the hotel in Madinah. Hubby was persistant about going for our Umrah (the actual ritual) right then though I felt it was better to nap first. I guess he had a valid point though, with our adrenalin pumping because of the excitement, it would be better to go now and snooze off later so that's what we did. I got more and more nervous as we set out for our Umrah. Would I do it right? Would God accept my prayers? What if I didn't do things correctly?

Hubby held my hand as we entered Masjid Al- Haram ("The Sacred Mosque"). The moment I looked up at the Ka'bah, I started tearing. Masha Allah, truly I was blessed for being given the chance to see the Ka'bah so soon. Never in my life would I have thought I would be in Mekkah at age 27, and here it was, standing in front of me. Words do not do justice to what I felt at that moment. As a matter of fact, I was so overwhelmed with emotions that hubby had to nudge me to pray (I made a long list lol). Wow wow wow - the Ka'bah, in front of me, in this breathtaking mosque - THE mosque. Allah is Great. Allah is Gracious. Allah is Merciful. We did our Umrah rituals including the Tawaf (circumambulating the Ka'bah 7 times), praying our 2 rakaats of prayers, drinking zam zam water and finally heading to Safa and Marwah for the Sa'ee. Might I add here that thanks to my hubby's wise decision, the place wasn't crowded at that time, and these two humble servants of God had the highest privilege of actually kissing the Black Stone at the corner of the Ka'bah (that too after having to wait in line only for a couple of minutes), touch the Ka'bah wall at another corner (Rukn al Yamani) and even pray between the Hijr and the Ka'bah (equivalent to praying in the Ka'bah itself). Although F had been there several times before, he said going with his wife was a blessing since this time he finally got to kiss the stone. Hee :) I must say I was so nervous the whole time, I even forgot what to say at times. Thank God for having F beside me, guiding me everytime I froze up. The 7 laps of Sa'ee wasn't as hard as I expected it to be, and we even managed to complete it before Subuh prayers. Wow, our Umrah was over. Dear Allah, please accept our prayers and forgive our sins and give us the chance to visit Your House again.

................................................................... This Is It!

We went back to our hotel and slept like we hadn't slept in days (which was partially true) and even missed Zohor..oops :P (this was why doing Umrah first thing we arrived was a brilliant idea). I didn't go for Asar because my chest wasn't feeling so good, so prayed in the room instead. And I was like - wow, talk about praying in the direction of the Ka'bah...our room was barely 200m from it. We did our last Tawaf the next day and packed for home. Oh, that was after I did a little shopping of course..hehe. The ride home was slightly shorter but just as painful, with my sore throat and bad cough to manage as well. We did reach home safely though, All Praises to Allah for providing us with a safe journey and a magnificent experience. Maybe my sickness was a way sign God was cleansing my sins. Insha Allah we will return again end of this year for the Haj. Ameen.

The pictures don't do much justice to the splendour of the place, but they will be a good reminder of our first journey the Ka'bah.

[our home]

2009-12-29T15:12:00.009+08:00

Since I've been getting requests to see our house, here goes... (click on images to see them bigger)

As you can see, I'm very bo liao...so I have time to do these things..haha :P

We actually got the sofa, tv table and kitchen cabinets second hand...all for under $800. Cool huh..heh. Well I like how we managed to find matching sets like the sofa and the tv table, and the kitchen cabinets go really well with the wall. Love how the walls are painted in vibrant colours too. We didn't expect the bedroom furniture to be so huge but they literally scaled it up from the "queen size" one we saw...which explains our huge headboard (if u can stretch ur imagination a lil haha). Love our home!! Oh and forgot to caption: caught the Honda in its full glory, cos hubby rarely sends it for washing haha. And even this time, it was cos of my coercion hehehe. He has a point actually, there's not much point in washing it regularly cos with the amount of sand/dust here and with his car being black, it got dirty by the fourth day..bleah. I shall just admire it in this pic where it looks really sexy...haha.

[one month]

2009-12-29T14:46:00.007+08:00

"Let's celebrate tomorrow with a dinner!"
"Why? Because I survived one month here?"
"No, to celebrate our one month together."

Ah, as you can see, we have different ideas about my one month here heh.

I've gotten used to my monochrome scenery (black & white clothes, sandy coloured buildings) , but I still forget to put on my abaya sometimes (before leaving the house that is).

I've gotten used to the well-conceived huge shopping malls and giant hypermarkets, but I can't come to terms that that will be my main form of entertainment outside the house for awhile.

I've gotten used to watching movie after movie at home, and now that we have a TV & DVD player, we don't have to be in our room all the time; but as before, I still feel that I'm wasting my time away when I'm watching a movie at home.
I like trying new recipes but I miss the taste of that particular chilli and tamarind that I use to make a really good sambal.

I love the winter but my skin is getting really really dry.
I know I should be making new friends, but I so so miss the ones I left.
I love the time I spend with my husband, but beneath that, I still (literally) dream of Sg every night since I've been here. If dreams are a reflection of what you yearn for, boy is that a strong indication.

It's been a month and I miss my family and friends terribly. I hope I get used to living abroad, cos this month sure wasn't easy. But yes I shall trudge on. Thanks honey for being patient with my homesickness, and for looking after me so well.

[a new beginning]

2009-12-12T19:09:00.009+08:00

It'll be two weeks tomorrow since I left my comfort zone. Wow. Seems longer than that..haha. Today was also the "official" day I started work, though I'm still working from home now (yeah yeah I know, I'm supposed to be WORKing right now..hehe).

How has life been? Well for starters, it was great that we got to celebrate our 5th month together, together. Like, finally. Things have been moving pretty fast. In the first few days I was here, we were busy setting up the house. And in Mr F's efficient shopping style, we managed to buy almost all the things we need for our house - from the sofa set to dining table to kitchen cabinets and stove. So efficient right? Haha. I was so drained by the end of it, by Thur that week I was like, ok, we seriously need to take a break on Fri (esp since Mr F was gonna start work on Sat). Must say the one week off for Eid was a Gbless since we finished so many things then. Now we're only left with a TV and DVD player, which upon my "nagging", F agreed to getting on his next pay. Hehe.

How's the apartment? It's a nice two bedroom apt...tho I can't say much about the living room. It's so tiny we decided to be a little creative, by making the 2nd bedroom into the living room instead, and leaving the current living room to be our dining place. Otherwise, the house is great - bedrooms are big, toilets are alright. We're proud to finally say we have a HOME. (Though not proud enough to invite people yet, that will be done once my cooking skills improve haha).

apt from outside. ours is at the 9 o'clock position

How's Riyadh? Well, to be honest the city looks better than I expected. Neat roads and housing, clean and a little green (how green can desert country get right? heh) and good buildings. But that being said, reality struck in on the very first night here - we were waiting 20 mins at a pizza place, and the waiter finally comes with 2 boxes of pizza. Why? It was a "singles restaurant" i.e. only men allowed to dine there. When F asked if we could stay and eat since there was no one there, the waiter said it wasn't a problem for them, but if the religious police came by, we were the ones who would be in trouble. And so, our first dinner was in his car. Welcome to Saudi... As if that wasn't annoying enough, the next day we tried 2 places for lunch, both were "singles" restaurants, and finally one filipino directed us to McDonald's cos "that's the only place here that has family section". I was like wow, I came all the way here to eat McD??? Bleah. To top it off, the cubicles we sat in had "curtains" so that we could get more privacy "enclosed". Even at food courts there's a cordoned off section for "families" (i.e. women/families) by high walls. Hmmmm. I shall not dwell further on this. I've just told F to make sure he knows where "family restaurants" are so that I don't have to get pissed off everytime we're rejected from some place. Brrr. It's also annoying that I can't go out without Mr F cos there is virtually no public transport here other than taxis (or I can walk of course), but right now, I don't think I dare to take taxis yet. It's not that they aren't safe, it's just cos the cabbies don't speak much English. It's a lil overwhelming knowing you have to be so dependent on someone. Sigh...

"family restaurant" cubicle with an accordian style door for more privacy

one thing i can't complain about is the excellent malls they have - here's one with a safari themed deco

my monochrome life has started....

How's work? Work's great. I've got very flexible bosses who let me work from home, partly cos they don't have a permanent office yet. As you can see, I don't think that's a very good option for me cos I get distracted...haha. They're very warm and friendly, a far cry from what I imagined them to be - big burly strict men lol. Spent the last few days at work being introduced to the 2 hospitals I will be in touch with and I must say that people here are very friendly. Never did I enter a room where people were not smiling. And Dr A is so popular that the nurses just greet him fervently as he was rushing me along corridoors bringing me place to place, promising me that I'll definitely get lose in the place when I was there on my own lol. I was apparently employed because of my high-standing coming from NUS (they look up to NUS) and cos I have experience writing manuscripts. I was like wow, in SG the few papers I wrote would've been nothing, but over here they were impressed. Good for me anyway, I can pretend that I'm super brilliant. The research prospects sounds promising, and hopefully I can get to dabble in some of the things they suggested.

And the most popular question of all...How is my REAL married life? Now that I really have one..haha. It's been great I must say. We didn't fight for a record amount of time (we seemed to fight almost every other day online for all sorts of petty reasons...I attribute the fighting to miscommunications that occur while being in a long-distance relationship). Mr F has been extremely supportive, especially when I've been feeling very homesick (I miss you all so much!!). He's also helpful around the house, which is so great since I hate doing housework (alone)! We're still getting used to each others quirks (like he has to put up with the noises I make while stretching in the morning lol, I have to put up with his running to the PC the moment he wakes up...prob a habit he inculcated when he woke up at 5am daily to chat with me heh).

Guess that's all to update for now. Hope more exciting things pop up for me to update heh. See ya!

[till we meet again]

2009-11-29T00:42:00.006+08:00

Will be off to start my new life in approx 12 hours time. The time has finally come...wow. The past few weeks have zoomed by, with lots of things at work needed to be tied up (with my darling prof who loves to give more work when someone is leaving..gah), meeting up with friends and packing.

The goodbyes have been bittersweet. I'm really touched that so many friends wanted to meet up, even a few who haven't been in constant contact. I've also probaby put on a lot of weight cos I've been eating and eating and eating, treats or otherwise lol. Have also become a lil thick skinned: when ppl say they wanna treat I'll gladly accept instead of refusing. Haha. This is in light of the fact that I've been going out almost every single day, and dining isn't very cheap. Plus since I'm the "VIP", it doesn't hurt to be treated like one..hahaha :P

Definitely gonna miss my friends - they've been there for me a lot. Please keep in touch online, I still need you around. You guys rock my world! Can't say yet when I'll be back for hols, but hopefully we'll meet again soon.

To my darling Auntie, cousin, sis...gonna miss u lots n lots n lots. Don't be stingy with sending overseas sms k? What's 15 cents compared to lonely me right? Hehe. I shall be back in Singapore one day, with a vengeance.. ;)

This is it....

[This Is It!]

2009-11-06T23:39:00.008+08:00

The clock is ticking fast. Can't believe 3 weeks ago I booked tix for MJ's movie, and tmr we're gonna watch it. There I was thinking, that's still a long way to go. 3 weeks have past, and the next 3 weeks will probably zoom by too. Yikes!

Things seem to be happening really smoothly. From worrying about whether MB would get the visa done on time (2 weeks all in all instead of the month we expected), to wondering whether the freaking expensive shit test results would be done on time (8 days instead of the 4 weeks they warned me about), to worrying [again] whether the Saudi embassy over here would process it fast enough since they're busy processing Haj visas now (so much for the delay, they did it within 2 days instead of 3 lol). I even found my flimsy luggage bag! Now I don't have to worry about an empty bag which in itself weighs about 5kg, taking up 1/4 of my valuable luggage allowance! The universe really wants me to go lol.

And as Auntie said, wow, it's getting more and more real...I'm leaving soon!!!

Visa - Check
Air ticket - Check
Luggage bag - Check
Packing - Pending hehe (hardworking me has already started tho :P)
Meeting up with family/friends before I leave - In process

And most exciting of all...
Apartment - Check! Can't believe we finally have a place to call our own, even if it's temporary. It's a new apartment so that's a big bonus, equidistance from both our work places...MB really put in a lot of effort into finding the perfect place *muaks*. Can't wait to start furnishing and decorating it...wee!

[lesson kept!]

2009-11-05T10:38:00.005+08:00

I thought I learnt my lesson when I watched "The Time Traveler's Wife" after reading the book. But no, I rushed to finish "My Sister's Keeper" before watching the movie too. And boy was I disappointed again. I guess I've gotten used to little details getting changed, such as how Campbell's long lost girlfriend Julia was totally excluded from the movie. But this was like...they changed the entire ending! Gah! Wonder why they did that - perhaps so that the masses would like it, a predictable ending. I do think though that the audience would've been more surprised at the original ending in the book. At least I was. And no, not that I like the original ending anyway. So painful. I didn't cry while reading the book, nor at the movie (only teared at the scene where they went to the beach). Surprising, since I'm an emo person..haha. Or maybe I'm currently only allergic to romantic tear-jerkers, for reasons that are obvious..heh.

Told Sakura never to let me watch book-movies after reading the books again. End of!

[sunset]

2009-10-30T09:51:00.005+08:00

yay! decided that since i have tons of photos, i should upload one of my own as my background. since i absolutely love sunsets, and this is one of the most current ones i took from kerala, decided to put it up. pretty!

p.s. silly me didn't host the previous background myself. ah well, i used to be html stupid. not that i'm that smart now...but at least i know how to change my background...haha

[resigned]

2009-10-27T23:37:00.005+08:00

Resigned to fate?

Well I'm not exactly sure.

But it seems God has some plans for me. And it's time to move on. Literally and figuratively.

I've resigned from my job as of today, officially. In what seems as a sudden move, even to me, I'll be leaving what I've called home for the past 27 years, to a distant land, to venture into new things.

Why the sudden move? Well, I shall let reasons be known when the time is right. Right now may be a little premature to announce things. And no, I'm not pregnant.

How am I feeling?
A little pensive about leaving a great workplace where I've been showered with care that I did not expect for the past 4 years.
A little melancholic that I'll be leaving family and friends behind.
A little disappointed that my stranger of a family has expressed almost no indication of missing me, save for my sister, aunt and cousin (I guess I shouldn't be too picky).

Unfortunately I have a very realistic husband who tells me the melancholia will get worse, instead of comforting me that things will be alright. It's not exactly what I need to hear right now. Sigh.

But I am also feeling...
Happy that I've been given a new opportunity, and so soon at that InshaAllah.
Excited about things to come.
Delighted that I'll finally be able to be with my husband.

Though I haven't bought the plane ticket yet, the date should be 29 Nov. So that I can fly off after a dear friend's wedding.

Am I ready?

I guess you can never know when you're fully ready. But it feels right, taking the plunge. God please guide me.

P.S. On a totally different note, gah, my blog pic is gone! Ery, where are u when I need u? Haha. Gotta find a new skin soon. Wow, talk about changes!

[gone too soon]

2009-10-18T16:30:00.008+08:00

First it was MJ, now him. Someone closer to heart. It was more of shock than sadness when I heard the news. 33 - so young. Somehow it makes it more real seeing the Boyz carrying his coffin. And when Ronan broke down during the eulogy...sigh... I had a few friends who said this news reminded them of me, how I used to be so crazy over him. Well I've gotten over him, but it's still sad that someone so talented, someone I grew up listening to, someone so young, will no longer be able to share his passion with the world. Truly a star who faded a way to soon. Life is fragile. You'll be missed. Stephen Patrick David Gately - 17.03.76-11.10.09 (Ha I still rem his birthdate :P)

Stephen Gately's Boyzone bandmates have paid tribute to the singer at his funeral in Dublin.

Boyzone's Ronan Keating sobbed as he told mourners at St Laurence O'Toole Church that the world had lost one of its greatest stars.

He said: "We have lost our brother and I've lost my wing man. He will live on in our songs and whenever us four are together his spirit is alive. For Stephen we'll carry on, but it will never be the same without him. A beautiful man who is now the perfect angel. Forever young and never forgotten."

Keating and the remaining bandmates Mikey Graham, Shane Lynch and Keith Duffy joined family, neighbours and celebrity friends for the emotional farewell.

Around 3,500 fans listened outside as Keating, Duffy and Graham remembered their friend before singing together in a musical tribute.

Boyzone's manager Louis Walsh said: "Stephen was one of life's positive people with a lovely nature and he was someone who always had a smile on his face.

"He loved to laugh and joke and was always the life and soul of the party and would give everyone he met his time."

Gately was found dead last Saturday after a night out with his partner Andrew Cowles and friend Georgi Dochev on the holiday island of Majorca.

A post-mortem examination found he died from natural causes, the medical report recording pulmonary oedema or fluid on the lungs.

His body was flown home on a private plane with Mr Cowles and the remaining Boyzone members, who have had tattoos in honour of Gately with the letter "S" and dates "76 09" etched on their skin. (ITN)

[stompin' stompin'!]

2009-10-07T23:39:00.001+08:00

1 hr and 50 mins of sheer entertainment! Wow! All these years of waiting really paid of, I finally got to watch STOMP yesterday. I was amazed at the amount of energy these guys had - they were literally bouncing around on stage hammering, pounding, tap dancing every second of the show. The moves were very well choreographed and the beats were very catchy. My fave performances were when they swung from the high wall of pots and pans and started drumming...the sound was so good that it sounded like real instruments; and when they did their signature broom stick and stomping-on-garbage cans bit we see in cinemas at the start of movies. I was also impressed at how each performance ended with a punch, sometimes expected, most of the times with a nice twist. Ah and of course, the crowd's fave "fat guy" who was the comedian of the night. When I read that the show was going to be funny, I was wondering how it could be made funny, and I certainly didn't expect it to be this hilarious, so yep, a really great job done. Engaging the audience was also a nice bit since we found out how uncoordinated we are in clapping according to rhythm lol. The lead also had a LOT of stamina, rarely saw him going in for a (long) break, maybe only during one segment of the show. Was also thinking that boy, they must be really fit to do all that stomping and banging and hitting non-stop. We also discovered new "instruments" that could be banged on, including kitchen sinks and giant rubber tyres..haha (tho din really enjoy the bit with the metal chairs especially when they dragged it on the wooden floor...eeks..luckily no goosebumps :P). Oh, and we were so enthralled by it all, that we hardly noticed that 1.5 hours had passed when they tried to do their "we're done with the show" stunt. I was so much in disbelieve I even took out my phone to check the time lol. And they didn't even have any intermission! Luckily they came back out and gave us their last round of stomping. GH and I were so into the beats that we wished it lasted longer. Definitely a worthwhile show!